Oh.....what Do I Do! I Really Need You Guys On This, Honest!

Business By sweetneice Updated 12 Sep 2009 , 12:26am by madgeowens

sweetneice Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 12:53am
post #1 of 35

Ok...so I'm in the process of opening my first retail business! Yay! My DH and I are making all the necessary plans for this thing to take off. Here's the delima..........I've only been married 2months and prior to this I have always dreamed of opening my own shop one day. Now, the opprotunity has presented itself and my DH thinks he should be partner. He bought the stove and has supported me in every way. He is an awesome husband and I love him with everything, but...........I never wanted a partner. He is going to help with everything from the daily operations to the IT work because that's his profession plus he believes in my product whole hearted. He's into promoting me greatly and does an awesome job at it already, winning me customers quite a few times. So........do I make him partner or not. I don't want to hurt his feelings at all and he is putting so much into this. He's even willing to go full time working the business for me while still supporting this family. What a guy huh? But what do I do? Help! Thanks guys

34 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 12:58am
post #2 of 35

Hmmm....having someone you trust enough to marry, taking care of the technical details and the less fun, more business-type issues, while you do what you love? Someone who doesn't do cakes and isn't going to be jealous of you getting to work the creative side of things? Someone who already supports your family, meaning that any money that you pay him is going into the family pocketbook, not to some stranger?

How could that be a bad deal?

Kiddiekakes Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:00am
post #3 of 35

I think you should be very happy and blessed that you have a Hubby who is so supportive of your dream.Why would you not make him a partner when essentially he already is in Life!! Maybe suggest to him that in 1 year you will visit the idea again and maybe then he can become a partner then..I would love it if my hubby was a business partner.

jammjenks Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:01am
post #4 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

Hmmm....having someone you trust enough to marry, taking care of the technical details and the less fun, more business-type issues, while you do what you love? Someone who doesn't do cakes and isn't going to be jealous of you getting to work the creative side of things? Someone who already supports your family, meaning that any money that you pay him is going into the family pocketbook, not to some stranger?

How could that be a bad deal?




My thoughts exactly.

sweetneice Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:03am
post #5 of 35

Wow, never looked at it that way texas and kiddie. Thanks for the insight. Now that you've put it that way, doesnt seem like a bad idea afterall.

cylstrial Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:04am
post #6 of 35

I would make a list of pro's and con's. Why don't you want him to be your partner in business? You've chosen him to be your partner in life.

sweetneice Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:11am
post #7 of 35

I just worry about it interfering with our personal life. He's a great provider and a wonderful husband but.......we bump heads when it comes to the way we think some things should go regarding this shop. I want things a certain way for a reason and I have a vision for how I want things to go. He has his own ideas on how he thinks certain things should go...Not that they are bad ideas at all, but I have a picture in my head how I want things. If he is partner I have to consider that and possibly change something I'm really passionate about to accomodate both of our desires. If I'm sole owner, I do what I want. I guess I feel like I will have to change my dream to accomodate him and that's whats bothering me.

Lcubed82 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:14am
post #8 of 35

My hubby and I had talked for years about a business, and joined together when the opportunity arrived. I loved the front end- customer interaction, teaching, product, etc. Hubby did all the backroom stuff, marketing and technical. When he had to return to his career (to put our kids thru college), I inherited all of it- and found I didn't like that stuff at all! I wasn't sure about being with hubby all day, everyday ( and night!), but with well-defined rolls, it worked well.

Good luck to you, and get your job descriptions in order, then let him in!!!

sweetneice Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:16am
post #9 of 35

Thanks lcubed82! Job descriptions being defined sounds great!

snarkybaker Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:23am
post #10 of 35

As someone who works everyday with her husband, here is what I can tell you - In most states, if you are married, he is your partner anyway, community property laws and all. Your real issue is who is in CONTROL of the business, in essence, who is the managing partner. You should draw up a partnership agreement, and define duties, and since you are the principal, you nee to be the 51% partner. Somebody has to have veto power and it needs to be you. The first year of marriage and the first year of a new business are both very hard on a relationship, so make sure you leave work at work and make time for date night at least twice a month.

sweetneice Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:24am
post #11 of 35

Thank you snarkybarker, that makes alot of sense

cylstrial Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:27am
post #12 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by snarkybaker

As someone who works everyday with her husband, here is what I can tell you - In most states, if you are married, he is your partner anyway, community property laws and all. Your real issue is who is in CONTROL of the business, in essence, who is the managing partner. You should draw up a partnership agreement, and define duties, and since you are the principal, you nee to be the 51% partner. Somebody has to have veto power and it needs to be you. The first year of marriage and the first year of a new business are both very hard on a relationship, so make sure you leave work at work and make time for date night at least twice a month.




