Do You Have That One "competitor" In Your Family?
Decorating By Chef_Stef Updated 19 Jul 2006 , 9:38pm by malika
Yes, that's the case in many, and I have no problem with that at all. It's exactly what I mentioned with my one SIL who does the cake all the time, though she hates to cook...I always just assume she wants to do her kid's bday cake and have fun with it, which is why I never even mention to her or ask her if she'd like me to do one...Actually, we don't talk much at all anyway...lol
But ya have to admit, some of these are just flat-out, in-your-face, out there situations.
I don't think I possess any unique and spectacular abilities. I am not "The Cake Lady" in my family. In my case it's just my MIL and SIL trying to make me feel guilty when I shouldn't. It was out of love that I decided to make a cake for my daughter's first birthday cake. I didn't care what it looked like. It just wanted to do it.
In the case with my in-laws, it's not a cake thing. They do it with food. They just don't want me to have my moment. And for whatever reason, it kind of gets to me. They simply have to have a "back-up" for me. I invited everyone over for dinner once, and my MIL had to make 5 trips to the car to bring in all the entrees she made. She embarrassed me and made me feel ridiculous at my own party. And I didn't forbid her from making something. She agreed to a dish. ONE DISH. She just couldn't stop herself.
So, speaking on my behalf, I don't care if they don't want me to make a cake, just say so. Don't sabotage my parties or tell me to go ahead and bring a cake when you don't want me to.
Noone ever offers to bake a cake...they just show up with them when they know how hard I've worked. That's just obnoxious to me.
Sorry for the rant. I guess it was bothering me more than I thought. At any rate...I know they love me, but that's really not the point.
Okay, I'm going for the liquor cabinet. 
Angie
But ya have to admit, some of these are just flat-out, in-your-face, out there situations.
oh I agree...(and would sooooo like to "take this cake and shove it...")
and, well, let's just say in my own family i've seen it carried to a disgusting extreem by my uncles! I kid you not -- the cows were hired by two uncles to do the "cooking" for other uncle's b-day! NO one else was amused in the least!
I don't make cake for my family. After my sister spent an entire evening telling me everything that was *wrong* with the clown cake I had made in class and how much better the ducky cake she had made several weeks earlier for her kid's BDay was.....
Now her ducky cake was very adorable, I will say that. But I don't need a 4 hour spiel on how wonderful it was and how I should consult with her regarding cake designs.
I make cake for my kids who love it because Mommy made it and because they think it's wonderful, even if it really isn't! LOL
Oh Boy can I relate. My SIL is VERY competitive. When I married my hubby, she moved right in with her beau and eventually married him. When I had my daughter, she had her son. WHen I had my second daughter, she had her second child and get this...my daughters name is Kacee, her daughters name is Kalee. No Kidding!!!!
Anyways, I have always ignored it as best I can. I offered to make Christmas dinner one year and was told no, they have their tradition to go out to a certain resturant. The next year, guess who was hosting X Mas? LOL. The best thing that ever happened that has to do with her competitivenenss is when I made my first real cake for her family. It was for her Nana's funeral. I was asked by my MIL who knew I had taken classes. Pretty much everyone there told me the cake was beautiful. When I walked past her table, her cousin stopped me to tell me how good.beautiful it was. She had a piece right in front of her that she hadn't touched and she looked away as soon as he mentioned it. Never said a word to me about it. I could actually see the smoke coming out of her ears. It was a nice family moment. LOL.
I think some people do not realize they are trying to upstage anyone. I have a SIL that takes up a hobby after someone else in the family starts. Sometimes, it's not someone trying to upstage you, but sees you enjoying something and wanting to try it too.
She bugged me for a long time but I realized she probably doesn't realize what she is doing and I don't give it a second thought now.
As for cakes, yes I love making cakes but if I'm not asked to make one, I don't give it a second thought. Maybe the person in the first post really enjoys making cakes(even if they are not the best) and that is why she makes them for functions(does she charge for them ?)
Sandra
BWHAHAHAHAH
I should START there before I GO to the family gatherings...
ROFL!
Or just attend, flask in purse and excuse yourself to the restroom for that "overactive bladder" of yours.... not like I have done that or anything
ROFL Puppylove, that is sooo funny, all you peoples stories are causing me to want a drink! Margarita here I come! 
