Sad Mom...

Lounge By diane Updated 30 Aug 2009 , 6:55am by Ruth0209

diane Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:07am
post #1 of 43

well...it's been a long while since i needed to share something, and today is the day. i just said good-bye to my daughter. icon_cry.gif she left for college in tampa...i'm in california. it sure is hard. i was just wondering if there are any mom's here who've been through the same thing? icon_redface.gif i feel like there's an empty space in my life! icon_cry.gif does it get better?? icon_redface.gif

thanks for the support! icon_redface.gificon_wink.gif

42 replies
indydebi Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:15am
post #2 of 43

closest I ever came was when my daughter joined the army (ended up in Korea during a time when Korea was considered "hot"), and when my son went to Iraq twice.

Odd but true: I never cried or felt sad about them being gone while they were in the military. But every time my son backs out of my driveway to drive the 2.1 miles to his house, I feel like he's "leaving". Weird, I'll admit.

GenGen Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:34am
post #3 of 43

(((hugs)) i feel your pain.. my oldest one starts senior year in highschool next week and has 364 days till he ships off - he joined the navy about a month ago which i fully support.. signed sealed and not quite delivered yet.. lol


my first child to leave the nest .... i dont feel sad yet.. not quite nervous.. a bit perhaps but i think more of it will sink in as the day approaches.. the longest he's been away from me is about two weeks... and that was with his grandparents.

i guess i'm just feeling bewildered lol..

so D.. many big hugs.. for each and every day!

madgeowens Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:48am
post #4 of 43

It is very hard. Wjen my son went into the Marines, there was a peroid of time during boot camp, when I couldn't even hear his voice..........then when they were in the field, he could'nt even write...I remember laying my head on my husbands lap during that time and he would re read the old letters our son had written, to get us through that time. When the day came for him to graduate Parris Island I was up at 4 a.m. ready to go out the door lol.....it never is easy............even when they live a couple miles away.....empty nest syndrome is what they call it when they leave the first time....you have all of us to help you through the rough spots.

Cake_Bliss Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:57am
post #5 of 43

My oldest is starting at Penn State this fall and my daughter is a senior and will be heading off to college next year. It is tough and I just want them here! My little sister (8 years younger) went to Irag in 2/03 - 4/04 and I was a wreck.

cutthecake Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:06am
post #6 of 43

I hate passages of any kind.
The youngest of our three children leaves for college in two weeks; the middle child leaves next week (for grad school). I've been dreading the youngest's graduation for years. I though it was tough when the oldest went to college. It doesn't get easier with each successive child.
The worst part for me is setting the table with the empty places. It just announces to me that they're away. And I hate that.
I know that it's time for the baby birds to leave the nest. I just can't believe how quickly time has passed.
It helps to focus on their homecomings. I keep busy with work and hobbies, but I always miss them.
The upside? Less laundry!

Margieluvstobake Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:08am
post #7 of 43

My oldest left for college two years ago. I'm in MS and she went to SC. I cried all the way home. 9 1/2 hrs. She is so independent - never wanted to call home.
This year she is doing study abroad. She is in England now and will not be home til Christmas. My son just left about 1 1/2 weeks ago. Thankfully he is only 3 hours away. He has been calling every day. It is just me and my husband now. You do get used to it - just find something to keep you busy. Send her care packages. And get Skype. It's wonderful. It's the next best thing to being there.

tamiscakes Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:10am
post #8 of 43

it will amaze you at how fast the time goes. but i agree the smaller amount of laundry is great!!!!! and you do adjust fairly fast and then when you get used to that its time for them to come home again. lol the ups and downs of parenting. cause after that first summer your ready for them to go back and get back to the routine.,

