Petty Jealousy?

Decorating By saberger Updated 18 Feb 2009 , 10:55pm by Carolynlovescake

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jlsheik Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 2:40pm
post #31 of 53

A friend will love and support you....or they should. They want you to succeed...or they should.

Dump her.

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sweetcheeks75 Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 3:07pm
post #32 of 53

Here's my two cents.

If she were a "good" friend she would come to you and tell you the truth, in love. This whole thing on why she isn't supporting you, well what's her reason? I am 33 yrs old and have finally started being open and honest with people. I heard my pastor say that if there is a conflict between you and someone else. Go to them, in love, and just be honest. If you make a step towards her and ask what her deal is. And that your feelings have been hurt. You've done your part. If after that she is still fake or hurtful to you. Then yes, she isn't worth your time. And i would be hurt if i were in your shoes. It's not because we are too sensitive. It is because we are human.

I had a co-worker who got a bad haircut, and she asked my opinion. OM i didnt want to hurt her feelings, so i said it looked good icon_surprised.gif , (you've been there to ladies!! lol) And she KEPT getting the same haircut. Finally my best friend simply said. "you know what, I liked your other hairstyle better, it was more becoming" And all was well. Truth in love is so much better!!!

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CarolAnn Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 3:12pm
post #33 of 53

Your friend sounds a little like my younger sister. The comments she makes to me in front of others sometimes makes me want to slap her or walk away and leave her high and dry. I don't know why she does that. She's still the brat she was when we were kids.

I think one mistake you're making is expecting your friend to advertise for you. Personally, I don't want my friends to blurt out just anywhere/everywhere that I make cakes. For one thing it has really put me on the spot a couple of times when I just couldn't have or wouldn't have wanted do the person's cake. I would just as soon not have that happen again. Plenty of times my friends have talked to others about me and given them my number, which is fine and more appropriate I think.

I have a feeling that if you did talk to your friend about this nothing would change. She either does what she does on purpose, who knows why, or she does it and doesn't even think about it. Chances are nothing wil change where she's concerned.

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OhMyGanache Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 4:26pm
post #34 of 53

I have a good friend who has a very bad habit of sticking her foot in her mouth - and she often hurts my feelings. I just know that she doesn't mean to, she really cares about me - she just has bad social skills. Why the heck do people always assume the worst of others?

I'm quite sure I've pulled some [email protected]$$ moves in the past, but those who care about me will forgive my [email protected]$$ity - knowing that in turn, I will also forgive theirs. We're all human - and which of us hasn't done or said something they later regretted? Or NOT done something and realized it later? Sometimes it's not always intentional.

I also have another friend whom I met while we both decorated cakes at the same bakery. She really doesn't have any talent for decorating - and for baking? Even less. If she were to start up her own business, there is NO WAY I would recommend her. I love her dearly, but I don't have faith in her abilities as a cake decorator/baker. And I wouldn't want someone to be disappointed and have it reflect badly on ME.

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Ayanami Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 5:17pm
post #35 of 53

My DH has/had a ... "friend" who was always quick to ask for help doing whatever, home repairs (too many times to count!) automotive repairs, calling in the middle of the night cause his truck was stuck, you name it. My dear sweet hubby just doesn't know the meaning onf the word "no". Well, after years of helping but NEVER getting any help in return, he finally quit helping.

This DH/DW team are also the couple who never attend one of our parties or get togethers, yet expect us to attend theirs! And they don't seem to understand why we choose not to attend. icon_confused.gif Oh, & we always have to go over to thier house to visit, they never us at our house. thumbsdown.gif

We're still "friends" with the couple but we don't go out of our way to help them & we don't really put too much faith in their RSVP's either.

icon_rolleyes.gif

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saberger Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 6:37pm
post #36 of 53

[quote="Twopeasinapod"]I work at an elementary where you can only guess there is always eating and parties. I use to let it get to me that people didn't ask me to do cookies for their parties or get togethers. When I would bring cookies, everyone said they were sooo good and they really liked them but then wouldn't ask me to make them any.

I finally asked a friend and she said that people are afraid that they couldn't afford them and didn't want to ask me to lower my prices for them just because we work together. That made me feel better and I started to tell everyone my prices. I started getting people to order and then someone told me that even though I was a little higher than the competition, it wasn't outrageous and was well worth the higher quality of work.



You are so right!!!! That is what exactly happens! I am always bringing cookies and cakes for the mother's coffee group so people know what I can do, but they never order from me. But, I think they don't want to 'burden' me because they don't know where I would find the time (I have a 5,4 and 14 month old). Granted I can't do a lot, but I do have time to get things done. Now I stop bringing things all of the time, unless it is for my kids.

