Petty Jealousy?

Decorating By saberger Updated 18 Feb 2009 , 10:55pm by Carolynlovescake

saberger Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 3:35pm
post #1 of 53

Am I being childish about this?

A friend of mine knows that I make cakes and cookies - even made some for her DD and DS party. She used to rave about a particular baker to me all of the time and never about me. Then she had tasted one of my new recipes and RAVED about it to me. Called me up and left a message about how amazing it was and all of that (I guess the cakes before that weren't good icon_confused.gif ). I had at one point asked why she and another friend of mine never told me that they didn't like my cakes (which were always compared to the grocery store well) - they said they didn't want to hurt my feelings. FEELINGS HURT!!!

Anyway, I let it go and really concentrated on having some delicious cakes and BC. Got it! Now, I went to a party this past weekend and saw her there. She is talking to the b-day girls' mom and asking where she got her cake (in front of me, mind you). The woman mentions a place, that I know of, raving about it. Understandable...the mother doesn't know that I make them. But what does my friend say? "Oh really, could I get her number?" icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif I couldn't believe it! She didn't mention that I make cakes or say "oh, have you tried her cakes?" or anything like that. She is just trying to get the info - in front of me - as if I don't exist!

I am sure it is stupid of me, probably even petty or jealous, but the more I think about it, the more annoyed I am. After standing there for a couple of minutes listening to them raving about this person (there was another mom there as well) - I finally said "okay, ladies...let me ask you do I beat this person?" And the b-day girls' mom asked if I make cakes......"well, you have to beat her BC and be cheaper." At least SHE had the decency to ask me for my card.

Any advice? Part of me wants to confront my 'friend' and part of me says to get over it. I don't really want to do either icon_cry.gif

52 replies
dailey Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 3:51pm
post #2 of 53

honestly, you have no reason to be upset. you are angry because your friend likes cakes that are *not* yours?? that's silly...there are plenty of great cakes out there.

Katie-Bug Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 6:10pm
post #3 of 53

I understand how hurt you are by this, but I wouldn't say anything.

While you want to rip her head off, if you say anything, she will just go an tell people how "rude" or "angry" you were at her. She will just hurt your repetation.

I have some family that used to get me to make cakes for birthfay get togethers. They would give me about 24 hours notice, give me only a few bucks, and then make fun of the decorating or the taste, something was always worth laughing about on it!! I hated doing them!!! Finally, I just mentioned something to the effect of being busy and don't feel like you have to get one from me..It worked!! They know get there cakes from the grocery store and I just don't eat it!

It really does work better this way. I make cakes for people who actually like my cakes and enjoy making them. Not everyone likes what I have to offer, others do. We can't please everyone.

You do beautiful work and others love your work, so don't worry about her. icon_smile.gif

Carolynlovescake Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 6:28pm
post #4 of 53

I'd get a new friend.

saberger Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 6:30pm
post #5 of 53

I know that there are a lot of good cakes out there. I don't begrudge anyone that. I think what has me upset is, I guess, that she doesn't seem to acknowledge what I do to others when that topic comes up.

If I am with my friend, the software developer (let's say) and I meet someone else who does that, I mention it...wouldn't you? But it is as if I don't exist and HAT is what bothers me.

Culinarycreations- Your right. She has been a pain before, so, technically I am happy I DON'T have to deal with her.

cakes22 Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 6:35pm
post #6 of 53

Its not worth your trouble, breath & effort. Your cakes are awesome & she is just one person in the grand scheme of life. Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch.........(I think I just channeled my mom! icon_confused.gif )

dailey Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 6:37pm
post #7 of 53

well if she's been a bad friend in the past, then get rid of her. problem solved...

FlourPots Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 9:50pm
post #8 of 53

The issue isn't cakes, it's the "friend" who feels good making you feel bad.

She knows exactly what she's doing, and for whatever reason gets a thrill when she does it.

Don't give her the chance to continue.

saberger Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 10:23pm
post #9 of 53

icon_redface.gif thanks guys! I guess you are right about the whole 'friend' thing.

Dailey - you make it seem so simple. thank you. heck with her....she really doesn't mean much in the great scheme of things and I will just continue to do what I need to.

Thanks again. I am going to make me some awesome cake now!!! icon_cool.gif

741mly Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 10:44pm
post #10 of 53

I think your cakes are beautifull..She most be jealous! But guess what??? Your cakes are the best!

liapsim Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 10:46pm
post #11 of 53

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. My sis-in-law works for a caterer (who doesn't do cakes) and she will quickly hand out her boss' card-granted she will be making money off of it-but I've heard people ask her if her boss does cakes too, and all she says is "no"....never does she mention my name! biggie...I just return the favor when I get asked! icon_wink.gif

-Tubbs Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 10:47pm
post #12 of 53
Originally Posted by saberger

icon_redface.gif thanks guys! I guess you are right about the whole 'friend' thing....I am going to make me some awesome cake now!!! icon_cool.gif

And share it with a real friend, who will rejoice in your awesomeness!

