OK--I know I'm not a super-duper cake lady but my little cousin (18 yrs old) is getting married on July 7th in Missouri (I live in South Carolina right now-Navy-) and it is going to be a very low key wedding at someones house (To the point of, "Wear Jeans" kind of low-key) anyway... since they don't really have a lot of money to put toward it (being 18 with a baby due in Sept.) I offered to make them their wedding cake for free--she said, "Oh, you can do that? Really? Alright"..I asked her what she wanted and she said, "As long as it's vanilla I really don't care what it looks like"... well I talk to her today and she said that her mom (my aunt) went ahead and ordered a cake from the local bakery instead....

ok....

My feelings are a little hurt by this--am I over-reacting?!? I mean, I know my cakes aren't grand, (esp. compared to all of the cakes I've seen here--whew!!) but I've done a few and have taken all the Wilton Classes offered but she even said, "As long as it's vanilla I don't care--blah blah blah"... and as far as the local bakery--imo--they stink!

My Best Friend of 10 years got married last year and being the matron of honor I put together her shower and I got the cake from this bakery (thinking it would just be easier since I wasn't going to have time once I was there to put together the whole shower and bake the cake myself) HUGE mistake--I picked up the cake and 1.) the 'lilies' looked like huge pink spiders (the icing was tooooo thin) and 2.) the whole top was smashed in from the boxes they had stacked on top of my box! And then to top it off-she had ordered her wedding cake from them and called a week before the wedding to confirm and they had her order completely screwed up!! And then told her that she couldn't have what she originally ordered because she had 'missed' the 2 week deadline---what?!? She ordered the cake like 3 months ago and you all messed it up! She had a copy of the order sheet and everything! Whatever---anyway---these people are with whom my Aunt has ordered this cake from... All I want to know is----WHY?!?! KWIM?

Maybe I am overreacting--I was just trying to do something nice and it's like a slap in the face...

PS. My sister has begged me to move home and start baking cakes--she swears my phone would blow up--she's so sweet!

Wow - that does sound hurtful! I wonder if she thought it would be too much work and you were just being nice. Though, if that were the case, she should have called you to talk to you about it and she could have suggested her getting it from the bakery so you wouldn't have to worry about it. Just doing it the way she did was a bit inconsiderate. Maybe you should call her (if you have a decent relationship) and ask her why she chose to not have you do the cake? I hate to see a rift grow in a relationship because of not talking about something.

well it's for sure not a reflection on your work 'cuz yah got great cakes lady !!!

Your family is missing out - your cakes are gorgeous!! Sometimes family either: 1. Only sees you "one way" or 2. Someone is envious that you have lots of talent! I don't blame you for being hurt, but it clearly has nothing to do with your abilities! Keep up the great work!

Your family is missing out - your cakes are gorgeous!! Sometimes family either: 1. Only sees you "one way" or 2. Someone is envious that you have lots of talent! I don't blame you for being hurt, but it clearly has nothing to do with your abilities! Keep up the great work!

Has she looked at your photos

I just did and they are great! She is truly missing out on a beautiful cake!

Maybe you can make her a small "celebration" cake like a week or so before and say that you know her mom ordered her wedding cake from a bakery and since you weren't making the wedding cake you just wanted to make her something special yourself to wish the couple well. Then you could knock them all out with a beautiful and delicious cake....

Well, maybe not so nice but it's what I first thought of doing

Did Auntie Party Pooper KNOW that you offered to give them one of your amazingly delish cakes for FREE? If not, then I would take the road of forgiveness, if SO, then I would buy a voodoo doll and show her why you should NEVER be crossed! hahaha! Ok, I am teasing (a little) about the doll, but I would consider a phone call to warn her of the experience you've had with this so-called professional bakery. You know, give her a friendly heads up so you can say you've done your family duty, and don't have to feel terrible if it is awful! Sorry about the low-blow you've been dealt! Remember to keep your head up because even if no one else appreciates you... WE DO!!!!

hmmmm, has she had the bridal shower yet? If not, methinks that an awesome cake from you would be deviously perfect. mua ha ha teehee!! Hey ladies we gots to get our digs in somehow!

Maybe your Aunt didn't realise that you offered to do the cake, and offered to buy one for your neice. If thats the case, maybe your neice didn't want to hurt her feelings, or thought it was nice of her mum to want to get involved?

So maybe the neice didn't tell her mum at all? Just a thought anyway. If I was the neice, and my mum had offered to buy a cake for me, I might have thought that was her way of doing something special for me?

I know you already offered, but maybe it was just a genuine miscommunication or something, and the bride to be was just touched that her mum wanted to get her a nice cake, so she didn't say anything about yours.

I did have a look at your photos though, and wow! They are great cakes!

Has she seen your cakes? Maybe this is some fancy bakery that she thinks is The place to buy cakes.
I know how you feel with her knowing you bake and decorate cakes. What does the daughter want? Guess it won't matter to mom. I hope it works out for you.

