when your husband is not supportive of learning how to make cakes?
I have been a SAHM for nine years and my youngest is now 3, getting ready to go to preschool. While I have loved being home for my kids and plan to do so for years to come, I really feel the need to do something for me. I want to take the Wilton courses and possibly start a small home biz making cakes for friends and such. When my youngest goes to kindergarten full time I would like to find a part time job decorating cakes.
The problem? My husband is just not supportive at all. He doesn't like the fact that I will be leaving the house for a couple of hours once a week at night leaving him with the kids. And, he thinks that I should just concentrate on cleaning the house full time.
Do any of you run into resistance with your spouses? How do you handle it?
I just turned 40 and feel it is my time to do something for me! I need a new challenge in life.
Hi there
My hubby is rather hormonal on this issue. He is all in for me doing a small business (for friends & family at the moment) etc but when I am in the kitchen it means I am not spending time with our 2yr old or him so he gets all huffy about it.
One minute he tells me to buy something if I need it then next it is what did you buy that for!
i can't win! And as I am just learning he doesn't give much praise for the cakes and cookies I make.
But he does like the burnt or regect ones........so he can test them out.
I feel for you, just keep your chin up and show him who's the boss!!!
Wendy
I refuse to be politically proper on this issue. He's a control freak who thinks a woman's place is to serve "her man". How DARE you want some time to yourself or want to be gone "a couple of hours"! Your "job" is to clean the house, woman!
Look...... been there, done that, escaped with my life, never looked back.
I DO apologize for sounding harsh, but scenarios like this send up red flags to me that you wouldn't believe.
I feel for you. My DH is about half half...he loves that I enjoy it and is supportive enough, as long as it doesn't seem too wastful for him. I can not do practice cakes or give aways as that takes money out of our pockets. We just moved and I am trying to get my name out there but it is hard if I can't give away some freebees so people know what their getting into.
I refuse to be politically proper on this issue. He's a control freak who thinks a woman's place is to serve "her man". How DARE you want some time to yourself or want to be gone "a couple of hours"! Your "job" is to clean the house, woman!
Look...... been there, done that, escaped with my life, never looked back.
I DO apologize for sounding harsh, but scenarios like this send up red flags to me that you wouldn't believe.
i thought the same thing . . .what does he mean "leaving him wiht the kids?" aren' t they HIS kids too? You are entitled to some time just for you.
I think the best thing I ever did was make sure my DH felt as comfortable as I do with caring for our children. With baby #1 he was a freak and never wanted to be left alone with her. Never changed a diaper. But by #3, it was nothing. He just was scared something would happen and he wouldn't know what to do. More time alone with our babies, made him feel more confident.
Good thing too. With #4, I was in the hospital for a very long time and he had to become super single parent.
Not sure if this is the problem, or if you married a controlling man. God Bless if it is the later.
Give it a go, he'll get used to it. Probably be a bit huffy the 1st couple of times then after that he'll be fine.
When I had this problem I made sure everything was done that possibly could be before I left so he didn't really need to do too much, then gradually he was doing more so I didn't have to run around like an idiot before I left the house.
Oh by the way expect everytime you go out some major drama will occur while your out and he will go into great detail, my hubby still does this, I don't let it fluster me.
You are entitled to your own time, I'm sure you spend enough time with your kids so it's good for him to have a little one on one.
Good luck. I say go for it. 
I have to agree with Indydebi on this one. I just watched a closed friend suffer through two years of a relationship like this; she too, escaped with her life and never looked back. I empathize with you about your desire to want to do cakes, but I think you need to look and see if there's more going on than just his resistance about the baking. Please be careful, both of you. My friends and I will be praying for you.
God Bless,
Kim
does he leave the house evenings or weekends (sports, cards, etc.)?
then 1:1 --- if he goes out 2 hours for (sport) then 2 hours for you to go to class, etc.
oh
and if we want to extend the "job" metaphor..
you clean house / cook / laundry, etc 1 hour for every hour he works.
after the divvy it up as equal as possible (obviously if he has a "black spatula" you still get stuck w/ the cooking)
OK..that floored me! It sounded like something i would expect to hear from my mother. I have to say it makes my blood boil to think that there might be women out there still being controlled by a man.
I'm hoping that it's not really like that. Sometimes when we type it comes across differently!