Mushbug9, I totally relate. The cousin I mentioned earlier not only set her wedding date to be the day before mine, (I then changed ours to be several months later) that when she found out we were trying to have a baby, she immediately decided she wanted to be first and managed to do so before us. Then used one of the names we had told everyone we were thinking about using. And lo and behold, when she found out we were looking at houses, she and her hubby purchased one of the houses she found out we were looking at.
My family wants me to cook, cook, cook. Whether they love my food, or if they just want to compare recipes between the two of us, who knows. I think they enjoy the competition. I do know they love the food I bring, cause they tell me constantly that I should think about catering.
Got to love family.
My hubby's family is just the opposite. They insist I don't bring anything except a bag of ice, some cokes, or chips. If I bring cookies, a cake, or anything, it's like 'what is in this'? So I proceed to tell them. Then they look at it for several minutes before they decide if they want to actually taste it or not. Do they think I've poisoned them or something????? 
When I know we have to go to their side of family functions, I always eat something at home first. I guess I can't stand their food, and they apparently don't care for mine. They don't use any type of condiments at all, no salt, no butter, no ketchup, nothing. Everything is plain, plain, plain. YUCK. No seasoning at all. 
Ok. I've vented enough for tonight I think. Oh no. My hubby is trying to peak over my shoulder to see what I am writing about. Guess I better submit this before he realizes I'm talking 'bout his mom & sis. hahahaha 
Doug-
You are so right, they may be doing a lot because it's their way of expressing their feelings toward their family. That's why I bake, after all. When my SIL wants to bake her own kids' cake, I don't utter a single peep. I can tell when it's done for other reasons. I'm not saying I'm never wrong.....but one does have a sense about these things. Sometimes you can tell people are just being difficult for difficult's sake.
I am not Collette Peters or Dede Wilson. I know this. But for people in one's own family to do everything within their power to make sure you don't bring the only baked good to the party....something is up. That's just not natural. If I were bringing cake, would I care if someone were bringing pie? nope.
or, to see the positive side. maybe the woman likes making cakes. and since she's happy to provide them for free, that's why you were told she was making them. I don't think anyone is slighting you. Maybe start viewing the woman as just another cake decorator? she's related someone - she's just making cakes for her family. Not so bad, really, is it?
No, it isn't. I'm not uptight when someone wants to make their own families cakes. But when I volunteered to make a first communion cake for my son and niece and my mom said she was taking care of that, then provided a cake from Kroger........THAT's what gets on my nerves. I'm not mean spirited....if she had made one herself and decorated it herself, I would have been all over that with praise and thanks.
maybe "their" logic also includes:
spending money on someone = showing I love them...so I'll buy them a cake from "_local supermarekt_"
saving someone time and trouble = showing I love them ....so I won't ask _so-n-so_ to make a cake.
haveing grown up w/ parents, esp. father, who was like that, I'm fully understand that logic.
so even tho' you might be dying to do the cake, "they" see it as intruding on your time that they think should be better spent just enjoying the day, event, etc. (I just hate when they make my decision for me as to how to spend my time.)
and to them it would feel crass/tacky to pay you to make the cake (and of course we see as the other way...ewwwww storebought....how .....)
finally we must just "grin & bear it" knowing that "it's the thought that counts"
(of course, I respond w/: counts for what? to show how clueless "they" are? finish w/ your favorite snide/scrastic comment)
A couple of years ago I had a friend who made cakes for her kids. They didn't look like much, but I thought that she could just make cakes for my kids when I had them someday. I was busy working and just didn't have time for "all that". Now I have kids of my own and I've discovered that I just love baking and wouldn't dream of having someone else make the cake, even if they could do a better job. My father even offered to pay to have a Winnie the Pooh cake made for my son's first birthday, but I just stuck it out and did it myself.
I have a cousin-in-law who is seen as the golden girl of the family. She bakes and cooks and can just do about everything. The whole family acts like she's the only one who can do all of this and you know what? They can have her. I don't care if they know that I can make cakes too. If they want her to do it for them they can just knock themselves out. I don't have to prove myself to them. It's caused me way too much heartache in the past. 
I have a sister who has a problem with getting attention but she doesn't do it with food. When I was pregnant with my youngest her boyfriend (who was still married) told me that she was terrribly jealous of me because I was pregnant. My SIL and brother had been wanting a child for a while and they were pregnant about the same time we were. Guess who else managed to get pregnant. Then when SIL got pregnant again unplanned not very long after she had the first I told my husband that I knew who else was going to get pregnant again as soon as her husband (he'd finished his divorce) who is in the guard got back. Guess what happened. Supposedly she was on the "same pill" as my SIL with the second 
. I"m waiting for another sibling to become a parent .
