Un-Needed, Self-Appointed Apprentice...
Decorating By RobzC8kz Updated 26 Aug 2007 , 11:30pm by lilmisscantbewrg
I have a problem I would like to share with everyone to see what ya'll think. I have a friend, who's like my Brother, who's Wife is suddenly all interested in learning how to do cakes ever since I started doing it part time on the side.
She came to me about a month ago and asked me if I wouldn't mind giving her a few pointers while she learned how to bake and decorate cakes of her own, and she also asked if I wouldn't mind helping her out (my time permitting, of course) on some of the cakes she wants to do.
First off I tried to get out of it by telling her that I'm way to busy with my own cakes to help her. She promised me that it would only be once in a great while and that it would only be if I had time to help. She said that if I couldn't help her, she'd just try to do it herself.
I agreed because I figured it couldn't be that bad...it'd only be once in a great while, and I would be able to help her learn to do the things I know how to do without her having to help her Mother for 20 years like I did, or go spend hundreds of dollars on lessons like other people!
Well...sadly, she has NO NATURAL ABILITY OR TALENT to bring to this equation, nor does she possess the simplest desire to be taught. Her idea of me "helping" her is to bring an empty cake pan over, use all of my ingredients to make the cake to put in it, then use all of my supplies and equipment....oh...and by the way...my labor and skill to bake and decorate it!!!
The worst part about it is that she doesn't even recognize her own limits. Most people who are just learning will stick to a sheet cake iced in BC with premade sugar pictures or simple boarders and writing...not her. She wants these huge 3D sculptures that take hours, and skills that she does not possess, to create.
I've tried to teach her how to pipe even the simplest of boarders and she completely messes it up and blames me and says that she's doing it exactly the way I'm showing her....but the way she's doing it is NOTHING like the way I showed her! It wasn't like the way I showed her the 1st time she tried it and still wasn't the way I showed her the 20th time she tried it.
So now I have this nightmare in my kitchen who is constantly calling me and asking me to help her put together these masterpieces of cakery so that she can present them as gifts to her friends. She gets mad when they come out looking bad because I let her do it on her own, but she also gets mad when I just do it myself because she's, "not learning anything by watching me." That's funny too....because I watched my Mother and Grandmother decorate cakes for two decades before either one of them would even allow me to TOUCH a piping bag and somehow I picked up on it!!
She's planned this huge dual cake party for her children's birthdays on Sunday. One is a big...and I mean BIG cupcake cake and the other is a skateboard ramp. You should've heard the argument about how she could not make a cake in the shape of a cupcake but somehow morph one side of the cake into a skateboard ramp while keeping the overall integrity of the cupcake!!!! Plus, she only needs two little cakes to feed 30 people total. She insisted on making the cupcake FIVE layers tall (I talked her down from SIX) with a 10" round base and a 16" round top!!! I told her, "This cake is going to collapse under it's own weight."
I also told her that the cake she WANTS to make is going to feed like 75 people and she said, "I want people to be able to take the cake home with them." I was able to talk her down into an 8" base and 10" top, but even that's too much cake. She wouldn't budge on the size. I told her all she needs is a 6" base and 8" top but she wanted it to be BIG. And she now is making a separate skateboard ramp cake. Both are 3D...both require carving and fondant work. Both are well outside her range...so guess who is going to be doing all the work???
Turns out that I won't be available tomorrow like I thought I would be to help her, so I gave her some very simple instructions on how to ice, stack, carve, and crumb coat the cakes so that I could help her do the fondant on them and she went ballistic....again blaming me for saying I'd help her!!!!
I'm about ready to go nuts! Am I wrong to expect someone with no skill, no talent, and no previous experience to stick to easier cakes that she could do on her own while I give her some pointers and let her watch me make my own cakes so that she can get an idea of what it is that she should be doing??? I mean....a round cake with Duncan Hines canned icing and some sprinkles is truely all she's capable of handling on her own right now.
I want to be helpful and teach her, but she's coming at me with these cakes that tax MY experience level sometimes and then she wants me to do all the work for her while she presents them as her own to her friends!! And when I TRY to teach her...she's get belligerent and argumentative with me!
She's interferring with my business and she's driving me crazy!! Does anyone else out there have a problem like this? I know I'm being way too nice about it...but how do I give her the boot without hurting her feelings??
Oh my. This is quite a mess you've got on your hands. It's time, for your own sanity, to gently but firmly tell her you do not have the time to be an instructor (especially an unpaid one). Refer her to the local craft store where they teach the Wilton courses (if you have one nearby, I sure hope you do!).
"Susie, I'm sorry, but I am so busy with my orders and my business (and my family and my life) that I just don't have the time for teaching any more. Have you looked into the Wilton classes at Michael's? They would cover a lot of this stuff and maybe explain it in a different way so that you wouldn't get so frustrated. I think you would really enjoy them."
I understand your situation completely. I have tried to train a lot of people to decorate....but only a few have actually learned. To me, teaching someone to decorate means teaching the basic skills. They need to practice these skills until they can take a bag of icing and make it do whatever they want. Once they know those basic skills really well, they shouldn't have to be shown how to do anything....they should be able to figure out how to get whatever look they want. I even see here on CC where new decorators want to know how to carve a cake and decorate it and so many of them can't even make a rose. If I were you I would just tell her you will teach her the basics and it is up to her natural talent to take over from there.