Getus Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 10:48pm
post #13 of 53

The other gal, who asks for your card, tells you..."you have to beat her BC and be cheaper". And, at this point, you are even remotely interested in their biz...why?
So, if I understand must have a better product, but be cheaper.
Geez....forget it. They deserve cheap cakes. Let them get their cheap cakes...from someone else. Who needs customers like that?
Blow the entire thing water off of a duck's back. Rise above and shake the crap off yer boots, girl.
Be pleasant and social to them, but hope they never call you for a cake. You'll be better off. icon_cool.gif

Lenette Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 10:51pm
post #14 of 53

I think I understand how you feel. It's not really about the cake, it's about feeling that your friend doesn't support you.

Some people may not be bothered by that but some are and that's okay. Being sensitive is not a crime and your feeling are legitimate. Don't dismiss them, your heart is telling you something.

I have friends like that, I find myself becoming more and more distant from them. It is hard enough to live life and face the world sometimes, I don't have a lot of room for folks who don't wish me well, have my back, and support me.

Sending you a big hug! You keep getting better and better and soon all those folks will be raving about you! thumbs_up.gif

OhMyGanache Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 11:00pm
post #15 of 53

Ok, if I may play devil's advocate for a moment...

Possibility A: Your friend doesn't like your cakes. (Really a matter of opinion) and she might not feel good recommending you to anyone else because she feels your cakes might not be up to par. (Perhaps? Regardless, she's entitled to her opinion)

Possibility B: She might have forgotten what you do, or not thought about it. I have a friend who sells Pampered Chef stuff, but I wouldn't automatically pimp her out if someone mentioned Pampered Chef. I just wouldn't always think about it. Besides, it's not my job to pimp her out.

Possibility C: She might not feel it's her place to bring up what you do.

Possibility D: She might be a wonderful person who is simply a little clueless.

Possibility E: You're right, and she's a total b*tch.

But here's the facts...

Reality A: You are overreacting.

Reality B: Not everyone will love your cakes nor feel comfortable recommending you.

Reality C: Sometimes people don't think and mean no harm.

Reality D: YOUR feelings are not paramount to everyone else in the world.

Reality E: Your friend probably had no idea you would be offended - she was just making some conversation about some great cake, and getting contact info so she could get one for herself. You're not the only baker in town - might as well get used to it now.

I would just let it go and develop a thicker skin. These things happen all the time - just do a little research in the forums.

Lenette Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 11:11pm
post #16 of 53

Okay, I don't understand why her friend has a right to her opinion but the OP doesn't have a right to her feelings?

Only you know the history with this person and can be a true judge of the facts since none of us were there.

I'll go back to looking at pics now, I wish you all the best in sorting this out. icon_smile.gif

OhMyGanache Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 11:14pm
post #17 of 53
Originally Posted by Lenette

Okay, I don't understand why her friend has a right to her opinion but the OP doesn't have a right to her feelings?

Only you know the history with this person and can be a true judge of the facts since none of us were there.

I'll go back to looking at pics now, I wish you all the best in sorting this out. icon_smile.gif

She has a right to her feelings. But perhaps she should analyze them and determine whether or not they are justified. I believe we all overreact sometimes. Even the great and powerful BeBe (me).

dmich Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 11:19pm
post #18 of 53

I have to tell you ... to me, her behavior does not qualify under the definition of friend. I don't expect my friends to blow sunshine up my a$$ and tell me I'm wonderful all the time. However, I think that part of friendship is showing some respect to each other. IMO, friends are supportive, honest, and will go to bat for you. I know that I am fiercely protective of my friends and am just as happy about their successes as though the successes were my own. It's a two-way street. Good luck with this situation. I know it's tough!

Deb_ Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 11:26pm
post #19 of 53

The older I get the more I realize that I have a LOT of "acquaintances" and a select FEW "true friends".

You'll know who you're true friends are by how they treat and respect you, the others that show you no respect like this gal are NOT your TRUE friends.

It sucks though when you find that out because it can hurt. I'm sorry they made you feel like this. Have a Margarita icon_lol.gif Everything is always better after a Margarita......with salt and a lime of course.

Look on the bright side you never have to make a cake for this inconsiderate beatch!

alanaj Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 11:37pm
post #20 of 53

dmich took the words right out of my mouth. Friends are the family we choose. I can understand having to tolerate that kind of behavior from an aunt or cousin because disowning them would be a waste of time and energy. I see no reason, however, to include a person like that in one's circle of friends. Good luck!

