Family Drama.

Decorating By Curtsmin24 Updated 15 Apr 2009 , 1:00am by margaretb

Curtsmin24 Posted 11 Mar 2009 , 10:32am
post #1 of 42

Here's the scoop:
brother meets girl icon_rolleyes.gif
3 months later she's pregnant icon_confused.gif
after 7 1/2 months brother calls me and asks to come "help out" icon_smile.gif
I fly out for a month! icon_eek.gif
I make baby shower icon_biggrin.gif
she don't want no cake from me tapedshut.gif
she pays $40 for two cakes for birthday/baby shower icon_rolleyes.gif
a month later my beautiful niece is born icon_biggrin.gif
6 months later they move out here icon_cool.gif
she taste my cake icon_cool.gif (new years) party.gif
they have an altercation icon_mad.gif , I get to sistercation icon_wink.gif
me, not godmother anymore icon_sad.gifthumbsdown.gif
baby's first is coming up and sons second birthday is coming up, she wants cake icon_lol.gif
hubby will be going overseas icon_cry.gif
I will be flying to say later to hubby usaribbon.gif
she get no cake!! icon_razz.gif
me, dunce.gif

Hopefully, someone gets a kick out of this. I thought it was kind of funny that a year after she refused my cake, she's begging for it. She keeps telling my mom that i'm going to make her the cake and that it's going to be like "this" and like "that". Sounds like after my trip, i'm going on vacation. Too bad i'm not going to be here. icon_smile.gif

41 replies
Tona Posted 11 Mar 2009 , 10:42am
post #2 of 42

Funny Story. She should have took you up on the cake when you offered. Good luck have a great vacation

mommicakes Posted 11 Mar 2009 , 12:19pm
post #3 of 42

good girl....no cakey for her!!!! icon_lol.gif

imakecakes Posted 11 Mar 2009 , 12:32pm
post #4 of 42

Love the story!!! Thanks for the smile!

kjt Posted 11 Mar 2009 , 12:38pm
post #5 of 42

Love the story...and the emoticons...soooo funny!

Good for you, as mommicakes said, "No cakey" that bad girl!

jennabell441 Posted 11 Mar 2009 , 12:39pm
post #6 of 42

I have 2 SILs just like that. It only gets more...er...interesting with time.

SHADDI Posted 11 Mar 2009 , 1:36pm
post #7 of 42

your too funny, love the way you wrote this out very simple but very understanding to what you have gone through.

I would also say no cake for her..
I think she knows now how much the cake would be if she goes somewhere else for what she wants... and now wants a free cake "since your family"......

Curtsmin24 Posted 12 Mar 2009 , 5:52am
post #8 of 42

icon_lol.gif I'm glad a put a smile on everyones face. I'm still cracking up about it.

[/quote]I think she knows now how much the cake would be if she goes somewhere else for what she wants... and now wants a free cake "since your family"......

I think she realized the difference between real frosting and scratch cake compared to her normal frozen supermarket cake. My policy is free cake is only for immediate family. No cousins, wives, husbands. Their not married so technically shes not family.

Funny thing is I made my husband and brother a European cake called fraiser torte (not cheap to make)and at 7 months my niece was trying to stick her face in their plates and screaming while she leaned her head forward trying to eat off of thier spoons. A week later my sister got a birthday cake from the supermarket (from friends) and I tried to feed her a small spoon and she turns her head away. icon_biggrin.gif At 7 months I have her well trained so her mommy is going to have to let her come bake with me or pay my price cause the niece is very fiesty already. icon_cool.gif [/quote]

gscout73 Posted 12 Mar 2009 , 11:30am
post #9 of 42

Enjoy your vacation! Take some pix you can share with her when you return... And I hope you don't have another sistercation. icon_lol.gif

marmalade1687 Posted 12 Mar 2009 , 11:43am
post #10 of 42

Great story, and best use of emoticons that I have seen in a long time! They really helped to tell your story well! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Thanks for the laugh, and enjoy your trip!