That sounds like really good advice to me!

sweetneice Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:32am
post #13 of 35

I agree! Wonderful advice! I'm amazed at the responses of people working with their husbands and making them partner, and making it work. Who knew?! lol

whit6 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:08am
post #14 of 35

WOW! I feel like this post was meant for me!!Literally just about 2 hours ago I had to sit down and have a talk with my boyfriend about a very similar situation. I met my boyfriend (whom I have plans to marry) while I was in culinary school, so he is also a great chef. Years before I ever met him I had plans to sart a catering company. In the time that we have been together things have finally been put into motion and I am starting to cater small events, sell cakes, and sell boxed lunches. He has been a great help to me, but I realized we have very different ideas of how the business is going to be run. Believe me, he has great ideas, but as I have vetoed a few I could tell by his reaction that we are not on the same page. I guess I always saw us as partners, but as me being ultimately the boss and that all things would be cleared through me, since this has always been my dream and not his. Before me he wasn't sure what he wanted to do, just knew that it was in the food industry. Like I said, I appreciate his ideas and help, but SWEETIENEICE, you took the words right out of my mouth when you said you had a vision of how you want things to be and you think that you will have to accomodate them for him. When I told him he seemed crushed and it broke my heart. I repeatedly told him that it's not that I don't want his help, but that I have had a dream and want things a certain way. I feel terrible that I made his upset because I love him with my whole heart, but at the same time do not want to compromise my dream. The part where I feel my situation is different from SWEETIENEICE is that her husband seems to not do cakes, but my boyfriend is also a chef so he does all the same things as me which I feel makes it a little more difficult. I can't make him in charge of the businees managment aspect because that's not what he does. I feel just sick over this. Help!

madgeowens Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:21am
post #15 of 35

I would think you would be thrilled to have al that support and help with a new business, he is already your partner in life, so why not in your business venture? I must be missing something here?

CambriasCakes Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:31am
post #16 of 35

Sweetneice - I know exactly where you're coming from! I love my husband dearly but we both have very different ideas on what a business should be and how it should run. I, like you, have never envisioned having a partner in business, which is completely different than having a partner in life.

My business is still in the planning stages and I really don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I don't want him to play such a major role in this. This is something I've always wanted to do for myself, for my own reasons and a partnership has never been part of the equation you know?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

LaBellaFlor Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:42am
post #17 of 35

I LOVE being around my husband...all the time. I know, sick. He supports me in everything! He also knows I have a vision on how I want things done & wouldn't interfere in that. Have you even talked to your husband about how you feel? Maybe you should just put it out there & let him know you want final say so. He may just be okay with that & is trying to give you supportive ideas.

chikadodle Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:48am
post #18 of 35

My husband and I own our bakery together and there are definitely pros and cons. We are both chefs, so we both want to be in the kitchen, but since he is a morning person and I am most definitely not, he does all of the breakfast pastries and breads and I do all of the cakes and tarts and refrigerated items. It's a very good dividing line in the kitchen. Out of the kitchen, he does all of the accounting and human resources and generally boring (but very, very important) stuff. I do all of the retail ordering and menus. Overall, our system works well and if you can find someone who is willing to deal with all of your operations and office work, you are very lucky! The pros!

And then there are the cons... Frustration tends to build much more quickly when you spend 24 hours a day with someone! In my case, the little things that irritate me about my husband are magnified by spending so much time together. For instance, my husband is extremely messy at home. This carries over to the bakery. I am very neat and like things clean. This means that not only do I spend my time at home cleaning up after him, but also my time at the bakery. Running a business together definitely makes you more aware of the strengths and weaknesses in your relationship, which can be very enlightening, for better or worse.

Whatever you choose to do, good luck!

indydebi Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 2:50am
post #19 of 35

Ok, I'm obviously the old married lady here because I disagree totally.

I am an LLC. A sole-owner LLC. Which means my name is the only one on there. Which means it takes my signature alone to commit to anything. Which means I make the decisions. Which means when I see an opportunity, I don't have to stop and convince someone else why it's an opportunity. I can just do it.

My husband of 20+ years spent 2 decades in banking and while he drives me nuts in a loving way, and is a very smart man (when he's not being a dumba$$! icon_razz.gif ), he had NO idea what's involved in running a catering company. We have different ideas on what the vision is and how we're going to get there. I'm not inviting those debates into my business.

