Parents (Or So Called)

Lounge By BeeBoos-8599_ Updated 16 Oct 2010 , 11:54pm by peg818

BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 6:13pm
post #1 of 37

I am so frustrated.
I live in a rural area and last week while leaving to take my kids to school I had a teenager in a small convertable come up the road so fast that I did not see her and she allmost ended up under my van. She followed me all the way to school and was so close I could not see her car. I allowed her to go around me and then followed her to the parking lot. When she got out of the car I very nicely asked if I could talk to her. She coped an attitude and when I asked her if she felt she was driving safely she flipped me off and walked away.
I have spent the past week talking to the few other teenagers I know to find out who she is and if they knew her moms name. I found out her name and where she lived (the girls I asked even confirmed that she has had many "close calls"). Today I stopped by to try and have a calm mom to mom chat with her mother. Mom immediately knew who I was and why I was there (dd had given her version of the incident). I told her I did not want to fight wth her and was not being conftontational but that I was conserned and wanted her to know what had taken place.
At first she was open then as soon as I told her about flipping me off the mom got very defensive and told me that she had confidence in her daughters driving ability and that she had gotten the finger flipping from her. I told her what the other teens had said about "close calls" and she got very pissy with me. I finally said that it was clear that I was wasting my time and that I could see exactly where her daughter got her attitude and left. This woman followed me out of the house yelling that she was going to file charges against me for comming to her home and harassing her. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! I was trying to save her daughters life for God's sake!. I told the "mom" that if she was not going to talk to her that at least she should make sure she was an organ doner.
All of this is taking place 3 weeks after we buried another teen girl in town who lost control of her little convertable and ended up on its top in a ditch pretty close to where this woman lives.
At least my concience is clear if something should happen to this girl. I also volunteered my driveway to the local police so they can use it as a speed trap anytime the want to.

36 replies
prterrell Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 6:19pm
post #2 of 37

Makes me wonder if the mom drives the same way the daughter does. Kudos to you for going the extra extra mile to try and prevent this girl from killing herself. Unfortunately, if she does get into an accident, chances are, she won't be the only one injured.

Kiddiekakes Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 6:45pm
post #3 of 37

It is sad really...I would be horrified and embarrased if someone talked to me about my child's terrible driving behavior...and you could be sure they would be grounded forever and NO CAR!!!

Me and my two kids were almost hit in the school crosswalk this morning when a woman wasn't watching the road and at the last minute looked up and darned near smoked us if I hadn't quickly ran and pushed the kids forward we would have all had serious injuries since she was doing about 70 in a 30 zone...I think everyone's driving behavior needs to change!!This texting and talking on cell phones are a danger to everyone!! JMO icon_smile.gif

Texas_Rose Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 6:54pm
post #4 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

It is sad really...I would be horrified and embarrased if someone talked to me about my child's terrible driving behavior...and you could be sure they would be grounded forever and NO CAR!!!

Me and my two kids were almost hit in the school crosswalk this morning when a woman wasn't watching the road and at the last minute looked up and darned near smoked us if I hadn't quickly ran and pushed the kids forward we would have all had serious injuries since she was doing about 70 in a 30 zone...I think everyone's driving behavior needs to change!!This texting and talking on cell phones are a danger to everyone!! JMO icon_smile.gif




That's scary!

Earlier this week, at the crosswalk we use to take our kids to school, one of the patrol kids almost got hit. The woman hit the stop sign that the child was holding. She was on her phone.

ShelleyMJ Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 7:27pm
post #5 of 37

We recently lost 3 teens in our town because a driver was texting while driving.

I live in a farming community where you drive along small "unlined" country roads to get anywhere.

It is so sad that some (so-called) parents don't take this stuff seriously.

How frightening for anyone to know these kids are driving and acting like maniacs.

mbelgard Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 7:34pm
post #6 of 37

Most of my problems in our area aren't about kids in cars but young kids doing stupid things on or near the road. I'm not sure if it's just something that happens or if it's because we live on the res.


Last weekend I almost hit a little kid on a bike and I thought about going to talk to the parents but I wasn't brave enough.

