i don't know what to do sometimes with her. she is so angry and she can be so hateful at times. i admit i over-compensated with her when she was a little girl (i raised her alone) and she does know the difference between right and wrong but that anger....i have no idea where she gets it from...we had a fight and it ended with me yelling that i can't wait until she is old enough to move out and she yelled back at me that once she does, that i had better not ever try to contact her or try to find out anything about her...it was pretty bad....it hurts so much because i love her so much and don't want to lose her....i've always wanted a close relationship with her but when she is in her moods, there is a cloud of doom hanging over the air...she doesn't want to go to family counseling with me...i had already gone without her several times....i don't think that i am a bad mother...i do admit to not having enjoyed these last few years with her while she is morphing into an adult...these have been some of the most hardest years that i have ever had to deal with...i just needed to get this off of my chest 
Sounds like you two are alike. Our kids are 19 and 20 and we never really had a problem. My husband and I did demanded respect and they received respect from us. Are the things you are fighting over really worth it? Do you have a temper too? She needs to know how much you love her and how this fighting is affecting you. She is old enough to understand and hear your feelings. Just my 2 cents worth.
Judy
Well my youngest is 16 so I guess I'm close. Yes, they can be very angry and I am trying really hard to give you some advice that might help, but I'm just not coming up with anything. I know that my daughter is worse when she is very tired, but then making them get more sleep is impossible also. Any time I can let her sleep late, I do and I think this has actually helped. I know that the solution is not that easy.
Jelligirl I feel for you! My daughter is 15 (today!) and she is constantly angry and mean. She is adopted, I got her when she was 3, and I over-compensated and spoiled her and gave in to her too much trying to make her happy and create a good bond between us. It backfired because she is spoiled, bratty, rude and demanding. She is difficult about absolutely everything. I got a call from her teacher last week that she called the teacher a B*#CH!
We have been going to counseling off and on for years and it seems to help but we tend to stop going when things get better, and then they get bad again. I am frustrated with our counselor as well because I don't think she's really getting to the issues that are driving her angry behavior.
I wish I had some great advice for you, but I am barely hanging in there myself. Sometimes I think "I can't wait until she's gone!" It's awful, but you can only handle so much nastiness before you start to want to get away from it. All I can really say is I sympathize and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen, as I can relate!!
i am sitting here, reading your responses and i really appreciate everything that all of you have to say...just getting teary-eyed about it....i had always wanted to be the type of mother that my daughter can confide in and have respect for....we are similiar as far as tempers go but i try to control mine because i don't want to "go there"....i had phone calls from the school regarding her behaviour (this was about a year or so ago) and it stopped...she is doing really well in school....it just seems like i get all of the ugliness....it is just hurtful, that's all....my mom is the type of woman that can give you the death stare and you know not to step out of line...i didn't perfect that at all....she basically told me that i have to step back and let her fall on her face because in the next 7 months she will legally be an adult...
Jelligirl,
I definitely feel for you. I have 2 girls a 20 year old and a 16 year old so I know exactly how you feel. My oldest and I are a lot alike and fought frequently, it was very hard for a few years until she went away to college. She and I both laugh about it now and she realizes she was a real pain but now that she has matured, we get along great. (Though I really wouldn't want her to move back home). Now she is away at Semester At Sea for 4 months going around the world. My 16 year old is more like my husband, very calm and likes to do things on her own. We seem to get along better but we still have our issues and I know how to deal with them better.
I learned over the years to step back and look at the big picture, and it was definitely not easy. The things you are arguing over, will it really matter tomorrow what the outcome is? Does it really matter that there is always clothes all over her floor? I learned to just shut the door. If laundry was not sorted the day I asked, I just didn't do her laundry. If she stayed out 10 minutes or so after she was supposed to be home, it isn't worth fighting over. Etc... Etc... Etc....
She always knew I loved her but didn't really like her attitude. You just have to learn to walk away and not fight. Take a walk.
Don't sweat the small stuff and remember things get better after they move out 
Happy Parenting,
Lori V.
Pastries By Vreeke
hi there saw the post and thougth i would offer you a bright side. my daughter is almost 16, the hatefullness started when she was a freshman. and let me tell you her and i can get into some big fights. my other daughter is 12, she is totally the oposite rightnow. my husband is a truck driver so he is only home for two days a week and that has been how it is for most of her life. so basically i am a single mom too. i sometimes cry because i want us to be close. but i also remember that right now i am not her friend. and she needs to learn respect. and thats that. she is a wonderful kid and i am blessed by bothof my girls. i get jealous when my husband comes home and he just rocks thier world especially hers and i continue to be the poo on the ground. it sucks. but someday she will thank you . i also think that if she choses not to talk to me once she moves out and she is a prospering adult then my job is done and the rest is her choice. it will suck. but i still know that she is the way she is because i helped to get her there. also who are her friends, that played a big part for a while. she was hanging with some fgirls whos parent didn't care where they were what they were doing and just bought them stuff to replace all the time spent at work. i made sure she knew that was not going to fly. i also tell her that i love her after every fight and everyday. thigs will get easier. prayers to you. bieng a mom is without a doubt the toughest job in the world.
just wanted to wish you good luck with everything, I was hard on my mom as a teen sometimes for no reason, just because she was my mom and it must be her fault because there is no way it ever could have been mine. I tell both my mom and dad sorry now about once every 2 months for past behavior.
I'm really sorry to hear this. My mom and dad were divorced when I was 7 (I'm 1
, and I haven't seen my mom in over 6 years. I wish I could see her and tell her that I love her.
On the flipside, my dad married again, and I love my stepmom very much. And because I've read your story, I'm gonna go tell her right now...Thanks for that
~Beth 
I don't have a 17 yo, but 10 yrs. ago, I was one. And, I gave my mother a hard way to go!!! I moved out & in with my trashy/loser bf; and almost failed High School!!! And, many many more things.
I purposely would start fights with her b/c I knew she'd immediately take the bait. At that age, anything could be the bait. I did this simply because I could. Spoiled, was I??? Definitely!!!
You can talk to your dd and tell her how you feel-and she will be listening even if you don't think she is.
I would suggest telll her that the fighting will no longer happen and if it does, then this will happen....<insert how you would discipline her here>.
There's no real advice to give you though, other than to take it one day at a time, or even less.
If you think you're mind is full of things--you have no idea what is in a teens mind these days. Things are so different.
Sorry if I wasn't much help, but I do wish you luck! She will eventually grow out of it, but no telling when that is.
I really feel for you. My daughter is 21 now. I raised her without her father, which I found difficult, and I think I tried very hard to make sure that she didn't lack anything that she may have had, if her father was around.
I always first of all let my daughter know that I love her, and I let her know why I was asking her to do or not do certain things. I also didn't sweat the small stuff--I didn't ask her to keep her room clean---just when company was coming. I asked her to chip in with the housework, but I didn't make a large issue of it if she forgot to do things once in a while. I also apologized if I said something to her that was out of line. I think you guys just need to honestly talk to each other and express how you feel and share ideas on how to make your home life better--once things cool down. Let her know that you love her but that you are human, and are under the stresses of a single parent. Share time together laughing and doing cool things. Teens always test---it's part of growing up. I'm sure that things will work out. Good luck.
Your definitely not alone I keep asking my recently turned 16 year old who she is and where did she do with with my daughter Ashley I read this somewhere and it helped me someone put it this way its about the teenager struggling with finding their independence and about a mother struggling to let them go. So I try to remember this whenever the evil twin shows up 
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