Should I Say No To This Order?

Lounge By birdgirl Updated 27 Sep 2006 , 4:07pm by birdgirl

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birdgirl Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 2:30pm
post #1 of 19

My neighbor called and asked if I could make a cake for her son's 18th birthday. She wanted a Dodge Viper since that is his dream car. Anyway she asked me a few months ago to make her 12 year old his birthday cake which was a pirate's ship. Anyway she has 4 boys and during the time span of the 12 year old and soon to be 18 year old's birthday she had a son turn 16. She mentioned his birthday and I asked if she needed a cake and she said oh no I will make one for him. I am sorry but that poor kid gets the shaft constantly--he supposedly has A.D.D. and other behavior problems which when I am around him he is normal and nice. When we visit with the family he is the one cooking, doing dishes, laundry for everyone else. I feel bad for the kid and after the comment he made at his younger brother's cake "We never get cakes like that." don't feel like making another cake for them again. I know he feels like the blacksheep of the family and I don't want to hurt his feelings by making a cake for yet another brother that is all decorated and nice when he gets canned frosting on his. He is a good kid it seems like his parents don't give him a chance.

The cake is due Oct 23rd and I was wondering if it would be bad to turn the order away since "I am swamped."? That would be my excuse.

18 replies
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Sugarflowers Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 2:37pm
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What a horrible thing to hear about the boy. I think I agree with you and would tell the mom that I was "booked". You don't have to go into detail. If you're like most of us, you have plenty to do every single day, so you really are swamped! icon_smile.gif

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KHalstead Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 2:46pm
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I would make the cake and then maybe make something extra special for the other little boy......and just tell the mother he's always so polite and nice and you thought he might enjoy this (cookie bouquet, small cake, etc.) since you didn't get a chance to make him a birthday cake yet LOL How can she get mad at a perfectly nice and FREE gift to her son??

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7yyrt Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 3:15pm
post #4 of 19

I agree.
I've found through the years that one child can get the short end of the stick. THAT is the one who deserves a treat. I will bet that he turns out the nicest of the bunch, I've seen it before...

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xandra83 Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 3:23pm
post #5 of 19

I agree with KHalsted. Make the other boy something. Maybe not on the same day as his brother's party, though. Maybe a day apart from everyone else's stuff. It will make him feel extra special.

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debsuewoo Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 3:34pm
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Do you ever run into the boy in the neighborhood? Tell him that you were thjinking about a specific design for a cake and that you would like him to be your ginea pig and do a small cake for him. Chances are that it will just be a small family celebration for him, if he gets one, and chances are that mother will not actually make him a cake. Do your neighborly duty and take care of that boy!!

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Wandootie Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 3:46pm
post #7 of 19

That's horrible! I feel so bad for that kid. The cake club that I am a member of makes 2 birthday cakes a month for our local Boy's Home. The ladies will take turns each month baking and decorating them. Those boys get so excited that someone actually remembers them. The administrator of the home says some of the boys never got a birthday cake at all during their short lives until we started donating them. It just makes you feel good to do something so small and it means the world to these boys.


Wanda

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JulieB Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 4:59pm
post #8 of 19

So here's my idea.

Say the 18 yr. old's birthday is Oct 18, and you are really not "swamped" and could use the business, and feel bad about the 16 yr old not getting one. Take the order for the 18th. Then, a couple of weeks earlier, or tomorrow, or whenever, make the 16 y/0 a cake, and take it to him. Say something like "I needed to try out an idea, do you mind being my guinea pig?" or "I was in a mood to bake a cake and thought of you." something so that he knows it is his cake. Stay there to make a big deal, and have a piece with him, so the parents can't negate that this is his. That way, he has something special.

Or you can be "swamped".

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emmascakes Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 5:08pm
post #9 of 19

Careful careful careful! You don't know this family inside out, although I agree that what you have seen seems sad. It's not your place to judge them or offer this child a cake 'on the side.' I'm a teacher of primary school children and I see so many cases where I'd love to wade it and bring kids home with me, you just have to be so VERY VERY careful.