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saberger Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 6:47pm
post #37 of 53

I do know her personality, which is why I do really understand why I have let it affect me as much as it has. She speaks out of both sides of her mouth. She will help as long as she knows that she is getting more in return. I know that. I accept that in every aspect of our 'friendship' and basically keep my distance from her and just 'be sweet'. If I did confront her, I doubt it would change. In all honesty, I do not want someone to get me business if they don't think I am good enough (or even good). I am a firm believer (as naive as it may be) that if you are good, you should be hired/recognized. Now, I know it doesn't always work that way. A pity!!

It is only in cakes/cookies that she has this way of getting under my skin. Kick me, but I have been thinking of making a small red velvet cake for her, and if she likes it, then saying "I had overheard you say how much you liked red velvet that I just HAD to make it for you."

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OhMyGanache Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 6:53pm
post #38 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by saberger

Kick me, but I have been thinking of making a small red velvet cake for her, and if she likes it, then saying "I had overheard you say how much you liked red velvet that I just HAD to make it for you."




Consider yourself kicked. That's borderline petty and what would it accomplish? What if she hates it?

Not trying to be a downer, but women tend to create far more drama in their own lives than they need... and then they complain about it. *sigh* I recommend letting it go. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don't dwell on things that don't give you pleasure or are counterproductive.

I'd probably make a lousy advice columnist... icon_biggrin.gif

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summernoelle Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 7:21pm
post #39 of 53

You know, I have had 2 "friends" like this. I am not the type of girl who has 500 girlfriends. I have a small number of them, and keep them close to me. So when things like this happen, it hurts me as much as it would with family.
The first time this happened, it was my maid of honor and centered around my wedding, because she was upset my wedding was first. It was constant, and it sucked some of the joy out of it. She was pretty horrible.
The second one was a girl who I really became close to, like a sister. When I had my kids, she was constantly making mean comments about "housewifey women" and that all I did all day home with the kids was watch Oprah. She didn't have kids yet, but was freaked out about it. She wanted kids more than anything, and was 3 years older than me. So, she liked to make snotty comments about me staying home with mine.
With the first friend, I was younger and couldn't deal with it, so I dumped her. I was hurt, and couldn't deal with the confrontation to make it better like I should have tried to.
I learned from that and with the second friend, just took a huge step back. I see her about twice a year (down from once a week). She has kids now and is happy as can be, but she only respects me now because I have a business. I loved her, but I don't need that. If you are my friend, you like me for me. And you don't tear me down.
Women get jealous and hurtful. I think that you shouldn't cut her out completely, but just take that step back until she is ready to stop being snotty. And you better believe she is being that way on purpose.

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sweetcheeks75 Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 7:33pm
post #40 of 53

Summeronelle has great advice if you feel like you can't talk to her. Unfortunately, the cattiness and jealously is so common with women. And whats even sadder is, when I see it with the young girls. My husband and I have six kids, 5 girls and 1 boy. And someone at least once a week is having to deal with the cattiness.

Take the higher road and be the better person. And go bake something beautiful and tasty. And if you want to bake her a cake, i know its hard icon_wink.gif , do it out of kindness.
Best of luck!

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tx_cupcake Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 7:56pm
post #41 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by saberger

I accept that in every aspect of our 'friendship' and basically keep my distance from her and just 'be sweet'.




Life is too short for 'friendships'.

There doesn't need to be any drama. Just walk away.

I've only recently discovered the freedom that comes with weeding out all of the 'friends' in my life.

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Deb_ Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 8:15pm
post #42 of 53

Funny the "cattiness" word came up today at work. One of my clients, who is in her 60's, widowed and living in an "adult independent living" complex was in today. I had given her a pretty complete makeover the last time she was in about 5 wks ago and couldn't wait to hear what her family and friends had to say about it.

I have to admit, she looked awesome when she left my Salon with her new cut, and foil, and she was feeling pretty damn good about herself for the first time in a while. (Her DH died the week before Christmas.)

Well today she came in and told me that she had so many complements on her new look, EXCEPT the complements were ALL from MEN at her condo complex. Not 1 woman would give her a complement. Now these are retired age woman we're speaking of.......which tells me that once a woman is catty there's little hope of changing them. I really felt sorry for her because she does have some emotional problems and it would have meant the world to her to have one of her "so called friends" give her a complement.

What is wrong with some woman? Is it so hard to say something positive to someone when they're feeling down? A simple, "you look nice today" is all that's needed sometimes. Or a simple, "I'm happy for you that your cake business is successful, you've worked very hard for it."

We've all had people in our lives that have been jealous of us, some friends, some family members. I've always tried to distance myself from these people when I sense these feelings. That kind of negative crap will only bring you down, and you don't need it. Surround yourself with people that treat you with the same respect that you treat them. I don't care if it's a sister, limit the time you're with her.