I was on a two lane road with no shoulder, going the speed limit, when he came down a driveway and turned onto the road. The driveway is on a hill so he had picked up quite a bit of speed and he passed the center line as he turned out onto the road. He came within about 2 feet of my car and he hadn't stopped to look for traffic, if someone had been coming the other way they would have hit him. He was no older than 8.

It isn't the first time I've had close calls, earlier this summer there was a kid who was ready to come up the ditch onto the road with a dirt bike and no helmet. I had another where the kids were sledding off a hill onto the road and the road had a thick layer of ice, if they had timed it just a little differently there would have been no way I could have avoided hitting them. Years ago I saw a toddler crossing the road without anyone with him, I'm sure he hadn't had his third birthday yet.

There are always kids out on the roads on bikes and they never bother to look where they are going.

These roads aren't patrolled regularly so it isn't uncommon for people to be driving 10 or more miles over the speed limit and the lowest limit is 45 on the gravel.


What really gets me is that a few years ago two first graders were killed because they took a 4 wheeler out onto the road and the guy driving tried to swerve but they did too and he hit them. He was not ticketed or held responsible for the accident because it wasn't his fault, I did hear that he was really struggling with what had happened. No helmets and they said at least one of the kids would have lived had they been wearing them. You would think people would figure out that roads aren't safe places for kids to be turned loose on.

indydebi Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 7:41pm
post #7 of 37

Reading about that mom's reaction to you just made me cry. Really. Tears on my face. Cry.

I have a 17 yr old driver and I would HUG a person who reported my daughter's inappropriate driving to me.

Side story, but I think it applies.

Each time one of my 3 kids got their license, the first time I handed them the keys I gave them this speech:

"When I was 16, I was in a car wreck. My parents answered the door to find the sheriff's dept telling them that TWO of their children had been invovled in a car accident and were in the hospital. No parent should ever have to face that kind of news." (and as I hand them the keys, I continue with) "Please don't ever make me have to answer that door."

When I gave this speech to my son, his face got a little pink, he looked down to the floor and stammered, "mom.... that .... that ...that's good. I won't do that to you."

Deb_ Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 7:44pm
post #8 of 37

With parents like this woman it's no wonder her daughter is a twit.


Let's go back 20 to 30 yrs and imagine someone coming to our parent's homes to tell them that we were driving way too fast. I know my a$$ would have been grounded and I would not have been allowed to drive the "family" car for a very long time.

Some of these parents are so quick to defend little "Jane or John" that they don't stop to think of the danger their kid could be in.

When it's too late they'll wish they had listened to that stranger that took the time to voice their concern. What a shame this woman isn't taking your concern for what it is....genuine concern.

ShelleyMJ Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 7:46pm
post #9 of 37

I just don't know what I would do if I were to ever hit someone. I would have to turn in my keys.

Terrifying!

Texas_Rose Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 7:48pm
post #10 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

Years ago I saw a toddler crossing the road without anyone with him, I'm sure he hadn't had his third birthday yet.




I've seen a few really little kids out unattended like that before. One was a little girl about three who was sitting in a gas station parking lot and it was clear that she had no underpants, from how she was sitting. There was no one around that could have been her parent. I called the police and I stayed with her until they got there. The others that I've seen out alone, I've tracked down the parents...once I found a toddler running down the middle of our street, right along the yellow line. I grabbed him up and started looking for the mom. She had left his six year old sister out watching him, and the girl had gotten distracted and not noticed he'd wandered off. (I should have called the police when I found him too I guess...a 6 year old is not old enough to babysit a toddler outside).

Anyhow, it really gets me mad.

I keep getting sidetracked and not posting what I originally meant to, about the irresponsible teen drivers. Some of the parents are just really lazy and they will do anything to be sure that their kid can keep on driving, so they don't have to drive the kid places anymore. Right after we got our car, it got t-boned by a 19 year old girl with a car full of her friends. She pulled out of a restaurant driveway straight into the side of our car, which was driving past at 45 mph. My husband was the only one in the car, he had just dropped me and Val off. The girl called her mother, who showed up before the police, and started nagging my poor hurt husband not to call the police or the insurance company, that she would pay for the car to get fixed but that it was her daughter's third accident that year and they wouldn't be able to get insurance for her anymore. He told her, "Well, lady, maybe that will get her off the road before she kills someone." Then while they waited for the police, the girl was going on about what kind of car she wanted to get now, since hers was totaled. Then because he had to give them our phone number, the girl's parents kept calling us over and over, asking us not to report it to the insurance company and offering us $1000 to fix our car (repairs were more like $6000). I had to tell them where to stuff it.

indydebi Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 7:55pm
post #11 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

Years ago I saw a toddler crossing the road without anyone with him, I'm sure he hadn't had his third birthday yet.




