This post is meant to be something that is very serious to me and I really need some very real advice from all you CC ladies,
My story is a very long one but, especially since it starts at birth and I am in my thirties, but I will try and keep it short and to the point, but where you can get the idea.
My problem is that me and my mom just dont get along with each other anymore. I really hate to admit it, but I almost would really rather not have much to do with her. 
I dont know where to start to tell you why, because I would have to write a book.
I have alot of very bad depressing things going on in my life right now, actually for the past four years, in which I kinda believe that my mom had some influence on one of them.
And this is just another one to add to the "let's pile all of our s*** on Crystal" pile.
I am a very, very big worry wart. If anything in my life is not right, I will worry myself to death about it, even if I know there is no way to fix it.
My mom is very quick to criticize, put you down, pick you to death, makes her self believe that "you" are the cause of all her problems, but will then cry because she says that she is so good to everyone but they dont appreciate her, a very nosy person, she can do certain things behind someones back, but if someone else does it, they are low down and dirty,
such a nag, very hypocritical.
And just in the past six months, she said something in front of my kids and my husband, and her sister, something so very very, probably unforgivable, thing in front of all of them. It was something, that if believed could have done some very personal damage to my husband and that is what she actually tried to do to me.
I could literally go on and on. Please understand that this is just not your ordinary mother-daughter spat. This has become very serious to me.
All I can think is, "is this really me, do I not see the other side, am I the one doing something wrong here, but then everything I go over in my mind just keeps going back to her.
Please, if anyone has a problem like this, or just can understand where I am coming from, I sure would love to here from you. All I do is keep trying to blame myself, I just need some kinda of relief and some peace.
It would take me forever to really tell you how this problem has snowed balled to what it has become. It would absolutely blow your minds if I told you some other stories of how she is, and how she treats me, but then acts as if i am the piece of s*** that should be so grateful to have such a wonderful, generous, loving mom.
Am I really the piece of S*** here, I just cant figure it out.
Thanks for listening, Crystal
Only you know what you have been through. Nobody could blame you if you cut ties to your mother. You need to be happy. You need some peace. You need to feel like a whole person. You deserve ALL of these things. If counseling is an option, take that route to find out what you really need to do. Even if you cut the strings, you may still have inner issues because of the things she has done. If counseling is not a viable option, just start taking small steps to happiness. Life is too short. I wasted 2 years of my life letting my ex husband abuse me and make me feel like s@##. I can't imagine how you feel after this long. Please be happy!! Whatever it takes!!
Without the whole story it's hard to tell for sure who exactly is at fault but parents can be very manipulative. Some of the things your mother says sound alot like stuff that comes out of my father's mouth. He was career Army and gone for about half of my life up until I was 16 not counting all the weeks spent TDY or in the field (he was a tanker so that should give you an idea of how often that was). He still feeds a line of crap about how he's so proud that he raised us so well. 
And says that it's my fault that we aren't close since I didn't want to do the things he likes when he finally retired, you can't expect him to do what a 16 year old female wants can you? 
What does your husband say about how your mother acts? Sometimes they can be a good judge since they aren't as emotionally involved as you in what's going on. If he feels that it's your mother too then think very hard about what you want to do about it, talk to a professional if you need to and figure out a way to deal with her.
I have been through so much with my mother! I could write a book too...hmmm....maybe that's a good idea.
I feel how you feel just reading your words. My mother is the "know it all" type and she acts nice to everyone's face, but once your back is turned watch out! She's also the type that won't call ever but will complain b/c she doesn't get to see her grandchildren. She's the reason I decided that grandparents DO NOT have rights to grandchildren. She likes to yell a lot and throw all kinds of fits with her dh for no reason. She, too, has said very mean things to me & my family.
I don't know what your dm said, but it sounded like it wasn't believed, so thats a good thing.
You are not a piece of anything! I thought this too, and it took my dh to show me that I wasn't her trash. She lives a miserable life that she made and she wants to bring everyone else down too.
Please do not blame yourself! Please! Please! Please! It will only hurt you even more & your children and your relationships~like with dh.