When I set up the LLC, I told the attorney that I didn't care how he set it up as long as I had 51%. He leaned back and asked, "Why do you need anyone else in there at all?" The only answer I had was "isn't that the way it's always done?" No, it's not. We had a long discussion on the pros and cons of having someone else even listed as a "partner" on the LLC and it didn't take long for me to decide my-name-only.

Now my husband, while being my biggest supporter, and helps out ONCE in a BLUE MOON, refuses to acknowledge that he works FOR me. He tells people he works WITH me. I guess he finds it degrading to say he works FOR "the wife". But it's a great illustration of what I'm talking about. At the beginning he had BIG plans about the role he was going to play in the biz and that fantasy role has greatly reduced to nil. Yet if his name was on the LLC, he'd be telling everyone how "WE" do weddings when *I'M* the one doing all the work. I'd resent that.

One's personal .... one's business. Just becuase you married him, doesn't mean he's automatically a good business partner. I would only take on a partner that has the same drive, ambition, vision, dream and goal as I do. It would have to be someone who lives and breathes cake and food like I do.

If we get to the point where I can hire someone full time to run the office side and take care of all of that, and if hubby wants that job, then I'll give him a nice big title if he wants. Running the office doesn't automatically make someone a "partner".

What got my attention on your post is how you'd have to alter your dream to accommodate HIS and you didn't want to hurt his feelings. Typical woman thinking ..... stop it. Start thinking like a person in business.

Personal .... business .... two different things.

For the record, my hubby is totally fine with the way things are set up now.

indydebi Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:01am
post #20 of 35

Let me also caution about some potential down the road conversations, and I base this on past life experiences.

Does he view the creative part of caking as the "play" part? If he's running the front office show, the books, the bills, the IT, etc., will it get to a point that there is a "discussion" on how he's the "brains" or how he "runs the busines" and you're "just the baker"? Not saying one is more important that the other because obviously a business needs both. But since baking is typically a "woman" thing, and we have too many stories on here about folks not being taken seriously because "all they do is bake cakes" which is what June Cleaver does ...... ?

When you have the heart-to-heart, the views on these roles really needs to be discussed.

My first husband wanted "his half" of my cake business during our divorce. He did less than nothing but expected "half". I told him "I can run this business without you. But without me, there IS no business."

So please take this post with a grain of salt. I offer it becuase i've seen it come up and it's something that I think should be considered and cleared up at the git-go. icon_wink.gif

jamalyn1 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:41am
post #21 of 35

indydebi is so spot on. My boyfriend owns a pool service company. I run the office of his company. I am not a partner by any means and I sometimes resent it, but at the end of the day he built this business before he knew I existed! Now when we have discussions about me turning my hobby into MY business he refers to it as being my business, not his at all. I have the dream and the know how and he will help me in any way he can since we know we can work together well, but the pool business is his and the future cake business is mine. It's not a bad thing for him to have visions because it's his way of being excited for me, but in the end it will be my decision, just like at the end of the day his decision is the final decision in the swimming pool world even if I disagree....(and I have been able to say "I told you so") icon_razz.gif but it was his decision that he felt was right at the time. I'm sure he'll have his day to tell me that hehe. Just think long and hard and the answer will come. Good luck!

madgeowens Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:58am
post #22 of 35

Well I have been married 37 years now and so I suppose things are different today.....I have worked with my husband through the years at his business, but only when needed. We love working together around the house but maybe we would not be married all these years if I had worked at his office more than I did or do, so maybe there is more to be scrutinized here. I think if he wants to help you thats great and if you are both working equally he should be partner, however if you are dooing most of the work and decision making then maybe not...after all you already have a unwanted partner (the government) like it or not........so think before deciding. But don't ruin your relationship over it.

snarkybaker Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 4:03am
post #23 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamalyn1

indydebi is so spot on. My boyfriend owns a pool service company. I run the office of his company. I am not a partner by any means and I sometimes resent it, but at the end of the day he built this business before he knew I existed! Now when we have discussions about me turning my hobby into MY business he refers to it as being my business, not his at all. I have the dream and the know how and he will help me in any way he can since we know we can work together well, but the pool business is his and the future cake business is mine. It's not a bad thing for him to have visions because it's his way of being excited for me, but in the end it will be my decision, just like at the end of the day his decision is the final decision in the swimming pool world even if I disagree....(and I have been able to say "I told you so") icon_razz.gif but it was his decision that he felt was right at the time. I'm sure he'll have his day to tell me that hehe. Just think long and hard and the answer will come. Good luck!