Not too long ago, it was a big news story when a toddler in a diaper was on I-465, the 6-8 lane interstate highway that circles INdianapolis! Cars whizzing by at 55-70 mph! Some folks pulled over, police were called. Mom was asleep in the apartment. As I recall, she wasn't one of our most "upstanding citizens" and said her son got out all the time. Oh, with a kid like that, heck yeah, I'll just lay down and let him care for himself!

Some people just shouldn't be allowed to pro-create!

Deb_ Posted 1 Oct 2009 , 8:12pm
post #12 of 37

I think I remember that story Debi.....these kids must have a guardian angel watching out for them.

I'm embarrassed to tell you that one of my nieces is this type of mother and it has the rest of my family so concerned.

About a month ago we were all at a family wedding that was being held outdoors by a lake.

Well, this niece has a 3 yr old little girl that is really out of control.

I witnessed the groom's sister take the little girl by the hand to my niece 2 times that day and both times she said "Sherri, your daughter was going towards the lake PLEASE watch her".

The 2nd time my niece looked at me and said "I hate that woman, she's an idiot". icon_eek.gif

I couldn't hold my tongue any longer and I figured it was for the safety of the baby that I say something, so I did. I told my niece that she was the baby's mother and caretaker and that she couldn't ASSUME that because there were 100 other people there that someone was watching her little girl. SHE or her husband had to keep her close by.

She wasn't receptive to my advice at all and she wouldn't speak to me the rest of the day.

I am so fearful that something terrible is going to happen to this little girl.

BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 2:14am
post #13 of 37

No more than 3 hours after our conversation the "twit" as she will now be refered to as was flying down the road again texting and dancing with her radio blaring. It is driving me nuts because she HAS to go by my house to get anywhere. MY kids are in danger with her on the road. There has to be something I can do. It has become my mission. Luckily the few teens I talked to (to find out who she was) know not to ride with her so I know they will not be with her when she finally looses it. I just hope they are not the ones she hits. I am soooo tempted to put a huge sign in my yard that says "Hailey, SLOW DOWN!".

indydebi Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 2:20am
post #14 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeeBoos-8599_

No more than 3 hours after our conversation the "twit" as she will now be refered to as was flying down the road again texting and dancing with her radio blaring.



LIterally DAYS after my daughter got her license, a girl was killed because she was texting while driving. We made our daughter read the news story, and I repeated, "Don't make me answer that door."

Is there any way you can request extra patrols by your house before and after school?

Doug Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 2:25am
post #15 of 37

simple -- report her.

call the police and file a complaint

each and every time she blows past the house or tailgates

digital photos that show license plates are wonderful things to submit as evidence.

video too -- since it will show just how fast she is moving.

and --- since she is on a public road in a public place ---

well----

isn't that a shame -- she has NO reasonable expectation of privacy and cannot sue for invasion of privacy -- film away!

----

and if in a private development (and even if not) -- see if can get speed bumps installed!

Texas_Rose Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 2:35am
post #16 of 37

Deanna, too bad you can't get one of those spike strips like the cops use! (I know, not legal but just picture it for a minute).

The hardest thing is going to be not going up to the mom and saying "I told you so," at the girl's funeral, when that eventually happens.

Doug Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 2:37am
post #17 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

Deanna, too bad you can't get one of those spike strips like the cops use! (I know, not legal but just picture it for a minute).

The hardest thing is going to be not going up to the mom and saying "I told you so," at the girl's funeral, when that eventually happens.




you are too nice.

I would and then add:

and you could have prevented if you had only been a good parent!

BeeBoos-8599_ Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 2:45am
post #18 of 37

I am so proud of all of you! I honestly thougth I was going to run into at least 1 person on here that would say I had overstepped. I am glad to know that I hang with people who support doing the right thing.

