Every year my sister-in-law asks me to make my neice and nephews birthday cakes. I love doing them but she never offers to pay me. They always want a full sheet (half and half) and it's usually an involving design or I have to have an overlay made for it.

It wouldn't be so bad but I still have to buy them overpriced gifts and they are never thankful for any of it. I usually NEVER hear the words "thank you"!

How do I get it across to her that I need to get paid for the supplies? She is VERY touchy and if I make her mad she wont talk to me for 4-5 months! (It has happened MANY times)

Thanks for any ideas.

You might say something like, "I'd love to make the cake, but supply costs are rising, why don't I do it as his/her birthday gift"

Sounds like your sister is spoiled rotten. I would just come out and tell her that your a little short on money and ask her if she could help out with the supplies. If she gets mad at that then I would say let her sulk for 4-5 months because she really needs a dose of reality!

I would simply tell her that since supplies have gotten so expensive and cakes are so time consuming now that this is the b-day present from you!

People are so inconsiderate these days and quick to take advantage. It probably hasnt crossed her mind that its a big inconvenience.

You could say something like: "I really enjoy making Susie and Bobby's birthday cakes but I'm going to need payment for the supplies, which is $x.xx."

or another variation would be:
"I really enjoy making Susie and Bobby's birthday cakes but money is tight right now and I'm going to need payment for the supplies, which is $x.xx."

HTH

Very hard thing to do... I can't even tell my mother I need payment for my cakes lol...

I would be polite about it at first and if she doesn't offer I'd lay the law down. But before you go thru her... couldn't you just go to your brother? Or is this your husband's sister? If it's your husband's sister have HIM tell her she needs to pay you, I'm sure they are used to fighting . If it's your brother's wife you should tell HIM that way he can pay you for the cakes or at least he can tell her she has to.

One thing you could do is draw up a contract/payment details of charges and give it to her and tell her you expect payment by such and such date or the cake won't be completed. Just explain to her that this is your JOB and everyone else has to pay so why shouldn't she.

And if she doesn't talk to you for 4-5 months.... is it really a bad thing? lol I mean if she's that much of a biotch that she can't understand you have bills to pay and each and every cake you make creates new bills that need to be paid.... then she isn't worth having around anyway.

I just wish I could explain all this to my mother.... Good luck hun.

I agree with both, I'd offer to make the cake as the gift, or ask to atleast be paid cost! You're not a charity and it seems she's asking alot with specific demands...jmho

You just say right out. If you buy the ingredients I will make it for you at no cost. This is what I tell people that are looking for a donation. It works everytime. good luck

Do you want supplies money? Or money for the whole thing. If supplies, just say you pay for the supplies and I'll make the cake. I don't know what to say about her getting mad. I'm the type that doesn't care if someone is mad if I haven't done anything to hurt them. So, all I can say is how I handle my family and cakes.

You also can't expect her children to have manners when they have a mother that acts like that. But it is aggravating when you can't get something as simple as a thank you!!!!

JMO

Lu

Non cake people don't usually realize how much money and time goes into our creation. I'd do as suggested above, just tell her the money is a little tight and you can either give the cake as the birthday gift, or she can reimburse you for supplies.

I always make my neice's cake for free and my sister never really thought anything of it, until her last birthday when we were talking about the present I was getting her and I said "Oh, and I'm also giving her that $50 birthday cake." That stopped her in her tracks...she didn't know what to say. I wasn't trying to be mean, but people really don't realize what we put into these cakes!

Thanks everyone! I know I should just tell her, but the whole situation is a sticky one anyway. She is my brother's wife and he is a jerk too so he'd no help. They are both the type that think "what can you do for me?"

I just want to get along for the sake of the kids..I want my kids to know their (spoiled bratty) cousins...they are the only family that we have on my side other than my dad.

I think I will just tell her that with the new baby coming the $$ is extra tight and I need her to pay for the supplies..or perhaps I can just tell her that I put xx amount into the cake?