I think you could suggest that if she booked you for all her kid's birthday cakes you'd do one for free? That way she can have one for all her boys. I also like the idea of praising this boy to the mum ans, chances are, she only ever hears negative things about him. Good luck, you have a heart of gold,

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tatetart Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 5:15pm
post #10 of 19

Since the boy is ADD, is he on a special no-sugar diet???
Maybe thats why the mom wanted to make the cake.

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imartsy Posted 26 Sep 2006 , 5:42pm
post #11 of 19

Wow what a touchy subject! I agree with all who said maybe you should make the 16 year old something special - except for the fact that he's a 16 year old boy - if he was younger, I think it would mean a lot - b/c he's 16, I'm wondering if he would just be embarassed and if he would be picked on by his other brothers for receiving a "special cake".

It is hard to know the whole situation of the family - maybe what you are seeing are not the "norm" around the house - but it's just the only thing you seem to observe.....

Since he has ADD, I don't know much about it, - but are his brothers in more activities than he is in? Perhaps you could ask the mom if she thought he could help you out on deliveries or something.... and then you could make him something special for helping and just lavish some praise on him - of course you don't want him to feel like you feel sorry for him or anything so you'd have to be careful how you praise him -

I also agree that perhaps he has allergies and that's the reason the mom made his cake.... or perhaps the mother feels that the cake she makes is extra special for him b/c "mom made MY cake" - maybe she doesn't see that he would feel special getting his own "designer" cake from you....the only way I could think of to know for sure about the situation is to ask the mother why she didn't order this son's b-day cake from you - there may be a perfectly legitimate reason...... you could always say that you love making cakes for their family b/c they are such great people AND great customers and how it's totally up to them to order from you or not - but you were just wondering if there was a reason she didn't order _____'s cake from you..... was the first one you made too dry? Or did they not like it? They seem to be trying you again, so you just wondered if there was something you did wrong that they didn't want to use you for his cake.... put it all on YOU and not on her.......

Good luck w/ the situation! If you aren't "swamped" - I'd take the order - and perhaps pray for the son that you feel is "left out" - that God will help you to help him feel more loved and special in some way - God may open up a door for you to help this kid out that you haven't even thought of yet..

WHOA I didn't mean for this to get so long - sorry - GOOD LUCK!

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birdgirl Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 1:09pm
post #12 of 19

I am not the only one who has made the observation--everyone else including his own grandma has too. I have made cakes for them before and he always gets some of it so sugar is not an issue. He has done some work for me and has helped with some projects around the house and he has always been pleasant and done his job. I guess I don't understand. I think that if I did the order he would know that I wasn't the one who decided to not make his cake anyway.

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imartsy Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 1:28pm
post #13 of 19

Hmm maybe at the party when you deliver the cake - if you get to see this kid too - you could say (loudly) maybe next year I'll get to make your cake too! That will prob. make it more clear to him that YOU weren't the one to decide to not make his cake and maybe it will clue in the mother. (hint, hint, nudge, nudge to his mother??)

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DelightsByE Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 1:43pm
post #14 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by couturiere

Since the boy is ADD, is he on a special no-sugar diet???
Maybe thats why the mom wanted to make the cake.




Hadn't thought of this angle, mom may have a completely valid reason for making it herself if there are sugar issues

Still though I understand how you feel, wanting to help! You're an angel!

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Charb31 Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 1:58pm
post #15 of 19

ok, I have to add my .02 cents worth here. 1- ADD, for the most part is not caused by too much sugar...it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. 2- it's a shame that this young man is treated unfairly, I can assure you NO ONE hates being different more than the one who is..chemically or otherwise. I am sure he hears all the time about "just pay attention", "can't you just be like your brothers" blah blah blah.

I know all too well, as my son truly does have ADHD (add ALOT of hyperactivity to the inattentiveness) and has since he was 3! I had to totally change my parenting, and it ended up working out well for my oldest as well.

I'm sorry to rant like this, but this is a topic that I am passionate about and try soooo hard to dispell the rumors, misgivings about ADD, ADHD, and other mental health issues.

Bake that young man a great cake and let him know that you appreciate him and his capabilities of helping you. You just may be the only light in that child's life.

