Mil Is At It Again "you Got A Kitchen, But He's Not A G
Lounge By berryblondeboys Updated 3 Jul 2007 , 3:58am by AmandaPanda
OK... I should have known it was coming, as when I bought my older son an apron when he was 3, she said, "Oh, you are trying to make him into a girl!" I was LIVID (plus she said it in front of Adrian).
Now, I bought secondhand a pottery barn Metro kitchen (it's navy blue and stainless stee with red accents - not girly at ALL). I got it for a STEAL and will be able to resell it when he's done with it for what Ipaid or more - so it's all good in my department. MIL, in her "snide" way asks, 'so you did you buy this from a little girl?" and it gave me GREAT satisfaction to say, "No, actually I bought it from a family with a 6 year old boy." Then I got after her a bit. I said, "why are kitchens only for little girls. Don't you think boys like to play in kitchens too? Don't you remember how Adrian loved helpign me in the kitchen"? She was shakign her head in a mortified way and like "I've never HEARD of such a thing.."
Now, I understand that she is 72 years old... but... she is from Europe - from a capital city, from the HEART of the capital.... she was a doctor, she divorced her husband and raised her son alone... She is a PSYCHIATRIST!!!! (and neurologist) now, of ALLLLLLL people who I would have thought would want to break stereotypes, I thought it would be her, but she is soooooooooooo traditional (wife in kitchen, man sitting on couch) that's scary... and NO WONDER I'm always fighting that with DH too...
So... that's what the poll is about too... WOULD YOU BUY A BOY A TOY KITCHEN if space and money weren't an issue? My Dh thinks it's great... why then was she trying to get him to play with a truck instead of the microwave? LOL
I just LUV your MIL stories!
I had the opposite problem. When hubby and I married, my oldest was 10. His family was SO excited about having a little girl to buy for. At Christmas, they called to find out what she liked and I said she likes clothes and games. The caller said, "We were thinking My Little Pony?" I quickly said, 'OH MY GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" My daughter NEVER was a girly-girl. She was a total tomboy. She would have gotten violently ill had she opened something as girly as My Little Pony! 
It's ironically funny now .... her 5 year old is a girly girl. Drives my daughter nuts!
My grandson (2) plays with his sister (4) in their "kitchen".
Also taught both my sons to cook (successfully) and bake (not so much) so they wouldn't have to get married because they were hungry!
Both are better cooks than their wives, and each is a manly man, but both learned from Mom that there's no such thing as "woman's" work.
There's only work in keeping a household running - and they need to do their share.
HTH
If cooking was only for girls than someone better notify the Food Network because they sure have a lot of male chefs who can cook on there 
Males dominate the field as far as culinary goes. However, women are catching up!
I have 2 girls and 2 boys and they are each in the kitchen to help me. I want my boys to know how to cook so it's not all up to their wives when they get married. It's a positive skill to have!
I wish my DH cooked!
I just LUV your MIL stories!
I had the opposite problem. When hubby and I married, my oldest was 10. His family was SO excited about having a little girl to buy for. At Christmas, they called to find out what she liked and I said she likes clothes and games. The caller said, "We were thinking My Little Pony?" I quickly said, 'OH MY GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" My daughter NEVER was a girly-girl. She was a total tomboy. She would have gotten violently ill had she opened something as girly as My Little Pony!
It's ironically funny now .... her 5 year old is a girly girl. Drives my daughter nuts!
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I really, really should write a book about my MIL. She doesn't "try" to be the most obnoxious person in the world, but she SURE IS...
She was here tonight because DH had that awful Tushy surgery today and AMAZINGLY she didn't insist on going with him and waited patiently at home and didn't come over until teh heat subsided a bit, but in her 30 minutes here she irritated DH so much that he asked her to leave... We'll see how tomorrow goes. I'm taking DH to MILs tomorrow so she can pamper him while I take Adrian to TKD and a birthday party and drag the little guy around. I didn't feel right leaving DH alone for so much when he really is miserable (Imagine your A-hole being stitched all the way around = inside and out OUCH!!!)
Melissa
I don't see anything wrong with a boy having a toy kitchen. Does your MIL think it's wrong for a girl to learn to pump gas or mow the lawn?
I don't see anything wrong with a boy having a toy kitchen. Does your MIL think it's wrong for a girl to learn to pump gas or mow the lawn?
you know.. i don't know WHAT she thinks... I "think" she thinks women are supposed to be able to do it all - cook, clean, take care of the kids and work. Men, I think, are just supposed to work at their job because she doesn't think my DH needs to do anything. She always wants him to hire people to do odd jobs around the house too... Garbage too is "women's work". He doesn't grill, I do. He doesn't do anythign in the garden because I wanted it, so it's mine... even when it's shoveling time, she thinks we both should do it... so I don't know! Girls can probably have all the boys toys, but boys are supposed to be "men".
Hmmm... maybe that's why she was married three times and she NEVER lived with a man for more than a year??? (and there were more "friends" in her past too - she didn't marry them all).
Melissa
....Hmmm... maybe that's why she was married three times and she NEVER lived with a man for more than a year??? (and there were more "friends" in her past too - she didn't marry them all).
