My 10 year old son has ADHD and refuses to do his school work. We have grounded him from just about everything. Have even spanked him recently. Still nothing. We always praise him when he does well. We have tried rewarding him when he does well. Giving him money for his grades. His teachers all say the same thing. He is unmotivated and doesnt even care when he gets a bad grade!!!!! We have lectured him about why he needs to do his work. We have had him reevaluated by his dr and increased his meds changed the meds decreased the meds. nothing is helping. i am so stressed out my Dh is stressed out as well. How do you get through to a child who just doesnt seem to care at all???
i am just wondering if there is something else that is bother him. it just seems wierd that he is not motivated by anything. have you asked him why he doesn't want to do his homework. i am sorry that i am not much help, but everything that you did is what i would have done.
we have asked him. had him checked for depression. he also has ODD which is oppositional defiant disorder. there are things in his life that would effect him and things recently have changed. however the problems started before the changes came. sooo i cant honestly point my finger at a certain situation. we have always had issues with him not doing his work but not to this degree. His birth mom moved back to town in December after not seeing or speaking to her for about a year. But the major problems started in October. Yes i do realize that not seeing or speaking to his birth mom for that long will bring on problems but its sadly not something new to us or him or his brother. Not to say he is use to it by any means. She has turned her life around and is actually using her visitations soooo if anything their relationship is getting better.
My almost 9 year old has ADHD and he does his homework at school, he is in a special ed class because he also has dyslexia and they make sure he has all the work (including his homework) done in class. he has been coming home happy since they have been doing this.
I also have a 10 year old that just want do his homework, never has no matter what. He gets great grades but than almost fails the class just from not his homework. So finally his teacher said we could try having him do his homework in class, well it worked great.
Try talking with his teacher see if there's time to do his homework in class, if they really care about helping him they will work with you. Maybe you can find a reward that works that he gets when he gets home if his homework got done at school.
Oh and the not being motivated by anything, I see that here with some of mine. Incase you didn't figure out my user name, I have 7 kids. Trust me when I say every child is different, LOL, just when we find what works for one we find out it doesn't work for any of the others.
he has 3 different classes not counting pe/health. each class has a different teacher. there is no way he can do homework in class. homework isnt really the problem. its the actual school work. he is failing horribly. has 30's and 40's for his averages. he is not dyslexic but my middle child is. that's a whole other story!!! we have tried giving him things we would pay him for being good each day and doing his work all that got us was a bad habit of him lying to get what he wanted.
Enroll him in Tae Kwon Do.
I just did that with my son to help him out in school. He's not officially diagnosed with anything nor on meds, but I'm sure there is something there.
My son was in his first class last night and I was listening in on what they were teaching while I worked out (they offer it at my Bally's) and I was very please with what they were teaching the kids. They were teaching them about that you need to respect yourself, your teachers, your parents, etc and that you need to tell your parents that you love them. I like it because they were teaching them values and also the kids are getting physical activity at the same time.
I tried putting my son in an afterschool program with other ADD and ADHD kids and he was picking up their bad habits. 
My husband and I made the decision to not re-enroll him for the next session.
Tae Kwon Do is a self-defense art, and it is the only martial arts sport currently allowed in the Olympics.
Double check his diagnosis. My "ADHD" kid is actually an Asperger's kid. The meds are similar, but the approach is completely different. Homework and organization are a nightmare, but there are things you can do to get around it. If you want the nitty gritty, PM me.
Double check his diagnosis. My "ADHD" kid is actually an Asperger's kid. The meds are similar, but the approach is completely different. Homework and organization are a nightmare, but there are things you can do to get around it. If you want the nitty gritty, PM me.
Oh yes I would do this also, too many DX ADHD too soon. Mine was tested 3 times from 3 different Dr.'s all 3 said he has ADHD.
BTW my ADHD child has many different teachers also, My 10 year old has 4 not counting PE, music, art, ect.
I'm so sorry his having a hard time. I know what it's like as a mother to see your child like this, it hurts. The next thing I would try would be his diet. I was one of those that though Yah right it doesn't matter what my kids eats he's always going to act up. Boy was I wrong. I don't have him on the full diet but I have cut of things I see him act up from after he eats it. Does he complain about headaches?
My 10 yr old has aspergers. As with most asperger kids she also is ADHD. She could spend all day on one paper. We realized a couple of years ago, that she knew all the information for her school work papers, so that wasn't the problem. Getting her to write it down on the paper was the problem. After discussing this with her teacher, we decided that making sure WHAT she knows it is the important part, NOT her writing it down. So, we do the writing for her when she is struggling. She also does well to do her work on the computer. So, when it suits her we have her do it on the computer. For work sheets I just have her type the answers and we print it out and staple it to her work sheet.