dettdunn Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:14am
post #9 of 43

We lived in Colorado and our first went off to the University of Oklahoma. I felt as though someone tore my heart out. Then our middle child also went off to OU; again it was as though my heart was torn apart. Then our youngest and only son went off to college -- again in Oklahoma -- and my husband and I went through the same thing again. I am not sure which was worse, our kids going off to college or our son getting married. We absolutely love our daughter-in-law, but he was our youngest and the girls were both married. Hubby and I both cried and cried. It was awful. We are still 500+ miles away from each of them and with grandkids on the scene, it sure makes it difficult. You will survive, it just doesn't seem like it right now. One quick story ... our oldest wrote each of us (husband, her sister and brother and myself) each a letter when she went off to college. We got her settled in the dorm, said goodbye to her under a tree on campus (all of us not wanting to say goodbye and crying our eyes out) and then all got in the car to drive off. We then each opened our letters and read them ... she told each of us what we meant to her, etc., and the crying only got louder and louder!
You WILL survive ... and this too shall pass.

GenGen Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:15am
post #10 of 43

what i'm going to miss the most... my oldest son talks to me alot.. he's always been a chatterbox.. we used to call him motormouth and had bets on how long it would take him to say "guess what" when someone came to visit...

he and i can relate on a level that his brother and i can't.. and vise versa.. i just love how together we're complete.. its going to be so quiet after he ships off.. i'm getting closer again to my youngest.. we used to be Very close when he was little but he grew independant and hasn't needed mom as much lol.. and rightly so- i raised them to be independant and able to do for themselves..

i'm going to miss them not only as my sons being around as much but as close friends..

indydebi Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:22am
post #11 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by GenGen

i'm going to miss them not only as my sons being around as much but as close friends..




Which reminds me ....

One thing I missed when my oldest daughter went to the army was that I didn't have a bunch of teenagers hanging around the house. I missed having those kids hanging out and drinking my cokes. When my son went to the marines, I realized how much fun it was to wake up to find 3 or 4 teenage guys asleep in my family room and camped out in my son's room.

Sure missed all that foot traffic!

Cake_Bliss Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:37am
post #12 of 43

Which reminds me ....

One thing I missed when my oldest daughter went to the army was that I didn't have a bunch of teenagers hanging around the house. I missed having those kids hanging out and drinking my cokes. When my son went to the marines, I realized how much fun it was to wake up to find 3 or 4 teenage guys asleep in my family room and camped out in my son's room.

Sure missed all that foot traffic![/quote]

icon_cry.gificon_cry.gif makes me wanna cry icon_cry.gificon_cry.gif it is so true icon_sad.gif

Bonnell Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:55am
post #13 of 43

Been there and done that - twice! It was definitely hardest when my youngest left for college. Everyone was crying like babies when we left her in the dorm but I had to physically drag my husband to the car because he was ready to pack her right back up and bring her home. She said she was fine as soon as she knew our car was far enough away that she couldn't catch us. She's getting married next summer so I will be losing her again even though she never came back to live with me after college. I agree with Indydebi that having lots of teenagers in the house was always fun and I missed that a lot when my daughter left.

ShelleyMJ Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 3:12am
post #14 of 43

I have 2 children who are in Tampa. I live in Kentucky. It is very difficult having them so far from home. It gets easier but my arms still feel empty after 4 years. I always cherish the time I get to see them.

diane Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 4:01am
post #15 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by GenGen

(((hugs)) i feel your pain.. my oldest one starts senior year in highschool next week and has 364 days till he ships off - he joined the navy about a month ago which i fully support.. signed sealed and not quite delivered yet.. lol


my first child to leave the nest .... i dont feel sad yet.. not quite nervous.. a bit perhaps but i think more of it will sink in as the day approaches.. the longest he's been away from me is about two weeks... and that was with his grandparents.

i guess i'm just feeling bewildered lol..

so D.. many big hugs.. for each and every day!




my son leaves for the navy in april! i have one child left who will graduate in 2 years. i am not looking forward to an empty nest! icon_redface.gif

GenGen Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 4:24am
post #16 of 43

yah Diane, my youngest one will be 16 in november, he starts 10th next week..

