Hi guys...I can't sleep because I just found out that a client...we'll call her Daisy....had a problem with my father. She was totally wrong and later involved her father-in-law, Jake. Jake and my father have been friendly for 30+ years and it ended up in a verbal altercation.

So...this is my situation...

It's Jake's wife's 50th birthday party. Jake and his wife live in another country and will be visiting next week. Daisy and her husband planned the surprise party and called me for the cake. Daisy's husband is cousins with my very best friend. This is whom I got the referrel from. I'm not sure if she has put two and two together to realize who my father is.

Are you still with me?

So, of course I agreed to do this cake....emailed back and forth for a week already planning it and then yesterday I found this out.

But...it's even more complicated...

Daisy's sister-in-law....who is married to Jake's other son, is having a large Christening the following week, and has also asked (begged on relatively short notice) me to make her cake...of which I agreed and have also been communicating and planning for the past few days. This is going to be a huge,expensive cake.

So, do I cancel Daisy's cake and stand by my dad? Do I say, hey, business is business and go on to make it? I know if I ask Dad that he will say to make it...but only because he knows Daisy's sil would probably also cancel the Christening cake as a result and he doesn't want to hurt my blossoming business.

I couldn't sleep....what would you guys do?

I'm not sure what the problem is. you don't want to do the firrst cake because you realize that Daisy's had an issue with your father in the past?

how big a deal was it that all this time later you don't feel youare able to sell a CAKE to someone?

if you had a store and she walked in to buy something would you tell her no, I can't sell to you?

This all seems a little petty.

If you want to do the cake, do it. If you don't, call her NOW and tell her so she can make ther arrangements and take whatever consequences follow (including losing other current or potential business).

It certainly isn't something worth losing sleep over.

I think what would be even more damaging to your business is if you cancel a week before the party. I would go ahead and do the cake.

My brain hurts!!!! Not sure whether I kept up with the who's who .... but (from a completely ameteur point of view), knowing (& admiring - on bended knee!) your cakes for some time now ..... Daisy & her sister in law are (no doubt in my mind) praying that you will do the cakes. Your Dad (by the sounds of it) is a very decent man & will know that business is business, and as it is your business in particular, he will know that it is in no way you aligning yourself with t'other side (so to speak).
I think that if you feel that you would like to do these cakes, I'm sure your Dad would understand completely .... So have some restful sleep tonight & create the most amazing cakes ever & your Dad will be hugely proud of you (as I've no doubt he is already) for your diplomacy!

I say do the cakes.. show them you have class and your dad will be so proud of you... (snicker) EX-lax is always good for revenge tho

I'm KIDDING PEOPLE!! Do the cakes and show you are the better person and hey who knows you might get other business from them.. Good Luck with this, I know how hard it is when you have families fighting like that.. It's so not a (petty) situation. It's hurts you as wel as everyone else in the family and feeling are only a natural part of life...

Ex-LAX GIRL HAHAHA

I think I would do the cake - you entered into an agreement (contract per se) with this person and I would honor that agreement. Your father knows where your heart and allegiance lies. Business is business.

How many times have you done a cake for someone you didn't necessarily like?

I come from a very close family too. Your dad sounds like a very understanding person. I think you should go ahead and make the cakes as planned.

sorry - not trying to hurt your feelings. the advantage of asking total strangers is you get opinions from people who are removed from the sitation and have no emotional investment.

From that perspective, I think others see there are additional issues that you aren't focusing on b/c you are focusing on how you feel and how your dad feels (understandably).

the other issues are what you have agreed to do (make the cake) and what other people have taken action on based on your committment (not hired other people early enough to get them to do the cake).

Again - if you dont want to do the cake, then back out. I'm just saying this is CAKE - it isn't worth you losing sleep over.

Whatever decision you make, stick with it and don't second guess yourself. It isn't worth the angst.

Adven68: I totally understand how you are feeling. Me & my dad are very close & I'd probably would be thinking twice also. He would also tell me to make the cakes

Sometimes business isn't just business ...sometimes its personal & I know that sometimes I factor more than money when I'm presented with a cake I'm not sure if I want to do.

I can't tell you whether to do the cakes or not..that ultimately will be up to you & how you are feeling about it...I just wanted to offer support.

Do the cakes but get your money in advance!

jmt...thanks for writing again....I know I shouldn't lose sleep over this and a lot of other things.....I wish I could control it...sometimes little things become overwhelming when they all come at once.