Is her mom aware of your gorgeous cakes??? Maybe she thinks you'll be preparing a homemade-looking cake with canned frosting. I would for sure warn her about the bakery. I agree about making them a small cake before the wedding to WOW them! If the bakery blows it, her mom will surely look like a fool.

Is her mom aware of your gorgeous cakes??? Maybe she thinks you'll be preparing a homemade-looking cake with canned frosting. I would for sure warn her about the bakery. I agree about making them a small cake before the wedding to WOW them! If the bakery blows it, her mom will surely look like a fool.

I just looked at your cakes too. And there all beautiful!!! It's their loss.
My daughter is getting married also on July 7th , her second marriage. And she asked me to make her cake, it's an outdoor luai. If you feel bad , I let you come and make hers. Just kidding!!!
But I'm scared to death, I've never made a wedding cake before. And after seeing all the beautiful cakes here, I'm worse than I was before.

I think that you should call her and let her know that you had offered to make the cake. Maybe its'

1. she didn't know that you had offered

2. Your neice didn't tell her

3. think that you might be toooo busy and didn't want you to go through all the trouble

4. Have they seen your work? It is AMAZING!!! My fav has to be the tub/spa cake love it!!! Show them what you do and treat her more like a customer maybe that might make her feel more at ease.

you shouldn't say that you are not the super-duper cake lady, you do great work and I am sure that to some of us you are a "Super-duper cake lady".

Vicky

I know how you feel i had this happen to me earlier this year in fact but it was from one of my closest friends... granted her new hubby and i dont really like each other long story but i had her here back in september and we designed her cake etc... she insisted on paying something so i quoted her half price and the rest would be pressie from us... she was wrapped but then the fiance decided to get involved and then i got a call to say she doesnt think she wants me to make the cake incase something happened to it that if it did she didnt want it to come between our friendship if you please. Anyhow... she got a cake done by another lady ending up with a single tier choc cake with choc shells on it and i have to say i was dissappointed in it for her but you get what you pay for i spose. Also i make her 2 kids special occasion cakes ie a 2 tier christening/bday cake and another 2tier bday cake delivered with no probs. After all that i feel for you and know it can hurt and just because of that i wouldnt warn them but that would be my upset side taking over what goes around comes around.

Oh and may i add this is a friend who insists that i should open a cake specialty shop. And the cake we designed was going to be 3 tiers different shapes and top one on pillars based round her new hubbys fav hobby fishing he only got involved cause i was now charging them (again at her insistance) he wanted and expected the cake for free. I would have had to do a special tier just so her daughter could eat it as she has severe allergies and we wanted her to be able to have some too...

Wow it does feel so much better letting it all out and with others who know how it feels.. thanks for letting me vent even if it has been a couple of months since the wedding.

I just looked at your cakes and they are beautiful. I took time to add 1 to my favorites. I'm with the gal about doing the bridal shower cake. You would put the bakery cake to shame. You are a SUPER-DUPER CAKE LADY.

Yes, I think you're overreacting. It could be for any number of reasons, including perhaps they don't want to "inconvenience" you by having you transport a cake from NC to MO.

You don't want to gain the reputation of being the family member they all talk about in the vein of "well.....if you don't let her make your cake, she'll be all mad and upset about it!" You don't want sympathy orders .... you want the orders because your cakes are fabulous works of art (and I looked ..... they are!).

I do like the shower cake idea!

I agree with indydebi concerning the traveling and transporting the cake. And probably about the whispering too!!

Another thought I had, from previous unwanted marriage in the family 3 decades ago . . . maybe the mother of the bride is not real happy with this wedding, and is only going to give her daughter the minimal wedding - the extremely casual dress, not so pretty cake . . .

Sounds like the mother is inserting a few insults on her daughter in the form of a not so glamorous wedding and reception. She has to know how great your cakes look and maybe she doesn't want anything that special at the wedding.

I hope this is not the case . . . but I am speaking from a life experience!! Luckily it wasn't MY wedding!!LOL!! (Oh -- in case you were wondering -- the marriage didn't last!!)

Also - if July 7th is typical here in Missouri - it will be 95+ degrees AND humidity - trying to transport, finish decorating and setting up a wedding cake in our usual weather on that day could be extremely difficult.

How about doing a cake for the new bride and groom to enjoy as a gift to take home and enjoy after the wedding? Maybe a small 2 tier cake (then they could go ahead and freeze the top layer), along with some additional snacky food items in a gift basket - like a dip & bag of chips, homemade cookies, maybe sparkling grape juice, fresh fruit - like strawberries . . . the ideas are endlist. Being that young and a new baby on the way they will probably be living off of love for a while and guys that age are always hungry for any type of food!!

I know this is long - but hope it helps!! Enjoy the day.