Redlotusninjagrl Posted 17 Feb 2009 , 11:40pm
post #21 of 53

Sometimes it is hard to separate yourself from the situation because often we all let our emotions rule us. Just because they don't like your cakes doesn't mean that they don't like you. You can please some people some of the time but you can't please all people all of the time.

gscout73 Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 4:30am
post #22 of 53

You know, I'm thinking this friend may just be jealous of your cake abilities and be one of those people sabotages others..... icon_redface.gif

saberger Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 1:11pm
post #23 of 53

Wow! What a lot of responses! Thanks everyone! In regards to whether she likes my cakes...of course it is possible that she doesn't like them...HOWEVER, she stood there in front of the others and spoke in an undertone about how much she loved my last cake (plus she had made point of calling me to tell me that before). She says that every time. The other kicker that I hadn't mentioned was that she said to the mo 'oh, do you think she makes Red Velvet? I just tried that for the first time and loved it and I am looking for it around here." Hhmmm.....she could have asked me.

Okay, #$%& this!!! It is not doing me any good. This is the way she is, apparently, and I have to accept it and move on. Sometimes I am just TOO diplomatic and won't say what I feel when I feel it. It is tricky since her DH and my DH are past coworkers and friends AND she and another friend of mine had thrown me a baby shower (my only one after having 3 kids). And I do tend to feel like the odd duck in her 'click'.

I spent the entire day yesterday revamping my site and ready to get cracking. Thanks again for the support. It is nice to feel a little validated in my feelings.

springlakecake Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 1:23pm
post #24 of 53

I think you are understandably hurt, but I would just let it go. You can't win them all.

tx_cupcake Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 1:45pm
post #25 of 53

She's a "frienemy". You said so yourself that you don't ever feel like you quite fit in with her and her clique.

Friendships are relationships, too, and I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't be cool for your spouse to do something like that. Dump her a$$ and make some new friends.

(That may seems harsh, but I have very little patience for high maintenance girl drama!)

Deb_ Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 1:51pm
post #26 of 53
Originally Posted by txcupcake

She's a "frienemy". You said so yourself that you don't ever feel like you quite fit in with her and her clique.

This is a GREAT word! It should definitely be added to "New Words for 2009" list. Love it thumbs_up.gif

e rose sweets Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 2:18pm
post #27 of 53

I totally understand how you feel and I have friends and family members that don't support me. they come to me when there money is low and want something free and for a few bucks, granted I'm new at this and still learning so I don't charge much anyway but the few people that have ordered from me seem to like my cakes. It is very hurtful because we expect our friends and family to support us just as we would support them. However the way I deal with it is when they finally want to order something I say I have other orders and won't have time and when I have real orders I give it my all to make each order special something they won't get at the name brand bakeries they want to order from.

Keep your head up some friends and family members are better for you from a distance. icon_smile.gif

costumeczar Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 2:32pm
post #28 of 53

She does sound like a frenemy...I had a friend who had a frenemy, but she wouldn't believe when we kept telling her that this person wasn't really a good friend. My friend was having a really rough time for a while, and the frenemy was always hanging around giving her bad advice.

Well, she finally "got it" when this girl burst into tears one day for no apparent reason, and when she asked what was wrong, the frenemy said "You're just doing so well now!" (And she wasn't crying tears of joy for her, either.)

Some people are just nasty like that, they want to keep everyone else down so that they feel more powerful. It's kind of pathetic, but it doesn't mean that you should keep hanging out with her!

Twopeasinapod Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 2:35pm
post #29 of 53

I work at an elementary where you can only guess there is always eating and parties. I use to let it get to me that people didn't ask me to do cookies for their parties or get togethers. When I would bring cookies, everyone said they were sooo good and they really liked them but then wouldn't ask me to make them any.

I finally asked a friend and she said that people are afraid that they couldn't afford them and didn't want to ask me to lower my prices for them just because we work together. That made me feel better and I started to tell everyone my prices. I started getting people to order and then someone told me that even though I was a little higher than the competition, it wasn't outrageous and was well worth the higher quality of work.

Now, there are some who still won't order and I have heard it is because I am not "cheaper". These are also the people I over hear saying how what they did buy did not taste good or was not what they ordered. "Cheap" will not get you "Great"!!

I have come to the understanding that if they want "cheap" cookies, then I am not the one because I don't want my cookies under the heading of "CHEAP"!!!!

tx_cupcake Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 2:38pm
post #30 of 53
Originally Posted by dkelly

Originally Posted by txcupcake

She's a "frienemy". You said so yourself that you don't ever feel like you quite fit in with her and her clique.

This is a GREAT word! It should definitely be added to "New Words for 2009" list. Love it thumbs_up.gif

I wish I could take credit for it, but I got it from Sex and The City. It's a darn useful word, though! icon_lol.gif

Quote by @%username% on %date%