LaBellaFlor Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 4:34am
post #17 of 43

I will have offcially started emptying the nest Tuesday. My oldest leaves to college. Shes not going to school very far away (only 2 hrs.), so I'm not upset about it. But the next one starts high school the this year and when she's a senior my son will be starting high school and so on and so forth (there are 7). The baby is 9 months and with such a big family A LOT of food is cooked. I think thats when it's gonna hit me. When I'm only cooking for me & my husband.

cathyscakes Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 4:42am
post #18 of 43

It was hard when my kids went off to college, it does get better, I remember how empty it felt. I really lived my life around my kids. I was a stay at home mom, so I had plenty of time to spend with them. With my son, our house was the house where all the kids wanted to hang out, so it was a busy place, and I loved every minute. So when he went off to school there was a huge void in my life. Slowly as time passed you begin to enjoy it, start having time for yourself, and my wonderful husband, we enjoyed our time alone. I have to admit my son did come back home, and I welcomed it, but he is getting ready to leave again, so its starting all over again. It will be easier this time.

cutthecake Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:39pm
post #19 of 43

Can we form a support group for sobbing mommies? I'm reading and crying. But then again, my family says that I cry at "Exit" signs.

Cakeonista Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:49pm
post #20 of 43

I know just how you feel. My youngest child (son) decided to go to college in Turin, Italy for a 4 year program last year. While I was happy that he was so excited my heart ached,not to mention how scared and nervous I was. He had never been away from home without me and now he was going across the globe. He had a wonderful first year and we saw each other as much as possible. Don't be sad my friend, it is truly a learning experience for them and only proves what a good job we have done. He came back in June a much more mature young man as I am sure you will see as time passes. The missing part never goes away but they are safe and happy. You will have to bake more cakes and keep busy lol. Good luck and keep smiling.

cutthecake Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:51pm
post #21 of 43

I've been in the Mommy business since 1983. Our kids are independent now (which is what we were aiming for!), but it's still strange to be at this place in my life. Since the youngest will be at college, there will no one coming home from school looking for an after-school snack....
And I'm crying again. But it's good crying. I thank God every day that they're all healthy and able to do these things.
Time for me to cowboy up again. But I know there will be many more tears in the weeks to come.

Texas_Rose Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:55pm
post #22 of 43

My sister is leaving this week for graduate school in California. My mom is more excited than you can imagine, probably because she didn't realize that when you get pregnant at 40, you end up parenting a teenager when you're already a member of the AARP. She tried sending Katie to a program where you do the last two years of high school and first two of college at the same time, and Katie flunked out and had to come home and get her GED, then went to college locally.

I just hope it goes well. She has some really unrealistic expectations for her dorm room (keeps insisting it will have a kitchen). All of her belongings are really ratty too. My mom won't buy her any nice bed linens or towels because she says graduate students are supposed to be really broke. I offered her some of my kids' extra bed linens but she "doesn't do pink".

She has to drive all the way to San Diego by herself too. I always take a gun with me when I go on road trips, but Katie's not even old enough to own one.

I think I'm more upset about my sister leaving than my mom is.

TJCanadian Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 1:59pm
post #23 of 43

Y'all are killing me, my son started Kindergarten today and I managed not to cry, only because he was just so excited and happy to be there. His little sister will be just a year behind him and I'm not ready for them to grow up just yet.

Mencked Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:00pm
post #24 of 43

While I miss my kids (my oldest started her "real life" this year after graduating from college, and my second oldest is a sophomore in college), I am so excited to have some time to do the things I want and need to do for me! My youngest child (11) is still at home so there is still plenty of running around to do (after school and school activities) and since we do live 30 miles away from all school activities there is a lot of time involved in doing that, but I am really enjoying seeing the wonderful, independent kids we've raised be successful at life! They know we're here should they need us, but more often than not, they function perfectly well on their own! I'm afraid that my feelings right now are more towards the "Free at last" frame of thought rather than the sad, empty nest feelings. Of course, this may change entirely in 7 years, (gah, 7 more years!!!), when the youngest goes to college icon_smile.gif!

tiggerjo Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:04pm
post #25 of 43

somedays when mine (3) were little, I thought they would never grow and leave. when that day came, thought I was gonna die!!! that was 9 years ago ( 6 grandkids later) and it seems like just yesterday. I think my oldest's 1st day of school was just as hard as when they left home. hugs to everyone experiencing this and to those sending their babies off to school in the fall.

