I don't know really know where to start. I am not happy where we live (Modesto, CA). We moved here in 2002. I have worked 1 job in the whole time. I stay home with our 4 kids. All day, everyday. I have no friends. The only friend I have is one from when I was younger. But she lives all the way in WVa. Can't talk to her all the time. I have looked and looked and looked for a job. My family is not here. My husband has his family and they say that they will help but they don't. I have suggested we move back to WA but my husband wants nothing to do with it. He says there are no jobs there....but HELLO Portland, OR has tons of jobs. We used to live in Vancouver, WA. So Portland is right over the border. I am not happy at all, and I don't know what to do. I can't find a job. I need help with my kids. (My husband works 2 jobs about 16 hours a day, with 1 whole day off). I just need to know what everyone thinks. I don't want to live in this town anymore. Thank you for listening to me.

Rosie

Do you home-school the kids? What ages are they? The reason I ask is that I have some very nice relationships with the mothers of my children's classmates over the past 2 years. How about church or temple? Neighbors?

You do have a job...the hardest in the world, I might add. Do you need to find a job for financial reasons? If the family says they will help...believe me, they will not ask you...it is up to you to ask them...or have your husband ask them. Tell them you need help. There is no shame in that....the worst thing they can say is no.

I don't know much about your situation...but I feel terrible that you are not happy.

Thanks for responding, adven68. My kids are 6, 3, 2, and 1. My oldest is on Summer vacation from school. He just finished kindergarten. I tried to go to my son's class to volunteer, but the day that could go is my husband's only day off. So that is the day that we do all of our running around. I make all doctor appointments that day. So maybe, just maybe my husband will watch the other kids. I want to find a job 1) for financial reasons, 2) for some "adult" time, and 3) just to get out of the house. I was thinking about maybe going to school again. But then we have to worry about paying that back if I didn't get a job right after finishing school.

The only way my husbands family will watch our kids is if we have a very good reason. If we want to just go to eat (my husband and I) they won't watch them. Like if we have to take our daughter to an appt. at the Children't Hospital in Madera, CA then maybe they will watch them. Otherwise I just have to take them everywhere I go. Even sometimes when my husband is home, I have to take them. I just don't know what to do. I am tired of being at home ALL the time and being depressed like this. Thank you again for responding to me.

First of all big hugs to you girl!!!! 2nd of all you do have the MOST important job (IMO) of anybody and that is being a mommy!!!!! So don't say you don't have a job because you do. A extremely hard one at that (just doesn't pay very well) . I know about the financial strain, I am also in that situation. I can't find a job anywhere, I live in a rural area and jobs are more than a hour away! I am also sorry you are unhappy where you live and it sounds as though your inlaws aren't very supportive. You and your DH need the time alone and if they were supportive at all then you would have a babysitter at a drop of a hat (but who am I to talk, my MIL is from HELL). I sure feel for you and I really have no advice but please feel free to vent to your CC family anytime !!!!!! We are here to listen! (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))

try church or google play groups in your area. I don't know what I would do wiithout mine. Hope it gets better soon.

Oh Rosie, I'm so sorry. I think I'd do what heavenscent suggested. Google for play groups or see if you can find special needs parents that you might connect with as friends; maybe you'll find some people that need the odd time sitter as well and you could help each other out. If finding a job is what you think will make you happier, go for it. Although, I do agree w/ the post about being a mommy being a full time job. It's tiring! I hope you find the solution and remember that you have friends here at Cake Central. You can always message me anytime and if you'd like you can even IM w/ me if you want to talk kids or just about any old thing. I mean that...

Your friend,

Lynda

Thank you everyone!! I am feeling better today. I just wish sometimes my husband would apologize for his stupid actions. My oldest is starting soccer on the 28th. It's about 40 min every Sat. That will be fun for him. I am planning on going to the library on Thurs. to see if they have anything there that we could all do as a family. I do drive, but my husband usually takes the car to work, and if I need it I take the bus (with all 4 kids) and get the car. I was taking a parenting class here but when we got back from vacation they were done, and I have been calling but they can't seem to give me any straight answers so I have given up on them. It was nice too. The class was about 2 hours and they had free child-care. Not only for the class but for anyone who qualified for it. If you needed time to yourself then you could take your kids. If you wanted to look for a job, then you could take the kids there. They were really good. But since they can't seem to get their stuff straight. Thank you again everyone.

Rosie

I feel for you . . . I lived in Stockton and I understand what its like living in that end of the valley.

The job market in that area is horrible! I didn't really make friends living up there either . . . I didn't have much in common with anyone, didn't like the things they did for "fun" . . . *sigh*.

Have you considered moving to another part of the valley? Fresno isn't very far and the quality of life there is completely different. I lived in Clovis for years--before and after Stockton--and I loved it. Its so family oriented, very laid back, safe, theres a lot to offer kids and parents socially, great schools, beautiful homes, etc. The job market there is so much better too.

Why not try babysitting in your home . . . put up flyers at church or something? I met some of my friends locally by attending some of the scrapbook classes at the local store in my area . . . I took a cooking class at the local school . . . there are lots of different classes offered through your city that other moms get into as well.

Good luck . . . I really hated living in that area and am so glad I got out of there.

Hi Rosie--

Glad you're feeling a bit better today. I definitely understand the isolation you feel. I used to work full time and now I stay home with my two boys - they are 4 and 2. While I don't miss working, I do miss the people I worked with. But.... I call my friends constantly.

We just moved a few months ago, and now my friends with kids who used to all be 5 - 10 minutes away are almost an hour away. I've been driving around trying to find playgrounds for the kids....so I do get to talk to some moms there. Another option is if you have a mall around you. They all have playgrounds these days - also a good place for the kids to get some energy out and chat with other moms.

Something else that helped me was getting a webcam (I always thought they were wierd).... but now my faraway friends all have one (all over the country)... and I feel so much better when we talk with the webcams. You can get a decent one for pretty cheap now.

Hope things get better for you - PM me if you ever need someone to chat with!!!!
Denise