Texas, If I did use the strips she would then flip her car and die in my front yard! I can tell you one thing if and when I get my kid a car it will not be a little convertable. It will be from the 70's and they will be embarassed to drive it.

redpanda Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 3:24am
post #19 of 37

I would check with your local police/sheriff/whatever agency is responsible for traffic safety, to see if they have a safe teen driver program. Our city's sheriff's department does, and if someone calls in the license plate of a teen driver who is driving unsafely, a deputy will pay a little courtesy visit to the driver AND his/her parents, to remind them of traffic laws and safety. We've had so many teen fatalities in our city that there is a teen memorial grove.

FullMoonRanch Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 3:36am
post #20 of 37

About 4 years ago my husband was t-boned by a 16 year old who had her license for 1 week. She was talking with her friends in the car and blew right through the stop sign. Fortunately everyone was okay. My husband was so impressed when her father came to the accident scene, apologized and took the girls keys and license right there. I wish more parents were like that one. My girls have many years before they drive. I dread when the day comes! Young people always think nothing will happen to them. Hailey's mother must think the same thing unfortunatley. BeeBoos I hope you are able to make an impression on that inmature girl and irresponsible mom. Keep safe!

indydebi Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 3:46am
post #21 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by FullMoonRanch

About 4 years ago my husband was t-boned by a 16 year old who had her license for 1 week. She was talking with her friends in the car and blew right through the stop sign.




Our newly licensed kids are on a 6 month probation period. No passengers in the car, unless it's mom or dad, or I THINK someone over 25. The point is no friends to distract the driver the first 6 months.

redpanda Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 4:11am
post #22 of 37

In California, teen drivers can't have passengers under 20 years of age (except immediate family, with written parental description of the necessity for the teen driver to have a passenger) or drive between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m. until they have been licensed for 12 months. All drivers under 18 are prohibited from using any type of wireless device (except to call police or other emergency services).

The interesting byproduct of this is that there are a lot fewer teen drivers, because it just isn't quite so cool to get your license when you have to wait another year before you can drive your friends around.

Deb_ Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 12:12pm
post #23 of 37

In MA and RI we have that same probation period. When my kids got their license the DMV sent my husband and I each a letter explaining in detail exactly what the probation period was.....curfew, no passengers unless it was a sibling etc.

What boggled my mind were the parents in our town who didn't insist that their kids abide by the probation rules.

Our kids thought we were the "meanest non-cool" parents because we wouldn't allow them to pick their friends up for school during that 6 month period. TOUGH!

BeeBoos, I would definitely do as Doug suggested and take down her license plate and report it to the police. Do it every time she flies by your home. She'll get caught eventually, hopefully before she hurts somebody or herself.

lardbutt Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 12:33pm
post #24 of 37

At my daughter's high school every student driver has a file with car make and model, tag #, description of car (color, etc).

If someone reports bad driving and can identify who it is (EVEN NOT ON SCHOOL PROPERTY...INCLUDING WEEKENDS!), the student's driving privilege to and from school are revoked. The school takes it VERY seriously!!

I am not sure how they would handle "false" claims though. I would assume it has come up, but thank goodness my oldest daughter is a freshman. My day is coming.... icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

ziggytarheel Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 12:54pm
post #25 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by MessyBaker

At my daughter's high school every student driver has a file with car make and model, tag #, description of car (color, etc).

If someone reports bad driving and can identify who it is (EVEN NOT ON SCHOOL PROPERTY...INCLUDING WEEKENDS!), the student's driving privilege to and from school are revoked. The school takes it VERY seriously!!




I think this is becoming a pretty common practice. For maybe 20 years now, the high schools here require the purchase of a parking pass which grants you an assigned parking space. There are regular parking lot patrols as well. I think there is a decent chance that you could at least attempt to report this to the office at the school. Even if nothing happens, at least you will know that they are aware there is a situation, so if there is anything else reported about this girl, perhaps they'll use your info as well to decide to take action.

mbelgard Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 1:47pm
post #26 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi



Our newly licensed kids are on a 6 month probation period. No passengers in the car, unless it's mom or dad, or I THINK someone over 25. The point is no friends to distract the driver the first 6 months.