OMG, then why are you spending ANY time worrying about what this woman thinks? I'd be tempted to suggest she clean up her own act before she start handing out advice or opinions.
But I understand .... when it's in your face everyday...... 
I am so grateful to my MIL that she tought her son how to cook, now my husband is a better cook than I am. When/if I have sons I will definetely teach them to cook everything I know so when they grow up and are on their own they won't starve or have to eat fast food all the time 
....Hmmm... maybe that's why she was married three times and she NEVER lived with a man for more than a year??? (and there were more "friends" in her past too - she didn't marry them all).
OMG, then why are you spending ANY time worrying about what this woman thinks? I'd be tempted to suggest she clean up her own act before she start handing out advice or opinions. But I understand .... when it's in your face everyday......
yep... she's a piece of work. She was with DH's dad for 9 years. they were married for three years. HOWEVER. the first year they were married, he was in the army, so they were apart. Then, the second year they were both resident doctors so they lived in a dorm like setting... They did share a room, but besides their bed and wardrobe closet, they didn't have to take care of anything adn eve then, they weren't always at the same hospital, so they weren't together all the time. The LAST year, they lived with his parents (this is pretty typical in former yugoslavia because of lack of housing and money) and when she was pregnant, she would go to her Mom's house to eat dinner and LIE about it before going home (where she never cooked - she was basically the "guest" in the ILs home) saying she ate at the hospital before going home. When she was 9 months pregnant she moved back home with her mom, grandmother and sister.
Second marriage, they dated for years, they NEVER moved in together. They were married for three or four years (both psychiatrists for the same hospital). He didn't want to move to center city, she didn't want to move to the country...so he would spend the nigth sometimes and she would spend the night there sometimes... Yep... weird.
THen... she married her first husband's BROTHER who lived in teh states. She left her job, left her mom, dragged her 17 year old son (my dh) to the US... and after 6 months she was ready to go back... and she did at the end of the year. They never got divorced, they would vacation together and talk on the phone, but chouldn't live together.
Now.. I've met all of the men she has been married too and well, she likes some seriously DIFFICULT men and veyr "manly" men... I don't get it AT ALL...
Mellissa
comeback (choose from list of options)
hey, he's got to start learning now, if he's going to grow up to be:
a) star of his own FoodTV show
b) own his own Michelin ranked 5-star restaurant
c) be the personal chef for the president
d) win the ( fill in w/ name of some big time French or other European based cooking contest)
My brother's boys have a toy kitchen and when we visit my boys play with it. We've never bought one because of space but my boys are in the kitchen all the time.
My father is the person in the family with problems about this. When I was 4 he was in Germany for almost 2 years on his own leaving my mother with 6 children ranging from newborn to nine and my oldest brothers weren't allowed to help her in the kitchen (dad's orders). When we followed to Germany when I was 6 he finally let mom put them on KP but they still never learned how to cook or bake. My oldest brother loves to cook now, once he was out of the house he learned and has been known to ask me how to make bread and stuff, and he's the primary cook at his house.
As for being manly my husband doesn't care to cook but he can, his mother taught him to bake from scratch and everything. He hunts, fishes, target shoots, is a mechanic, helps his dad farm type stuff like fencing and haying, operates a bulldozer and bobcat, etc. There's no way you can say that learning to cook made him into a girly man but his mom felt that he should be able to care for himself and he CAN do laundry and stuff (not that he does). 
Our youngest is 4 and mostly he likes typical boy stuff but we don't tell him he isn't supposed to like something, I have to yell at his brother not to pick on him. He likes flowers and pink stuff and tells me that I should make him a girly cake.
As much as my MIL drives me nuts she thinks it's great that the boys are in the kitchen. She'll buy them little pans and rolling pins once in a while.
I think the whole situation is ridiculous!! I agree with everyone else!! My brother played with my my little ponies when we were younger and I played with his gi joes and star wars figures and we both played in the kitchen. He enjoys cooking now as well, yet he is very manly!! I think its great to teach ALL children to cook...why wouldn't she want her grandchildren to gow up to be self sufficient?
Sure...Why not!!! My son plays with my daughters all the time and her Polly pockets!! Doesn't mean anything!!!
My DD has a PRINCESS kitchen that her little brother plays with...who cares, and when I cook he has to sit next the stove. I'm hoping he'll be the next Emeril!!! Not for nothing your MIL is all about tradition, she broke that mold...
1) became a doctor
2) divorced her husband and raised her son alone
Maybe she's annoyed that she couldn't do these things with her own child and now is taking it out on you! Or maybe she's just an annoying bisybody that should keep her comments to herself!
My husband's sister recently retired as a detective on the sheriff's dept. She met her husband on the job .... he was a jail officer.
As a road officer, she had the patrol car and carried a gun. As a jail officer, he did not have a patrol car or carry a gun.
When they were married, we found it amazing how many people asked her son, "What do think about MOMMY having a gun and your dad doesn't?" Her son (who was about 6 or 7 at the time) just shrugged and said, "Mom's job has a gun .... dad's job doesn't!"
