My opinion, if you are not friends and don't really get along. don't do it!
If you are friends, why not to go along and do it. (For me it seems that you are friends because strangers don't invite themselves over to your house.) But i would call her and say that we do it in her house. And just to be on the safe side if you don't want to make the girl a present, i would tell the mother that i bring everything from the cupcakes to frosting and some litlte sprinkles or gummy candy kit to decorate, but this would be our present for the girl.
I really don't see a problem especially if your kids are friends. Doesn't sound like she is trieing to take advantage of you. Ps. maybe she mentioned the cupcakes so you wouldn't bring present just cupcakes.
I say, if you don't like her, don't like the kids, and don't really want your families associating, then say no. You don't have to come up with a reason, just say I don't think it is going to work out. A far as her taking advantage of you making the cupcakes, I don't think that was in her scope of thinking. A box of cake mix is usually less expensive than a tub of frosting. I am sure she thought it would be a 50/50 thing. I did something like she is suggesting for my daughters 6th birthday party. I made each girl a heart shaped mini cake, gave them each a dish with two colors of frosting in it, and had a lazy susan with multiple sprinkles on it in the middle of the table. They had a blast putting on the frosting and a mountain of sprinkles on each of their cakes. My daughter loved it so much she wants to do it again this year. Kids love to be in control. Even if you don't do it with this lady it is a fun project and the mess is not that big of a deal. Nothing a wet rag can't handle. =0) Someone on here said that they charge 15.00 dollars a head for this kind of a project..... how did you decide on that price? It seems a bit on the high side to me. Of course I am no professional, but as a mom on a budget, I am curious.
Believe it or not we aren't friends, she's the mother of a child my child plays with on the bus. Sometimes she comes over with her kids so they can play but that's it, we live in a rural area. Most of the time when I talk to her it's because her kid calls five times or more a day, from before my child gets home from school until after his bedtime.
She isn't the kind of person who doesn't want her kid to get presents, she likes to get what she can from people. When the kids first started playing she talked to me alot but when she found out I wasn't going to drive them around and stuff like that she didn't talk to me nearly as much. The reason I won't drive them around is that I have a car and not enough seat belts for all five kids and two grownups.
I think that some are painting the picture that Mbelgard is being selfish by not wanting to do this project. I don't think that is the case at all. From what I am reading, this woman is just trying to force herself and her children on her. I am glad to have people into my home for lots of occassions but I'd much rather it be my idea. My grandchildren love staying with me and we bake together but I wouldn't want all the neighbor kids here doing the same. I have a house full of collectibles and my grandkids know what they can play with and what to leave alone.
I think if she went along with this, it would open the door to this woman thinking she could be a guest anytime so the children could play together. If her son only associates with this girl on the bus then they aren't really close friends. I would say this woman should get her kids involved in some public activities like the YMCA or children's library groups. If her daughter has behavioral problems, her doctor should suggest activities for her.
Just my opinion.
Diane
I think that some are painting the picture that Mbelgard is being selfish by not wanting to do this project. I don't think that is the case at all. From what I am reading, this woman is just trying to force herself and her children on her. I am glad to have people into my home for lots of occassions but I'd much rather it be my idea. My grandchildren love staying with me and we bake together but I wouldn't want all the neighbor kids here doing the same. I have a house full of collectibles and my grandkids know what they can play with and what to leave alone.
I think if she went along with this, it would open the door to this woman thinking she could be a guest anytime so the children could play together. If her son only associates with this girl on the bus then they aren't really close friends. I would say this woman should get her kids involved in some public activities like the YMCA or children's library groups. If her daughter has behavioral problems, her doctor should suggest activities for her.
Just my opinion.
Diane
Thank you. I don't mind doing decorating projects with kids when it's my idea and they sit still for more than 2 seconds. If it was a friend or relative asking it would be fine, the thing that's strange to me is that she isn't a friend, just someone I know, and this girl is 3 years older than my son.
So, just say no.
If you feel the need to explain, tell her that you feel there is a big difference between 10 year old girls and 7 year old boys and you are not sure he's ready to hang out with kids so much older. Would you let him hang out with a 10 year old boy? Especially if he was just a bus acquaintance?
This should get you out of the whole thing, instead of having to make excuses each time she comes up with a new idea.
Don't mention behavioral problems or any of that.
Just tell her the age difference is too much for your comfort.
The end.
What about that idea?
by the way,
maybe this girl has a hopeless crush on your son and never lets up about the fact that he missed her party and to appease her, her mom came up with a way for the two of them to celebrate.