If she can't do it then she will have to accept the fact that she is not going to be a decorator. She can still do basic cakes and leave it at that.
By the way, I looked at your cakes and they are very nice, and yes, you do have natural talent. That is something you cannot teach anyone, you have to be born with it.
I hate to say it, but I don't think you can "give her the boot" without hurting her feelings/pissing her off. You can try sitting down with her and saying that, as much as you'd love to keep helpng her with cakes, you just no longer have the time. Refer to her Michaes's for classes. Next time she calls again asking for help, you can try saying, "Sorry, wish I could help, but I'm just sooo busy with orders right now." You might even have to stop letting her come over or going to her house for a while, until she gets the point.
If she is really your friend, then she will understand (once she gets past being upset). By what you are describing though - her blaming you for her decorating mistakes - makes me wonder. Good luck!
that is crazy whack. i am brand new at cake decorating myself and did not take any classes, although i am not so bold as to say i am self-taught....i am CC-taught!! 
anyways this is how I got started....I bought the wilton cake decorating beginner's book, a mini paperback with all the essential info for a beginner, made up my first batch of bc and played with it on paper plates. You cant learn this stuff by watching, you learn by doing, and I'm not goign to say it wouldnt have been easier to have an instructor, but even with one there comes a point when you have to pick up the pastry bag yourself and make your own disasters and take on your own learning curves.
buy this girl the mini beginner's book I'm talking about (they sell it at walmart for a couple dollars) and tell her to have at it. now i'm famous for taking on things I shouldnt'...so I won't say anything there lol, its just so hard to do something "basic" when you know what could be!! but even still i am responsible for my own disasters and dont blame anyone else!
Everyone's given some good advice but I would add that you call your friend (her husband) after you tell her (and she'll probably be really mad) that you don't have the time to teach her anymore. If you don't call him, you'll probably loose a friend over it.
My opinion is that she's jealous, not just of you cakes but your relationship with her husband.
Good Luck!
No one can take advantage of you without your permission.
Step 1: Take your right hand and reach around to your back. Search for a hard, vertical structure. That would be your backbone. Use it.
Step 2: Screen your calls, and don't answer when it's her. Your phone--that YOU pay for--is for your convenience, not others'. Don't feel obligated to answer.
Step 3: As others here have said, kindly/gently refer her to a teacher/class.
Step 4: Start having fun again!
You sound so frustrated--I would be, too.
well on one hand if you told her you would help her on a certain day, and then changed it on her, I can understand why sh would be upset. but if sh comes over expecting to use your supplies, etc., she's out of hr mind. I would offer to go to the store with her, show her what she needs to buy for a certain project, let her buy it, then she can use hers while watching you use yours.
Poor you - this sounds like a horrible situation! I think you're going to have to look into local classes and give her the leaflets or something. Say that she's very welcome to ask you questions if she's stuck with something shown at the class. You could always say that you don't think you're a very good teacher seeing as she's finding it so hard to learn and that you think a professional teacher would be much more use to her. I went to a class once with a lady who was so cack-handed it was untrue - some peop;e just haven't got it!
well, I'm a sort of intern, I officially start in Sept, but everything I've gone by my mentor's shop...I ask her.."WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" and we take it from there when she is not busy
I know I don't have the skills, but I like the fact that she explains everything and bounces ideas around with me.
I even do computer research for the cakes , lol.
I also know when I should come and when I should stay out of the way. The beginning of the week is fine, we can take our time and "play" but the weekends, there is no way I'm going to get in the way of her getting 4, or 10 cakes out!
and, I know how to make myself useful, I wash the dishes and mop the floors and do other little things to make my being there as unbothersome as I can.
This lady needs a reality check!
( what I like the best is that if I even touch one of her cakes, she allows me to use it as my own to help me build up my portfolio! )
I can't wait to officially start in Sept because she has promised me to take me to other teachers to learn more, bigger and brighter things!!
She came today with the two half-finished cakes for me to help her finish before the party. She just left my house. When she first arrived, she was clearly frustrated...both cakes were a mess and she was exhausted from staying up until 2am!!
I got to work and starting fixing her mistakes.
Just as I was tackling the base for the cupcake (I think it's too tall, she said) she told me, "This is the last cake I ever do...EVER!! These were a nightmare!!"
"Not so easy to do on your own, huh?" I asked
"No! I don't have time for this! They came out horrible."
Funny...when it's my time and my exhaustion it's okay...but when I turned the table on her and had her start the cakes at her house and bring them to mine for the finish work, she got a real taste of what it truely takes to make a cake look good and now she wants nothing to do with it!!
I did give her a list of classes that the cake supply shop I go to offers and I told her that she could try giving those a try. She wasn't having that either. She just literally quit everything...
Well...I guess if you can come up with the idea overnight....you can quit it just as fast!!
Needless to say I'm relieved.
Thanks everyone for your posts!!
Sounds like she was a nightmare to deal with. I'm glad she came to her senses before it affected your friendship. I don't think people REALLY understand the time and effort it takes to make a cake .. as it's been said before..it's not as easy as just throwing a mix in the pan and slapping some bought icing on it.
Thank goodness that's over!! Time to relax and get back to YOUR life!!
Amy
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