My husband and I have a daughter who turned 2 in March. She is a very smart little girl. She does tons of puzzles and can work any electronic device in our home...lol. She has yet to really start talking though. She communicates well with gestures and she can follow instructions well. Anyways, she stayed with his parents for three nights and when they brought her home they could not stop talking about how well she did with potty training and with behaving etc...but then we get a call from her the following day. She is in total hysterics and is completely convinced that Stella is autistic, being abused at daycare, or has a brain tumor. I am totally serious with this. She really thinks that one of these things is going on. She hasn't said it, but I know she blames a lot of this on my not being a stay at home mom. I am the main moneymaker for our household, and we pay quite a bit for so that she can be in a good daycare. I just don't know what to do. She has always been a little *off*, but she is totally insulting our abilities as a parent. I am really beginning to get nervous about letting our daughter stay with her. I don't think she would hurt her, but I wonder sometimes if she wouldn't like to try to get custody of her. There is no way that that would happen, but she is so sneaky and manipulative.

Sorry this is so long, but I needed to vent. There is just so much more that I didn't put in. I try to put up with her but this is ridiculous.

Wow. Well, first of all, as long as your daughter is at level in all other aspects, I wouldn't worry about her talking. My son didn't start talking at all until he was almost two. By the time he was three he had learned how to read and at four do simple math and now he's five and won't stop talking. EVER. Some kids are just late bloomers, and as long as she is developing normal in other areas, I wouldn't spend a minute worrying about it.
As for your MIL, what does DH say about it, since it's his mother? If your uncomfortable at all, there's no reason for your daughter to have unsupervised visits with her. Family or not, you're her mother and you get to make that decision. Also, she's not your mother. You do not have to listen to insults, even if they're implied. When she calls, hand the phone to DH. If he doesn't want to talk to her, that's his decision.
Good luck!! I hope it gets better soon.

All of my kids were late talkers (around the age of 3) and now I can't get them to stop My 5 year old was unable to hear until he had surgery to correct it just before the age of one. He was way behind in speach and my MIL said the exact same things yours is right now. It got so bad that I once had to throw my MIL out of my house because she was driving me nuts and almost had me in tears. MY DH actually told her that unless she settled down and realized that we are the kids parents and not her and that they are 100% healthy than she wouldn't be able to see them without us there to supervise. At the first mention of it, she would have to leave.
This worked for us, of course there were moments when we had to ask her to leave and she was absolutely shocked that we would follow through with what we said. Needless to say it didn't take long for her to keep quiet. I love my MIL very much though so that's why it hurt to hear her say those things, not to mention they were about my babies! Best of luck. Talk to DH and make sure you are all on the same page with whatever you decide.

Thanks for the reply. She is very social and has GREAT motor skills. She is quite the tumbler. She is very affectionate and loving. She is our only child, and of course I think she is brilliant. His mother is ADAMANT (sp) that there is something wrong with her. She just kept going on that she was so beautiful...but apparently she thinks she has some sort of mental disability. My DH has always kind of taken up for her, but the has been the final straw for him. He is very protective of her. What kills me is that his brother and his wife fight constantly. They have both filed bankruptcy in the past two years. They both drink and have done large amounts of drugs in the recent past. They have a daughter who is 7 months younger than ours, and our parenting skills get compared negatively with theirs because her mother keeps their daughter in her home not a daycare. It also gets brought up too that they have a nicer home and cars. Well you know if I didn't pay my bills and filed bankruptcy I guess I could do that too. Anyway, he told her this last time that we would call her when we felt that we wanted to talk to her again. I was really happy that he realized how unreasonable she was being. At least there is that!

Just as long as your DH and you are on the same page than you'll be fine. Sounds like everything will be ok in the long run. Maybe it's just time someone put grandma in her place (like her son) when she brings it up again. Not him yelling and swearing but just stating the facts. Just like the ones you just posted about.