This girl doesn't deserve your friendship or cakes, and neither do the snobs she's friends with. I definitely would NOT bake a red velvet cake for her, no way! That to me is just kissing her a$$.

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Ayanami Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 9:02pm
post #43 of 53

My mother is a banker & she calls her Tellers (all women of course) her "hens" cause they pick & peck & sqwak at & about each other every day, all day. That's how I see women like this, like hens pecking around a farm yard. can you just visualize that?! icon_lol.gif Luv my mom! icon_cool.gif

DH & I have discussed why none of our friends (real & so-called) ever seem to visit us at our house, they always want us to come visit them. ? icon_confused.gif ? Best we can figure is not so much *jealousy* per say, but that maybe it makes them ... insecure/uncomfortable/self-consious ? ... about themselves or thier own homes? We do not have children, we married young & bought our house young, so we have had the time & money to be able to remodel & furnish our home whenever and however we pleased. My (real) friends openly love & comment on the appearance of our home & have even asked for advice & assistance with their own home repairs. Yet, no one ever wants to visit or come over to our house, we have to go to them! icon_confused.gif

Okay, that was a bit off track, but I think it had a grain of similarity. I think that being subjected to someone elses achievements/improvements can put people on the deffensive & some people don't know how to deal with it. (shrug)

P.S. I would definately NOT make her a red velvet cake, but the next time you know she will be attending something (preferable something you are hosting) make sure you provide a red velvet cake. Then you can say "Oh really?! I had no idea you liked red velvet! This little ole thang? I just whipped it up last minute, cause you know ... it's what I do." icon_twisted.gif

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tx_cupcake Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 9:03pm
post #44 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

We've all had people in our lives that have been jealous of us, some friends, some family members. I've always tried to distance myself from these people when I sense these feelings. That kind of negative crap will only bring you down, and you don't need it. Surround yourself with people that treat you with the same respect that you treat them. I don't care if it's a sister, limit the time you're with her.

This girl doesn't deserve your friendship or cakes, and neither do the snobs she's friends with. I definitely would NOT bake a red velvet cake for her, no way! That to me is just kissing her a$$.




You said it, sister! Preach! icon_biggrin.gif

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Deb_ Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 9:21pm
post #45 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ayanami

My mother is a banker & she calls her Tellers (all women of course) her "hens" cause they pick & peck & sqwak at & about each other every day, all day. That's how I see women like this, like hens pecking around a farm yard. can you just visualize that?! icon_lol.gif Luv my mom! icon_cool.gif

DH & I have discussed why none of our friends (real & so-called) ever seem to visit us at our house, they always want us to come visit them. ? icon_confused.gif ? Best we can figure is not so much *jealousy* per say, but that maybe it makes them ... insecure/uncomfortable/self-consious ? ... about themselves or thier own homes? We do not have children, we married young & bought our house young, so we have had the time & money to be able to remodel & furnish our home whenever and however we pleased. My (real) friends openly love & comment on the appearance of our home & have even asked for advice & assistance with their own home repairs. Yet, no one ever wants to visit or come over to our house, we have to go to them! icon_confused.gif

Okay, that was a bit off track, but I think it had a grain of similarity. I think that being subjected to someone elses achievements/improvements can put people on the deffensive & some people don't know how to deal with it. (shrug)

P.S. I would definately NOT make her a red velvet cake, but the next time you know she will be attending something (preferable something you are hosting) make sure you provide a red velvet cake. Then you can say "Oh really?! I had no idea you liked red velvet! This little ole thang? I just whipped it up last minute, cause you know ... it's what I do." icon_twisted.gif




Love the hen picture I have in my head right now.....too funny!

I'm thinking about your friends not coming to your house........You don't have a 10 foot python wrapped around any light fixtures do ya? icon_lol.gif or Hairy tarantulas, scorpions? icon_biggrin.gif
Well, if you invited me and my DH, we'd happily go to your house! Your friends don't know what they're missing.

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OhMyGanache Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 9:30pm
post #46 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ayanami


DH & I have discussed why none of our friends (real & so-called) ever seem to visit us at our house, they always want us to come visit them. ? icon_confused.gif ? Best we can figure is not so much *jealousy* per say, but that maybe it makes them ... insecure/uncomfortable/self-consious ? ... about themselves or thier own homes? We do not have children, we married young & bought our house young, so we have had the time & money to be able to remodel & furnish our home whenever and however we pleased. My (real) friends openly love & comment on the appearance of our home & have even asked for advice & assistance with their own home repairs. Yet, no one ever wants to visit or come over to our house, we have to go to them! icon_confused.gif




I've had "friends" come to my house and steal from me. Or perhaps it wasn't the "friend" but their guest... I don't know (I let it go - wasn't worth getting upset over material things and medications, etc.) I am now wary about having people over... so I actually envy you. Unfortunately though, I'm the one with the largest house and the biggest yard (and bigscreen TV for Super Bowl parties) icon_smile.gif

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adven68 Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 9:48pm
post #47 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolAnn



I think one mistake you're making is expecting your friend to advertise for you. Personally, I don't want my friends to blurt out just anywhere/everywhere that I make cakes. For one thing it has really put me on the spot a couple of times when I just couldn't have or wouldn't have wanted do the person's cake.




