Michelle104 had a great idea after I sent her a joke so I thought I would try this. If you would like to post please do, whether once a day or more, because we all have days we need something that will make us laugh.
I hope you enjoy and post some of your own! 
Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad
Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased
Yes! I told you! I can definitely be a "MAD COW"!!!!!! 
Lol, isn't that the truth?
I think I'm gonna like this thread...I really need a pick-me-up laugh in the morning .(I am NOT a morning person)
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own blanket!"
Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida to attend their granddaughters' graduation from medical school.
Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit one of their grandsons in Kansas for a night. Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the medicine cabinet. He asked his grandson about using one of the pills.
The grandson said, "I don't think you should take one, Grandpa. They're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"Around $10.00 a pill," answered the grandson.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one. We'll be leaving early in the morning, so I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the grandson found $110.00 under the pillow. He immediately called Grandpa on his cell phone and said, "Grandpa, I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in
the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation
8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've
tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Desperate
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try
to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is
a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in
the background that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Dangerous Food
===============
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we
put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach
lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous,
and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our
drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row
raised his hand, and softly said,
"Wedding Cake."
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.
Yep! These are hilarious!!! I have such a hard time remembering jokes once I hear them though!! Sorry girls!!! I'll try harder!!! 
If you ever get these two environments confused, this should make things a little bit clearer...
IN PRISON......you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK........you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON......you get three meals a day.
AT WORK........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON......you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK........you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON......the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........you're often required to carry a security card and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON......you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK........you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.....you get your own toilet.
AT WORK........you share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON......they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........you're not supposed to even speak to your family.
IN PRISON......all expenses are paid by the taxpayers.
AT WORK........you pay all your expenses to get to work, and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON .....you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK........they're called managers.
IN PRISON......you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK .......you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
Three guys -- a farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an engineer -- are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie.
The farmer says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile."
Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can
come into our precious state."
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall
around those countries.
The engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and
completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out -- it's
virtually impenetrable."
The engineer says, "Fill it with water."
A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per
hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across
at her and speaks in a clear voice " I know we've been married for twenty
years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and
she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60.
"I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the
bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This
makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.
"The airbag."
OK, I think that's all, my work email is now cleaned out. LOL.
Amish Elevator
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
A Period
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
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