Please do not blame yourself for anything! You control your own life!!!!
Thanks everyone for the kind words. Sometimes that all you need to hear is for someone else to tell you that it is not our fault.
It seems like I cant do anything much right in different aspects in my life.
So I just figure it has to be me.
My youngest daughter is 14 years old and has never met her maternal grandmother because our ties have been cut. Mine is ..... well, calling her "crazy" would be the nice way to put it. I actually DID "write a book" about it..... the best self-therapy I ever went thru. It helped me get it out of my system. I just sat down and started typing. Sometimes when I looked over the page just typed, I'd be surprised at what came out, but it really helped to see it in black and white.
Remove yourself from the "she's my mother!" guilt that everyone tries to put on us. If your neighbor or co-worker or anyone else in your life treats you in a really bad way, all of your other friends would tell you to walk away. Why are we suppose to accept being treated like sh** from our own family, and just take it? Well, after almost 40 years, I said no way, no more!
You can't believe anything she says. She is a narcissist who will lie at the drop of a hat and is evil about doing it. We just went thru a court decision regarding my younger sister, who is retarded and dying of cancer, and appointed guardianship to another sister to enable my retarded sister to get the care she needed to stay alive.
The crazy lady is fond of quoting "honor thy father and mother" (by the way I can't even REMEMBER the last time she was in a church, but she LUVS this quote!) and there is no way that I believe God will condone her actions toward HER children while expecting her children to accept and be treated like that (we're talking physical abuse as children....her weapon of choice was a wire coat hanger and the plastic hot wheels race track strips).
Bottom line: I choose NOT to have that craziness in my family. My children and my husband come first and I will not go thru therapy again to accommodate a crazy lady. There's SO much more going on that reaffirms my decision to keep my children away from such craziness .... it's too crazy for even a Jerry Springer show!
Just because "she's your mother!" doesn't give her the right to be nuts and treat their family like that .... and then still expect the "normal" relationships! It took a long time for me to accept that she is the way she is and there is no one and no way she is going to change into a normal human being. That baggage is finally off of my back.
In case you can't tell.....it's a hot button with me!
I can relate...I haven't spoken to or seen my mother in over ten years. She's had substance abuse problems for most of her life and she made my childhood a living hell. After my daughter was born, I decided that enough was enough - she wasn't going to ruin her life, too. To be honest, I don't miss my mother one bit and I have absolutely no desire to ever see her again. People will judge you, no matter what you do, but you have to do what's right for you. Rather than spend thousands of dollars on intensive therapy, I cut my mother (and brother - he can't understand why I can't forgive her) out completely...and most of my family stopped speaking to me over it. It's only during the past year that I've had contact with my mother's first cousin that actually understood what I went through and doesn't blame me for how I handled things.
It's a tough decision to make, and noone can make it for you. But if she truly makes your life miserable than distance yourself and move on. It's taken me a long time to work through all the trauma and finally be in a good place mentally...noone, even your own mother, has the right to influence your life so negatively!
my mom and I get a long for the most part now, but it is strained often. When I didn't talk to her at all it was for a long period of time and she basically was acting like your mom, I felt guilty also about my feelings. However, they are just that...your feelings, no one can judge you on what you are feeling because they are not you. You have to do what is right for you and your family no matter what anyone else thinks. Breaking away from my family and it's serious issues for over a year was actually a good thing and it helped my marriage out, since it was putting a severe strain on it and my kids. I hope you are ok right now. I know how you feel and it's not a good feeling, just do what you can. God Bless, melissa
Thanks again to everyone for the sweet advice.
I wish I had some super insightful advice to share, as I am a bit of a worrier, pretty shy in general and often recap in my mind things that were said, and try to figure out "what it all means, are they right, etc" as well.
Recently I've learned that (this sounds awful, I know) many people are usually too wrapped up in their own heads to realize the impact they might make on others by saying certain things. And that many evil things said are often a result of their own insecurities.
Good luck and keep your chin up! Smile 
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