This is a completely different situation because you are not married. You live in California, which has some of the strongest community property laws in the state, so the day you get married, you ARE partners. One of you may be a silent partner, but you are partners.

My husband tells everybody that I am the "genius behind Sugarland" ..his words not mine, but he is the workhorse. While I may do all of the creative work, from writing our ads to writing every recipe we use, he builds the spreadsheets for maximizing our cashflow with ordering, he washes the bar towels and the aprons He tastes all new recipes. He delivers all the party cakes when he's in town, and goes with me on wedding cake deliveries. We are open so many hours that it is nice to have someone else who can be there and you know all the money will end up in the cash register. To my way of thinking if he's entitled to half the money, which my state laws dictate, then his bony little but had better be doing half the work.

One of the most profound upsides of working together like we do is a real sense of building something and of a unique kind of togetherness. Its not always the path to the most peaceful married life, but when you manage it correctly, it can be great.
when we disagree, I win.

AKA_cupcakeshoppe Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 4:07am
post #24 of 35

I sometimes wish my DH would offer to be partner, give a capital to start up but then I realize that he might think he has a bigger say than me. I have a certain way of how I want my business to be. We've discussed it before and he wants me to do cheap cakes so I can get a lot of customers. But I'd rather do one cake a week that costs 10 times more than a cheap cake, even if it's 10 cheap cakes a week. He doesn't get why because in his mind it's all about churning out cakes and not about baking and decorating ONE cake with love and spending a LOT of time planning it out. I might have a business someday, I might not. But I don't wanna do it if I won't get to do it my way.

Indydebi, that's a really great advice. I will keep that in mind. Thanks.

veronica720 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 4:41am
post #25 of 35

I agree with Indydebi 100% as usual.

There is no way I would want my husband as partner in my cake business (or any business). Our heads would butt way too much. I have my ideas and that is how it is going to be, PERIOD!! I love him very much, but I don't want to compromise at all.

He gets to build it, but then it's all mine. And he seems just fine with it that way too.

indydebi Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:23pm
post #26 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by AKA_cupcakeshoppe

.. and he wants me to do cheap cakes so I can get a lot of customers.



Mine actually mentioned how I should open early "to get the morning crowd". I pointed out that none of the stores in our mall open before 10, so there is no morning traffic. Somehow, he thinks I should be a doughnut shop. icon_eek.gif After I point out that I dont' own any doughnut making equipment and that I'm a cake and cookie business, he shakes his head and says, "Then I don't know what you're doing, then."

In a man's brain, "Bakery" means "doughnut".

LIke I said, he's a smart guy, when he's not being a dumba$$! icon_lol.gif

Mike1394 Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 1:45pm
post #27 of 35

Here's the question that will decide all of it LOLOL. Who's putting in the most $$$$. If it's family money, then it's family run. You didn't say how long you've been together, but starting a marrige is a tough thing to begin as it is. Now trying to start a business also, keep the marriage counselor's # handy. Just keep in mind that you married each other because you love each other. I sure don't want the stress your looking at. Hopefully you'll both remember your life together is more important than the business.

Mike

leah_s Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:15pm
post #28 of 35

I'm standing over there with the old married ladies. M husband helps carry the cakes at delivery time. And shops for the groceries and cake supplies when I give him a list. Other than that this is MY biz, and I make the decisions. He has his own biz and he makes the decisions about that. I have him listed as an officer on the incorporation papers , but I own 100% of the stock of the company. (I'm an S corp.) Like Indy, without me, there'd be no biz.

But then we have different last names too. Yep, I'm one of those . . .



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Who's gonna help me win this thing? Time's running short!

leah_s Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 3:16pm
post #29 of 35

Oh and one more thing. Money is separated. My biz has an account as do I personally. His biz has an account and does he personally. NO MIXING.

indydebi Posted 10 Sep 2009 , 4:09pm
post #30 of 35

It's been said a few times, but I think we need to differentiate the difference between community property and business partner.

If you die or divorce in a community property state, then how the business assets are handled is one thing. If you are sole owner of the business vs. a partner, then it makes a difference in who RUNS the business.

Two different things. So the idea of "you married him so he's already a partner in the biz if it's a community property state" is much different than who is authorized to sign for loans or make committments & decisions in the biz.

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