BitsnBites Posted 12 Mar 2009 , 12:51pm
post #11 of 42

Who takes away "godmother" title??? That is so tacky. That happened to my sister, she was going to be godmother to her sister in law's kid and then she was uninvited because another sister wanted to be. And where did they decide to break the news? At my nephews Christening dinner. In all the photos my sister has red puffy eyes from crying.

Aww your niece is not going to enjoy her first birthday cake icon_sad.gif I would make her a cupcake. Something that she can eat all for herself icon_biggrin.gif

PinkZiab Posted 12 Mar 2009 , 2:04pm
post #12 of 42

Well you certainly get the award for creative use of smilies! lol

7yyrt Posted 12 Mar 2009 , 3:30pm
post #13 of 42

Just wanted to point out about the "3 months later she's pregnant"
.
Ummm... She didn't do that. She and brother did that. icon_lol.gif

If I understand right; you will make a cake for the child if she's with her father, but not if she's with her mother?
You certainly have the right not to make a cake, but I'm worried you may be driving more of a wedge between you and your niece's mother. You may not like the mother, but it sounds as if you like your niece.

I'm not trying to pick on you, please don't think that.
I'm concerned.

Curtsmin24 Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 3:07am
post #14 of 42
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Just wanted to point out about the "3 months later she's pregnant"
.
Ummm... She didn't do that. She and brother did that.

If I understand right; you will make a cake for the child if she's with her father, but not if she's with her mother?
You certainly have the right not to make a cake, but I'm worried you may be driving more of a wedge between you and your niece's mother. You may not like the mother, but it sounds as if you like your niece.

I'm not trying to pick on you, please don't think that.
I'm concerned.




oh I know they both made the baby, it takes two. I meant it was a shock that she was pregnant 3 months after they met. You misunderstood me just a little. I can't make the cake because I am flying to California to say goodbye to my husband before he gets deployed and now that I have plans she is basically begging for me to make the cake. I meant that she's not married to my brother, so legally shes not family. I only make free cakes for immediate family like my brother, sister and my mother, no one else. I know you weren't trying to pick on me, I was just saying it was funny because she wants free cake after I had offered free cake and it was rejected a little over a year ago and now that I can't make a cake she is saying that she wants my cake and for free. I hope this makes sense, I have a hard time writing my thoughts, sorry.

PinkPammfer Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 3:21am
post #15 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curtsmin24


Funny thing is I made my husband and brother a European cake called fraiser torte (not cheap to make)and at 7 months my niece was trying to stick her face in their plates and screaming while she leaned her head forward trying to eat off of thier spoons. A week later my sister got a birthday cake from the supermarket (from friends) and I tried to feed her a small spoon and she turns her head away. icon_biggrin.gif At 7 months I have her well trained so her mommy is going to have to let her come bake with me or pay my price cause the niece is very fiesty already. icon_cool.gif


[/quote]


This is too funny!! icon_lol.gif Sounds like something my niece would do too. How quick they learn!

ceshell Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 3:54am
post #16 of 42

Hilarious story! I agree, the limited text and smilies = great storytelling.

FWIW I think 7yyrt's point is just that, I know you feel you don't want to make the cake for the SIL, but really the cake is for your niece. Just because the woman isn't married to your bro doesn't mean she isn't family. I mean, legally yes, but...many people consider the serious partners of their relatives "family" even if they aren't married. More importantly, her daughter, whom the cake is for, IS family. -->Then again you did say cake FOR immediate family so you may just mean, you would make any sibling a birthday cake but not cakes for their kids because that taps you too far out into "extended family" territory. We all must place our limits on what we are willing to donate, that is true--otherwise you could be driven mad (see: any number of threads on CC regarding relatives taking advantage of decorators). In which case, kudos to you for sticking to your rules.

That doesn't mean you still shouldn't have the right to be glad have travel plans that get out of this one due to your feelings about your SIL. But I wonder, if you two had a good relationship, would you have done it? Like, if your brother had asked you to do it for HIS daughter (it's all semantics now). Would you have, maybe, baked ahead and frozen something special for your niece?

Just curious; as with 7yyrt, I'm honestly not trying to pick or judge, just trying to add a different perspective.