This may not help, but when we would go through a tough spell, and she wouldn't do any work, after an hour I would put it all back in the book bag. All I was doing was frustrating me and her. I hated how our evenings had become.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is. Hang in there.
Jennifer
like what foods do you limit? i only use fresh or frozen fresh vegetables no canned ones. limit red meat and no sodas. mostly water to drink for my family. even though i make cakes and such they dont normally get any and would much rather have a bowl of fruit. i know that fruit has natural sugars.
we are looking into the tae kwon do for the summer since he has to go to summer school we can see if it helps at all.
Well I see Tyler (my ADHD child) act up really bad when he has sugar and red dye at the same time so I was trying to just stop the foods I see him acting up with. Well that's hard so I have been looking into the ADHD diets and I'm going to start this one in 3 weeks (that's when school is out here).
http://www.oneaddplace.com/adhd-diet.php
and just go from there, if it helps him I will look into special diets more. there's a LOT of into on the web. If this doesn't help I'm going to talk with his Dr again. We have tried doing the meds, witch me and my husband just hate and Tyler was unable to handle them, upset his stomach to the point he wouldn't/couldn't eat, one gave him bad headaches. Oh I asked about your son having headaches, anyway that "can" be a sign of a food that is making them act up. Tyler will even tell me that his head hurts and he doesn't like the way he feels, he gets upset with him self after a "fit" and will come and tell me that his head hurts and doesn't feel good and cuddle with me.
Anyway back to what foods I limit, I have cut way back on sugar, dye, processed foods.
oh sorry no headaches arent a big problem for us. after a hard day art school he will have one. but its rare.
he is super thin but not under weight. his iron levels are always great. cholesterol is great blood pressure is normal and always has been. havent had his thyroid check yet are there any other blood test i should be asking for?
oh sorry no headaches arent a big problem for us. after a hard day art school he will have one. but its rare.
he is super thin but not under weight. his iron levels are always great. cholesterol is great blood pressure is normal and always has been. havent had his thyroid check yet are there any other blood test i should be asking for?
I'm not really sure about any other blood test to run.
I did not read all of the replies you recieved so I might repeat some things that the others have said but here goes.....
As the mom of five boys I know a bit about boys. They are a different kind of creature...LOL!!
I homeschooled my boys for five years and my oldest is 16 and just went to private school this year. He's in 10th grade. My youngest is still home with me he's 9 and he's in 3rd grade.
Let me say that we all learn differently. If I put DS#2 in a situation where his teacher would leacture him ( for an auditory learner) he would remember NOTHING! That's how he is.....he needs to have hands on activities, reading over things himself and repitition.
DS#3 can have you talk to him all day long and almost repeat things word for word back to you. If I'm grading a paper for him and he has a wrong answer he'll tell me what page in the book that the material is from.....99.9% of the time he's right.
DS#1 and DS#4 are very good a memory work so they read and read and retain things this way.......
Now.....DS#5 WOW!! If I had him in a regualr school setting I know they would tell me he has ADD/ADHD....I am so sure of this. It's hard teaching him things and it can be stressful. But...when they get it...THEY GET IT!! Sometimes we go over math facts until I think I'm going to fall asleep...the next day he'll tell me he doesn't know them...and then maybe the third of fourth day BINGO!!!!
You see, every child learns so differently so maybe you could ask the teacher if she's supplying enough hands on activities, over heard projectors for the visual learner....oral reading for the auditory learners etc.....
Have you ever asked him what is the easiest way for him to learn something? I know my guys love going to the library and they have DVDS and VHS tapes from National Geo...etc...and they love them and best of all....they are free!
There could also be a chance that school is boring him to death! He's probably really creative and I'd let him try different things like art..music etc.
HTH
Chrissy
There could also be a chance that school is boring him to death! He's probably really creative and I'd let him try different things like art..music etc.
