I'm not sure how to bring this up without giving up too much info, but my DH and I are having an outs with my MIL. Yesterday was the climax so to speak and in the middle of our argument (everyone was arguing), she called me a slant-eyed B**** (I'm Filipino, my DH is white). My DH told her that she's dead to him.
How much inlaw abuse do you take before you say no matter how great the relationship between you and your spouse enough is enough? My DH and I have a great relationship and we also have a 5 year old DD. Any input would be appreciated. TIA
Leslie
When she's making comments like the one she just made would be a good time to say you don't care if she's related or not. It sounds like he is very upset with her too which is a good thing.
You at the very least want to keep your daughter away from her after that, she doesn't need a grandma that looks down on her because of race.
WOW!!!!
She got creative with her name calling, huh??? Maybe she's had that one stored in her mind for a while?!?! LOL!! Sorry, just trying to lighten it up a bit.
If he told her that she's dead to him, then I think he drew the line, so to speak.
Have you & your mil ever gotten along? Or is something just bumming her out? Does she do this infront of her granddaughter? Does she ever say things to her son like this?
If you all seam to have a great relationship, you need to put that first , but most importantly .....your dd doesn't need to see this or hear any of it.
You don't have to take any abuse, you married him, not his mother.
She should be able to treat you better. AFter all, her son chose you and she should respect that and get along with you.
Now that's a bad situation!
I agree with all they already said. I have troubles with my MIL too. But like mmdd said: you married him not her. That's what I'm telling myself each time I have problems with my MIL. The truth about my MIL is that she's a racist, homophobic, she talks behind everyone's back, and only her opinion is the best. She even suggest that I could hire her into my business since she's retired now.. 
is she crazy?!? 
All this to say that you're not alone, we understand, and you don't need someone like this in your life. Racisms is a really bad thing. We are all equal in God's eyes. Save your daughter from that kind of behavior. You're married to your hubby not to your MIL. she's his mother not yours.
(((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))
I always find it amazing that the "general opinion" (although it's definitely not mine!) is that we wouldn't take that kind of stuff from neighbors or co-workers (heck, if it's a co-worker, you have grounds for an "unsafe environment" lawsuit!), but our family can treat us like sh** and we're suppose to go along with that.
Bull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To say that kind of thing around your daughter is so wrong! And don't let those bleeding hearts guilt you into "how can you keep your daughter from her grandmother?" The GRANDMOTHER is the one who choose to set up this situation, not you! SHE is the one who decided to act like a (using a nice word here) DORK!
My 14-year old daughter has never met her maternal grandmother for pretty much the same reasons (which helps to explain my passion here!). I will NOT have my child exposed to dangerous people, and people with minds like that are dangerous to the mental well-being of my child.
(so.... do you want me to let you know how I *really* feel?) 
Uh....I think that would be the line for me.
My DH is another race and it has cause minor issues for our family. About two years ago my mother--who is completely pyschotic--was given the boot from our family.
Her behavior was inexusible and compeltely opposite of what I want my children exposed to.
We tell our kids that grandma made some bad choices and leave it at that.
Made a world of difference in our marriage.
WOW!!!!
She got creative with her name calling, huh??? Maybe she's had that one stored in her mind for a while?!?! LOL!! Sorry, just trying to lighten it up a bit.
If he told her that she's dead to him, then I think he drew the line, so to speak.
Have you & your mil ever gotten along? Or is something just bumming her out? Does she do this infront of her granddaughter? Does she ever say things to her son like this?
If you all seam to have a great relationship, you need to put that first , but most importantly .....your dd doesn't need to see this or hear any of it.
You don't have to take any abuse, you married him, not his mother.
She should be able to treat you better. AFter all, her son chose you and she should respect that and get along with you.
Sorry I haven't responded sooner. After I posted this, my internet decided to crash and I can't get online. I'm on my brother's computer now.
Thanks to everyone's support. It's been nearly a week and it's still affecting my family and I.
My MIL and I used to get along wonderfully, but then again, she also lived in Florida until a couple years ago. She lives literally 3 minutes away now. Trouble started the beginning of my DD's school year. I didn't want my DD riding the bus cause she's only 5 years old and the bus would have K-8th graders on it. I asked my MIL to pick her up from school and she was fine with that, but when I asked her to pick my DD up for the morning too she seemed like she didn't want to and was making up excuse why my DD could take the bus. I then asked the neighbors if we could carpool since they have daughters that go the same time and they agreed. I told my MIL that I wouldn't need her taking my DD to school and back anymore and she said "Whatever" and hung up on me. I honestly don't know what made her "flip" after that.
Unfortunately, my MIL called me this name in front of my DD. She knew we were arguing and was crying. It escalated after the name calling with my MIL and my DH. I tried to take her away but she kept wanting to be in the same room.
We haven't seen or heard from her. Thank goodness! I honestly don't want ANYTHING to do with her. I wish I could erase her from our existance. Thanks again for everyone's support.
Leslie
I really feel for you. My MIL and I have a strained relationship. She is different to me privately than she is with other family members. She has badmouthed me to my step-daughter and to my face.
After on really bad explosion, I refused to see her for several months. I will still only see her when my husband will be with me.
