I remember when I graduated high school my mom wanted my home everynight by a certain hour, etc etc...well I didn't want to follow those rules so eventually my mom said you have 2 months to move out and find your own place. Well, I found my own place and moved out. My mom did help me though get some dishes and some other things for the place, but I still ended up furnishing a majority of my own place. I lived on my own for no more than 6 months before I met my husband and got married to him after 2-3 months of courtship. (No, there wasn't a baby involved, it just felt right and we've been together ever since.)
Well, my son finally shows up at home with his father in tow to find my husband changing the locks on the front door!
Are you saying you have kicked him out?
No, we didn't kick him out, my DH put the old lock back on, but I think he realized that we were serious. We did talk to him today, and told him that just because he's 18 it doesn't mean the house rules have changed and he can do whatever he wants. We reiterated how we don't think that the rules are too rigid (his responsibilities are garbage duty and restocking the fridge with water and/or soda), and all we ask for is a courtesy call now and then when he is away from the house so that we know that he is okay. We also told him that we don't think 10:30 p.m. is too early to be in on a weeknight since he has to be at school by 6:30 a.m. and the rest of us have to get up early, too. He is going to school and has a part time job, so we're not on his case too much. He would probably disagree. I'm hoping and praying that this "I'm 18 now and I'm all that" attitude is just a phase he will soon come out of.
You need to set a strong example for your son (and all of the other kids at home who are watching how you handle this situation) . . . you mentioned that your hubby agrees with you when you talk in private but fears losing your son by being too hard on him. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT STOP PARENTING OUT OF FEAR. Yes, at 18 your son is an adult and if he's living on his own, then he is free to come and go as he pleases. But, as so many others have said, if he's living under your roof, he follows your rules. If he gets away with disrespecting your rules, then all of the kids behind him will know that when they turn 18, they are free to do the same. Yes, he may end up resenting you in the short run (he's a teenager, that's likely to happen anyway) but in the end, he'll realize that you have rules because you love him. Your house, your rules. Rules that YOU feel comfortable with. You're not overbearing . . . if anything, I'd just say the opposite. Good luck!
OK, maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't think that just because a person turns 18, they should be able to stay out all night and do what they want! If they live under YOUR roof that YOU pay for, they need to follow YOUR rules! I would make his curfew later than it was originally, but wouldn't let him be gone all night or days at a time! I would make him sign a contract, be home at a certain time, pay rent, and be respectful. If he didn't want to follow the rules, then get his own place! Kicking a "kid" out at 18 because they aren't folowwing the rules is TOTALLY different than kicking say a 16 year old out. If it gets bad enough that you ask them to leave, it's basically THEIR choice for not following the rules! I know people that still have their 25 year olds living at home because they don't think "kids" should be kicked out. If they don't follow the rules and want to be gone all night, they get their own place!
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