I'm just stressed out right now and think I need to drop something in life in order to stay saine. I'm a mommy to a 6,soon to be 5, 3 and 19 month old. I'm a SAHM. I do everything with my kids since my DH is always working and very seldomly home. I go to school full time for culinary arts and volunteer at different places through out the week (like church and my kids schools) I have my own very small-miniscule baking business that I do on the side through a church kitchen. I've been sick a lot lately and the DR's still aren't really sure what's wrong---narrowed it down to my lungs - possibly heart, but not too conserned because I'm a healthy 28 year old who works out and eats healthy. I know this is going to sound like a pitty party and it's not ment to be at all. In fact I'm trying to stay as possitive as possible about everything because I am blessed in life. I have food in my stomach and a roof over my head....I'm just pulled in too many directions and something has to go. I don't volunteer as much as I use too and people are upset with me because of it. Oh well-whatever-my well being is more important. However, I still feel like I'm stretched too far. As much as it pains me to even think about it, I'm considering dropping out of culinary school, even though I know the chances of me being accepted again are slim and I would have to start all over again later on. I just don't know how I can manage everything. If anyone has advice on how to make things work or what to cut out...please tell me.
Hi M,
It sounds to me like you definitely need to simplify your life. In your place, I would immediately cut way back on all the volunteering and would stop taking orders in your baking business until you get your health issues cleared up. It is no joke to be out of commission when you have so much on your plate, so I think you need to reduce the load big-time!! It may also be time to have a talk with your husband about his dedicating more time to home life to give you a break. Good luck, and please take care of yourself.
Mkolmar- I remember how excited you were when you were able to work out of your church kitchen...sorry to hear things aren't going well for you.
You are a mother of 4, going to school, running a business on the side, and people are mad at you for not volunteering enough? Where do they get off?!?I don't really know what to tell you as far as how to manage your affairs, but do you have any family nearby who can be supportive of you and maybe help with the kids now and then? It also sounds like you may be depressed...Is there anyone for you to talk to- pastor, counselor at school, even a friend? Sometimes just letting it out and having someone to listen can do a world of good. I hope you don't end up dropping out of culinary school, but it seems like you have a lot of stressors in your life right now and if that will help relieve you of some of it maybe it has to be done. Hang in there, I'll be thinking of you.
Don't feel guilty for being overwehlmed and tired! Mom's spend way too much time beating themselves up for not being what they consider to be the ideal. You definitely have a lot on your plate right now and when you add the fact that there is something going on with your health... that's enough to put you over the top.
I recently have had some health issues and like you, they haven't narrowed it down. That's scary and takes a toll on you physically and emotionally. I only have two kids, but like you get overwelmed with my responsibilities both to my kids, home, and husband who by the way is seldom home... so I can relate to that too. He's finishing school and working full time and as a result I see him just a few minutes a day. It effects the kids too. Stress is something I'm all too familiar with.
Since you're part of a church I wonder if you could talk to someone in the women's ministry about helping you out. Without knowing you personally I can only tell you what would help me! So, don't know how much help this will be, but if it were me, I'd ask about getting someone to help with your kids maybe one day a week for a few hours just so you can get a break from EVERYTHING. I'd also scale back your responsibilities at church, even if only temporarily. When our kids are young it's hard to be active in too many things. They take so much of our attention and energy. So, I've opted to wait until my kids are a little older before getting involved at church. This was something I battled with internally for a long time. Had a lot of guilt about it, but through prayer have found a lot of peace with the decision. I have helped with small things, but won't really fill a spot at church for a couple more years.
I'm also in a ladies Bible study that meets twice a month. We meet without our kids. It's been very theraputic just in getting away and meeting with other moms for a time to decompress. Feels so healthy! Social outlets can do wonders for relieving stress.
I also have a prayer partner. Another lady whom I trust with my "stuff" as we call it. We pray together when we can. Try to at least twice a month and between prayer meetings we chat on the phone just to see how the other is doing. Helps so much to have someone who get's it and is on your side pulling for you.
If you ever want to chat, you can PM me. 
Hope things get better soon.
Wendy
I understand how you feel. I have two kids, go to school fulltime trying to become a teacher, my husband works midnights, I have to have surgery in the next few months, and I am having dental surgery at the end of this month. This is the first time I have been on here in about a month. I love making cakes, but I no longer have the time.