Nothing still takes away from the hilarity of the story. Why did she reject your cake in the first place?? Did she not think you could do a good job? Maybe she already felt like you were doing too much for her, you made it sound like you threw the baby shower...she might have had a problem accepting too much from you ESPECIALLY knowing she was having the family's baby out of wedlock. And especially since you said you don't do cakes for non-family!

Geez now I sound like I am defending her icon_redface.gif sorry. You know how it is here, we are always trying to see all sides. I think anytime we see kids caught in the middle we can't help but want to raise some points that haven't yet been considered. Time for me to butt out now!!

Curtsmin24 Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 6:37am
post #17 of 42

Cshell, you raise a good point. I did post before about how mean she is to my brother and how she takes advantage of him all the time. He works over 45 hours a week and she complains that he is never home, but she has no problem spending the money on unnecessary stuff. They have been living with my mother for the last six months and she has never helped do anything around the house.

My brother just bought a house and on my brothers day off he and my husband have been fixing things before they move in and she keeps wanting him to stop and do something else. When he comes home from work at 10:30 in the evening she wants him to take her shopping and is constantly fighting about him spending money on himself. She has a license so there is no excuse really. I usually don't have issues with anyone but she is really rude and disrespectful to my mother as well.

She says things like his "thing" isn't good enough for her and that he doesn't satisfy her in front of my 7 year old nephew and my mom and that does not sit well with me. There are a lot of reasons that we don't get along and honestly it takes a lot, and I do mean a lot to get on my bad side. Her son is almost 2 and she never feeds him and is always very abusive to him (verbally and physically).

I tried talking to her alone several times and telling her that her behavior is not appropriate but she's the type of person that is all about herself. She is one of those moms that would rather spend $600 on a new shirt than by her kids a box of diapers. I agree with you that the children will be affected with the relationship I have with her but, I don't know how else to deal with it. She has never had a job, never finished school, doesn't speak english and pretty much doesn't know how to do anything. I was making crabs one day and put them in the sink, while they were alive, to rinse them and she asks me if I eat them like that. icon_confused.gif Who tries to eat a live crab while it's claws are snapping at you?

I love my niece and I have no problem with them having a child out of wedlock ( that's very common nowadays) but I do have an issue with the way she treats my brother and the fact that she does it in front of everyone makes it worse. My brother is not a saint, but he gives her everything and he is trying to move up in the world, and she doesn't even support him. He was in the bathroom vomiting (he had the flu) and she sat in the kitchen and was talking crap. If that was my man I would be by his side or asking if he needed anything not telling him to keep hugging the toilet while she was on myspace chatting with her friends.

My brother is not happy and that doesn't make me happy. I talked to him and he says he doesn't want to be with her anymore but, he doesn't want to lose his daughter either. He says he's tired of the fighting, nagging, and being degrated. I'm all for a woman holding her own, but a relationship is supposed to be about building each other up and loving each other. Not just financial benefit and getting only what you want. She doesn't want him talking to anyone or going anywhere with anyone. My MOM took him to a 7 eleven, 2 minutes away, and she was fighting with him because she didn't want him to go anywhere. She has broken 6 of his cellphones, his watch that my grandfather gave him before he passed away, and burned his clothes. She broke two game systems, and scratched all of his games and even broke the television. She hits him all the time and constantly throws things at him.

He says he wants to hit her back but then he thinks about me, and my sister and he says that it makes him sad to think that someone could do that. My brother was the real laid back type that always tried to have fun and try different things. He can't go anywhere because she doesn't want to go and if she doesn't go, he can't either. I tell him that I understand how it is but if he ever decides to change his mind he can come live with me. (we are very close) He never gets to relax or do what he wants. I told him that it was his fault and he accepts that but tells me that she deserves to hear what a meany she is. He knows how I am and he knows that I don't say anything until i'm pushed to do so.

If I was here I would have made the cake, but to my liking. I don't freeze my cakes and according to my mom she wants fondant so that wouldn't be possible anyway. I am going to make my niece a small fondant figure and some cookies so that she can eat them (my mom will give them to her on her birthday) I'm in a tough situation but, this is how I am going to deal with it. I have enough issues with my husband being deployed. The only reason she wants my cake is because she can't have it. I'm going to be gone for 3 weeks and she didn't mention anything about cake until I told my mom the dates I will be gone. She's much worse than it sounds, trust me when I first heard about her from my family up north, I thought they were exagerating (sp?) but, I tried to stay with them for a month, after two weeks, I stayed with friends. She's a piece of work.

