This is a personal issue for a lot of people. I'm trying to get info. from people who have dealt with depression on any level and people who have gotten treatment for it, being successful or unsuccessful. Since this is a personal issue, don't feel like you have to go into great detail on this thread, but the more I can find out about it, the sooner I think I can start to feel better. Please pm me if you have gone through this. I normally would never discuss such a topic on a website, but it has been brought up before and the people that did respond were so understanding and supportive the original poster. I've become a little on the reclusive side and joke with my husband that you guys are my window to the world. Pathetic on my part, but a compliment to you all.
Thanks so much,
Amy

I have been dealing with depression for 6 years now, since my 1st son was born. I was taking meds after my daughter was born and they seemed to be helping. But since I have no medical insurance, I couldn't get more after it ran out. I know that it was working because I wasn't yelling so much, I was happier. But when I am not on the meds I yell alot (which I don't like to do), and I am not as happy. Sometimes I just want to run away, but I can't. I have 4 kids and I know that it's not good when I yell so much. If only I could get insurance and get back on the meds then things would be better. Oh by the way, my daughter is now 20 months old. I was on the meds for about 3 months after she was born. I hope you feel better.

Rosie

I feel like I've definitely got issues, anxiety and stress moreso than depression but it's all a mix. I have so little patience at times and get so overwhelmed at the smallest things. I can't tell you how many nights I've sat up after the kids were in bed thinking how the next day would be better, I wouldn't get so stressed or show so little patience (though, holy cow, I wish they'd be up at nights thinking about how they won't whine and pout and won't fight so much, LOL! They're only 4 and 2 1/2 so I know there's a long road ahead!). I know I'm not being the best me that I can be and I hate that but I feel like I have no control sometimes.

I also have anxiety issues that are becoming more intrusive. I have issues with hypochondria to an extent and fearing death / illness. It's about to drive me crazy as I dissect every little symptom and fear the worst all the time. I also find myself being less social and comfortable than I used to be.

I am not taking any meds. - my OB recently had a long talk with me about it and how if I had any other physical ailment (and yes, the anxiety / depression / whatever it is definitely manifests itself physically, too - I can tell sometimes when I wake up in the morning what kind of day I'm going to have as it feels like I'm vibrating from the inside out and l feel almost electrified / hypersensitive / way on edge before I even get out of bed in the morning) but anyway, he tried to explain that if I had anything wrong physically and I knew there was a pill out there that could make me better, I wouldn't hesitate to take it but for some reason when you're talking about mental / psychological issues, people are reluctant to take that step. That is so true and for me, it has much more to do with the fact that there are no tests out there to regulate brain chemistry. If I could take a series of tests that would show hormonal imbalances (raging PMS / PMDD / PM-whatever!) or chemical imbalances, or neurons misfiring I would totally fill a prescription that same day. But I'm not comfortable with the shot-in-the-dark type of strategy where we assume that Pill X or Pill Y will make me feel better. I hate medicating without a solid indication of what is wrong and unfortunately, medicine just isn't there yet. And some of the drugs out there have some heavy duty side effects, too.

Probably a lot more info. than you wanted but yes, in a nutshell, I'm coming from a very similar vantage point without much of a clue as to where to go from here. What are you struggling with?

i also suffer from major depression.

I have many things that have added to mine. I use to hate talking about it but now after seeing many people and councilling/therepy etc i have learnt that everyone pretty much suffers it at some stage.

Mines been caused by many things like.....abuse from my father, abusive now ex partners, a mother who was ashamed of me, being overweight, surviving a housefire which i ended up with a cracked tailbone, loosing jobs, being ripped off from my ex, & money struggles....

I was recently diagnosed with bi-polar.. For months i thought that people would look at me like i was a deadly disease. But i had to end up talking to a couple of people at work abotu it (boss and 2 people i work closly with) and they were upset that i hadnt told them earlier. They fully understand now how i feel and some days i will have bad days. On those days if i feel really bad i can come and go from work pretty much as i need to.

I feel fine about talking to people about it as i find it does tend to help with the depression, anxiety and other associated things.

I use to get really worked up over the smallest of things and use to cry for hours and hours about nothing really....

I spend years going to various people and taking medication, While the medication worked it didnt help me work through the problem. Ive only ever had one lady who has helped me through this. I have my last appointment with her comming up in a week or so.

Thanks to her i have learnt to control my temper and mood swings alot more and realise that one bad day aint going to ruin my life like i use to think.

It is sad that people have to go through depression. But life is NEVER 100% happy and easy is it?

If anyone ever needs to talk about anything i am happy to talk in PM or emails or on msn. Being in New Zealand is prolly hard with the time differences but i will try my best.

*Huge hugs to everyone out there that has any sort of mental health* Just remember tho everyone is important and the world wouldnt be as great as it is without you!