Suzycakes

Suzycakes

Thanks for the advise and compliments ladies--I had been feeling pretty down about it (I have very low self-esteem when it comes to my cakes--always second guessing and asking DH's opinion) but now I have decided to keep my chin up and just get over it...I think...maybe...

I totally don't want to be the 'over-sensitive' one everyone wispers about so I might just offer to provide the 'bachlorette cake' for the night before or something (thanks for the suggestion! BTW--didn't think to make a cake for a different angle of the wedding)...a 18 year old who's 7 months pregnant and a room full of girls could always go for some cake!

And actually, I wouldn't be transporting it...I would bring my stuff and make it at my parents house, plenty of room there but it's OK... I'm defiantely going to think about doing another cake, but I don't want to call and sound desperate! Oh well, I might just casually bring it up in our next conversation... we'll see!

My Mom is the same way....I am the family baker taught by my Grandma and make everything from cakes, cookies, cheesecake and pies. I made her a blueberry pie for her birthday which everyone proclaimed incredibly yummy....she said the blueberries still had stems

She has a card group that meets once a week and I have volunteered to make a cheesecake or themed cake for when it is her turn to host and she continues to turn me down, like my stuff isn't good enough - lol. It used to really hurt my feelings but then I started to do a litte Freud-like thinking.....she can't bake worth a darn and it was her Mom that took a shine to me and taught me so there must be a jealousy thing going on. I also don't think she always likes it when everyone makes a big fuss over my stuff - ehh...whatayagonna do?

I continue to bake and give her my yummy leftovers.......some people are just weird ~ especially family. Hang in there - your cakes are lovely.

Ok first let me say your cakes are wonderful! Hence all the favorites you've gotten!!! Family, I swear, sometimes. It is so frustrating. Espcially when the love and care would have come from you. I might almost make it anyway and let the bride pick when the other comes. Guarenteed she would pic yours and not just to be nice!! We can just hope that she really didn't know that you had already offered. Maybe you could even try calling her and telling her that and even send her some photos of your work. She might just say sorry and I really would rather go with you! Worth a shot, no??!
Please let us know the outcome.

"hmmmm, has she had the bridal shower yet? If not, methinks that an awesome cake from you would be deviously perfect. mua ha ha teehee!! Hey ladies we gots to get our digs in somehow!"

I did that once... (many years ago, when I was younger and a lot more emotional)... my aunt chose to give my baby cousin a cake from the local grocery store, and I KNEW it wouldn't look as good as one I could make. So when I threw together the bridal shower, I made an awesome cake for her. My aunt about cried, when she realized that I really COULD have saved her a ton of money, AND made the cake prettier than the one they ended up with.

The bottom line... the 'cousin' cake was very popular, while the 'store-bought' cake ended up being dry and tasteless, with runny icing and not even that pretty.

so there.

"They just don't get it."

too true... and my family (they're all crazy as loons) has an issue with status. I think I could have my own Food Network show and a nationally known bakery with contracts for the Oscars and such, and my stuff still wouldn't be good enough, because it would be 'family' that made it, instead of the exclusive little bakery in the next town. Sigh.

That's one of the many reasons why I only see family now on Christmas and at funerals, and my friends (my chosen family!) are the ones who get my cakes. They, by the way, LOVE them, and are always asking for this or that. They'd much rather have one I've made, than get it from a 'real' bakery.

I know how you feel. I have offered several times to make cakes for my nephews bdays but they alwasy gets them from Walmart....

Oh well

Lybby2000, you are a Super Duper Cake Lady! I already had one of your cakes in my favorites (now I have two - love the ferris wheel).

My two cents (for what that's worth)... I would do the night before/bachelorette cake (this way they can see and taste your wonderful work) and then sit back, relax, enjoy the wedding, but most definitely don't eat that bakery store cake.

I know that feeling. My family here knows that I make cakes, but they don't ask me to make them. They order them from the bakery. Now, I don't charge the family very much, so they are paying way more at the bakery. I kind of get mad, because thats more practice for me so that one day I can open a bakery. Then I just think that it's their loss, if they want to pay more and it not be so personal, then that is their problem. I make practice ones anyways for my kids, but not for them. Keep your head up and just keep making cakes.

I think you're overreacting as well. Don't be insulted because they don't want one of your cakes (they are very beautiful by the way). There could be numerous reasons behind the decision to buy a store bought cake and it might have absolutely nothing to do with you. You never know, they might like the store bought cake - the supermarket in my area makes very tasty cakes. Let it go.

Just checked your photo's.....NOT super-duper?? Either you have a huge problem with preception or you are WAY too modest. You do incredible cakes! You were doing them a favor by offering to do the cake for free. They are the ones losing by getting a bakery cake...and having to pay for it too!! You rock, so don't let it bother you! Bet you will be told somewhere down the road that they wished they had accepted your offer!