Curtsmin24 Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 7:07am
post #18 of 42
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but...many people consider the serious partners of their relatives "family" even if they aren't married. More importantly, her daughter, whom the cake is for, IS family. -->Then again you did say cake FOR immediate family so you may just mean, you would make any sibling a birthday cake but not cakes for their kids because that taps you too far out into "extended family" territory. We all must place our limits on what we are willing to donate, that is true--otherwise you could be driven mad (see: any number of threads on CC regarding relatives taking advantage of decorators). In which case, kudos to you for sticking to your rules.




I know that she is still family and my niece is family, but there are way too many nieces and nephews and aunts and uncles in my family. If I do it for one, that's my behind. I can't afford to do it and I really don't have the time. I have to stick to my rules because i'll be in a world of hurt if I don't. I'll give discounts but that's it. Times are extremely hard for me right now and if I dig too deep a whole no one will help me get out of it so I have to be very careful. When the nieces and nephews get older and ask for cake they may recieve a small cake from auntie with love, of whatever their wonderful little hearts desire. My seven year old nephew, who basically grew up with me comes and eats cake scraps. We make cake truffles and he picks his own flavors and toppings but it's for him. He's going to help me make my mom's 49/50th birthday. She's turning 49, but I keep telling her she's taking off a year. (inside joke)

Forgot to add: I did her babyshower but it was a small one and everything was planned from Florida and taken care of in Rhode Island. Money has never been an issue with me until recently. My brother helped raise me and I did it for him because I knew that he needed some time with his friends and I made sure that they had everything. She started changing things and it turned into a small overpriced baby shower. She gave away 4 favors and made wayyy too much food. It was in the afternoon and I wanted to make small tea party type foods. She turned it into a mini sweet sixteen with a chair and an umbrella and candles and real flowers for table arrangements. It was beautiful but it was overdone. I felt like I was at a small wedding (seriously). I was not going to shell out all of that cash on a baby shower. I went out and bought the baby at least 24 different outfits, shoes, diapers, wipes, and boxed them all individually. I came out of the car with four 40 gallon trash bags worth of presents. My brother was crying because I had also hand made a diaper cake, a diaper wreath, and a diaper baby. I don't have any children but I know that he needed to buy all of the big stuff and didn't have anything else. The five people that did come to the baby shower didn't really give her much. I spoil my family with gifts during holidays and birthdays, and I go out of my way to find out what they really want (cost does not matter). I already bought my niece her gifts. Her birthday isn't until July 11th and I got her some toys and a bunch of clothes and shoes. My brother chose me as the godmother because he knows that if anything was to ever happen to them, his daughter would be more than well taken care of. She says no but now the baby hasn't had a christening because of that.

Sorry my posts have been so long, it's almost too much to vent about.

ceshell Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 7:28am
post #19 of 42

Wow Curtsmin, you are right, she truly does sound like a piece of work! As you can imagine my understanding of your situation is vastly different now with all of this background information.

Can I first just say, in all seriousness, I am so sorry that this situation exists in your family! It sounds absolutely awful and I am sure it is pure h### for your brother to go through. I am sure it is painful for you to watch this all unfold and unbelievably frustrating feeling like there is nothing you can do to rectify the situation.

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My brother is not happy and that doesn't make me happy. I talked to him and he says he doesn't want to be with her anymore but, he doesn't want to lose his daughter either


Obviously this speaks volumes, it's not just you "not approving" of his choices but rather, it's you supporting him when you know that he is miserable and she is a terrible person. If she is truly this awful, does everyone think it is entirely out of the question for him to at least meet with a lawyer and find out if he would have any chances of gaining custody of his daughter if he were to leave the relationship? Her violent behavior would NOT work well in her favor and the situation you are describing surely makes me fearful for the safety of that child! I am sure you have all contemplated this to the nth degree so sorry if I am speaking out of turn.

