This is long and not at all about cakes but I had to vent and see what all of you wonderful people would do if you were in my shoes. ok the back story is that my DH never had a relationship with his dad or his 3 siblings growing up he saw them every once in awhile but it was always very rocky and he stopped talking to them for 10 years well 3 years ago after we had our second child I encouraged my husband to get back in touch with that side of his family seeing that I had no family in the area and I wanted our kids to have grandparents around and its been a long road trying to build a relationship with them while things have been nice with his dad its always been a struggle with his dads wife and there 3 kids togther we have gone over there twice a month for 3 years and it was starting to feel ok at least not so unfomfortable anymore. so cut to last night we were all sitting around laughing about things and I had the giggles and my DH caught onto that and was makeing me laugh unconroable well one of there kids shes 21 (and the most spoiled immature person you would ever meet) decieded to tell her mom as soon as my DH and I left the room that we were laughing and makeing fun of the mom because she was bent over which was not at all in any way the case but sure enough her mom believed her and was hurt and upset and danielle thats the DD was yelling at me and my husband saying really awful things in front of my children mind you saying we were not wanted there and calling my DH mom a crack you know what just being really hurtful nobody even wanted to hear our side of the story so we left and while i expect this kind of behavior from there brat kids I did not expect it from them espcially my FIl and now my husband says he wont go back that he wont talk to them anymore and I dont know what I should do should I reach out? even though we did nothing wrong? i'm so hurt they would believe for a second that I would laugh at her or make fun of her the worst part is after 3 long years we had finally started to think of them as family and it just all went down hill in one immature child throwing a fit.
What my reaction would be to that, wouldn't be fit for polite company.
But if only for your own sanity, if it would make you feel better about the situation, why not write them a note apoligizing for the misunderstanding. Do expect it not to be well recieved but at least you can be at peace with yourself. Please leave out about the daughter being imature and starting trouble.
JMHO
Your best bet is to talk to the father and let him know that he needs to at least hear your side of the story. Do not let it turn into a yelling match. If he won't act like a responsible adult and at least listen to what you have to say then either hang up the phone and or just walk out, stating "When you are ready to talk to me like a grown adult please let me know. But until then I do not have to stand (or listen to this) and be treated like I am a small immature child that does not know how to behave."
Thankyou for your responses I have thought about both options espcially the note as I do really want to at least get our side of the story heard and in all fairness to my FIl he was not in the house during all of this but we had hoped he would at least make the call today to hear our side of the story at this point I do not think it is my place to do anything but encourage my husband to reach out to them when he feels like he can this is his family after all but my DH is very upset and hurt and he feels betrayed much the same as he did when he was a child and his dad would favor his kids with his current wife over him Iam heartbroken for my husband i'm upset that it has come to this I imagine even if we talked agian it would be a very very long road before we ever felt comfortable agian I guess that is what is the most bothersome other than the fact that my kids were present and wittnessed all of this I'm just stunned I do not come from a family where any one would ever behave this way so its not something I know how to deal with but at this point I think its best to let my DH process his feelings and deciede what his next move will be.
I've been there and feel your pain. I am not sure how I feel about the note idea, only because of a situation I went through similar and the notes sent to me became a problem. I know you wouldn't write a note like that, you sound very kind and sincere about the whole thing, but people tend to twist written words. I would try talking it out at first if you can. If not, then definitely write as simple a note as possible.
I hope for the best. Good Luck!
I'm sorry this has happened. Can you call your FIL and tell him your side and what really happened or no. It's sad that you all were just starting to get close and some idiot would say something to ruin it out of being jelous. I can't blaim your DH this has probably hurt him more than anything else. How dare his dad (close or not) not even listen to what he had to say and take that lil' brats side that's full of lies.
after much encouragement my DHfinally called his dad and they talked and my DH explained his side of things his dads reponse was well that is danielle for you like it is no big deal like we should just accept her behavior because that is how she is no matter that she said horriable things and caused big fight my DH wants to be forgiving and have a relationship with his dad but from my stand point if his dad would like to come and visit he can but I do not feel welcome in there home and will not return there I should be the bigger person I know but at least for now I cannot get over them jumping to her defense when she was completly in the wrong thats not what family does I did have to call my parents today to agian thank them for being such wonderful people whom I can always count on to be loving and fair and non-judgmental I have always had a really great relationship with my parents and I always thought my DH was exaggerating a little because how could someone's parents really be that bad its just not the example I had growing up but now i know more than ever to be thankful for the parents I have.
I can't blaim you for not wanting to go back. I'm glad your DH and FIL talked but something didn't happen that should have. Why was there no appology from the MIL and FIL's end? They owe you both a BIG one. Especially the nasty 21 year old that started it all, she should be the one to make amends between everyone since she started the whole mess just for kicks.