As I said above, if you use the age factor as reasoning, you will have better leverage to end the phone calls too. Though, the fact that you are the parents and control incoming calls to your children should be enough for you to end that as well.
Will this help?
Edited to add: I know the age factor is not your reasoning. But it is a factor that cannot be changed. So, it is the perfect excuse to solve all and any further discussion about them having get-togethers in the future. ( I am assuming that is ultimately what you want. )Your children's age factor will always remain a constant. She will always be 3 years older.
She can't argue the facts your decision is based on if you use this reason. And you won't look bad. Unfortunately, you might look bad if you told her the absolute truth.
mbelgard,
I think you have answered your own question. From what I have read that you have posted, you are not now nor have you ever been close friends with this woman or her children. Be completely honest with her and just tell her that you do not want to do it because you don't feel comfortable with the whole idea. Now if she wants to plan a party at her house and invite your children over and you allow them to go, then that is something different and much more acceptable. If she mentions anything else about the cupcakes, just tell her how much you will charge her for you to make the cupcakes. This will probably work the same way as you not driving the kids around. She'll just stop asking.
Just remember that being completely honest is always the best thing to do.
Lazy_Susan 
One box of DH cake mix: 88 cents
Three eggs: 30 cents
1/4 cup of oil: 5 cents
Water: 1 cent
15 paper baking cups: 50 cents
The happiness a bunch of kids feel decorating their own cupcakes: PRICELESS[/quote]
AMEN........AMEN........AMEN.......
I made 5 little cake for my 3 kids my stepdaughter....and her sister (my husband's ex wife's child from a previous relationship)........and they decorated them by themselves......the kids were 13,10,6,3,and 2.......and let me tell you.......you'd be surprised at how little of a mess they made......covered the table in plastic and it was as simple as that......they really didn't try to get up from the table until they were completely finished..........and they LOVED it, probably a memory they will keep with them forever!!!!!!!!!
Again I will say that the cost of this is not the problem. It's the opening the door to future "get togethers" that are not really a welcome idea. I admire you, KHalsted, for doing this for your kids and stepdaughter and her sister, but that is not everyone's "cup of tea". I assume that in doing this, it was your idea, and not someone who is not really a friend or a relative. I think Mudpie and LazySusan have the right idea about just being honest with her and ending the whole ordeal.
Diane
Don't do it. Life it too short and your time is too valuable to be with people you don't enjoy.
You could check with your son first, if he is totally excited about the idea contact the Mom an say ok, but that your house won't be available that day. Could you possibly do it at her house. Set a time limit too. Be specific, make an appointment or something so you have to leave say after two hours - and you wouldn't be lying. I've been friends with people who were needy - I thought I could help them in some way. But it is very draining and really does zap the engery you have to help your own family. I know it sounds selfish, but even if I do like someone, sometimes I've made a conscious choice not to be close friends, just because I don't have the time or engergy.
Hi KHalstead :
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW 
If you don't like her and don't want your kids associating for whatever the reason, be as honest as you can with her without hurting feelings and just tell her that although the kids play together, you think the age difference between your son and her daughter doesn't make for the type of friendships you support.
I have to say that I don't really understand that unless I've missed a few posts, which is possible. I've had numerous playdates at my house that consist of me baking cakes and cookies and letting the kids decorate them however they choose. It's a lot of fun for them. Maybe she is just suggesting an activity for a playdate more than any part of a bday celebration. That's what it sounds like.
Kids don't care where the icing is coming from. They just want to play and so what if their friends are a little older or a little younger as long as they are supervised activities that are age appropriate I wouldn't have a problem with it.
I think that some are painting the picture that Mbelgard is being selfish by not wanting to do this project.
I think if mbelgard had maybe worded her original post a little clearer, then there wouldn't have been so many conflicting posts about what she should or shouldn't do. In her original post, there was no mention of her being uncomfortable with the age difference, she didn't say this woman had been nagging her for rides, etc., or that the woman was someone that she had absolutely no interest in becoming friends with. She made it sound like her issue was with the woman having an idea of the kids decorating cupcakes with knives, and that she was asked to supply the cupcakes minus frosting, and that the woman asked to do it at her house. My response might have been a bit different if mbelgard had made her feelings about this woman clear from the beginning, but that wasn't really concrete, at least to me anyway, until the last couple of posts she made.
well, I didn't read ALL of the replies on this, So I am replying to you. First I do not understand why she would ask you to have it at your house. Okay, I wouldmake the cupcakes and she should have it with her bad child at her house and allow your child to come over there to enjoy! I amy be way off, but that is my tought on the matter.
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