The amazing part is that this child had no inkling or preconceived notion about how "odd" it was that a woman cop had a gun but a man cop didnt'...... until other people decided to put the "discrepancy" in his head. Fortunately, he was smart enough to know it wasn't the sex of the person that made the diff, but the job responsibilities that made the diff.
If there is any sexism in the world .... against men or women .... it's because it's taught, not because it's a "given".
Sure...Why not!!! My son plays with my daughters all the time and her Polly pockets!! Doesn't mean anything!!!
I tease my son all the time about how he used to wear my big clip-on earrings when he was about 4.
This is the same son who is a twice-decorated (including the Purple Heart) war hero who served two tours of Iraq as a U.S. Marine.
Guess wearing my earrings never affected him, huh? (and he will kill me if he ever finds out I told you all that!)
I bought my two oldest boys a kitchen set when they were little. My husband acted weird about it at first, but I quickly made him get over it. 
I do daycare now out of my home and I went out and bought another kitchen set and all the boys love playing with it.
I tell you what, my DS played GI Jo with my DD's barbies ALL the time LOL, NOW after a few years I have little plastic babies EVERYWHERE lol...oh well he has grown out of the playing with sister age, but I think it kinda develops their more sensitive side. You gotta just love a sensitive man 
My husband is a cook so I'm guessing that he wouldn't have a problem with my boys wanting a kitchen. The subject hasn't come up though because I've never thought of getting one because of the expense and the space they take up. He does say those kinds of things about "girl movies" and such. I haven't been able to get The Little Mermaid cause it's a "girl movie" and the boys don't need that. Of course, mommy doesn't need cartoons
He did put up a little stink for a while when I bought a baby doll for my eldest when my 2nd was born. I wanted him to learn about babies when his brother was born. I did get it with blue clothes and he carried it around quite a bit, took it in the car with its car seat, etc. He got over it very quickly but didn't let him take it in public. We still have the baby doll 
That's kinda nutty. Doesn't she remember that most of the world's famous chefs are males? My 8 yr old son loves to help in the kitchen; my dad was an awesome cook and did all of the meal preparations at home. (now that he has passed my poor stepmom is just pitiful... she hates to cook!) And my 2 brothers are also the cooks in their families (their wives just don't like to cook and don't have time!) It'll serve your son so well to be able to function in a kitchen... plus your future daughter in law will adore you for training him
I wouldn't get a kitchen set for my boys. That said, I didn't get one for my daughter, either.
I did get them each a set of measuring cups and measuring spoons and would set them at the table with two big bowls of colored water and several other empty bowls. They would play for hours dumping one color into another.
If I got a kitchen set for free or next to fee, and I had the space, I would probably take it, regardless of child's gender. I don't think the play set will make a difference one way or another on your sons' development. If they like it, let 'em play.
If grandma doesn't like it, push her in the direction of the WalMart sports section. Baseball bats are expensive, hit her up for funding sports equipment.
I have 4 sons and a toy kitchen. The little ones love it. They prefer the real kitchen though. My 12 yr old can cook a real meal (several actually) in the real kitchen... guess where he started.
Maybe you should tape food network for her. I am sure she won't think that Emeril or Bobby Flay, or Guy from Guy's big Bite have... issues.
If hubby and you are fine with it, then it doesn't matter what MIL says.
My daughter got a really simpe kitchen for her 1st birthday 3 years ago and both my boys still play with it now!
I taught all my sons how to cook, bake, etc.
my oldest son worked for a yr. in a bakery when he got out of school..
I told them, it's not just the woman's job to do it all...they have to help out as well..
My daughter is doing her best at trying to keep up with the cooking...LOL.
For all the husband's freaking out over dolls has anyone pointed out to them that GI Joe and HeMan are dolls? They get featured in Doll World magazine.
I guess I just don't get it, my youngest has a barbie, he never plays with it but he has it and says he wants another and we don't consider it a big deal. I'm supposed to talk to his grandma about another one (she picks them up at yard sales and sews clothes) along with some clothes for them.
My father WAS NOT allowed to own GI Joe as a child because it might make him turn out less than a man. His career Army father was very strict about anything that might not be completely male, as a teen in the very late 60's and early 70's he had to have a GI haircut. His standards actually were fairly lax compared to his father's because my brothers were allowed the GI Joes.
We got a toy kitchen for our boys two Christmases ago (oldest was almost two, youngest was almost six months). My hubby did all of the research online before I bought it. There's nothing wrong with kitchens for either sex - my youngest son thoroughly enjoys cooking his Ninja Turtles in the play microwave (really upsets his brother who keeps trying to explain, "but they're the GOOD guys!") while my oldest is totally into the pretend aspect, serving up four course meals (worm pizza and elephant ice cream). Don't worry what anyone else has to say. My oldest son even went through a pretty girly stage for a while (whenever he played pretend he would only be girl characters and he loved to do pirouettes like "june" on Little Einsteins). My dad would get upset when he'd come to visit and we didn't discourage the behavior. I kept telling him that the bigger of an issue he made of it, the bigger of an issue it would become. My oldest son is definitely growing out of that stage (but can still do a mean pirouette!) and I truly don't believe that buying a kitchen for a boy could have any negative impact on him.
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