Hi all,
I am having a problem here. I am Hispanic, however, I dont really follow hispanic traditions such as having a Quincenera, or 15. Where we live, my daughter is the only Hispanic kid in the group, so we're not around that much heritage stuff. Here's my issue:
Her paternal grandparents, (her dad and I are divorced, amicably) and her grandparents want her to have a 15. More for the fact, that she is their only granddaughter, and her grandfather has terminal cancer and might not have but a few more years to live, if that. So they are wanting her to have a 15 more for them than for anything else. My daughter is not with it as like I said, here, there are more sweet 16's than 15's.
I told her that if she does not have a 15, then she needs to have a 16, but it needs to be kinda dressy, and we'll have it more like a dance with a hall, catering, etc. She's not sure about that either.
What should I do? Coming from that kinda heritage as I was growing up, it was important for the family to have a 15, I did not have one, as I was an orphan. Then I left that area in my life and now I live where none of those traditions are even heard of.
But I feel so bad for her grandparents. They give her the world, anything she wants, and there are 4 other grandchildren, but they are all boys. I know that a 15 would make them so happy because they would get to show off their granddaughter and her grandfather could have his dance with her, which is a big deal too.
Opinions please?
Being a Mexican-American, living in So. Calif -- I'm supposed to be into the Mexican heritage thing, But I'm not. I grew up speaking english, can't speak a lick of spanish to save my life.
My grandfather wanted all of us girls to have a quincenera, but it wasn't what we were used to. We didn't/don't celebrate Mexican holidays as we were born and raised in America.
That being said, as much as her grandparents LOVE her and would do anything for her - they need to listen to her. She would probably be very uncomfortable doing this huge ceremony that she really doesn't want (I know I would have).
Couldn't they just do a simple party for her? Nothing says it has to be extravagant.
HTH.
one of those rock and hard place situations.
sometimes, we have to set aside the "self" and give due to the "other", in this case the grandparents.
for herself, she may not want the quincenera, but it is a way for her to thank her grandparents for all they have given her.
and obviously, she is concerned about being "different" -- not fitting in w/ the traditions and ways of her current friends/location.
is it possible to do BOTH---
although you don't say it -- i get the sense that you and your daughter don't live in the same location as the grandparents.
if so -- could the quincenera be there -- where they live and be mainly just a family thing with maybe just a few very close friends in attendance?
then the next year the sweet 16 could be where you are with her larger circle of friends?
possibly -- the grandparents could sponsor the quincenera and you would sponsor the sweet 16.
the quincenera could also be the more formal event and the sweet 16 more modern teen party.
(this advice based on how i've seen my former students solve the dilemma of being from two very different cultures (german/korean for example!) and trying to keep both sets of parents happy when they wed.
just some thoughts to consider.
thank you Doug and Tweety.
I'm thinking about having a semi-formal 16, that we can all pitch in and split. But there won't be the 14 boys/girls "court" or whatever it's called, but we as parents and relatives would dress up. But we'd also have a dance with DJ and catering, so it would be more of a dressier sweet sixteen birthday party. I've kinda got her sold on that and I think I can lure the grandparents in, hopefully the grandfather will live to see it. My daughter is about to be 14, and you know you gotta plan these things almost a year in advance....sheesh!!! At least a 16 will give me more time to plan.
She said as long as it wasn't as extravagant as a 15 she would do it, course I was just going to get her a car!!
We'll see....thank you both
My sister-in-law is turning 15 in January and wasn't wanting to have a big 15 party. She wanted to just have a small party for family and close friends. She's very modest. Now that the planning has started, she's getting more excited about it and has decided to go ahead and do the big party. Granted, she's still in Mexico but maybe your daughter will come around a little bit as the date gets near. It's rather exciting to have a big party in her own honor...and yeah, the big ceremony and all that will be a little over the top for someone who isn't used to being around all that.
Personally, I can't wait to go down there and make her 15 cake. It'll be so fun 
Would you be doing the cake for her party?
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