Welcome to CC Wendy..i'm originally from Nanaimo!
no, he never goes out and that is a HUGE problem! He works from home and is here all the time. He no longer goes out with the guys for a beer, gave up skydiving to spend more time with the kids and mostly just complains about things he sees wrong around the house. I always say there is a reason men have an office to go to!
I shouldn't say he doesn't want to be left with the kids, but its more of he has less patience than I do so a drama always ensues when I get back.
I tried explaining to him that while I like being home for the kids, it is not my life goal to do dishes and laundry. I have more to offer in life....as I did pre-marriage and pre-kids. He just doesn't understand it. It's as if I am complaining about my life.
Recently, I made a tree cake for my son's scout bake off and I had a great time doing it which made me sign up for classes. But, I can see that I am going to be met with alot of guilt and resistance...to the point where I might just throw up my hands and say forget it!
Oh well, thanks for letting me vent.
OH my GOSH - what century is he from???? Does he expect you to be barefoot as well? *scowl* Sorry, but this really peeves me...
I can't even imagine having to deal with something like this - my hubby would *never* think that way. In fact, he's the complete opposite - open and encouraging of any ideas that come to my mind (even the silliest of which I've had my fair share).
I'm really sorry to hear you're having to tackle this - and if it were me I would do just that. I for one wouldn't put up with it.
Sorry for being blunt... but hello, who does he think you are? His maid? Obviously not a partner.
no, he never goes out and that is a HUGE problem! He works from home and is here all the time. He no longer goes out with the guys for a beer, gave up skydiving to spend more time with the kids and mostly just complains about things he sees wrong around the house. I always say there is a reason men have an office to go to!
I shouldn't say he doesn't want to be left with the kids, but its more of he has less patience than I do so a drama always ensues when I get back.
THis just sends up even more flags for me! How he "gave up" things he enjoyed to spend more time with his family! Gee, are you suppose to apologize for that!? Sorry .... it's the same line of bullsh** I heard when I was married to his twin brother. It's a controling line to make you feel guilty about everything so he can have his way about anything! ("See how great *I* am? See what I have sacrificed for YOU? See what *I* gave up?"). He "gave up" his leisure activity to spend time with the kids (oh, gee, what a "hero"! 
) but then he's complaining about spending time with his kids???????
And the "less patience" is bullsh** too! I'll bet he's "patient" with his friends, and his co-workers, and his clients, and with the cop who stops him for speeding! Women aren't BORN knowing how to parent .... they learn. Men can too.
I'll apologize again for sounding harsh, but once you've escaped from it, you never want to sit idly by again.....
OMG - This thread makes me tear up just reading it. I was married to his "evil" twin, WAS being the operative word! I escaped and almost 13 years later he has yet to get over it! He can't control me and it still drives him crazy even though both of us have remarried!
As soon as my dear, sweet hubby comes home from taking OUR child to a hobby store to look at planes so that I could rest after getting home from a cake decorating class I taught today, he is going to get a great big ((HUG)) for being so supportive and encouraging.
I so feel your pain and only you know how much you can put up with and what you want your children to learn from the example of your marriage. I personally wanted my daughters to know that no man has the rigth to treat you as a possession on a leash! I will be praying for you and your sanity!!
my god, how many twin brothers does this man have ? cause i have on here with me lol. my husband was like that at the begining of our marriage , its been 13 years tomorrow and he is a change man i cant say totally but he is not agains me baking and decorating cakes nor selling them as long as its not a man who comes to pick up the cake ,if it is, cause you never know you talk to a lady first and the husband shows up on your door step ! if it is a man he doesnt say anything ,hes not rude nor nice he just doesnt feel comfortable having his wife talk to other men but over the years he has learned to give me my space and respect me as a person .im a grown women and i know what i can and cannot do .and if he wants me around he has to let me be ,because we all have dreams and no one will fight for your own dreams but YOU .life is too short . you dont want to got threw life without being noticed .
Hhhmmmmm.........my DH tells me that I should have/do whatever I want because he wants me to be happy. I feel the same way about him. He just passed up buying a $500 tool/toy so that I could spend more money on cake stuff. And this is my hobby; I don't get any money back unless the friend/co-worker donates to help off-set my costs. I'm not selffish, and I simply cannot stand that in others.
I say do it anyways and ignore his rants when you get home. He'll get used to it.