Haha, I wish.

My oldest turns 11 on the 14th and that means we are officially 3 years away from the age he can legally get a drivers permit. The restrictions I know of are that they have to have drivers ed, have a permit for 6 months before they can get a license and are restricted to vehicles belonging to the parents until they are 16. I don't think that drivers ed is required if you wait until you are 16 but you do have to wait 6 months from the time you get your permit to take the driving test if you are under 18.

When your 14 or 15 year old goes to get a license you have to have a need for them to drive but I don't think that's hard.

Motorcycle license holders under 16 are limited to 250ccs but they can get that at 14 too. Being able to get that is part of why I'm pretty sure that it isn't hard to show a "need" because I have yet to figure out why there is any "need" for a kid to have a motorcycle.



They are talking about getting rid of the restricted license for under 16 but I don't know if it will happen, it's something that has failed before.

-Tubbs Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 2:14pm
post #27 of 37

To OP, stick with your convictions. You are absolutely right on this. If this silly girl ends up in a ditch, that will be sad and the stupid, ignorant mother will mourn. But imagine how much worse if she hurts someone else in the process..?

I admire you for taking a stand on this, and especially for approaching the mother. That was a difficult thing to do. thumbs_up.gif to you. Maybe a chat with the local police would be in order, to find out whether there's anything else you can do and to give them a heads-up.

veronica720 Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 8:20pm
post #28 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

Most of my problems in our area aren't about kids in cars but young kids doing stupid things on or near the road. I'm not sure if it's just something that happens or if it's because we live on the res.


Last weekend I almost hit a little kid on a bike and I thought about going to talk to the parents but I wasn't brave enough.

I was on a two lane road with no shoulder, going the speed limit, when he came down a driveway and turned onto the road. The driveway is on a hill so he had picked up quite a bit of speed and he passed the center line as he turned out onto the road. He came within about 2 feet of my car and he hadn't stopped to look for traffic, if someone had been coming the other way they would have hit him. He was no older than 8.

It isn't the first time I've had close calls, earlier this summer there was a kid who was ready to come up the ditch onto the road with a dirt bike and no helmet. I had another where the kids were sledding off a hill onto the road and the road had a thick layer of ice, if they had timed it just a little differently there would have been no way I could have avoided hitting them. Years ago I saw a toddler crossing the road without anyone with him, I'm sure he hadn't had his third birthday yet.

There are always kids out on the roads on bikes and they never bother to look where they are going.

These roads aren't patrolled regularly so it isn't uncommon for people to be driving 10 or more miles over the speed limit and the lowest limit is 45 on the gravel.


What really gets me is that a few years ago two first graders were killed because they took a 4 wheeler out onto the road and the guy driving tried to swerve but they did too and he hit them. He was not ticketed or held responsible for the accident because it wasn't his fault, I did hear that he was really struggling with what had happened. No helmets and they said at least one of the kids would have lived had they been wearing them. You would think people would figure out that roads aren't safe places for kids to be turned loose on.




I have been witness to see a 4 year old little boy get hit by a car and killed. He was out playing by himself and the mom was in her apartment watching tv. The driver wasn't driving wreckless and was charged with anything, he was a principal at a nearby elementry school and he had a hard time with it.

If parents don't care about their kids at sucha young age they aren't going to care when they are older either. I think there are more and more bad parents than ever. It really makes me wonder what things will be like ina few more years.

I stay on top of my girls, they would be in so much trouble if something like that happened.

cakesbycathy Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 8:37pm
post #29 of 37

IMO, this is a great example of a case in which you need to become a real PITA. You are trying to save kids' lives. Your own and the teenage nit-wit's (and possibly the ding bat mother's - what happens if her daughter is killed and then she commits suicide cause she's guilt ridden or something)

Make it clear to the cops that you are going to keep calling and filing reports if they do not do something. Give it a few weeks and if nothing happens I would recommend to a tv or newspaper reporter that this would make a good human interest story.

Kudos to you for trying to the right thing and not look the other way. icon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 2 Oct 2009 , 8:44pm
post #30 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakesbycathy

Give it a few weeks and if nothing happens I would recommend to a tv or newspaper reporter that this would make a good human interest story.


LUV your way of thinking!

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