I dont know I really dont they seem to blow it off as that just the way she is I told my DH not trying to be mean but whatever they did to raise there kids remind me to do the opposite because they really do have very spoiled bratty grown kids there 21 and 25 live at home there mom works full time but still packs them a lunch makes there breakfeast and dinner washes there clothes and sheets runs there errands buys there things its incrediable to watch just yesterday i watched there 25 year old son whine on and on that mom had not made his sandwhich yet and when was she going to clean his sheets now im only 26 and a mother of 2 and a wife I could not imagine still having my mommy do these things for me I told my DH I think our 7 year old is about ready to do his own laundry 
it's just one tiny example of how spoiled and bratty these kids are my FIl even told my DH they are threatend by his prencense hmm maybe its because they are now seeing they way grown ups act.
There's a reason I live 75 miles away from my family ..... I don't have to deal with this kind of stuff anymore. Life is SO less stressful for me AND for my hubby, my kids, and my grandkids.
There are some people I just don't want my children around due to their inappropriate behavior.
I'm glad your DH and FIL talked and at least one person in that household knows the truth.
you just said the problem. They are threatend by your DH and I bet they want to ruin the relationship. Everytime you all go over there you just remind them of how old they are and how they have nothing to show for it. Yes, they are living the sweet life with their mom as their own personal servent but they are also to the point with wanting more out of life. Just too lazy to do anything about it though. Just my opinion. My BIL is 27 and still lives at home with my MIL. She does a lot for him, but he also has mental issues. He's bi-polar and fried part of his brain off of drugs. He hates living at home because he want's to be on his own but just can't handle it. They are probably so use to having everything handed to them that they are afraid to go out on their own and in that sence don't want to. At least the FIL realizes that they are threatend. I still think he should appologize though!!!!!!
I've been in this position.
You've done what you can do. The daughter isn't going to change and the parents aren't going to apologize or force her. At this point, I think you are right to stay away and let things rest. Let them come to you. If they don't, the loss isn't a great one and you can adopt some fabulous older adults as grandparents for your kids as we've had to with ours.
Rachel
(Now imagine me pulling my hair out and screaming at the top of my lungs) That's how I feel about mine 
I wonder if voodoo dolls really work.... 
just kidding! I hope your situation gets better soon! I here you. I have the in-laws from heck.
One example - while my husband was in training with the military, my SIL sat outside my apartment in her car spying on me to make sure I wasn't cheating on DH.
A mutual friend came over to bring me something and based on that my MIL called 3 chaplains in order to get a hold of DH, who was pulled out of training to have an emergency phone call from MIL that I was cheating on him.
When that didn't work, she called CPS and made up a whole bunch of bogus charges to have them come and investigate me.
Yeah. I have in-law issues.
Rachel
Holy Moly, Rachel! Yours really (pardon the pun here) takes the cake!
When you factor in that most people judge others by their own actions, doesn't it make you wonder what the heck is going on in THEIR lives to make them so suspicious of everyone else?????
I remember as a kid (like, 10 years old) I would go out with my mom, my aunt and my cousin and drive around to all the bars to see if they could see my uncle and my cousin's hubby in a bar with some woman. There were even a few times that they sent me (a 10 year old kid!) up to look in the bar window to see if I could see 'em! It was almost a weekly adventure for them, like it was their version of going to the movies!
I'm glad I live 75 miles away from all of that!
Yeah, we moved 3000 miles to get away from them. Life has never been so peaceful. 
Rachel
Rachel, Maybe YOU should be the one to look into the voodoo doll thing....just kidding. I don't believe in that but sometimes I wished I did and that it worked. Your MIL and SIL make mine almost nice, note I said almost.
Hang in there sister! At least we have CC to vent about them to keep from losing our minds.
Yeah, well - the most recent action we had to take against them was that any and all contact that our family has with them goes through my husband. Mostly because I've always been the nice one trying to keep contact so that the kids could have them in their lives. When they had the cojones to tell my husband that I was plotting to keep the kids and him away from them, I said - FINE. Now I don't have anything to do with them and any relationship is based on my husband - who doesn't want to try and has a hard time remembering things that I always remembered.
It's worked out very nice.
Rachel
wow you guys make my in-laws sound nice and actually my
fil is nice and very thankful I have brought his son back into his life but his kids with his current wife have always been the problem and while the step MIL can be really nice shes also as we learned the other night always going to jump to the defense of her kids no matter what the truth is. we do live about 45 min from them so at least they are not stocking us. It just all boils down to there children being spoiled and threatend and my FIL feeling caught in the middle so my husband and I have decieded at least for now the FIL can come and visit us here but seeing as we were told we were not welcome in his house we will not be returning. bad thing for him to they just moved into a new house and my husband fixed the water pipes installed all the appliances and bathroom fixtures built them a fence the list goes on i'm sure they will be missing us when they have to hire someone to do there work.
See, my father-in-law is scary, but not bad and he's stuck in the middle too. He hates the constant crap my MIL is pulling and I hate it because I'd really like him to have a relationship with BJ & Sean. But, he has to side with his wife in the end, cuz he sleeps next to her. :-/ Too bad.
Rachel
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