susanscakecreations Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:10pm
post #26 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by diane

well...it's been a long while since i needed to share something, and today is the day. i just said good-bye to my daughter. icon_cry.gif she left for college in tampa...i'm in california. it sure is hard. i was just wondering if there are any mom's here who've been through the same thing? icon_redface.gif i feel like there's an empty space in my life! icon_cry.gif does it get better?? icon_redface.gif

thanks for the support! icon_redface.gificon_wink.gif




Diane,
I can SO totally relate.........my daughter left for college in 2000, and was only 1 1/2 hours away........I thought that was bad, but then when she graduated in 2004, she got the chance to go to California to a ministry college, and when she left for Cali, I thought I would DIE! I honestly felt like one of my limbs was missing, b/c she was my shopping buddy, my everything!!!!!!! But, trust me, it does, and it will get better! Just call her and text her a lot.........but let her do her thing, too.........and if you need a shoulder to cry on..........email me anytime!!!!!

PS....my daughter is moving back next month!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! not quite home, but only an hour away, not a whole map!!!!!

pianocat Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:32pm
post #27 of 43

It is hard when our children grow up and leave home. BUT...there are some good things I can tell you. 1) They do come back-no it's not the same but we hear from our sons and spend time with them a lot! 2) After you get over the initial sadness-it can be a whole new, wonderful part of your life. You may find, as I did, that it can be a good thing. Not that you don't love 'em, but you now have time for you (and your spouse). So I've learned to look at it as a positive experience. Been there in your shoes and learned to love where I am now in life!

tallgood Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:39pm
post #28 of 43

My 34 year old son is home right now for 2 weeks from his home in Beijing, China. He has lived there for 3 years and it looks like he will make his home there.

We use Skype at least 2x a week, and found that you can get AT&T International program for $3.99 a month with 6 cents a minute. Sooo, I pretend he's across town. Course, neither of those will work for kindergarten Moms!

Missed him last year, so went and spent 10 days there. It's a good excuse to travel the world...use it, if you can. Expensive... but cheaper than feeding him in high school! icon_lol.gif

Texas_Rose Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:42pm
post #29 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJCanadian

Y'all are killing me, my son started Kindergarten today and I managed not to cry, only because he was just so excited and happy to be there. His little sister will be just a year behind him and I'm not ready for them to grow up just yet.




Aww...my youngest is going to Pre-K this year. She's going to have to ride the bus to another school, even though my oldest goes to school right across the street from our house. She's really excited and I'm just hoping it goes well, because she's so little for her age. Her backpack just about drags on the ground.

PennySue Posted 20 Aug 2009 , 2:43pm
post #30 of 43

We have been empty nesters for a few years now. Yes, it was hard to see them go. Our oldest son was in the Air Force and we never knew where he was when he left for deployments. His roomate would just say "he is at work" and we knew he was away. Our middle son and youngest daughter are married now with kiddos of their own (the oldest is getting married in Oct.)

I talk to my daughter everyday, sometimes several times a day to talk about raising the kiddos, recipes and life in general. We use a webcam to stay in touch with her little family in CO. Our boys we see often. Phone calls, e-mails...whatever it takes to stay close. My DH meets with the boys quite regularly for breakfast or dinner, mountainbiking and whatever else guys do. I spend time with my daughters-in-law going to lunch, shopping and all the things that Mom's do with their girls since one's Mother has passed away and the other is out of state. My brother and sister-in-law lives in the same town as my daughter so they are the "stand-in" grandparents for my two little grandsons. What a wonderful arraignment!

There isn't a day that goes by that we are not praying for them to depend on God just as we have for our 34 years of marriage. Our kids arrived during our second year of marriage and time alone was not the norm. We so enjoy that time now with each other. My DH is my best friend and I can't imagine life here on earth to be any better.

For those of you who's children are in the service, Psalms 91 became my verses of comfort during those times. I hope they will comfort you.

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