Ok, here is the short story. My husband walked out on me in Dec 05 when I told him to quit talking to this other girl or leave. I had two year old and 8 month old at the time. He has been a part of the kids life but started partying adn spending less and less time with them.

I am a Christian and do not want to divorce. He has never actually been caught in the act with this girl, it has always just been a "friendship" She actually has a new boyfriend now but he still wants out.

I have tried to honor him as long as we are married until he divorces me but it is so hard. His parents are good people and I have stayed close with them, but they run my life. They are so worried about the kids emotional health that they basically take over. My daughter is with my mother-in-law tonight. I ran into in town (we are from a very small town) and she wouldn't speak to me. I think she resents the fact that I get out of the house and am not stuck inside 24/7 like she was with her kids.

Well, I don't really know what else to say or what you can say. I just pray that this comes to and end sometime soon. I spend most of my time making cakes now or getting on this site because it takes me away from all of my mess.

If there are any fellow believers out there, please pray that my husband makes the right choices. Regardless of how I feel about him, I know that my kids need him and he needs to be a good role model for them.

Thanks. (p.s. I guess the story wasn't so short!)

Hang in there! Your doing the right thing! It sounds to me like you have taken a very good, hard look at the situation and are handling it in the best interest of your children. Sometimes what we want to do and what we should do are two different things. I am a believer too! I will add you to my prayers tonight, that your DH comes to his senses and realize what he left behind, that your children are protected from the emotional effects of this, and for you. You need strength and to look to your faith, more now than ever. HE will get you through this. If you ever need a shoulder--even a virtual one--I am here.

I am a Christian and a believer but I dont believe the Lord put us (women and wives) on the earth to put up with someone treating us wrong, and I dont think staying in a toxic relationship is a good example to set for your children. Kids are not stupid they easily pick up on tension and unhappiness. I believe in marriage and I believe it should last a life time, but BOTH Parties have to believe in that or its just not going to work...at least not in a healthy way. Hang in there, but make sure you are setting a good role model for your children as well, I dont know if you have a daughter but if you do would you want her "stuck" in a marriage that is like yours?

I'm not sure what his incentive is .... he can stay out and party and do whatever he wants, knowing that you are just sitting back and waiting to take him back whenever HE is ready to "settle down".

A man doesn't do that. A MAN 'settles down' the second he has a wife and children.

It's been 7 months. How long does it take him to "make a decision" about his wife and kids? How long before he "decides" to "become" the good role modeling you are hoping for?

He left you when his child was one month old? I can't understand why you want a man like that in your life..... a man who would dump a brand new baby in favor of the party life.

Is he helping with the financial part of raising the kids.....i.e. any kind of "support" payments?

Edited to ask: He left on Dec 5, 2006? Or he left in Dec 2005?

I always get mixed remarks about what I am doing.

He says that he is working on filing for the divorce (don't ask me what that means) so we are just kind of waiting. It has been since 05, though. There was a time last December that he talked about going to counseling and then he changed his mind.

He takes complete care of us financially, still. It is such a weird situation. We actually get along fairly well. We kind of act like we are divorced, but we are just separated.

I don't pine after him in any way. I am just living my life and taking care of my children. I do not plan to find another man anytime soon if we do divorce, so it has been kind of weird.

I do pray that he comes home, not as he is but a changed man. I know that sounds crazy, but I believe that with God all things are possible. I do not intend to submit my children to a crazy man, he seems normal except for the fact that I know that he does party. On the outside, you would think he is still the good church boy.

I don't even know what I am saying anymore. I am in the weirdest situation. He claims to love his kids and sees them almost everyday.

I don't know what I am doing!!!![/i]

Honey you need some counciling. Can you talk with your preacher/clergy/ect... This has gone on too long. Living in limbo like this is not good. I don't believe in divorce either. Well, maybe I should say I don't believe in giving up to soon. Alot of people throw around the "divorce" word to soon and without really working on the relationship, but it does take two to work on it and I don't think he is interested in that. How long have you been married?

