Mil Is Just Plain Mean!!! Selfish!!! Horrible!!!
Lounge By cookingfor5 Updated 17 May 2007 , 2:20am by Dordee
I have had enough of my MIL. We have always had problems. I can only guess that my husband had problems the day he was born her 4th son and she started to cry because she wanted a daughter. Seriously!
DH paid for his own high school education because he wanted to go to a private school. They are one of those poor farming families, who have the ability to spend $1000 shopping each week, plus go out to eat 5 days a week. You know. But he had to pay for high school. His baby sister went there and didn't have to. Plus she got a $10,000 clothing allowance.
I knew as soon as I met them they didn't like me. So, horrible relationship from the start. Let's skip to what it's about this week. I had my first son on the birthday of the favorite grandson. That sucks. I shouldn't have pushed!!! So, the favorite comes from a now family of 6 kids, and mom and dad have never really taken care of them. Grandma, 3 neighbors, and an aunt have practically raised them and sent them home on occasion. So, this boy finally made the honor roll in high school because he decided to take the dumbest classes he could. One of the kids in his class has a disability, but it's not learning, more like something he was born with or he got really sick as a child. He has a fulltime aid who helps him read the questions on tests and MIL can't believe that is fair. MIL is telling everyone how well grandson is doing and how dumb my neices are who are doing well but not consistently on honor roll, but very involved in everything and star athletes. My own son struggles, but to me struggling means A's and B's only because he just isn't trying. I'm not Hitler about grades, but he is doing well for his attention span but he always needs a push to do better, not even his best. So, MIL compares them, no comparison. DH was a State Scholar in highschool, but MIL is going around telling everyone that he is dumb and did bad in school. Is she realy a complete moran? You have to do well to become a State Scholar. I had to sit through lunch where she did exactly that. I couldn't disagree with her and ended up in tears. Two days later I am still crying off and on.
Obviously there is a lot of history here. We are also dealing with the family business not paying DH for his work. I told him enough is enough. I am so ready to get a lawyer about it. I am angry and don't know where to turn. So, instead of a lawyer, I have told him I won't speak to them until they go to counseling with us. Which they will pay for because it is their abuse.
DH finally had enough. They are roofing their house today, so DH got on the roof at 6:00 a.m. to piss them off. I have the nicest hubby, but he definitely is finishing last. They have one other son who is treated like this too. In some situations he is treated worse only because he fights back.
OMG, for a second I thought you were my best friend writing about her family (but she's a girl and so are the siblings)
Nothing you do will change them, easier to walk away--sad as it is to say.
Jodi was always honor roll--she had a 105% in Calculas.(sp?) and her mom still to this day talks about how she failed at school and did horrid. 
Her sister on the other hand who did horrid and was honor roll one time for taking easy cheesy classes and had an aid gets ALL of the praise. "Jamie is SOOOO much smarter than Jodi, she's such a good kid" Jamie is now married (to a jerk who cheats and they know it) with kids and gets all the praise and help in the world and they love her DH. They give them money like it's water!
Jodi works her butt off as a student and mom. Her DH is wonderful and bends over backwards to help them and they hate his guts. They are struggling financially and refuse to ask for help. The one time they did the family laughed in their faces and told them how worthless they are and to beg and then maybe they would consider it.
I'm sick of hearing my friend cry and she is in counseling for all of the emotional, verbal and physical abuse they have put her through.
She told them off one time and they were shocked, nothing ever changed though. She hardly has much to do with them anymore and is much happier.
I doubt yelling at them or counseling will fix much, but it will make you and DH feel better--- AND THAT MAKES IT WORTH IT!
THere's a reason I moved 75 miles away from my Jerry Springer family.
cutting the ties completely is great therapy! I keep in touch with 2 of my 5 siblings via email and that's pretty much it. I dont' have migraines anymore.
Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to put up with it.
I admire how you sat thru lunch without calling her a liar...... because I would have called her a liar.
BTW, I have great in-laws .... it's MY family that's the nut case(s).