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She's much worse than it sounds


Yikes, it sounds so bad already!! icon_eek.gif

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I have to stick to my rules because i'll be in a world of hurt if I don't.


Nuff said! I don't think you have to make any more explanations beyond that, not to anyone in your family and least of all not to me icon_smile.gif. I totally get it! thumbs_up.gif

Again even though your post just started out as a great funny "Nyah Hah!" to an annoying cake leech, I am truly sorry that your family is in this terrible situation and I hope that an opportunity arises where you can all work together to help your brother and niece either improve or exit this awful environment. (((hugs)))

Curtsmin24 Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 8:34am
post #20 of 42
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Nuff said! I don't think you have to make any more explanations beyond that, not to anyone in your family and least of all not to me . I totally get it!

Again even though your post just started out as a great funny "Nyah Hah!" to an annoying cake leech, I am truly sorry that your family is in this terrible situation and I hope that an opportunity arises where you can all work together to help your brother and niece either improve or exit this awful environment. (((hugs)))




It's okay. I told him about the custody thing and he's worried that they will say that he knew it was happening and make it seem like he was okay with the situation. I told him to put a voice recorder and tape her but he wont. She has a son from a prior relationship and I feel so sad for him because she locks him in the room all day until my brother gets home from work. He's only 2!! It breaks my heart!! She feeds him when she wants to. I have gone over there and the few times that my mother has babysat him he comes up to me and asks me for food (he doesn't talk yet) so I give him rice and meat and he sits down and I try to teach him some words and he repeats them very clearly. She treats him like an animal. I pulled my brother aside and told him that I would never call child services on anyone but she treats that boy like a dog and I will call if I don't see a change. He takes me very seriously and he told her that she needed to let him come out and interact with the other kids and lately she has.

I really do feel for my brother and yes it's quite worse than it sounds. When I gave her some sistercation, it was with words. She had told my brother that he wasn't going to get her to leave my mothers house until he bought her a house and started name calling him and throwing things in my mothers house. I happened to walk in and I told him to tell her to come outside because I was going to whoop her behind if she didn't. She locked the door and I broke it down and told her that I do have the cojones to drag her outside on the concrete and beat her like shes never been beaten in her life if I even hear that she acted like that in my mothers house. I told her, I don't live there but my sister does and if my sister was to ever get dumb like that in my mothers house she better disappear before I get there. I told her about herself and I also told her that she should be worshipping the ground my brother walks on because he doesn't have to be with her. I even told her that the stripper he dated before her had more class than her because she would never disrespect my family like that. He got discharged from the airforce because everytime he had to check in she would hide his car keys. His duty station was over an hour away so it would be like $250 for a cab ride. Iv'e seen some really mean people but she definitly is the worst. I didn't think people like her really existed, at least not to her degree.

I was in the military and I had back surgery before I left, but I told her that I have medication to take after i'm done taking her out. I also told her that she will regret ever meeting me if she keeps abusing those kids. My nephew told her I have a gun. I do have a bb gun, he hasn't seen it, he's a little bad booty, it's locked in a very secure safe along with the real one. He must have overheard a conversation I had with my mom. I got the real one not too long ago because my husband and I go to the shooting range on occasion to train.
My brother said she cried a lot and appologized to him and that she doesn't want me to hate her. He told her that he thought that I would get along with her because I am very easygoing and laidback but when I become a meany it's not a pretty sight so she needed to be nice to him and the kids in order to get on my good side. I had told her that if she thinks that she's got the whole world wrapped around her finger she has to realize that I too live in this world and that I like to keep it peaceful, because when I explode bad things will happen. I am properly trained to deal with crazy situations and would never physically harm anyone unless I felt that someones life was in danger. (i know it doesn't sound that way, but I swear it's true.)