And thanks to everyone else for your replies. I think no good could come out of not doing this cake.....
I'll post when it's done...

I feel a lot better now. Thanks again!

adven68, I totally undestand how you feel. I also come from a very close family and I would have the same doubts you're having. I don't bake for business (yet) so if that were my case I would say "no" since I would probably be getting money just for the ingredients. However, since you do have a business I agree with the rest of the people that you should probably do the cakes. Your dad will understand. Remember, though, like ge978 said, you have the final word. If you feel very uncomfortable about the whole situation, then don't do them.... Probably I haven't been of much help... I just want to offer support and say I know you'll make the right decision for you.

Good luck!

Inma

Ps: I also wanted to congratulate you for having one of your creations published in American Cake Decorating. I just got my copy in the mail yesterday and loved seeing your rocking horse christening cake. It's amazing. I wish they had published an even bigger picture or featured you as one of the decorators explaining how they did one of their cakes.

First, Congratulations on your cake in ACD. I saw it yesterday, too, and shared it with people I work with. They were in awe. I think they should have dedicated an entire page to your creation.

And as to your current situation. I understand how hard and complicated the dynamics of a close family are and loyalty involved. As long as you are okay with it, I think you should definitely make the cakes. Your gesture alone may help heal new wounds and battles. Have you ever seen anyone arguing while eating cake?? LOL

Good luck in whatever you choose, and it sounds like your Dad would want you to do the cakes!

Angie

Well, the side know one has commented on (if I have read correctly) is, the other side.

They are also aware that there is a problem happening and they still want her to do the cakes. They could always cancel and try to find other options for the cakes.

So apparently they are viewing this as two separate issues that have nothing to do with each other.

I would say the same as others, get paid up front to keep any further problems to a minimum.

But do the cakes, business is business, and it appears they may view it the same way.

Wow...you guys are so great...thanks again for your support and all your different views...

I haven't yet received this issue of ACD....thanks for letting me know it's on its' way!!

I say do the cake, and charge her plenty. Then smile all the way to the bank.

I agree with adven, make sure to charge plenty, you are worth it!

I say do the cakes. Keep yourself out of someone else's personal issues. I am assuming she's paying you for the cakes - so at this point you're a businesswoman and this is a business relationship.

Now....if SHE cancels the cakes, then that's another issue altogether. Be mad and keep the deposit!

I agree with everyone else, as long as you and your customer don't have a problem with the business transaction then I wouldn't worry about what her problem is with your Dad. I know it is hard to keep it un personal in a close family though.

On a personal note I know exactly how you feel, except all of the problems are within the family. I'll give you the short version. My parents own a business, my step-grandma thought she and the rest of the family shouldn't have to pay (even though my grandpa and her have a business of their own and expect everyone else to compensate for the cost-not always the time, but still) for the services of my parents business. My parents said they charge everyone, but family gets a special rate and this is what it is. Well since then my step-grandma hasn't talked to my parents and my grandpa stoped talking to my parents and Me for 5 years.

Eventually they started talking to me when I forced them too (i miss my grandparents, I was really close to my grandpa when i was in my early teens.) So they asked me to make a cake for them for their business. I hesitated b/c of the conflict between the family, however I decided business was business (as most of my family sees it this way) charged them what was appropriate and all is well.

The problem wasn't between me and them, it was between them and my parents (well really just them, my parents would love to get past it)

Grrr... family!

Anyway now that i wrote a book for you to read Just wanted to relay my experience.

Leily

Since it's too late to back out, do it, but don't do it again, simply because it causes you so much stress and angst. My moto: When in doubt....don't! I learned this from my flying days and have applied it to my every day conflicts. I know this isn't life or death, like flying, but the stresss levels can be the same! Especially if it's keeping you awake! Life is too short! If your head and heart are not reconciled, it's probably not good for you. Above all....don't forget to have FUN! And keep it that way!

Thanks for everyone's input...Leily thanks for sharing your story. Family situations are always tough....I know what the right thing to do is. As Isawyer put it....my head and my heart are not reconciled but I will do the cake....make them gasp and smile as I count my money.


Just a quick note:

This may be the first time in a year that I have written about anything this personal. The situation I am in is strange because my family is huge and relatives of my relatives are all very close and relationships intertwine amongst all of us. I feel very blessed to have this kind of life because I am friends with my family. It's hard to explain. The people I would normally vent to, however, happen to also be related to this person...so I can't open that door. Thank you all for stepping in.