This was exactly what came to my mind as well.
Even if this is not the caase, don't be offended....just keep making great cakes and it will eventually come back to her how great you are, and she'll be back pedaling to tell eveyrone how she knows all about you. icon_biggrin.gif

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KeltoKel Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 9:52pm
post #48 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ayanami



DH & I have discussed why none of our friends (real & so-called) ever seem to visit us at our house, they always want us to come visit them. ? icon_confused.gif ? Best we can figure is not so much *jealousy* per say, but that maybe it makes them ... insecure/uncomfortable/self-consious ? ... about themselves or thier own homes? We do not have children, we married young & bought our house young, so we have had the time & money to be able to remodel & furnish our home whenever and however we pleased. My (real) friends openly love & comment on the appearance of our home & have even asked for advice & assistance with their own home repairs. Yet, no one ever wants to visit or come over to our house, we have to go to them! icon_confused.gif





If your friends have kids, that is a big reason why they don't visit you. We rarely go to friends' houses without kids, b/c they are not kid friendly. It is easier to have those friends at our house.

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lovelytee Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 10:07pm
post #49 of 53

There is a saying that people in your life are there for a season for a reason. Life is way to short to stress on someone else's negativity. As we get older we all realize our worth as mothers, wives, sisters, etc. We all have unique qualities that have gotten us thus far. Delete this friend and enjoy all of us here on CC that appreciate your work thumbs_up.gif

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milissasmom Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 10:10pm
post #50 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by txcupcake

Quote:
Originally Posted by saberger

I accept that in every aspect of our 'friendship' and basically keep my distance from her and just 'be sweet'.



Life is too short for 'friendships'.

There doesn't need to be any drama. Just walk away.

I've only recently discovered the freedom that comes with weeding out all of the 'friends' in my life.




I agree with TXCUPCAKE. Also, giving people the benefit of the doubt from time to time is ok...BUT, sometimes, with SOME people, when it is time to pull the cord on the friendship and just sever ties..YOU have to do it.

Look, when people show you who they are BELIEVE them. Period. I just don't think it makes sense to stay "friends" with someone just to say you are being the bigger person or because that's just how THEY are and it's OKAY. When people leave you feeling crappy about yourself because of their words or actions, you don't have to make room for that in your life. Sometimes, you need to FREE yourself from some crazy people simply because of the simple fact that EVERY person you meet and befriend in life is not meant to be a Life Long Friend...Keeping them past their expiration date could be hazardous to your health! I have minimized my list of "friends" when necessary and let me tell you, my circle may be small but it is full of love, consideration, respect and mindfulness for each other.
No mess, no stress and no catiness

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luv_to_decorate Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 10:26pm
post #51 of 53

We all have friends and so called friends in our lives. As you get older you begin to realize that so called frinds can be put in a catagory of people you don't have to be friends with but just socialize with when you are at the same party or get together at the same time. You can be civil to them but don't have to go out of your way to call them or invite them into your circle of real friends. The best revenge is living well and showing that in your life. Rise above the pettiness and let it go. I know that we sometimes over analize things that are said or done and we think we should try to make amends for something we didn't do in the first place. I have been guilty of this myself. And when we do this to ourselves, the only one getting anything out of it is the other person. They then are the ones in control of our feelings. Trying to make amends by making her a cake is not going to help how she feels about you and your cakes. I like the idea of showing up with a red velvet cake at a function that you both will be attending and acting like you had no clue she had made the remark about it at this last party.

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saberger Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 10:45pm
post #52 of 53

"Then you can say "Oh really?! I had no idea you liked red velvet! This little ole thang? I just whipped it up last minute, cause you know ... it's what I do." Twisted Evil"

I LOVE IT!!!! I like that! It just so happens that there is a coffee gathering next week - I guess I will just have to make it for then icon_wink.gif

All I want to do is continue along my way and do what I do best....be nice and be creative.

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Carolynlovescake Posted 18 Feb 2009 , 10:55pm
post #53 of 53

Just think there will be a day in the future where this "friend" will realize what she's missing and then come to you for an order and you will be to busy to fit her in for an order.

When that day comes pour two glasses of your favorite drink of your choice and toast yourself.

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