Your daughter sounds like a girl my son goes to school with. She is 6 now. But her mom said she talked kinda late like at 3or 4 years old. She is a very smart girl (and an only child). So maybe your daughter just doesn't want to talk. My daughter is almost 2 and she doesn't talk either. But she has CP. If her regular doctor thinks she is fine, then don't worry what your MIL says. She might just be crazy. I don't want to be mean, but...... The little girl I was talking about just one day started talking out of the blue and now she won't "shut-up" as her mom puts it. If you are worried about it then ask her doctor to look at her or refer her to a Speech Therapist. My daughter is working with a Speech Therapist. They tested her first to see if she really had a problem or not. It doesn't hurt for them to look at your daughter. She'll talk when she is ready too. Also I have heard that the youngest doesn't usually talk as soon as the oldest (in my case she is the youngest of 4 and the only girl). Anyways. Ask her doctor if you are really worried.

Rosie

Does her doctor see a problem? If not I wouldn't worry and would tell my MIL to mind her own buisness.
I know that my cousin-in-law's youngest child was a late talker but they didn't refer him to therapy until he was just a couple months shy of 3.

My daughters teacher says that some kids don't talk when they are the youngest until they are ready. My boys talked when they were about 10 to 12 months old, mbelgard. I don't think it is true that the youngest will talk when they are ready. My mom's youngest sister talked early too. My daughter means well, but some of the stuff she says is hard to believe.

If you want to see if her hearing is okay, just walk up behind her and clap your hands and see if she responds. If she does, then she probably is just not talking because she communicates in other ways. My nephew's child uses sign language and he just turned one. It is less frustrating for children to use sign language than to verbalize. Maybe people are giving her what she wants and she just doesn't feel the need to talk. Does she make any noise? I would have her hearing checked if you have any doubts and if all checks out fine then just ignore your MIL. Hope all turns out fine.

Her doctor has scheduled an appointment to check her hearing, but I don't really think that is the problem. She responds well to what you say to her, even if you don't use gestures. She is very strong willed. I think she's being stubborn about it. My husband and I try to get her to communicate what she wants verbally, but she will get frustrated and go do whatever it is for herself. She has figured out all the gates, latches, etc. in the house. She knows how to find things in the refrigerator, and she has figured out the tv, vcr, and dvd player. She is just very independent. I spend a lot of time just following her around while she does her thing. She does like to play too though. She has a pretend kitchen and will cook things and then make you pretend to eat them. She also has this coreography thing she does whenever she hears the intro music to Dora the Explorer. I think she will talk when she is ready, but it really sucks that her grandmother thinks that she is retarded or that she has some kind of brain tumor.

I think your mil wants to be her sitter, cause she enjoys your daughter, and she probably makes her house a lot of fun when she's there. Sounds like she's really fascinated with her. Maybe she thinks If she makes daycare sound terrible, you and hubby will let her babysit her.

She's an only child, she has to be able to entertain herself, find out things for herself, etc.

As far as her talking, she will talk when she gets ready. But again, I think the grandma just want her over more often. But still you have to be protective of your child.

My son is a late talker too, he is almost 2 years old and only says a few words...this is really normal from what I can see and he has an excellent PD who isn't worried at all.

Every child is different and develops differently and I have found with my kids they each have strengths and weaknessess. Your MIL is probably just paranoid and looking for something to occupy her mind to obsess about. You could also mention to her that if there was something wrong with your daughter, your daycare provider probably would have noticed something long ago. After all they are usually professionals.

Put her in her place (or make your dh do it)...If I listened to my mil all the time I would be washing my kids clothes in tree leaves and using cloth diapers

My son is also a late talker. He is about two and a half now and has a few words, and is picking up more and more but not nearly as fast or as quick as my first son.

