I can't believe she got so snotty over trying to go over the kitchen rules with her. I'm not Jewish . . . but I dated a Sephardic Jew who kept kosher for almost 4 years . . . my head still spins over how many little things you have to remember!!! If anything, she should have been grateful for the refresher course . . . in my opinion, if you don't practice keeping kosher every day you are bound to screw something up. Especially using the shul's kitchen . . . if she does something wrong, won't it screw things up for the cleanliness of the kitchen??? If I was the Rabbi I would have a talk with her about manners and respect for others. She can be a snot when it comes to cooking in her own kitchen, but using a community kitchen requires a bit more attention than she obviously pays.
Grrrr . . . I'm glad you turned her down the way you did. Shes a brat, plain and simple.
YES -- sometimes you MUST call out a person for their lying, deceitful, if not even criminal behavior --
otherwise -- no matter how "professional," how "noble," how "dignified" you behave you STILL LOOSE!!!
and calling them out just may mean SUE THEM INTO SILENCE and to expose them for the dastardly person they are.
it's an axiom in the PR business that do something RIGHT and your lucky if even 3 people hear about it. Do something wrong and you'll be lucky if LESS THAN 10 people hear about it.
Bad/gossip/rumors/innuendos travel fast and far -- taking on a life of their own -- and often grow w/ embellishment.
after all --- when was the last time you heard a rumor about how "nice" someone was?
(so, have you called your lawyer yet?!)
Well Doug, I decided to hold off on the lawyer for now (you are too funny!) Thankfully, the people she badmouthed me in front of know me and know her, so that isn't an issue. They know she doesn't know what she is talking about! 
KatieTaylor77, you are so right! You don't even need to be out of practice to make mistakes, it happens all the time. My Rabbi once said that he has known many people who won't eat in a person's house unless they know they have an "oops" bin for all the things that need to be rekashered due to mistakes! It's just part of the life, and you're right, when you are in a community kitchen the rules and procedures are going to be different no matter how strict you are at home. Thankfully, she won't be doing any food prep without supervision, and thankfully it won't be me!!! 
As far as I can tell this is now over. She sent me one final email, still snotty, basically telling me that next time I should let her handle things on her own so there aren't any problems! You would think I hunted her down and begged her to let me cater her event, rather than her contacting me. Oh well, my kids are sick and my company can't come on Shabbos, so I think I will stay home and enjoy a restful day Saturday. 
Kathi
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