BTW im not asking for any sympothy. I often find that people say sorry that that happened to you and you shouldnt ahve to go through it. which yes its true, No one should have to go through it but the way i see it really, Id rather i go through it than my family (esp my little sister and brother) or someone i love dearly. But if they do go through it they know i am there to help

You know I TOTALLY understand what each of you are saying. I too have had depression, anxity, panic attacks, sucidal thoughts.....

I was hospitalized for it all. In & out of the hospital for 9 months. The depression meds did not work for me. I ended up having ECT treatments (shock treatment) they were a LIFE saver!

I used to constantly tell myself "I am not happy" or "my life is not perfect enough" there for I bought things to try to make myself "happy" all those things did not work for me.

What did work for me was thanking God for everything that I have. Jesus has been the miracle (sp?) healer in this ALL with out him I would be DEAD.

Its been 4 1/2 years sine I have been totally off of my medication. Praise Jesus!

Thank eack one you for sharing your stories. My each of our trials be healing & comforting to one another

I feel that I am going through this.

This winter was terrible for me. I find myself getting out of bed and immediately dreading facing the day and going to work. The summer sun has helped with that so I think it might have a lot to do with the lack of sun here in PA where I am at as opposed to FL where I wish I were.

I am not wanting to go on meds and I really don't have the money to see a doctor about it, either.

I find myself taking things too personally, especially with my husband. I am also having problems dealing with my new "supervisor" at work and his attitude toward me, which I find very confusing.

This is the first job I have held onto for more than a year in all of the time I have been working. I have been here for three years now, and it is only because of the benefits that I have stayed. I just find it comforting that I can go to the doctor if needed. And the dentist.

I am very anxious all of the time and I also have had thoughts that I would be better off dead. Then I can rest instead of this constant working all of the time. If something is going well, I am waiting for something to come along and mess it up (and it always seems to). Hubby says I am the eternal pessimist.

Well, that is probably enough from me. Now I will have to change my user name.

the way my doc explained it to me was that my sartonan(spelling?) level was going up and down and all over the place. the reasons, stress, pms, perimenopause and that can happen early and last for years so she has told me. i hated to look at myself in the mirror, i hated going anywhere, i couldn't remember the last time i laughed. it was rediculous and that is exactly what i told my doc. she prescribed lexapro. and let me tell you, it is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wonderful to look in the mirror and like myself and have a self esteem again. there are alot of different signs of depression. and there is no shame in asking for help. sometimes i think because we are woman(not to say men don't have stress in their lives) but we do soooo much and try to be so many things, that we do lose who we are and are very unforgiving of ourselves. unlike men who most of the time just think about something for a second and then throw it away. we disect everything. if you feel you need help then do so. it is the greatest thing i did.

born2bake4u - How did you KNOW about your seratonin levels, though? The biggest hurdle I can't seem to get over is the fact that there isn't a test that tells you exactly what's wrong when it comes to this kind of thing. I guess it's somewhat trial and error and you just have to try things and see if anything works but I'm such a black and white person sometimes that I just want someone to tell me if my hormones are out of whack or if my brain is misfiring or if I'm producing too much of this or not enough of that . . . I don't deal well with suppositions which is one of my downfalls in this whole thing.

How long was it before you started to feel better? How often do you need to change your dosage (is it the kind of thing where you get used to what you're taking and slowly have to keep increasing it?)? Will this "fix" your levels so you can wean off of it in time or do you take it indefinitely?

I too suffered with Anxiety/panic attacks andhave been on paxil for almost 2 years now.It has helped me tremendously!!! I used to feel like a caged animal in my own home and no control over my feelings or body.I didn't want to leave the house..my heart would pound so bad I thought I was having a heart attack! My Dr. too said it was an imbalance of hormones which apparently is quite commom for woman after having children.That is why the post partum blues is becoming such an important issues with new moms as it directly affects your seratonan level and in a sense makes you crazy.It took about 1 month to kick in but I tell you..It felt like night and day...That drastic of a change!! I now am trying to wean off of the paxil as it can be quite addicting and I want to try Homoepathic medicine.Keep talking to your Dr..There is no shame in asking for help and taking medication!!

it is a non habit forming drug. in about four days i noticed a difference but it took a full two weeks to totally get it into my blood stream. the doctor said that it actually helps you to build the levels so in about a year i can start to ween(spelling?) myself off. your body only absorbs what it needs and lets the rest pass. its not harmful to your kidneys or liver. i asked tons of questions before i started it. the way she explained it to me is like this. if you have a death in the family your seratonan level drops but eventually levels back off. with all the stress and stuff i had she said mine was just going up and down and all over the place. this stuff helped to level me out. i still get mad and upset. but not at the drop of a hat. i don't let things bother me like i use to either. talk to your doctor. mine was wonderful. she has always been patient and listened to all i had to say i have sat in her office for an hour just talking about the meds, and to make sure i new all the reactions. i dont like to take anything either. but when you can't stand yourself and you are usually a very upbeat person who laughs all the time . you know there is something that needs to be done. sorry i didn't respond, i had to where i would be notified but it didn't notify me. hope this helps.oh and you don't have to increase it . i haven't i think its only 10 mg. which isn't much i take it before bed. oh and i wasn't sleeping either. that was a huge problem. after about a week i slept sooooo much better. all i can do is recommend its totally up to you and your choices. good luck though.