I do think you need to drop volunteering. If someone wants to get mad at you, let them live with you for a week and see what all you do. You do really need to talk to your husband and explain that you need some more help. Talk to him before you have a blow up. I blew up at my husband yesterday. Trying to do all five of my classes plus all the daily homework and all the essays that I have to write is hard, then I come home and he hasn't even bothered to load the dishwasher. I lost it. It's not a pretty sight, and you should try to avoid it at all costs.
Being a mommy is hard enough and then you want to do everything on top of that. You have to do school. If you are like me, it's adds a lot of stress, but is worth it, because in the end you will be a much better person. I have to try and do homework while they are napping or playing. Usually I just stay up and do my homework after they are in bed. It is so hard but like I said, it is worth it. There is plenty of time for volunteering after you graduate.
I wish you the best of luck. It might not seem like it, but everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
I think you need to take a look at what is the most important, and then sort of decide what can drop. I know first hand the PHYSICAL toll that stress and anxiety (my issue) can have on your body. It is truly amazing how your mind will cause your body to have symptoms and that is the way it tells you to SLOW down. Obviously I have no way of telling if any of your problems are due to this, but I know in my own life I have had some really strange symptions that have always come down to things going on in my head (heart palpitations, dizziness etc).....and sometimes just realizing that can be a big help.
I too am a 28 year old, I only have one child (21 month old) but I also watch a 5 year old and sometimes a 2 year) they can sure make you crazy in a hurry! Sometimes I think it would be easier if I went to work!
At any rate, hang in there, don't ignore your body, and start doing things just for yourself. Maybe a relaxing soak in the tub, a pedicure (even if its at home) etc etc...even a girls night out can make all the difference in the world.
I'm cutting back on volunteering that's for sure. I'm telling the ACF and a few other people that want a ton of help and take advantage of me, NO MORE!!!!! MY DH and I had a big argument last night and it was all purely from me being stressed and him not understanding how I could be. I don't want that to ever happen again so I'm definently not going to let people take advantage of me anymore and I'm cancelling out some responsibilaties I have. I decided to stay in school and trim off from other areas in my life instead. My church has been good at trying to find others to fill my spot with helping because of my health issues going on.
My small business isn't any problem since I only get like 1 order a month right now and I turn down orders when I don't think I'll have time.
It's more school, kids and letting people take me for granted.....
Thanks for all the help and making me not feel so much like a failure! I'm having to learn how to say NO more often, and I think I just might like it!!!! It felt good to say no today to someone trying to guilt me into doing some stuff for them. I guess I need to start taking my own advice I give to others about not being taken advantage off.
Stress takes all forms, illness, depression, rashes, headaches, short tempers, etc. I found that when I get stressed that my immune system suffers first, then irritability kicks in, then I have breakouts on my skin. I take Bio 35 to help me get through the rough times. It is a dietary concentrate vitamin-mineral stress formula. It is sold in the pharmacy section, but is not a prescription. It really does help. Any way, good for you, standing up for yourself. Prioritize! Take care of yourself, so that you are able to take care of your kids. As far as dh not understanding, just tell him to take over for one day and make a list of every little detail of your day. Tell him he must do everything that you do, just for one day. That's all it will take for him to understand. I doubt if he will do it, so try to deligate some of your responsibilities to him. He might help in bath time, or maybe putting away supper and cleaning kitchen while you soak in the tub. He is their father and they need him as well, whether he is tired or not. You can not and should not try to be a supermom. You can do what you really want to do, you just need to decide what is the most important thing to you. And, it's okay to have a blow out with dh, if you hold it in eventually you might grow to resent him for not helping. He can not read your mind and if you don't talk, you won't get help.
We have learn to say "No" to people who try to push us into doing things we don't want to do.
And the important thing is, You don't need to give reasons/excuses at all!
It is just not necessary.
Just say "I'm sorry, I can't do it."
I would keep running things over in my head, trying to find "softer" ways of saying "No". I would drive my husband crazy! Should I say this? or that? Will she be upset? Will she think I am "Not Nice"?
Just remember, your priority has to be you, your health and your family.
All the best,
Karen
Thanks everyone. I know it will probly sound crazy but yesterday I actually cried about something (someone I said I would help serve desserts for and now they are asking for me to make 6 different types of desserts --300 each! To make the menu and tell how much for ingredients, sell tickets and ask for donated items plus serve) I freaked because these people I thought could make or break me ---and here I am just starting out. My chest pains got much stronger at this point and I hardly ever cry but down came the tears. I realized today that the only person who can REALLY make or break me IS me and I'm just saying no. Mind you my chest still hurts but that's been ongoing for a while but my head no longer has that massive headache. Thanks again for all the advice.