I love my brother dearly and even if it was my sister (we don't get along) the situation would be the exact same way. If a man put his hands on her, he better hope it's not the one he pees with. I am very protective of my family and friends. I was hit once and only once a long time ago by an ex and he couldn't walk for a week, I will not tolerate abuse. I don't care if it's the other way around (ie her hitting him) because as soon as he gets tired of it and hits her back (hopefully he doesn't) she will put him in jail (but she better flee the country). I don't condone that behavior at all. Btw, I have no problem giving you or any other cc member more details on anything. You all give so much to me already. thumbs_up.gif

itsmylife Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 1:12pm
post #21 of 42

Wow... I just read through this whole thread, and it's just one jaw-dropping thing after another. I am so sorry you and your family have to deal with this. She sounds extremely immature, and there are quite a few more adjectives I could use, but I'll stop there. tapedshut.gif

The two biggest problems I see are with the children, and the violence.

Locking that little boy in a room all day long and not feeding him or interacting with him is neglect. That is absolutely criminal and truly makes me sick to my stomach and angry icon_mad.gif . Some people would give their left arm to have a healthy child, and it sounds like that little boy is an inconvenience for her. It's good that it's getting a little better with him, BUT, what if it gets worse? That little boy is suffering, and not feeding him means he's not getting the proper nutrition he needs which is going to (or probably has already started to) hurt his development.

Her violent outbursts are also troubling. I worry again, about the children, your brother, and your mother. First and foremost, the potential for someone to get physically hurt is extremely high. Your brother has obviously shown great restraint, but geez... he's being physically abused. She's counting on the fact that he won't hit back.... and if he does, his butt is going to jail....she knows that.

Your mom and the the kids are in danger of being hurt as well. Even if the anger wasn't directed at them. If she's chucking things around the house, how long until some innocent bystander (kids/mom) gets clocked in the head? The kids are also learning that if they become violent, they will get what they want. Disaster waiting to happen....both in the short and long term.

I STRONGLY recommend talking to your brother again about the situation. There are plenty of attorneys who will give a free consultation ...and there are many who specialize in working with men who are facing custody issues.

I have a brother too.... & I would do anything to protect him. You've already shown your love and support for yours.....he needs to step up and put an end to this and fight for his rights. He needs to understand that he is doing more harm to his child by staying in the relationship.

It's a tough situation, and I truly feel for you....you've shown a lot of restraint to this point, but if it were me, I would keep pushing my brother. Maybe if you do the attorney research for him, that could be a start (since he would probably have a hard time doing it without her knowing).

Hope I didn't get too 'soap-boxy'. icon_razz.gif

7yyrt Posted 13 Mar 2009 , 3:26pm
post #22 of 42

One of you needs to tell someone about all this. Someone official.

I know what it's like to grow up in a house with an abuser. Physical, mental, you name it. I was fortunate that my older siblings took the brunt of it until I reached school age, so I never completely internalized the 'it's your fault, you are slime' thing. People at school treated me like a normal kid, so I somehow knew there wasn't anything wrong with me.
If his mom is the only one who treats him like crap, he won't except it either. It sounds like you have a good handle on that side of it.

If it will help in any way feel free to PM me. Type a whole page of 'damn' if you want to.
Blessings ImageImage

ceshell Posted 14 Mar 2009 , 12:12am
post #23 of 42

OMG, --^^--!!! What itsmylife said! I have nothing to add, because that post says it all. OK, who am I kidding, I will add something, which is just further to what she wrote. I know your threats have done a lot to help keep this chick in line, but she is seriously unbalanced and threatening her will ultimately hurt your brother and his (hopefully) future desire to gain custody of that child. Which he really, honestly needs to do. Don't get me wrong, I am not coming down on you for your threats - I can see that that kind of talk was needed to get her to understand that his family is not going to take her BS lying down. I just mean that it's sooo much bigger than you or your family having to threaten her to keep her behaving.

You state some things that he might have concerns about, but none of them compare to the abuse, neglect and hostile, manipulative behavior she is exhibiting. Please start the process! It doesn't have to begin with a call to Social Services; it can also just begin with a call to an attorney as itsmylife mentioned - indeed there ARE many who specialize in navigating the biases against men when fighting to gain custody of their children from psychotic mothers. They should start building a real, legal case against her NOW so that your brother can take action and not be left wondering/worrying what the judicial system will do when he is ready to pounce...he will know that he has his bases covered.