This thread makes me so sad. 
I am 55 and married to a man who likes to see me happy. Loves that I continue to grow and learn and explore all in life I want to. When I was young my late husband used to kep me "under his thumb" to the point of insanity I could not even work or he would get mad. It was a prison and being young I took it. I thank God that today women know they have choices and the right to make them. We are not property but partners. Saying all this I think you should tell DH how you feel that theres alot of things you want to learn and do and ask him to be supportive of you Ask him if he cares about your happiness and contentment or are you just a maid. I really hurt for you whatever you do, do it or you will really regret it later you will resent him for stifling you. 
no, he never goes out and that is a HUGE problem! He works from home and is here all the time. He no longer goes out with the guys for a beer, gave up skydiving to spend more time with the kids and mostly just complains about things he sees wrong around the house. I always say there is a reason men have an office to go to!
I shouldn't say he doesn't want to be left with the kids, but its more of he has less patience than I do so a drama always ensues when I get back.
THis just sends up even more flags for me! How he "gave up" things he enjoyed to spend more time with his family! Gee, are you suppose to apologize for that!? Sorry .... it's the same line of bullsh** I heard when I was married to his twin brother. It's a controling line to make you feel guilty about everything so he can have his way about anything! ("See how great *I* am? See what I have sacrificed for YOU? See what *I* gave up?"). He "gave up" his leisure activity to spend time with the kids (oh, gee, what a "hero"!
) but then he's complaining about spending time with his kids???????And the "less patience" is bullsh** too! I'll bet he's "patient" with his friends, and his co-workers, and his clients, and with the cop who stops him for speeding! Women aren't BORN knowing how to parent .... they learn. Men can too.
I'll apologize again for sounding harsh, but once you've escaped from it, you never want to sit idly by again.....
Sounds like he has ALOT of twin brothers because I was married to one of them too! Escaped with my life, never looked back and am SO MUCH happier now!! Reading this thread has brought back horrifying memories! scrapmomof3 I hope you can find a solution to this, I'll pray for you as well.
I think a lot of women have a Problem when they "ask" to go out. You should never ask. Just tell the guy "I've signed up for a class on Tues so I'm going to be gone for a few hours."
Your husband doesn't own you so you shouldn't have to "ask" to do anything.
How old are your kids? Maybe they can be in bed by the time you leave?
thats right ive always seen that in my mother .shell say im going ,never can i go? good luck
scrapmomof3 may i add your users name is a little weird no mom of 3 is scrap ...... their is hope,
how long have you been married ?
my husband was married before we met and he pushed that women around like she was a rag doll .she left him ,i didnt know that until i was inside the picture ,his sisters told me .i decided not to be the same way it took me year to have him like he is right now maybe he is just confused and needs a little help and guidance .if there is love there is tolerance (up to a certain point )talk, talk ,talk, if you want to be heard!! i talk a lot try to explain to him that you like or love what you do
he'll just get used to it. till he cant do much about it
ive been there .
good luck
Ok, here is a little update...I just had a little talk with hubby about my future plans w/cake decorating and I think it has begun to sink in his head.
I will be taking my classes on Tuesday night. On one of those nights my younger son has a scout pack meeting. Unfortunately, I don't know how to drive my husbands car with stick shift, so that only leaves our van which he would need to take the kids to the meeting. So, I just asked him if he would drive me to the class and then pick me up afterwards...he actually said yes! Maybe there is hope after all!
Of course, he has no idea I just went to JoAnne's and spent $56 on class supplies. LOL!!
lindav...hehe! Actually Scrapmomof3 has to do with my other hobby, scrapboooking.
im sorry,lol i am also glad to know that you dont think less of yourself .very happy to hear your husband said yes because that is a big issue .for someone that has his wife oll to himself and to his kid ,accepting is very very difficult .and many of us that have been married to his 100 twins will agree that saying yes is a big step. good luck on tuesday . and yes courses are cheap. but you have to buy a lot of stuff, it is a bit expensive.but you keep it . i took my 3 courses around 3 and half years ago and i still have all my stuff, used and reused
bye
scrapmom, I think many CC'ers will agree with me that I am VERY happy to hear the two of you reached a workable compromise! Hoping all goes well and are looking forward to seeing more of your creations!
Yes, I agree!!! Very happy to hear!
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