That's a definate possibility. My son has no behavioral problems or anything but since about half way through first grade we've been having problems getting him to do more that rush through his work. He's reading well above grade level but he scored way lower than he should have on some of the tests last year, his teachers knew he did it the day they took the tests and they were mad at him because they knew he could do better. If it's work that he doesn't find boring then he works really hard at it.
well with mine he wouldn't know because normally he doesnt even look at it. straight in the backpack or trash it goes. we have asked if he was bored he said no that its to hard but when we go over his work with him he gets it no problem and when we ask what was hard he gets mad and says he doesnt know. which leads me to believe he isnt paying attention as to what the teacher has said to do and is confused. gets irritated and puts it "away"
well with mine he wouldn't know because normally he doesnt even look at it. straight in the backpack or trash it goes. we have asked if he was bored he said no that its to hard but when we go over his work with him he gets it no problem and when we ask what was hard he gets mad and says he doesnt know. which leads me to believe he isnt paying attention as to what the teacher has said to do and is confused. gets irritated and puts it "away"
You know it might not be that he isn't paying attention but more that he CAN'T, I know can't is an awful word. I have ADD and I joke that I have the attention span of a 3 year old but I truly can't focus on what I'm doing most of the time. If I have to do something I don't like (like when I was in school doing my work) it's really hard for me to complete it and I'm 33 and I understand that it HAS to be done. To give you and idea while typing this I have looked out the window 3 times and walked away from the computer once so far.
One thing you can try is giving your son caffeine, I know it sounds like the wrong thing to do but for a child with ADHD (and I believe ADD) the caffeine calms them down and helps them focus. Remember this part in the diet I gave you the link for?
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a) Make a cup of coffee, using one of General Mills' International Coffees, or something like that, with a flavor that you or your child will like (yes, I know I'm breaking my own rules here, as these coffees have dried milk and some sugar, but I'm trying to get your kid to actually drink the thing, and also get some caffeine mixed with the protein.). Pour the hot coffee into a blender with about 6 oz of ice. Turn on the blender for a bit.
b) Add a good quality protein powder. There are many good ones available. If you can't find one that you like, ask at your local health food store. Get protein powders that are mostly protein and very little carbohydrate. Add between 15 and 20 grams of protein to the cold coffee in the blender.
c) Turn on the blender again.
d) Drink it up.
This protein shake is helpful for a lot of people. For many small kids, and many adults, this recipe works about as well as a small dose of Ritalin (100 mg of caffeine is roughly the same as 5 mg of Ritalin). So many who might just take a small dose of Ritalin might get away with just doing this.
Don't forget, though, that even caffeine can have some side effects. Every once in a while we find someone that has problems with the caffeine in the coffee. Usually, though, the caffeine in the coffee helps the person to focus better. The protein helps to feed the brain. If you find this helpful, have one with Breakfast, and one around 3 pm. If it is not helpful, then don't bother with it.
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Also you can give him a soda just to see what happens. Think of something that is really hard for him to do, doing a puzzle, make paper airplanes, helping you cook something, sometime that he needs to be able to focus on. Worst that could happen is you give him caffeine and he goes wild for a bit, like most kids do after having caffeine and sugar. Own Dr. told us to try Dt. Dew because it has the most caffeine out of the sodas.
Thanks for that info mom2seven, I just forwarded it to my husband so see if he would like to try that w/ our son.
Let me know if you try it and how it goes if you do.
Our ped. that we had in FL even does this to help with DXing ADD & ADHD. He asked us to give Tyler the Mt. Dew and see how he acting from it before he did any of the testing. The Dr. said that if Tyler had acted up than chances are he didn't have ADD or ADHD, this isn't 100% true but is most of the time.
i read through that diet and i was shocked to see that. i was telling his birth mom who gets him every other weekend that dh and i wanted to try this new diet on him. and she said well then what will he eat???? i told her anything but what it says not to give him. she said that its stupid and probably isnt even the problem 
well thats great we only get him for 10 days at a time before she gets him again so the 2 week with out and slowly adding things back in just wont work for us. this infuriates me. i am going to try the coffee thing though. i assume its ok to still give him his reg meds along with this right???? he has had protein shakes before and likes them. my dh is a big health nut and buys protein powder all the time. so monday is going to be his first coffee drink. he is going to his birth moms this weekend so it will do no good to try anything new on him now she will not carry through with it.
mom2seven what part of dfw you in? i love to shop there. not much here in the chandler area!!!! 
i read through that diet and i was shocked to see that. i was telling his birth mom who gets him every other weekend that dh and i wanted to try this new diet on him. and she said well then what will he eat???? i told her anything but what it says not to give him. she said that its stupid and probably isnt even the problem
well thats great we only get him for 10 days at a time before she gets him again so the 2 week with out and slowly adding things back in just wont work for us. this infuriates me. i am going to try the coffee thing though. i assume its ok to still give him his reg meds along with this right???? he has had protein shakes before and likes them. my dh is a big health nut and buys protein powder all the time. so monday is going to be his first coffee drink. he is going to his birth moms this weekend so it will do no good to try anything new on him now she will not carry through with it. mom2seven what part of dfw you in? i love to shop there. not much here in the chandler area!!!!