Since this thread is in the "general" section due to its originally being about a hilarious NO CAKE FOR YOU story icon_smile.gif, you might even want to consider posting in the lounge to ask for input on how to help your brother find talented assistance (you could direct people to this thread for all of the details). Many others have been through things like this and can probably point you in the right direction. I can just see it now...8 months from now your brother and his DD escape this toxic woman, and you can say "I owe it all to my friends at CC!" LOL.

margaretb Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 8:53am
post #24 of 42

If she really is locking a 2 year old up all day by himself and not feeding him, call social services. That is HORRIBLE.

Being named godmother does NOT mean that you would get custody if something happened to the parents. You need to be named as a guardian in your brother's will, and even at that, the best interest of the child will prevail should it ever come before a court. Likewise, even if you are not the godmother, you can still be named guardian.

DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. Start NOW. She is having a fit of anger and throwing objects -- write that down. You visited and 2 year old begged for food -- write that down. Brother asks her to go for counselling/anger management/parenting class -- she refuses, write that down. She hides his keys when he needs to go to work. She talks about their sex life in front of children. Write down everything. The lawyer can decide what is relevant to the custody case. Brother realizes there are very deep problems. He starts to document but isn't quite ready to throw in the towel. He finally pulls the plug. It is not going to be bad that he was documenting things (he can write it in a scribbler or send himself emails to his secret yahoo account or whatever) before he left -- that just shows that he has had grave concerns about her. It is not bad that he has stayed and "let it happen". Good grief, read ANYTHING about women leaving abusive partners, and it will say they go back an average of however many times before they are able to leave permanently. He is not "letting it happen", he is trapped in an abusive relationship. Maybe not trapped by physical fear of her, but fear about losing his child. I also think that documenting things might also serve as a release valve (a form of venting), which will help him to keep from snapping (you mentioned that he's thought about hitting her back). It will be a positive action he can take to get out of the situation. I think you and your mother should also document what you observe. Defend the kids, but no threats -- she will spin anything you say or do to make you look like the crazy family.

dhccster Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 9:20am
post #25 of 42

Wow! That is definitely some family drama! I hope everything works out for your brother!

dhccster Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 9:22am
post #26 of 42

And DEFINITELY of course for the children. She just sounds terrible.

ThreeDGirlie Posted 15 Mar 2009 , 9:30am
post #27 of 42

OK, I read the OP and started laughing out loud.

Then I kept reading and now I have tears in my eyes. PLEASE do something about the way she treats those children. PLEASE. If you can't intervene, child services need to be called. Maybe it's because I'm a SAHM to a 1 year old and a 2 1/2 year old, but I know how damaging it would be to shut a child in a room all day with no interaction, and basically show no love - and that's not even talking about the physical and emotional abuse you mentioned, and not feeding the child.

This just makes me so sad. Anybody that witnesses this and doesn't do something to stop it is part of the problem. Remember, if this gets reported by somebody else down the line, your brother is going to be in as much trouble as she is for being an adult in the household and letting it happen.

Karabear1125 Posted 16 Mar 2009 , 2:25am
post #28 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curtsmin24

The only reason she wants my cake is because she can't have it. I'm going to be gone for 3 weeks and she didn't mention anything about cake until I told my mom the dates I will be gone.




I figured that out from your first post!

Karabear1125 Posted 16 Mar 2009 , 2:30am
post #29 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeDGirlie

OK, I read the OP and started laughing out loud.

Maybe it's because I'm a SAHM to a 1 year old and a 2 1/2 year old, but I know how damaging it would be to shut a child in a room all day with no interaction, and basically show no love - and that's not even talking about the physical and emotional abuse you mentioned, and not feeding the child.




wow, I didn't finish reading yet but just had to comment again on this.. I totally agree, my husband's mom did this to him; locked him up his bedroom all day til his dad got home from work when he was young and he's 35 now and has some issues or effects from it! Needless to say my 3 year old has NEVER been to her house and I've NEVER had her watch him ever or will! Heard to many horror stories bout that lady!

MamaMayhem Posted 16 Mar 2009 , 3:01am
post #30 of 42

If your brother and mother aren't willing to do anything about this then you MUST. Call CPS, now. This is abuse, you can't turn a blind eye.

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