Hey darlin', I found this thread (the one you were referring to in the other thread) and was angered just reading it. I am SO sorry that you married into this piece of crap family. We deserve so much better! All I can tell you is to kind of cut ties to the furthest extent you can, and treat yourselves as nicely as you deserve. I have decided not to waste a bunch of time on these types of people. They don't deserve your time!!
Meiganlove:
I feel for you and know what you're going through. I don't have a very good relationship with my DH's family either. He is the youngest in his family and only son and was treated badly (not physical abuse). They have disliked me from the day we met. My FIL was the only one in that family that liked me and he passed away 9 years ago. DH and I have been married 24 years and they still treat me like an outsider. It used to hurt and I'd cry a lot, but the last couple of years I have worked hard to get past it. Just hang in there and keep the love strong that you and your husband have for each other. It's not worth what the stress will do to you.
Ok, I have to ask this... it seems like there is a frightening number of us dealing with horrible in-laws... what is wrong with people??? Is it just that no woman is good enough for their little boy? Are there just that many a-holes out there? What is the deal?!?!?! Of all people, I look at my nephew's girlfriend (almost fiancee... they live together) and get SO jealous because my sister treats her like she is a princess. Like she's been part of the family since day one. Why can't more people be like that? What do they gain by crapping on us?
Melvira:
I totally understand what you're saying and I don't get it either. One reason it used to hurt me so badly is that I very strongly believe in families and really wanted a good relationship with my in-laws. My husband and I were both 21 when we met, we got married 10 months to the day after we met (and no I wasn't pregnant). When we were dating we spent a lot of time together we have a lot in common and both knew what we wanted out of a relationship. As I said before, my in-laws didn't like me from the day we met and have always treated me like I wasn't good enough to be in their family. My husband had only dated one other girl before we met and after they met me they were constantly trying to fix him up with other girls, funny they didn't do that until we started dating. Sorry for the long reply, but this subject still gets under my skin. My children are both teenagers and are dating now. I just hope I'm a better in-law to their future spouses than mine have been to me.
Im so sorry to hear that these inlaws are just so mean! but I can feel your pain. Ive been with my husband since I was 16 (dating, we have been married for 1.5yrs) and he is the black sheep of the family so I get treated like crap as well. his sister on the other hand is treated like gold be cause she looks like their mom (who died in a school shooting) my husband gets noting (because he looks like his dad, which they never liked). They always call up my husband ONLY when they want something and they never tell him that they love him. It just disgust me because I dont believe in favorites with children, you should love them all equaly. But they have treated me like 
ever since they met me because I came from a poor family (they are millionars) even though I went to one of the best universitiys in the country it never compaired to what the other people in the family were doing. When they came over to my new home they made sure to point out that there was a spot on my kitchen table (dried fondant), they always make comments about me gaining weight (I work really hard to keep in shape too), and they always make sure to point out when my face brakes out. They are so rude that they even try to tell us what type of dog to buy and how many times my husband and I should have sex a week! I really think that people like our inlaws are just geniuenly (sp) just ugly people and they try to bring us down with them. 
You know guys... I simply cannot sleep tonight thinking about all of this. Call it PMS, but I am really upset. Some of you know my issue with my SIL this week from the other thread, but I am at the end of my rope with in-laws. No... I am at the end of my rope with rude, selfish, inconsiderate people. How does that oh-so-eloquent saying go...? MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!! 
That pretty much says it all. And you know it's sad that I can't sleep because I took a Percocet. I laid in bed for two hours zoning, then got up and cleaned the kitchen. At least I'm a step ahead for tomorrow's orders. I hate going to bed with it messy anyway. The only problem is that it is after 1am, and the baby usually gets up around 6. I guess he's Daddy's 'problem' tomorrow morning! He'll be SO happy about that.
To all of you out there with this kind of problem... remember how valuable you are. They can tell you that you are worthless, but that doesn't make it true. They can treat you like it, again, that doesn't make it so. Crap, they can tell you that you can sprout wings and fly, that ain't the case either! 