Oh hun I am so sorry, just saw this. Take a day off, as much as possible. Kids can make sandwiches for lunch, dh can make supper. If the house is messed up, who cares? They will see at least some of "what mommy does" and see that you need help! Stay with school, because it's for your future. If the biz side of things makes you happy, do it; otherwise, you're booked. We each need to take care of ourselves, because no one else will.
As for the chest pain, PLEASE CALL ME! I have some info that might help, or at least could help figure things out. I'll PM you my number. Have a couple questions for you.
It seems that there are people out there that can suck the life out of you, because they know you are a giving person. It is a shame that it usually takes a burn out before you get up the guts to say NO. It is even worse when you have a usuable talent. It is said that there are givers and there are takers, I tend to be a (I will not commit person). I use any excuse not to be used. I will usually say I doubt if I can make room in my schedule. My husband is an artist and a teacher. There are two other art teachers in his school, but they never ask the other two teachers to do them favors, just him. Then he comes home and blows up at me. I will go to school the next day and tell the beggars that I don't appreciate being yelled at because he is overloaded and can not tell them No. I then tell them that there are two other teachers that they will have to ask or they will receive his bill when the project is finished. They all know he gets paid good money for his side line job dealing with art. It may seem mean, but I think it is meanier for people that know you to use you and not appreciate that you have a life too. Have you ever noticed that people who are usually late for helping out with projects or are always forgetting they are suppose to help or that they do a terrible job are very rarely asked to help again. Does this give you any ideas? Play dumb, make goofs, forget to show up or show up really late. You do not need to give them a reason for refusal, just tell them "Thanks for thinking of you, but you have other obligations and will not be able to help."
As far as the house work, tell your little ones that your hid a special surprises throughout the house and in order to find them, they have to put everything away where it belongs. Hide small gifts, books, colors, clay, etc. where the items are suppose to be stored. Just do it for a few things. Start out hiding maybe two things. Then make it harder for them to find the next time. It becomes a game that everyone wins. Make a chart that they can record special task that they can achieve and after _____ marks for completing the task, they get an hour one on one with daddy. HEEHEE. If the housework doesn't get done, nobody will take you away in a paddywagon. It will be there tomorrow, unless some magic house fairies come out when you are sleeping.
School and family are more important. Put everything else on hold for now.
There is no need for you to be pleasing everyone if your health is suffering.
IF anything happens to you, my dear, I'm sorry to say...but they will just roll your dead carcass over and say.....NEXT!
People have a bad habit of taking advantantage, but we do have the power to say no. Don't worry about making anyone unhappy with you, they do not pay the rent inside your head.
School is imprortant, it is what will eventually help you make more money to give your family more...but they are OVER everything!
Take care.
Maybe you just need to hand over the kiddies to hubby when he gets home...lock yourself in the room pull the covers over your head and just sleep!
better yet...just check into a hotel room for 24 hours..lol....
mmmmmmmmm even better...a spa or a massage!
Be selfish for a moment, you will feel so much better!
Oh MY GOD...I just reread my post..I MUST really stop posting when I'm so tired..I can't even understand what I wrote from all the errors!
Yikes...Please believe me when I say...I AM much smarter than I appear..lol
You have been given a ton of advice. But you know what needs to happen.All the advice in the world won't help, unless you help yourself and recognize there is a problem. It's kinda like an alcoholic or drug addiction. Unfortunately, moms get the brunt of the kids, household ,work and errands. Women seem to be able to handle all these things easier then men, but we suffer at some point in our lives. Men can get pretty comfortable, but don't always realize that they need to step in every once in awhile and give some relief. Find some peace in your life.
Sorry you are so stressed! You definitely need to take time and put yourself first. I used to always be a people pleaser, agreeing to do things that I knew I really didn't have the time for. Or when I did say no, I always felt like I had to have some major reason for not doing it. Not anymore, and let me tell you it feels good! Like Dr. Phil says, "People only treat you how you let them treat you". When I decided that I was no longer going to be treated like a doormat and I deserved respect, it was amazing how much more respect I got. And the first time someone asked me if I could do something and I just said no I couldn't, without going into some lame explanation, an amazing thing happened - the world didn't collapse. It gets easier with time. But you have to stand up for yourself, even to the DH and the kids. Good Luck!
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