I deal with the same thing.......I made a very big cake for a family memeber one time and never got a dime...so from then out I tell family....sure, I'll make the kids' cake (only 1/2 sheet or a double layer 10' round, that's my size limit too!!) but that's our gift to him/her.

So, I guess you'll just have to cut your losses up to this point and then just start saying something like that. Hope it works.....it should. If not, then she can get a cake from Wally World or something and you can just bring a present and spend a lot less time and money on the ungrateful ones and they can eat....BLAH cake!!

Just my 2 cents!!

"And if she doesn't talk to you for 4-5 months.... is it really a bad thing? lol I mean if she's that much of a biotch that she can't understand you have bills to pay and each and every cake you make creates new bills that need to be paid.... then she isn't worth having around anyway."

I agree with this. When are the b-days? Maybe you could tick her off now and she won't be speaking to you when they roll around!

I'm not serious...then your neice and nephew (and you) are punished for her irrationality. I imagine you enjoy making the cakes and I agree with the person who stated that maybe the cakes could be your gift and you could just explain that it's expensive to make that large of a cake (she can call some bakeries and get pricing) so you'll have to do either the cake OR gifts or you have to be compensated for the cake if you're expected to give a gift as well.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. However, I do think you need to work it out now b/c the longer she gets free cakes, the more she's going to expect them and the madder she'll be when you do have to "cut her off." Good luck. I hope she is reasonable when you speak to her.

When she ask, you should said, no problem I'll make a very special cake as her bday gift..... She will love it!
And that's it, no more talking.

My aunt did a surprise party for my uncle a few weeks ago and she ask me to make the cake and thats what I told her and she was happy about it.
The cake was a hit, everyone loved it and they thanked me.

What if you gave her a choice? Just say money is tight this year, and ask which gift she/kids would like more, one of your really cool themed cakes, or a wrapped gift? Just say it really lighthearted and make them sound equally desirable, but since its a choice she'll have to choose one of them.

That might come across better than actually asking for money after you've been doing them for free all this time.

Make the cake and come to the party without a gift and when something is said just say oh the cake is my gift.

HERE IS WHAT I DO....I MAKE ALL THE FAMILY CAKES FOR FREE. HOWEVER THEY DON'T HAVE A SAY IN WHAT I MAKE. IF IT IS A THEME OF SOME SORT I'LL TRY TO MATCH IT, BUT MY WAY. IF THEY DON'T LIKE THAT THEY CAN GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. NO ONE EVER HAS.
BUT IF YOUR BROTHER AND HIS WIFE HAVE THAT MUCH JERK GENE BETWEEN THEM I DON'T THINK WHAT YOU DO WOULD REALLY MATTER. YOUR WAY OR BY DOING WHAT THEY WANT ARE THEY EVER SATISFIED. I WOULD'NT WORRY ABOUT IT. LET THEM TELL YOU WHAT THEY WANT AND THEN MAKE WHAT YOU WANT TO. WHEN THEY START TO COMPLAIN, JUST TELL THEM THATS NOT ALLOWED UNTLI THEY START TO LAY OUT SOME MONEY.

Here is my small piece of advise - just kindly and respectfully tell her the truth. Tell her that money is tight and that you would love to make the kids' cake and (this is where the "kill them with kindness comes in") if okay with her, that will be your gift to them. If she balks at that, then just say - no problem, I will make the kids their cake but unfortunately, you will have to pay for the supplies and then I can make them a special cake and get them gifts. In this way, honesty and respectfullness is on your side, you won't go broke and you can lay your head on your pillow at night knowing you have stuck to your guns without any nastiness.

When my SIL asked if I could make it, I told her I would be happy to make it as his GIFT.

Though I thought I would have received at least a little thank you note or something afterward....! I even decided to buy a gift too. Anyway I dont think it was that they didnt appreciate it, but I dont think they got that it took me 10 hours to complete and I was up until 2 am finishing it, drove the cake 2.5 hours away. It makes me realize that I need to make sure I thank people properly.

Since it sounds like she's the type who is taking advantage of the situation .....