Your inlaws sound like they did some stuff the same way my aunt did. Her favorite kid was always her oldest son and she still pretends he did nothing wrong. When we were kids if we walked by him he'd punch us as hard as he could and my aunt and grandma would say we did something to provoke him though why a strong 15 year old farm boy was getting away with punching a 10 year old girl is beyond me. He's physically abused his mother and she still lets him come over and won't let anyone do anything to him to defend her, even her husband. The most recent thing I've heard about is that he was doing something bad to an animal that got him jail time and probation. But according to her he's a perfect angel.
I think there are some people who shouldn't be allowed to have kids. Stay firm about not talking to them until group therapy happens, your husband probably should go to therapy anyway though to help him get over what they did to him. Your inlaws make mine look like saints, at least mine adore the grandkids and love their son, they're just batty and think I can't use the bathroom without their input on the best way.
Right on Melvira!!
I know it's easier said than done, but you have to put your foot down! Two examples:
A week before our wedding, my MIL went to soon-to-be-hubby's office to pretty much demand that his younger sister be in the wedding. I had specifically chosen not to have any family members in our wedding. It was symbolically me and my two kids marrying this guy ... and i wanted my family members to sit back and enjoy the wedding, nto work it. Hubby asked me what I was going to do? I said, "Honey, I get along just fine with your mom. If I give in to her now, I'll be giving in to her the rest of my life. No changes." To this day, we are great friends. If she hates me, she hides it well!
2) My sister had a very controlling FIL. Before they were married, he had financed her hubby's car and FIL held the title! After they were married, when the car was falling apart and they needed to get a new one, HE decided they couldn't afford it (they both had well paying factory jobs) and wouldn't give them the title. Sis was complaining how her in-laws said they would give them the down payment for their house but the in-laws got to pick the house! afte a few years of listening to this kind of stuff, I finally told her, "Stop taking his money. As long as he controls your purses strings, he controls you. Try doing without something instead of running to daddy's bank account and then complaining when he tells you that you can't stand on your own two feet and wouldnt' survive without him. You're just proving him right."
So when they FINALLY stopped allowing him to hold his money over their heads, the relationship got a little better. Of course my sis is still the Big B in FIL's eyes because "we got along fine until SHE came along", but she doens't care. They've been married 30 years with lots more to go.
My own parents .... My 14 year old has pretty much never seen them. I chose to no longer live in their Jerry SPringer world and be subject to the manipulation and craziness! My hubby would have in-law stories that put all of yours to shame ( ) .... if we maintained a relationship with these crazy, disturbed people.
I think what I'm trying to get across is that YOU are in charge of your own life and destiny. The old saying of "no one makes you feel inferior without your permission" comes to mind.
You wouldn't accept being treated this way from your friends or your neighbors or your co-workers. And don't give me "but they're FAMILY!" crap! That's the very reason they shouldn't be treating you this way to start with! And if they are, then it's doubly-bad!!! Because "you're family!"
Melvira:
I'm so sorry you lost sleep over this and feel bad that it upset you that much.
enough said?
BTW- dr. phil says you teach people how to treat you... if you allow it, they will do it...
where's your backbones ladies... i learned the best way to handle my MIL and really anybody who says unkind things, is too look them in the eye and say with a dis-belieiving voice, "what did you say to me?".. that usually stops t hem in their tracks...
I don't understand MIL's who treat their DIL's like crap for absolutely no reason other that they just want to. I have had major issues with my inlaws (except my GF-inlaw) especially with my MIL. I am good to my husband and always have been. I cook, clean, do my best to be a good wife to him and that has never been enough for her. Just since my DH and I inherited his GF's farm and house and let my MIL and SIL live in the house, have I been able to get along with them. And that's sad because the only reason they are really nice to me now is because they live in our house RENT FREE! I hope and pray that my son marries a woman who loves him and respects him and if he does I will love and respect her and probably treat her like a princess since I don't have a daughter. I never had this problem with my first husband. His mom was a wonderful, darling lady and to this day I stop in at her work and just talk to her. I hated losing my ex-MIL and ex-FIL ten times more than losing my ex-H. I sure would like to have them and my current DH. That would be heaven!! Oh and did I mention my first DH didn't have any sisters only a brother. Now i'm dreaming of a way to have my ex-inlaws and my now DH AGAIN.