Wow . . . that's totally part of what scares me. Not that I necessarily think that all medications are bad or that people shouldn't take them because I do believe that they are warranted in some cases. But in my case, there are only suppositions and I have read the warnings about suicidal tendencies and they've scared me enough to be hesitant. I have also read that good diet, exercise, and sleep patterns can help tremendously so I feel like I need to start getting to bed earlier, cut out the caffeine, and to work out on a regular basis and see where that gets me before turning to anything else. I just know that I would hate to look back on these years and regret that I wasn't more happy and energetic for my two little guys. I feel like being able to be a SAHM is such a tremendous gift and I'm not cherishing the moments as much as I should because my patience level isn't very high a lot of the times. And I want to go to bed most nights feel like I had a GOOD day and feeling happy and at peace with myself.

tbroskoski - thank goodness your husband was in tune enough to you to keep you safe. How are you doing now? What coping mechanisms have helped you the most?

For me, I always feel much happier and calm when I exercise on a (at least semi-) regular basis, especially doing yoga.
I had a period of just total out and out crankiness, bitterness, everything and everyone bothered me. I realized I hadn't been exercising at all, and didn't do any yoga either. I started going to the class on a regular basis, and it wasn't a week before I felt more like myself again. Even if I skip for two weeks, I start to feel kinda crappy. It's almost the same effect as a drug might have in that respect, but there are no strange chemicals involved and only good side effects.

I've read lots of tid-bits in magazines and online that suggest exercise to help with depression. May be worth looking into if you're not already.

I'm no expert, but I work in the medical field and "hear" things. If you had that kind of reaction to Lexapro, then you were on the wrong drug for you (possibly misdiagnosed even, which is common since like someone else said there isn't a test to determine exactly what is wrong). Yes, you are right, pills are not good for everyone and sometimes we do run to pills to try and solve things without working through them first, but for some severely ill people, pills or even injections are the only way for them to stay balanced.

I personally suffer severe anxiety, no self-confidence, etc. I work at home now which I thought was a dream, but has only added to my anxiety. If it wasn't for my son, I probably would never leave the house. I tried Paxil in the past, but I'm so bad at taking pills and would never remember to take them, so was only on it for a few months. My family noticed that I was happier while taking Paxil. I had a seizure disorder as a child and also suffered anorexia (some say epilepsy, eating disorders, and anxiety are all related). I don't know if I will ever try medication because the anxiety of going to the drugstore to pick it up would probably kill me!

It's great to know that I am not the only one who has issues with anxiety/depression. I actually posted another topic tonight about my being "down in the dumps". I hadn't found this thread before I posted it. No one has replied yet!!!!!

Anyway, I too take medication for my GAD. It's supposed to "bring me down"!!!! I definately noticed when it started to work when I started taking it just about five years ago now. Interesting this all started right after my first son was born (with a heart defect) and just two weeks after my mother died. But anyway, I have switched my meds a few times in the last five years and now I am beginning to think that I have built up an immunity to these meds and they just don't work for me any more. I still get irritated at tiny things. I blow up more than I should at certain situations. I especially blow up at my kids when I know better than to do that but I just can't stop it. I don't think before I react.

I've thought about just weaning myself off of meds but my family especially my husband tells me "NO"! Am I really that bad without it? When I have an exceptionally TOUGH and FRUSTRATING day and I talk to my hubby or my sister about it the first thing they ask me ALWAYS is "Did you take your medication today?" WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??? Am I really THAT bad??

I was first put on Paxil and that seemed to work but my libido went in the TOILET and it started to affect my marriage or at least my intimate life with my husband and then it filtered out of the bedroom into other parts of our marriage. I was then weaned off of Paxil and started taking Welbutrin XL and eventually only Welbutrin XL. With that I noticed some of my obsessive compulsive issues were coming to surface and were REALLY annoying. So much so that I was in tears.

Soooooooooooooooooooooo I was taken off of XL and then put on a twice a day Welbutrin and a low dose of Prozac which I remain on today but now it's like THAT's not even working for me any more. Have I just replaced other anxieties with new ones? It's really annoying. It's so tiring to be me!!!!!!!!!

I do have days where NOTHING and I mean NOTHING interests me. I don't want to leave the house, I don't want to play with my kids, I don't want to cook, clean, watch TV, read or even sit down. Relaxing, now that's totally out of the question. My mind is always busy with something and that's very annoying.

It's so easy to become overwhelmed. I just have to pray that the days gets over with quickly and that tomorrow will be a new day. Prayer doesn't hurt either.


Amy