"Hey, Sis! You're making the birthday cake again this year for my kid, right?

"Sure I can! How much were you looking to spend?"

Sorry, but this is just odd to me. I can't imagine allowing my family to pressure me like that, or make me feel bad for not buying a gift if I make the cake, etc. Maybe I am just too straight forward. It sounds as if your SIL has been a problem in the past so why do you let her continue to have control over your emotions? If I am asked to make a cake, by a family member for a family member, it wouldn't even cross my mind to take a gift as well, let alone feel bad for not taking one. What are they going to do, ask me why didn't you bring a gift?!? I wish they would!!!

Probably not much help for you, but you really gotta let go of the fear of making people upset at you.

Crissy

I have been in the same situation you are. I have made my husband's niece and my nephew's bday cakes since I have been decorating, for free of course and buying gifts on top of that. Well last year money was super tight and I just couldn't afford to buy gifts and cake supplies. So I explained to my sister and she paid me, no problem. Then it came time for my husband's niece's birthday. Once again the story of no money but still would make the cake for cost of supplies. Well sil said no money too. Never did get reimbursed for supplies. Like you said, never once do you hear "thank you". So this year if she wants a cake she will pay what I would ask anyone else to pay because I will not be volunteering to do it for free.

i would make her pay for the cost, or tell her not to expect a gift. i have an uncle and aunt that are the same way, they thrive in the drama, i swear i dont think that they have ever gotten along with everyone in the family at the same time. they got mad at me like 2 years ago and i havent talked to them since. i refuse to kiss up to them or walk on egg shells around them like everyone else does, when they showed up to the family christmas party last year they got upset because i didnt make them a basket of cookies, and candies, but instead of saying something to me they sent their kids(my cousins) to aks why they didnt get any cookies or presents, i havent seen these people in 2 years and they think that i should make them something????

anyway got a lil off subject, if she gets mad and doesnt want to talk to you then let her be that way shes probably not bringing anything good into your like anyway.

i would make her pay for the cost, or tell her not to expect a gift. i have an uncle and aunt that are the same way, they thrive in the drama, i swear i dont think that they have ever gotten along with everyone in the family at the same time. they got mad at me like 2 years ago and i havent talked to them since. i refuse to kiss up to them or walk on egg shells around them like everyone else does, when they showed up to the family christmas party last year they got upset because i didnt make them a basket of cookies, and candies, but instead of saying something to me they sent their kids(my cousins) to aks why they didnt get any cookies or presents, i havent seen these people in 2 years and they think that i should make them something????

anyway got a lil off subject, if she gets mad and doesnt want to talk to you then let her be that way shes probably not bringing anything good into your like anyway.

i would make her pay for the cost, or tell her not to expect a gift. i have an uncle and aunt that are the same way, they thrive in the drama, i swear i dont think that they have ever gotten along with everyone in the family at the same time. they got mad at me like 2 years ago and i havent talked to them since. i refuse to kiss up to them or walk on egg shells around them like everyone else does, when they showed up to the family christmas party last year they got upset because i didnt make them a basket of cookies, and candies, but instead of saying something to me they sent their kids(my cousins) to aks why they didnt get any cookies or presents, i havent seen these people in 2 years and they think that i should make them something????

anyway got a lil off subject, if she gets mad and doesnt want to talk to you then let her be that way shes probably not bringing anything good into your like anyway.

i would make her pay for the cost, or tell her not to expect a gift. i have an uncle and aunt that are the same way, they thrive in the drama, i swear i dont think that they have ever gotten along with everyone in the family at the same time. they got mad at me like 2 years ago and i havent talked to them since. i refuse to kiss up to them or walk on egg shells around them like everyone else does, when they showed up to the family christmas party last year they got upset because i didnt make them a basket of cookies, and candies, but instead of saying something to me they sent their kids(my cousins) to aks why they didnt get any cookies or presents, i havent seen these people in 2 years and they think that i should make them something????

anyway got a lil off subject, if she gets mad and doesnt want to talk to you then let her be that way shes probably not bringing anything good into your like anyway.