Wow! I thought I was the only one that had IL's like that. I won't go into details but I will tell you how I deal with it.
I forgive them, because it must be a pretty sad life, when you have to try and out do someone eles.
You know when your opinion of yourself is so low that you have to try and show someone eles up. Esp. someone in your family.
For me its my sister in law. Poor thing she only ends up making herself look bad. And the kicker for me is that I am the one who taught her how to decorate.
She tends to get in over her head and I would be the one to help her, and fix her cakes, but not anymore she is one her own these days,
I just think about her as "Poor Thing" because she wants so badly to be something that she's not
Mushbug9, I totally relate. The cousin I mentioned earlier not only set her wedding date to be the day before mine, (I then changed ours to be several months later) that when she found out we were trying to have a baby, she immediately decided she wanted to be first and managed to do so before us. Then used one of the names we had told everyone we were thinking about using. And lo and behold, when she found out we were looking at houses, she and her hubby purchased one of the houses she found out we were looking at.
My family wants me to cook, cook, cook. Whether they love my food, or if they just want to compare recipes between the two of us, who knows. I think they enjoy the competition. I do know they love the food I bring, cause they tell me constantly that I should think about catering.
Got to love family.
My hubby's family is just the opposite. They insist I don't bring anything except a bag of ice, some cokes, or chips. If I bring cookies, a cake, or anything, it's like 'what is in this'? So I proceed to tell them. Then they look at it for several minutes before they decide if they want to actually taste it or not. Do they think I've poisoned them or something?????
When I know we have to go to their side of family functions, I always eat something at home first. I guess I can't stand their food, and they apparently don't care for mine. They don't use any type of condiments at all, no salt, no butter, no ketchup, nothing. Everything is plain, plain, plain. YUCK. No seasoning at all.
Ok. I've vented enough for tonight I think. Oh no. My hubby is trying to peak over my shoulder to see what I am writing about. Guess I better submit this before he realizes I'm talking 'bout his mom & sis. hahahaha
Oh, I have to vent again!! This cousin just called me and wanted to know where I was taking the classes. I told her they weren't offering the first class for several months (which they aren't). She proceeds to tell me that SHE has always wanted to learn how to decorate cakes and wants to start a business for HER. HELLO?????!?!?!? We are FAMILY and are now going to compete for business? I'm tempted to just quit this before I get any more involved. It's not worth it for me and if she wants to be 'the decorator' in the family, so be it. I'm so frustrated right now.
What should I do?
Overall, I'm a decent cook, but I'm not great at veggies and side dishes, so I stick with desserts. Obviously, I'm pretty good with them, so I'm staying with my strengths. DH's Cousin's wife makes the same ranch potato side dish for every occasion, which is fine because people really like it. But whenever someone offers me a compliment on my cakes or desserts, Dh's aunt always says, "Did you have some of XX's potatoes?"
It's so WEIRD. I get along pretty well with the cousin and his wife, so I let it go.
well, I have no competition in the family..I'm the only one capable of doing cakes etc... BUT, it's at work that there are a few competitions.. Before they see my cakes, they always talk like, "Oh I love to bake and decorate cakes." ..I just kind of stay quiet, then when an opportunity comes up for me to make a pretty cake, then they just all shut up when they see mycake!! and I never hear from them again about cakes.. hey, I never said a word..
Again, action speak louder than words and empty barrels make the loudest noise.
I have three sisters. The oldest won't cook or bake if has moire than 5 ingredients or takes loner than 5 minutes to prepare. No competition there.
My next oldest sister is a whiz in the kitchen... makes so much good stuff and really enjoys baking, but she doesn't do cakes.
My younger sister is really good at baking, especially pies, however she is the one who is my competition. Everytime I try something new, she will say it is too much bother, but 6 months down the pike, she starts what she thought was too much bother. So far she hasn't stated cakes, but I think that may be because I don't talk to (you know, if you can't say something nice, son't say anything at all..,.... well, aparantly she has had nothing nice to say to me for the last three years!!).
Thought I'd jump back and post the followup to the "family gathering" I mentioned in the first post...
Well. I didn't take cake, as instructed, but I did take a corn fricassee that MIL asked for the recipe for, because it was such a hit.
