I hope it is okay that I am posting this, but it's been on my mind the last two days. I found out two days ago that a friend of mine, since we were born we have always been close. Well she lives about three hours away from us, me and her family, while attending college. About a year ago she was beaten and raped by a man who forced his way into her apartment. She didn't tell anyone until about a year ago, she broke down and told her mother two weeks ago. She doesn't want anyone to know or talk to anyone about this. She is a beautiful person, very pretty and he told her she deserved it because she fixed up so. Her mother told me and my family and her sisters and farther, but that's the only people who know. I am really worried about her. I don't feel like I need to talk to her about it, because she hasn't told me. I can't imiagne what she is going through. She is actually so scared that she has no friends, talks to no one, and has know moved to a gated retirement community because she doesn't feel safe. Between this and losing my grandfarther this last month has been so rough.

I'm so sorry. That's so sad!

since her mom told you...you are obviously a trusted "member of the family" and viewed not just as "a friend"

invite her for a visit or go visit her and gently bring up the subject.

maybe her mom could pave the way.

thats tough. I would just say to be her friend. Just be open to anything that she has to say. good luck

Get in touch with her and let her open up. If you can get her to speak about it make sure she get involved with a support system in her area. She needs to talk and she needs to understand that it was not her fault. He stole from her an innocence that she needs to deal with. Just be there for her to talk. I hope she was checked out for any diseases.

I'm pm-ing you.

This happened to our daughter, too. Fortunately, she felt comfortable enough to come to us and tell us right away. Please get in touch with your friend's mother and recommend that they find SOME kind of counseling for her. Most communities these days have a rape crisis hotline you can contact -- they can then send you on to various therapists and counselors. Encourage the mom to encourage her daughter to seek out all of that kind of help she can find. If there's a local women's shelter where she lives ... a rape crisis hotline ... a Women's Center ... those would be all good places to go. Is she still a college student? They should have resources for her to access, as well.

I know from experience that she does NOT want to talk about this to anyone right now -- our daughter told us right away, thank god, but she still did NOT want anyone else to know about it. Sh wasn't ready to talk about it to anyone outside the immediate family until 6 months after the event, and after considerable counseling.

Your friend needs professional counseling help to get her through this relatively intact -- please exhort her mother to do everything she can to find it for her.

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry your friend had this horrible thing happen to her.

I have still not been able to talk to her. I think about her alot and wish I could do something. I am just going to wait and a time will present itself were it feels right. I think that if I wait till the times right, the lord will be with me and give me the right words to say and help her. Thank you for what you've said. I do hope that she gets help soon, they are trying to get her in with a really good lady locally.

That must be extremly hard. When I was younger I had a close call, well definately way too close for me. I put myself in a compromising position and when I said stop he didnt. There were friends in the next room but I was too embarresed to call out, and it all happened so fast. One of the guys busted through the door because he thought it would funny to disturb us. It stopped and I got away. I never told anyone either.

I know I still have issues with that. I freak out if I have an argument with my husband and he wont let me leave the room. If we're playing around and he pins me down to kiss me, I freak out. I've had to explain this whole embarassing event to my now husband. It's hard and I didnt even go though what your friend did.

I agree, I think she may need some counseling but I just hope the door will open up. She needs to talk to someone and be able to feel safe again, and to know it is NOT her fault.

This is sad...but I know from experience that she really does need to talk about it. I had multiple things happen to me as a young child and I never told anyone until I was grown. And then it was because I had a breakdown and it all came to a head. By then it had affected me in so many ways because I didn't deal with it like it should have been dealt with. If you are good friends like it sounds that you are, she might appreciate you coming to her one on one and just saying no more than that you know what happened, you love her, it's NOT her fault, and if she needs any ANY thing at all, you're there for her. She's more than likely embarassed, ashamed, blaming herself, and feeling very alone. She needs to know that her feelings are normal but that she isn't alone. If there is any advice I can give, I would love to help. I can tell you that it took a lot for me to finally see a psychologist about this. I thought that made me crazy, but it really does help! I'll keep you both in my prayers....

Last week she came home from college to spend some time with her family. She knows that we know, but she told her mother she just wasn't ready to talk to anyone about it just yet. She saw a psychiatrist two times last week and she said it really helped and she would go back and continue to see her. They are making appointments to get her checked physically, for Aids and other diseases. Right now they are really worried about that possibility.
We live in a very small town, and this spread very easily and quickly. She left because of a very bad break-up, so it would really bother her if this were to get out. She has to go back to school in a few weeks, so we are all just planning activities while she's her to keep her busy. We want to let her know that we love her and life is still worth living.
Thank you all for your prayers, and please remember her and her family. Thank you guys, you are awesome!