I am aren't I? I just can't help it. They were so nice and kind and they never stuck their noses into our business and they were so nice. Did I mention they were nice? Ok I have got to stop this wishful thinking 
Edited to say I only want the ex-inlaws back NOT the lousy, no good, two-timing, piece of crap ex-hubby.
Thanks everyone for the support. I have been so upset that I avoided even looking at the responses. I have to agree that we allow them to treat us the way they do. We have always been nice and understanding and everyone has always asked us for something and we don't fight. His Grandpa was ill and they asked us to skip the wedding gift because after he died no one else would get it. We did it unselfishly. My husband paid for high school and his parents refuse to remember that.
My DH has been trying to talk to them for 3 days now and "Eight is Enough" won't leave the house. I told you they practically live there. DH is definitely hurt by this and I asked him to call his sis about it. She tried to help and MIL got very defensive. The problem is that the first thing to get over is "Eight is Enough" and to them you'd think we were trying to send the kids to a concentration camp. We are just asking for some boundries. We are asking for some equal treatment. We are asking for them to stop insulting everyone else.
My DH is the nice guy. It has taken me years to get him on my side. MIL has bad mouthed me all over town. They said this time they were going to change. I beat myself up because I trusted them again and again they hurt me. Trust is a very hard thing for me. My family didn't want to tell the truth growing up and it irritated me. I couldn't lie to save my life or my families life. Trust me! It is written all over my face. I just don't have that kind of personality.
I completely agree that we shouldn't allow them to hang money over our heads, but it has reached a point that "Eight is Enough" takes everything that is not nailed down. I will be $* if they are going to walk away with a fortune because they practically stole it. Besides, we have never taken the money. That is the bad thing. They will probably move into that house when they get old and just never leave.
Does anyone know what you do to contest a will? It is sad that we have reached this point, but my BIL has already kicked one brother out of the Construction Company and he is trying to kick my DH out this time. That would be the last one to go.
Have I mentioned that his wealthy uncle finally married his girlfriend of 20 years and MIL and FIL forced a Pre-Nuptual Agreement. Hello? First off anyone who will put up with him should get everything. Twenty years is a long time. I don't understand. The bad part is we get an inheritance in that pre-nup and it makes me feel sick. Sick that my husband is even mentioned in such a vial piece of paper. I can't believe how greedy they have become.
Thanks for the support everyone. I felt so bad after posting this, I thought you would all think I was a jerk or lost my mind.
meiganlove, my heart is breaking for you! I wish I could twinkle my nose and make all our problems go away!! The only thing I know if you want to contest a will, is find a good lawyer. They will take care of everything from there. I don't know if there is way to do it without a lawyer, but if there is, someone here will probably know. Maybe try researching it online if you get a chance. I just want to give you a giant hug and tell you that it will all be ok, but of course, we never know that. I just pray that it turns out alright in the end. Please don't let them tear you apart and ruin your life. Have strength and know that we are pulling for you!! The sisterhood of the cake!!! (Yah, ok, there are some brothers in here too, but you know what I mean!!)
My father had to contest his own father's will because of a very manipulative 2nd wife his dad took. It did take a lawyer, and I think my dad is now in the hole around $5,000 or so.
I hope everything works out for you, meiganlove!
Meiganlove, I'm so sorry they are doing this to you. I agree that we allow people to treat us a certain way but with some people it's just too hard to get them to change and they just treat everyone the same. I don't have any advice or legal info I could pass on, only support. I'm sure you already know that we are all here for you and would never think you were a jerk or anything like that. Hang in there and just remember, karma always has a way of coming around (Paris Hilton anyone??)
So, DH talked to them last night and it went o.k. with dad, but horribly with mom. She can't understand why we would be upset and jealous. More like angry. I am one of those people who try to carry the burden of others on my back. I shouldn't, but even if I keep my mouth shut I'm dying inside. MIL has been insulting 2 of my nieces for about ALL THEIR LIFE now. I just hate it. It has gotten worse in the past 2 months. So, I have been listening to insults about them and how wonderful moron is, and it finally became too much. This isn't even my kids, but it hurts me anyway. Defending them made me and DH public enemy #1. The worst part is I can't even tell anyone because I don't want to hurt my nieces or their parents.