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RisqueBusiness Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 2:02pm
post #16 of 19

Yes, this is a tricky one, as I have a child with ADHD.

I limited my children's sugar intake and basically only used snacks that I baked myself free of preservatives as I baked these from scratch with organic materials.

One of my "crafty" friends started to "ride" me around Easter about Easter Baskets for the kids. I was like, no they are not getting them. They will each get a chocolate bunny or something to that effect but no candy overload from Easter Baskets.

Easter came around and she shows up at my door with these HUGE cream filled eggs that she made for my kids!! and instead of giving them to me to decide if I wanted to allow them to have it, she hands them to the kids...my son being like 16 months at the time.

I don't know what happened, if he bit into it and wasn't "familiar" with the "taste" or if he freaked out when the chocolate started to melt in his hands...but the next time I saw him, I saw him without the egg. lol

HE had dropped it on the living room rug!! and put the rocking chair over it, so for YEARS we had that stain on our rug!!!

If you have any concerns, ask the mom WHY she makes this son's cakes and not orders for him, then you need to respect her choices.

You can have something special for him when he helps you, because that is something you do in YOUR home!!

edited to add:

This event put a little strain on our friendship. It's like she felt she "knew" how to be a better parent, or underminded my authority in my own home. KNOWING the issues that I was having with my son, she still felt that she KNEW more than his mother and his doctors.

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auntsushi Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 2:34pm
post #17 of 19

Wow, lots of emotion in this thread, and understandably so. So many good points. Get involved or don't get involved. Make a cake don't make a cake.

I, too, am passionate about ADD and other "brain" disorders. My ex and his son both have ADD and my ex is bi-polar, too. Although we are no longer married, the experience with them was a great learning lesson. Kids (and adults) with ADD/ADHD do very often feel "stupid" and challenged because they are told, quite often that they "just" need to "try harder" and they often times have low self-esteem because they feel like a failure and are treated differently. They CAN be very difficult because they have little or no attention span and can flit from chore to chore or project to project in a moments notice. Sometimes there is alot of blaming, lying and manipulation. With all that said, however, these kids are VERY, very smart. They need to be SUPER encouraged in order to feel adequate and cared about.

Here's what I think I'd do. Have a chat with mom (so you're not "stepping on any toes"). She had already told you that she didn't want you to make a cake for him for his birthday, so you may be "overstepping bounds" if you just do it now. Maybe tell her that you felt bad that you weren't able to make a cake for the 16 year old because you had really wanted to do it. She will hopefully give you honest feedback about their situation (can he have sugar, etc). Tell her that you need to test out a new cake and would like to make one for him to try and would that be okay. If she says no, I don't think there's anything you can do about it. Hopefully she'll say yes. Maybe she doesn't GET IT. Maybe this will open her eyes to SOMEONE being thoughtful and caring toward her left out son. You could very well be the seed that plants some kindness into her heart and it could affect the whole dynamic of the family! I, too, say pray about it if you are so inclined. I believe that God will lead you in the right direction.

Let us know how it turns out .....and bless you for being so caring!

Suzanne

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tatetart Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 3:18pm
post #18 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charb31

ok, I have to add my .02 cents worth here. 1- ADD, for the most part is not caused by too much sugar...it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

I'm sorry to rant like this, but this is a topic that I am passionate about and try soooo hard to dispell the rumors, misgivings about ADD, ADHD, and other mental health issues.




I don't think anybody said that ADD or ADHD was caused by sugar. I have many friends whose children are ADHD and they cautiously monitor their sugar-intake. Maybe this mother does the same.

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birdgirl Posted 27 Sep 2006 , 4:07pm
post #19 of 19

It is hard to know what to do the poor kid is very smart and yes he does hear--be like your older brothers. His mom takes advice from the oldest on parenting the younger ones--crazy!! I am starting to think that I should do the cake for the older son and maybe after the "left out" one as I will call him does a job for me I can reward him with something for him--he loves science and history so I am thinking of a book or something along those lines. It isn't fair to punish all of them for this. Thanks for listening.

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