Sorry the birth mom isn't open to this, maybe she will come around if she sees it's helping. It might also help if your son WANTS to do this, he's old enough to have a say in what he eats at his birth moms house. See if your ped. will talk with her.
I don't see any reason why he can't do the coffee drink while on meds, it's just that the caffeine works with some the same way the meds work. My ped. was the one that told us about the caffeine and was the same one that put Tyler on the meds.
I'm in Bedford.
yes i know where that is. i drive thru there going to my sisters in abilene. well he is old enough to say what he wants over there but that doesnt mean anyone will listen!!! before we try the coffee drink i think we may try cutting the foods out i mean 10 days is better than none at all and then just tell him what not to eat when he goes over there. they dont cook very much and are always at mcdonalds. i understand sometimes its late and you dont want to cook but in one weekend they will eat fast food about 3 or 4 times.
yes i know where that is. i drive thru there going to my sisters in abilene. well he is old enough to say what he wants over there but that doesnt mean anyone will listen!!! before we try the coffee drink i think we may try cutting the foods out i mean 10 days is better than none at all and then just tell him what not to eat when he goes over there. they dont cook very much and are always at mcdonalds. i understand sometimes its late and you dont want to cook but in one weekend they will eat fast food about 3 or 4 times.
Yes, I also think cutting the foods when he's with you is better than not at all. Like I said if it helps and he feels better than he will be more willing to watch what he eats at his birth moms house.
OK this morning i am so upset. I checked my email and had a message from his math teacher. She was concerned that his progress report had been signed by someone other then me or his dad. Since the handwriting looks awfully close to my sons. He told her i signed it i was mad when i saw it so i know that means its bad as usual. This is a new thing for him to do. He is just going down hill. I am so so so disappointed in him for this decision. We have made it clear that this is not ok when his brother tried it. I dont know what to do.
OK this morning i am so upset. I checked my email and had a message from his math teacher. She was concerned that his progress report had been signed by someone other then me or his dad. Since the handwriting looks awfully close to my sons. He told her i signed it i was mad when i saw it so i know that means its bad as usual. This is a new thing for him to do. He is just going down hill. I am so so so disappointed in him for this decision. We have made it clear that this is not ok when his brother tried it. I dont know what to do.
We had that happen once also, My son (8 at the time) got the whole nine yards about how wrong it was, how disappointed we were etc... Now my oldest just want show us and bad reports or even any notes for the teacher. Now he knows the teacher will call sooner or later but still we fight with him and this has been going on almost all year long. I'm not sure how to get thought to him.
I really feel for you, sorry I don't have a magic answer, (((BIG HUGS)))
thanks. it sucks because he is going to his birth moms today. she just had a baby yesterday so i know she isnt going to make him stick to being grounded. she will be too tired to. im not even sure she would even if she hadnt just had a baby. im about to call his dr. we arent getting the results we had hoped for with the new meds. i really just dont know what to do anymore.
thanks. it sucks because he is going to his birth moms today. she just had a baby yesterday so i know she isnt going to make him stick to being grounded. she will be too tired to. im not even sure she would even if she hadnt just had a baby. im about to call his dr. we arent getting the results we had hoped for with the new meds. i really just dont know what to do anymore.
Hang in there, sometimes things aren't as bad as it seems. I mean your probably stressed about him going to his birth moms (sounds like you two don't get alone to begin with) than you add in all the other things, meds not working well, him signing his report it just feels like your at the end of your rope and there's nothing else you can do and you can't handle even one more problems.
If this were my child I would remind him he is not off the hook on being grounded that you will talk about this more when he gets back home and he will be punished for his actions.
When does he come back? Was it 10 days?
no its just for the weekend that he is gone. comes back sunday. we have him for 10 days then they go back to her house for 2 more days.
we get along ok for now. but its a forced get along on my part. she has hurt these boys in so many ways. then she comes back pregnant and she doesnt even take care of these two. it infuriates me. she lets them do what they want and they come back home in that mind frame. it takes us about 3 days to get them back to normal. its a huge frustration and its getting very old super fast. she has been MIA fr the past 9 years. seeing them maybe 3 times a year. they have been through a lot with her.
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