The "other lady" --she turns out to be married to my MIL's new husband's nephew, if THAT makes any sense...--She brought the cake alright. She brought a 9 x 13 sheet cake still IN THE PAN, frosted on top, and just a scrawled Happy Birthday on top (not sure who had a bd). And another pan full of cupcakes lined up and frosted in red/white/blue and arranged in order to resemble a flag...
Ok....My dh later was like, "Where was the cake? I didn't see any cake?" He actually missed it...
Anyway. I figure, you know what? This family (that side anyway) is pretty much a low-key (read: hard-drinking, red neck) group, and her cakes are just right for those type of get togethers anyway. Sort of the potluck level--just eat what's on the dessert table. It doesn't have to be a "big deal" cake. Which is what most of mine are--I just get way to excited about them...oh well. I'll just continue starting up my business and let her have the family gatherings.
On a much less nice, note, though, I did hear a really nasty comment while I was there...We have a new red Dodge Ram truck (DH's work truck) that he kind of added a lot of extras to, and for some reason, that branch of the family likes to bring up that "shiny red pickup" all the time, because to them, the subject of who has the newest or biggest pickup is a really big deal...(whatever 
)
Well, I went over to get some bug spray out of the back of the truck at one point that night, and I heard from a group near another vehicle (all parked in a field), a comment made that was said loud enough for me to hear, though not said *to* me: "WELL!! I guess I'd have to be a REAL BAKER to have one of those!" I'm actually really easy-going, so I just sort of didn't think much of it, until I realized that it had come from the other lady...??? What? I keep telling myself they were having a whole other conversation over there and I'm reading too much into what I heard, but they were drinking a lot, too, and it's just the sort of comment you'd expect from that group. I hope I'm wrong, but wow--if that was meant as how it sounds, then she can have all the parties from now on. I don't have time for that kind of nonsense!
thanks for listening...again...
Homecook, look at the source of the comment. Would you really expect anything any different? Just know what they are and then forget it. You don't need the frustration that comes from getting upset about it.
The problem person in my family is my step-mom. We have a fine relationship, but every once in a while... She always asks me to do a small cake for whatever holiday, that's fine I really don't mind. The one that really got me was after she had taken my little brother to a birthday party and she went on and on about the cake. It was some sort of chocolate cake from Costco. She actually had the nerve to tell me how it was the best cake she had ever had! My dad actually called her on it and she said, "That's ok, it's just Bridgett. She understands." The nerve of some people![/b]
Homecook,
at this point, I think you should just remember that Biblical adage about casting your pearls before swine. Don't offer to bake ANYTHING for these people any more. They're obviously so eaten up with jealousy and insecurity that they just can't let a moment go without trying to make you feel bad about yourself.
This other cake lady is an idiot. she knows your skills are better than hers and she's trying to make you like some sort of Martha Stewart snob. Fighting back will only make you look bad in front of the rest of the family. Just remember that she's an idiot with no skills and you kick major cake BUTT!!
Of course, if didnt care about what the family thought, you could have turned around and said, "Yes, you would have to be a real baker to get a truck like this. A real baker would not to remove the cake from the sheet pan BEFORE decorating!!!"
I just read this post and it hits a little too close to home. I just started my cake decorating classes so I have no stories about that. However, I do have other little competition stories. I won't make them into stories, but much like someone else here that posted, it's a "keeping up with the joneses" type of thing.
My husband and I bought a house, a few months later SIL buys a house right around the corner from us. No lie. We could see their backyard from our backyard. We bought a bigscreen, they had to get one a week later that was big, but it was used and didn't work. LOL We bought a used SUV, they got a newer one a few months later, same exact model. Other little things for the house like screen doors and such, they go and buy the same thing. We sold our house and they sold theirs a few weeks later.
Sewing is a passionate hobby for me, and I've been doing it since I was little. I never brag about what I sew, I just make it. I made my daughter a bathing suit, my daughter told SIL I made it and she said, "oh! you've improved".....what?? How dare she say that, she's never seen any of my other work. I know she said that just to get me mad.
MIL never compliments me in anything I cook. I know she likes the food. She'll ask who made it, me or my husband. When it's him, she says it's sooo delicious, when it's me and doesn't compliment but scarfs down the food. I don't cook badly, she just can't compliment me no matter what. Then she'll praise her daughter (my SIL) as of she's the best cook in the world. Her food is bland.
Whew!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. lol (There is more but I've blocked out most of it.)
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