What my MIL and yours are doing is really hurting their relationships with the grand kids. Eventually, the kids will not want to see her. I think the best thing you can do is to avoid her and maybe she will be less abusive.
I know it's not much. Obviously, I'm no expert, since I still don't trust or want to see my MIL.
Keep strong and remember that there are plenty of us who care.
my own mother was cut out of my life for months due to how she was treating me. It's hard to do that to a family member you love but yet so pasionatly hate/disagree with at the same time. (I feel for your DH on this one and well as for you too!) No one has the right to make you feel this way and let alone in front of her grandaughter 
Cut her loose and if she ever comes back then deal with her apology then..and if there isn't one kick her out again! Just don't let it get in the way of your relationship with your DH, this will be hard on both of you, for many different reasons. I've been on both sides of the fence on this one and it almost destroyed my good marriage, don't let that happen. I'll pray that everything goes well for you!
llee815, Please know that for every one person like your MIL there are many more of us who are complete opposites. My advice as another wife who has been there done that, is to let your DH continue to handle this in the best way that he can. Don't allow it to become an emotional struggle, just continue to love your DH and let him know ,always, how much you value him. Sorry DD had to witness that horrible scene, but you can help her too. Simply let her know that even some adults can make wrong choices, and Gma made a wrong choice. She is old enough to understand that wrong choices equal 'Time Out'. I've had to do this plenty of times since my MIL is truely emotionally ill. I wish you and your family all the best.
Gloria I
Unfortunately, my MIL called me this name in front of my DD. She knew we were arguing and was crying. It escalated after the name calling with my MIL and my DH. I tried to take her away but she kept wanting to be in the same room.
Leslie
If you ever decide to be around your MIL again make sure you lay down some ground rules. If she starts in at her house just leave, if she starts something at your house she needs to leave right away and she needs to know that it's going to happen if she can't keep her mouth shut. I say this as someone who grew up with a parent who is verbally and emotionally abusive, now when we are visiting if he starts screaming we take all the grandkids and walk up the hill to my brother's house. Last time my oldest didn't want to leave but he doesn't need to be around it so I made him.
Grandparents do NOT have a right to their grandchildren.
And, in laws do NOT have the right to treat each other like crap!
I hope you stay completely innoncent; sometimes when one is mean to us, we want to be mean back; and just stand your "I'm staying away from her" ground.
If she wants to be mean & rude, she will; but dh definitely needs to tell her that she will NEVER speak that way in front of dd again.
Good Luck to you!!!!
Your DD probably didn't want to leave because she may have wanted to be there to protect you.
My husband and I have had a couple really bad arguments in the past and my son never wanted to leave the room because he was afraid that someone was going to get hurt, even though that would NEVER happen.
My DH and I have decided to never let her back into our lives. It really hurts my DH but he won't have anyone disrespecting me either. She's also not one to apologize so I know that's not going to happen.
[quote=mbelgard]Has your MIL retired or something along with the move where she doesn't have much to do anymore?[/quote]
My MIL is 72 years old. She hasn't worked in, at least, the past 15 years or so.
[quote=Sugarflowers]After on really bad explosion, I refused to see her for several months. I will still only see her when my husband will be with me. [/quote]
That's how I was before this last time. She seems to twist people's words around to her liking and I didn't want her telling my DH I said something I didn't. I've seen her do it with other people.
[quote=morningglories] My advice as another wife who has been there done that, is to let your DH continue to handle this in the best way that he can. Don't allow it to become an emotional struggle, just continue to love your DH and let him know ,always, how much you value him. Sorry DD had to witness that horrible scene, but you can help her too. Simply let her know that even some adults can make wrong choices, and Gma made a wrong choice. She is old enough to understand that wrong choices equal 'Time Out'. I've had to do this plenty of times since my MIL is truely emotionally ill.[/quote]
That's how my DH and I handle our families. I handle things with my family and he handles things with his. We told my DD that grandma moved far away cause she's been asking about her. It's believable because my MIL used to live in Florida and was barely able to see my DD. My neighbor, who's an RN, thinks that there may be something medically wrong with my MIL. My MIL had a previous episode where she went to the ATM machine, noticed she didn't have enough money to pay her rent by about $20 and through all the money up into the air. She was at Walmart at the time. Luckily my DH was there to pick up the money for her cause she just walked away from all her rent money! 
[quote=mmdd ]I hope you stay completely innoncent; sometimes when one is mean to us, we want to be mean back; and just stand your "I'm staying away from her" ground.[/quote]
I was pretty taken aback by the name calling that, I just said "Bye" to her. I was going to slam the door in her face but my DH pushed me aside to yell at her for calling me names. I don't know what I was doing with my hands though because they were all numb and tingly when I went to sit down. Must've been really wanting to use them!!
[quote=m0use]Your DD probably didn't want to leave because she may have wanted to be there to protect you.
My husband and I have had a couple really bad arguments in the past and my son never wanted to leave the room because he was afraid that someone was going to get hurt, even though that would NEVER happen.[/quote]
Maybe that's what it was, but I tried leaving the hallway with her. Not just telling her to go. My DD gets really upset when she sees me crying so I try not to cry in front of her.
Sorry so long! I hope everyone has a great weekend!!
Leslie
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