When he turned two, I was OBSESSED with the late talking thing. I didn't really give it a thought until I was at a playground and one of those "my-child-is-so-much-better-than-your-child" mothers asked me about his speech, and I said, 'oh he doesn't speak much yet', and she said 'really? my susie can recite lines of shakespeare and she's the same age'. I wanted to punch her lights out and crawl into a hole at the same time.

My pediatrician said that as long as he was on par with all of the other developmental milestones, not to worry. He asked about his hearing - but he can hear a snack bag crinkle from a mile away, so I know his hearing is fine. The other thing we talked about was his receptive language. The doc said that as long as he was understanding things and was able to follow simple commands that he counts that as part of speech (just receptive, in this case vs. expressive)... but it's all related.

My son is also very stubborn and strong willed. I try to get him to tell me what he wants with words, but he'll usually just get mad, grab my hand and take me to what he wants. Of course, I still worry but when I see a little word pop out of nowhere, it helps to ease my mind.

Does your MIL go on the internet a lot? I know that if you just put in the words 'late talking child' (or anything close to that), 95 percent of the things you get back will be gloom and doom (autism, brain tumor, etc). Autism has become such a huge thing these days, and the definition keeps changing - the problem is that a lot of people look and say, oh late talking is a sign of autism.... but, are all late talking kids autistic...definitely not!!!!

Maybe you could just educate her a little about late talking (Lord knows, I've done a ton of research on this, so if you need any help let me know ). Just because your daughter isn't vocalizing what she wants, doesn't mean that something has to be wrong. It's so hard not to compare kids - maybe she has a friend who's grandkid is the same age and talking up a storm... who knows. When we take them to the pediatricians, they have those checklists for everything.....well, the checklists are based on ranges that are all within the norm. Some kids will be early, some will be late.... but they are all normal.

Sorry for such a long post - definitely something near and dear to me.
Denise

Thanks everyone for all your posts. I just needed someone to say those things. In response to my MIL wanting to be a babysitter: they live over an hour away. She only sees my daughter about twice a month or so. I really think her concerns are a product of her not feeling that I am doing a good job as a mother. In her opinion, daycare is horrible, children shouldn't get dirty, God forbid they might occasionally eat a Cheerio off the floor... I still feel after 13 years of dating and almost 6 years of marriage that every time they visit my house, I am under inspection. As far as my background goes, I am a teacher with a master's degree, and I bring in a lot of our money. She is a teacher's aide with another school district and makes very little money. I really think that that is part of it too. She feels that I should be at home with my DD all day and I should keep everything immaculate, and wait on my husband hand and foot. My DH and I have a much more equal relationship as far as chore sharing etc. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but financially we can't afford it. I think she takes that as a chance to jab me because she knows it will hurt my feelings.

Well, good for DH for standing up to her. Sounds like your MIL has her own issues that she needs to work through before she can be a positive part of your lives. My kids have been in daycare since they were 2 months old and they are both perfectly fine. They do extremely well in school, they're very social and in no way harmed by not being home with me. I'm not cut out to stay at home with them, and we need my income, so it works for us. Everyone has to make their own choices and your MIL needs to realize that and mind her own business.
Another think to keep in mind about DD talking... this is not really something with talking, but my DD is a complete perfectionist and will not do anything until she's sure she can do it right. She didn't take a step until she was 16 mos., but then she never stumbled or fell. Same thing with potty training. Some kids don't want to 'try and fail' even at a young age. You never know, maybe she's lying in bed at night practicing talking until she is happy with how well she can speak! I used to catch my DD practicing walking in her crib when we weren't in the room.

Thanks again for all the replies. They have helped me very much. I really think she may just be a little crazy. She now says (in email) because my husband told her not to call, that it is because she has a some caffiene and some chocolate. In her entire life my daughter has maybe had 15 sips of Dr. Pepper. She will on occasion eat a few M&Ms, but nothing excessive. We have an appointment with her pediatrician next Thursday to have her hearing checked. I plan on discussing some of the MILs concerns. I will let you guys know how it goes.