We have been married for 7 years, 1 1/2 of those being separated.

I can't explain why I do what I am doing, it is just what I feel is right for us right now.

I know that my husband is in a very bad place. He didn't just walk out on me, he walked out on his faith, his friends, and his family. This isn't just about me, and it took me a long time to figure that out. He is severly depressed and self-medicating his pain in all the wrong ways.

I have not felt led by the Holy Spirit to quit just yet, so I am praying that He stands in and helps me. I am only 27 years old and I feel about 80 after the last few years!!

Thank you, newtodecorating, for the comforting words. I know that noone can understand why I stay, but I appreciate your support!!

I live in a tiny town, everyone works for my father-in-law so I just can't open up to anyone. I can't believe I turned to an online forum, but I just needed to get it out tonight

Thanks again for all of you who have true care for others on this site.

I try to live each day with no regrets. I don't want to think- "I wish I had told that person I loved them" or I wish I would have done this instead of that. Of course I do better some days than others, that is why we need a little help each day.

I guess what I am trying to say is - live your life so you can have a clear conscience, know that you did all you could, and in the end HE will lead you in the correct path.

I'm so sorry to hear about the pain your feeling. No one else has to understand why you are doing what you're doing. That is between you & God. I have a close friend whose husband was born addicted to crack. His mom smoked it whils she was pregnant. Long story short. He was adopted by a Chro=istian couple. He has an "extreme" personality which means that whatever he feels it's with everythign he has, love, anger so n & so on. The two of them were married when he started smoking crack. He got arrested & put in prison. She stood by him, she went through this multiplt times. She divorced him. He was arrested agian. He has straightened up now, he's finally gotten back in church & they are engaged to be married again. I will pray for you & pass along info to our prayer team at church.
You just keep on doing what you thikn God wants you to do. God will not be angry with you for going through with a divorce. He wants his children happy. In I think it's Ephesians 4 he talks about how the husband is supossed to love his wife the way Christ loves the church. Also Titus 2 is a good one. One of my favs is Psalms 91.

I am a Catholic and I've been married to a wonderful man for 14 years. I am sorry for the pain you are going through right now. I believe that everything happens for a reason and God understands that. Hang in there. You will be in my prayers tonight. (HUGS)

Wow you guys, I am litterally in tears. It amazes me to know that there are people out there praying for me today that I have never even met before. Thank you so much.

I never thought this site would be a comfort to me.

I pray that I can update you guys with good news soon.

Really, thank you so much for your responses, I read over each one twice and I am humbled.

I think you are doing the right thing as well. I am impressed by your faith. It takes a strong woman to stand by her morals and values in a difficult situation.

I got pregnant young (19) and we chose to go our separate ways until we knew what we both wanted (he was still a part of our son's life, we just didn't communicate that much). Five years later we got back together and got married, but it took that long for him to grow up!

Where ever this road leads you, may it bring you and your children a happy and safe home!

Hang in there..It is called Maturity and you have come to the realization that he is not for you! God has a plan for us all and he will reveal it to you soon.Stay civil with your Ex for the sake of the kids and move on!!!

I totally know how you feel. My husband came home one night in October 2004 and said he just wasn't happy and felt he needed to leave. I thought I was going to die. I had two children at home and had no idea what I was going to do. We had to sell the house and he bought a condo and I bought a house. We were seperated 8 months and he came to me crying one night and I knew that he knew he had mistake. He was going through a very tough time at work and didn't think he could be a husband to me. Not one moment did I ever think it that he would not come to his senses. Although it kind of changed things for us we are back together and have a new home and work on the relationship everyday.
I know it can be done. I really don't know what he was going through as with your husband but if its what you want don't give up on it. Just remember don't lose yourself while you are waiting on him to figure out what he wants.
I will continue to pray for you and your husband...