I need advise, here's my story
I am a 45 year old mother of 2. My children are grown but are ages 21 and 22. I also have 2 grandchildren.
I reside in a state I was not born in. I do have family in my birth state, most importantly an elderly father.
I really miss the state to which I moved from and constantly contemplate the idea of moving back, but having trouble with the decision because my children are here. My daughter-in-law is very controlling so even though I love my grandchildren, I can't really be the grandparent I'd like to be,. so at this point the grandchildren are not the issue.
I do want the Lord's will and I pray about it, but I guess I'm not good at hearing the answer.
I have lived in the state I'm residing in 12 LONG years. It is very depressing to think of living here the rest of my life, almost heartbreaking.
I don't want to be selfish and only think of myself. My husband is behind me either way., which is wonderful but not helpful in making this hard decision. I love my children very much and so afraid of doing the wrong thing. My husband says we can move and if it doesn't work out, we can come back.....that sounds good, but we are not spring chickens and I'mworried about the job situation. UGH!!
ADVISE PLEASE 
I hope you find your answer .... You will find the answer just believe!
Lorabell:
My husband is in the Navy and so we moved away from our family over 10 years ago. It is hard at times - especially when someone is ill. We do get to see my family at least 3 times a year. I wish my children could be around their grandparents more. My mom moved away from where we all grew up about 7 years ago and I know she still has difficulty with moving away from everyone but at times we are both glad that we live 1,000 a miles away!
Have you talked to your children about it? Do you have good friends where you live now? If you are that unhappy with where you are at now then I would move. Is it possible that you could move back for about 6 months to a year to see how you like it?
It is not an easy decision to make and I wish you all the luck. I am going to be in your boat in a few years when my husband retires because our oldest will be a freshman in college. Keep praying about it - the Lord will lead you in the path he has chosen for your.
Lorabel:
I understand somewhat your situation. It was a hard decision to move when we did a little over a year ago. I had lived in Ohio most of my life (about 20 years of it). I went to school and college there. All my friends were there. Then my parents and my brother decided to move to Washington and Oregon, which is where the rest of my dad's family is from. I had to choose between living where I was used to living (and with all my best friends) and moving to where my family is. I always hated Ohio's weather and the only really good reason we had to stay was our friends. My husband's family lives in Mexico.
so we decided to try a new life and move out here to WA. We're very happy with our decision. My husband has a better job here. I am happy with my baking and my part-time job. My kids are happy. I get to see my grandmother weekly (she's 89 years old) and that is a blessing in itself. At no other time in my life will I have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as now and hopefully for a few more years too.
I think that to be near your elderly father would be worth it.
ultimately though, it's your decision. Do what's right for you. I think you know what is in your heart.
Thank you for the responses, I truly appreciate the advise. Yes, moving is what is in my heart, the ONLY reason I would stay is for my children., but the thought of living here the rest of my life is so sad for me.
The thought of leaving my children is very hard!
Ye, I do have some good friends there I love my church here and have made some good friends. I told my husband though, you know how it is, if we left that church for any reason, I would probably not see many of those people again. It's like when you leave a job, you always say "lets keep in touch", but you never do.
The state I live in does not have the connection for me that my home state does., including all my favorite place to go. Is that selfish? Is it ridiculous to miss the places that I always loved to go? See I'm afraid I'm putting more value on that than my children????, but I love my children dearly.
UGH
Besides there is nothing more fun for a grandchild then going on a road trip to see Grandma and Grandpa! 
You can't change your daughter-in-law, but you can sit down with her and calmly discuss with her your feelings and that you are in the process of deciding whether to move away or not.
bird analogy:
birds grow up -- leave the nest.
after they're gone -- mom leaves it TOO
they've already flown the coop (left you) -- so don't get hung up on you leaving them -- they left first!
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Love is not a product of or bound by proximity.
you don't have to be THERE to still love them at let them know it.
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kids AND Parents need THEIR space.
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no you're not being selfish -- you have to live for yourself TOO and NOT just for the kids.
they have their OWN lives -- now time for you to get your own too.
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personal example: I left first
sis left next
parents moved to florida 2 months after she left for a "3 month visit" --- which became permanent -- came back only long enough to sell the house
Here's another perspective. My husband is an only child and my MIL follows us from place to place. While in MANY ways this is great as we can help her when she needs help and she can help us when we need help, the flip side is that none of us really like each other's company. My MIL is a PITA to me (think of the mom from Everybody Love Raymond and how she treated the wife and you get the gist) and my MIL and DH ALWAYS bicker when together.
She's terribly unhappy here and knows NO ONE and since she's afraid to drive, she isn't meeting anyone either - believe I've TRIED to get her more acclimated, but she literally lives just for our interactions which might be part of the reason she's always so irritable - she's putting TOOOOOO much on us for her happiness and we don't succeed.
For a couple years we lived in Canada and she stayed in the states adn for our sanity it was MUCH nicer except that we couldn't help her out and now that she is aging, she needs our help more and more.
So, my "other" question to you is - what if you move and YOU need help? Will there be a support system in your home state? or not? Do you think MOVING back will recapture what you lost? Could you vacation for a few weeks to see if you really DO miss the things you thought you missed? Sometimes our memories tend to misremember things. Plus, places and times change and so on.
Anyway... just more to ponder.
Melissa
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