How To Handle Stepson, He's Bullied, But Comes To Our Home &
Lounge By koppeskreations Updated 25 Aug 2006 , 8:17pm by m0use
Reading some on this whole bulling topic has got me to thinking about my stepson, I do love him but we definetly do not have a close bond, I am pretty sure he wants nothing to do with me, cause I couldn't even tell you when the last time that he ever gave me a hug, I've been in his life since 2 and he is now 10.
I truly believe he has a lot of issues, he's up, he's down, he's defiant yet then he's helpful.
One thing I've noticed is that he is not sociablly say accepted at school, he has said things that he likes our home better cause he has real friends here. He becomes at times overy aggressive with his younger sister and brother (1/2's) and it scares me sometimes cause I know it is more than just rough housing, you can see it in his face. This comes in where I am the bad parent cause I catch, I call the bluffs when 'I didn't do it' But it this way I am the tough love parent. So then we go from big tough guy to the either ball and cry, or the stomping pissed off , just leave me alone attitude. I have tried talking to my husband about it but he passes it off as just being 10. I truly don't think it is.
Does anyone see any patterns that I should be watching for to know if he is depressed or have some kind of bi-polar disorder. I have looked into it and I think he fits many of the descriptions.
Thanks all
Lets see, hes 10 bounced from one home to the next. Has to share his dad with 3 other people. Give the boy some time, and watch him with the younger ones, and encourage your husband to spend some one on one time with his son.
Sounds to me that he is just being 10, and they start getting really moody and really snotty at that age. Its part of being a teenager. (i know tecniqly hes not a teenager, but the hormones are there) A boy needs his dad, and dad has to be there for him, take him fishing or something like that, something that will make him realize that he is special, and have dad talk to him. Thats the only way you are going to find out if something more is going on with him.
Good luck to you
As a person who had depression as a teenager, there may be something wrong that needs to be addressed.
You may want to have him start seeing a therapist to have him sort out his feelings, or he may not understand how to control his emotions yet- which is something you NEED to teach. Also his father should just a day with him only and have a good heart to heart with his son to see if he can at least get something out of him. Or maybe you can try to spend a day with him to try to talk to him, just let him know that if he needs to talk he can talk with you. I know sometimes as a parent you want to fix everything and try to help them or offer advice when they talk to you, but sometimes you just need to sit there and keep your mouth shut...I know it's hard to do, trust me..I'm working on it with my husband right now.
I wouldn't recommend that he get put on drugs right away either, but that is your personal choice. Sometimes anti-depressants make depression worse in children so you have to carefully monitor their emotions. Try getting him to do something atheletic wise, keeping active exercise wise is a good way to get the endorphines moving- the stuff that makes you happy.
Depression is a chemical imbalance and sometimes the neurons can't make enough chemicals to get the neurons to communicate properly and that's when you run into problems.
I'll stop blabbing now..but I have had depression as a teenager, I had post-partum depression, and I also have seasonal depression. I've really had to become intune with my body to keep myself from having relapses, but as teeenager you don't know what to do yet.
As someone who is bipolar, it's VERY difficult to diagnose bipolar disorder in children. And it's really really dangerous to try to self-diagnose a child with bipolar disorder.
I do understand your struggles though. It's so hard. He probably has a lot of rage from the struggles he is going through and he's beginning to develop the testosterone levels that will make him crazy for a while. I wish I could be more help, but it's very unlikely that you'll get a diagnosis of bipolar disorder if he does have it and it doesn't really begin to fully show itself for about 8 or 9 more years.
Rachel
I definitely think there is an underlying problem...probably due to the fact that he's getting closer to being a teenager, and a few other things you mentioned.
I don't know why your dh would blow it off....does he feel the same way you do about any of it? Especially regarding the younger ones?
Whatever the excuse maybe, there's no excuse for hurting younger siblings-this is something he should already know he can't do.
Can Dad show tough love as you do?
I'm sorry I don't know any signals of bipolar disorder or depression...b/c sometimes a moody teenager can be thought to be depressed.
I wish you luck. Please let us know what happens
Thank you all for your suggestions,
He had already been in therapy when he started to make up stories at school about his mom and stepdad to his teacher. Not sure exactly what he said, his mom wasn't offering that info, just the fact that is was far from the truth. She also couldn't figure out the crying fits and whatnot so she sent him to see one. I think it helped somewhat but probably should of continued to go. (thats only my opinion).
Its sad cause he just does not seem to be a happy kid, nothing seems good enough for him, nothing you can do is enough for him. Just for example we took the kids to wisconsin dells for the whole weekend and he did nothing but whine and complain when HE wasn't having fun. I think he has a hard time sharing his parents with his other siblings, like telling his dad that he wishes it was just him and dad. Now I will give him this is that his dad does not spend enough quality time with him or other children, (That is just another long story) Good with them when HE wants to be.
So anywanys, I just wish that we could have somewhat of okay relationship, I am so tired and more hurt be him acting like I am dirt and he can talk and walk all over me in front of others. Even his grandmother has seen it and thinks it is wrong how he fights with me on every aspect of evertyhing. My other kids do not(they try to) talk back, they no better and know it is disrespectful.
So I guess I will just keep on living and hopefully in like 7 years he will grow out of all this
The biggest piece of advice is to not give up! Take it one day at a time and continue to be a loving supportive parent! Yes, having to sometimes be the bad guy is still being a loving parent. He will eventually appreciate this. It might take forever and a day but he truly will. It sounds as though he isn't still seeing a counselor? Have you thought about talking to the school counselor? Maybe she can check on him once a week or so. Just continue to be there and show him that someone does care! Good luck.
I think the counselor needs to have a good sit down with dad and son. The dad obviously needs to be made aware that quality time is needed to be spent with kids or they will act out in order to get the attention they crave.
If it's love that he is craving, don't stop giving it from your side. Don't forget to praise any little good thing he does, it will help him feel more confident and upbeat. I know when my son starts to act up it is because my husband has been busy and not spending some time with him. I always try to praise positive things about my son all the time, it really helps him out.
If your husband does not start changing his ways, your son has a higher chance of turning out bad. And your husband should be disciplining his son every time he is disrespectful to you, your husband should be standing up for you.
I hope things work out for you.
m0use
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