So, January 1st DH takes ownership of the Construction Company. Great, but that is not what this fight is about. He gets no respect or relationship from his father. All his attention is given to BIL and moron. He never asked for anything, so he got nothing. We would be much happier people with love and attention, than money. Do you know what I mean?
We are the kind of people that didn't want a big inheritance, but the greed from BIL has gotten so bad, that it has gone beyond hurt. That is why we never took the wedding gift from his sick Grandfather, which everyone else had gotten. We were asked to set an example and we did for the younger cousins. His Grandfather died a few months later. I wasn't mad, until we started to be called greedy. It has just gone downhill fast.
So, ignoring them isn't the answer. I live in their community. It is a small community. Very, Very, Very small! DH works for them! Getting paid is subjective! He has been waiting to do the construction company for years and it has increasingly gotten harder. Nephew has been coming to work and sitting on his lazy butt for years and still gets paid. But, DH can't say anything, even though that is how they work. His uncle is so rude sounding that I can't be around at all. He really is a nice guy, but that is how they speak to each other at work. Every five minutes he reminds them it is not a day off. He is joking for the most part, but he is also teaching everyone to work hard. At the same age, DH was carrying 80 lb. bundles of shingles up the ladder. Nephew is lucky to carry a 16 oz. hammer and nails. FIL never showed up to see my sons without this kid. Can you see the resentment. As I would like to be the bigger person, I would have been the giant who was stepped on by an ant so many times that I am now the size of a flea.
I still want to work this out with them, but they will never agree to any kind of counseling. They simply think everyone else has a problem and not them. DH has tried for 3 nights to ask them to go to counseling, but MIL can't calm down from protecting "Eight is Enough" to let him speak.
I know this will not end in their lifetime, but it has to get better.
As I read thru this, my heart goes out to you.
I have a similar-but-different story with my own parents. My sister (#5) died in March. She survived 4.5 years out of a 5 year life expectancy with the rarest blood cancer that exists, plus double kidney failure. She was in her 40's but was mentally retarded .... mentally, she was a 10 year old child going thru all of this.
Sister #2 eventually had to go to court to get guardianship of sister #5 because if our parents were allowed to continue to make decisions, sister #5 was going to die much sooner than she had to. As you can imagine, it was very emotional and something too bizarre for even Jerry Springer. Because of this action, sister #5 actually started to feel better (it's amazing what will happen when you take the medicine you're suppose to take and follow doctor's basic orders!). We even started to think she might be eligible again for kidney transplant.
Sister #2 went thru emotional hell but she went forward with nothing in front of her except what was best for sister #5. And while the cancer eventually won, sister #5's last few months were of a much higher quality than it would have been.
I share this to encourage you to do what you know is right in your heart, for the right reasons. I can tell by your post that it's not the money, it's not the ownership or non-ownership of the company ..... it's the respect for hard work that's been put in to this point, it's the acknowledgement and respect for "what's right" that you are searching for.
Your CC family is here to support you. Between all of us, we have lots of shoulders to lean on.
Sorry that you are going through this! My MIL is a mess too, but I cut those ties a long time ago. If this relationship is not good for you or the kids, then remove yourselves from the equation. It's on thing if hubby wants to take it, but it's another for the children. Sometimes you have to say what's on your mind and be done with it.
Good luck and I hope that it gets better!
Hang in there!
meganlove,
Does the will have anything written in it about contesting it? My grandfather-in-law passed last year and in his will he had the lawyer put in it if anyone contested it in any way then they got nothing. You might want to check on that if you plan on contesting it in any way. Do you have a copy of the will? If DH is mentioned in it then I think he should have gotten a copy of it. My DH and his sister got copies of their GF's will on the day it was read. If you don't have a copy then you should be able to get one from the records room at the courthouse in the town in which it was read. Contact your lawyer about how to go about contesting it if you decide to go that route. I really feel for you and pray things get better for you. You are a much bigger person than I am. I think I would already have went off on MIL. 
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