Help Me Respond To This Email... It Involves My Child!!!
Business By SugarBakerz Updated 15 Dec 2008 , 3:44pm by SugarBakerz
I don 't think she is meaning to be snotty or difficult. I would hate to be in that situation! I would NOT do the cake as the gift, either. Not unless it was for a BEST friend or a CLOSE family member (not a customer/acqaintance). The only person I have done that for is my cousin, who I'm pretty close to.
Leave money out of it, just say what everyone else says-you keep business and personal seperate.
Good luck!!!!!
i agree, it doesn't sound like she was trying to be rude. perhaps she thought this was actually doing you a favor?? . most people don't realize how much time/effort it takes to do cakes. you would not believe how many people think i make their cakes the night before delivering, lol!
politely decline...
i was thinking the same thing (she's not trying to be rude or selfish)....i can do a pretty cool looking sheet cake in about 15 minutes....so it would actually prolly save me money.....but if it was gonna take half the day to do it...and you had to make fondant figures etc....you can't do that....people who don't make cakes don't understand, i wouldn't hold it against her.
First of all--remove all your fear about her being big and powerful and you not. You are as powerful as she is.
Just say that that's a sweet idea but you keep business separate from pleasure.
This sounds good to me.
If I were in your situation, I will say "darling we already bought the present", Good Luck!!!
But I bet she isn't asking anyone else to bring drinks, plates or pizza instead of a gift.
That's a great way of looking at it! You simply must let her know that your daughter would feel awkward not giving her a gift. If she doesn't need anything, then why didn't the mother have a party where guests donate to a cause in lieu of a gift?
I would mention that the wants costs x amount of dollars, and that your business just can't cover the cost of such "surprise". She should have at least offered to pay for the cost of ingredients if your time isn't important to her.
She asked, the offer wasn't acceptable to you so feel free to decline (no lies or games are necessary).
I'm sure she is not telling anyone else not to bring a gift. She just wants a kick-ass cake for free.
Like most of the posts say: Your not in the habit of gifting cakes, if word got out to all the other mom's they would be calling for free cakes too. And a child doesn't understand that the cake is the gift.
I myself do a birthday cake here and there for my present, more so for the mom but I don't have a daughter who is going to the parties, just me. I do it because the ones I know would just go to wal-mart or some where like that and get the cake and since I really don't know what the kids need (as they usually get so much and are not going to remember who got them what) the cake helps out mom/dad and the kids have a one of a kind, made with love cake for the photo album. I would suggest, if the statement is true, that your daughter really wants to bring a gift therefor the price of the cake is $___. Maybe throw in a small discount if you want. That may help smooth things over.
I agree tell her you don't mix bisiness with your personal life. Boy the nerve of some people 
!
...(and let's face it - it's only a few dollars worth of ingredients)...
My general rule is that if I am asked to make a cake then I get paid for it. If I offer it is free. I do my best friend's kids birthday cakes for free. Sometimes that is with a gift, sometimes it is not. Just depends on my mood, how much money I have at the time and what I am doing for the cake.
I totally agree that we shouldn't lie about why we don't want to take an order. But I also shouldn't feel forced to give a free cake just because someone asked me too what ever their reason behind it.
I don't know about any of you - but I've seen hundreds of articles on saving money, and they all include something about asking for discounts or trade (barter). I don't see anything wrong with someone asking for a discount or an exchange of goods (and let's face it - it's only a few dollars worth of ingredients).
She asked, the offer wasn't acceptable to you so feel free to decline (no lies or games are necessary). I just don't understand why so many people get their panties in a bunch over something so innocent.
But is ISN"T bartering for an exchange of goods. I'm sure this woman has a certain amount of cake she needs so she's basically telling the OP how much to spend on a gift.
And let's say that the cake the lady wants is normally $100. We'll say that $20 goes for ingredients so the OP makes an $80 profit. If she simply spends $20 on a gift for the birthday child she still makes $60. How does giving a cake as a gift come anywhere close to helping the OP?
DO you think this lady goes and invites her mechanic's kid to parties and tells him that he can just fix her car for free as the gift since her kid doesn't need more toys? The cake situation is just as outragous if it's someone's occupation and not just a hobby.
And shopping for a birthday gift also takes time away from your family, does it not?
A few more minutes more when I am at Walmart already shopping verses 4-6 hours (on a good day) in the kitchen working on a cake... I think I'd pick the shopping, even shopping and wrapping would take less time.
Just the way I see things....
From what I can see and in my own experience, get USED for their cake abilities. people buddy up to them to get them to do free cakes, or only invite the other child because the parent can do cakes, etc. These days people want the Food Network quality cakes for walmart prices! We get pretty sick of it! And all the while these other people think they're doing the baker a favor because it "lets" them "practice" their craft (laughing at that idea)....Just today I did do a cake as a gift, because I genuinely love the person it was for, and knew they'd appreciate it, and someone at the party thought it was a $75 cake.... I'd easily charge 250-300 for that cake if I were asked to make it....She didn't know better, but it does show you the mindset that is out there.....
That will DEFINITELY take less time than picking out a gift, (which is what a CHILD would want anyways.)
The child isn't going to understand why she isn't getting a gift from one of her friends so that right there could be pretty confusing for the bday girl. right? 
and the money it would take to make a cake like she is wanting wouldn't be what I would spend anyway.... any suggestions!
This is where I'm getting the idea that this woman wants a tier/intricate/large cake.
And who sells sheet cakes for $20 anymore? That's what my local GROCERY store charges for 9x13s and their cakes are gross and ugly.
And shopping for a birthday gift also takes time away from your family, does it not?
Shopping for a gift for a kid's birthday includes me, running into walmart for about 20 minutes to look for it and purchase it.
Now you tell me what cake takes 20 minutes to complete start to finish??? That is not even a close comparison!!!
No one is saying for the OP to "lie" to the client, they are just trying to come up with civil ways to tell her no, instead of being an a**. Which is more of a "human" way to do things.
And I'm with Mbelgard, from the description the OP said, it sounds to be a large and intricate cake. Nothing in comparison to barter with a child's gift. The client may just have been being nice and thinking she was helping....and the OP never dissed her, she just wanted to know how to reply to her!
okay, I didn't mean to stirr the pot. I have just learned that if you let something get started, then it gets harder to stop.... Maybe she thinks her request is reasonable, but I doubt she gives the OP's daughter a $100 gift for her birthday, why should she do the same 'just to be nice'? I'm not attacking you, I see your different opinion, but I also feel that if you want to run a business you can't do freebies (trust me, I've learned the hard way on that one!).
Picture this: this woman is a client of the OPs. She orders cakes here and there, knowning she's getting a bit of a deal, but still paying for the cake.... Now, OP takes her up on the offer, and does it "just this once"...Well, next time she needs a cake I'm sure she'll try the same thing (whether anyone else thinks so or no, people are creatures of habit) So, now OP has lost a client and is taking time away from people who would actually pay for a cake because she is making freebies...
Bottom line is, if someone wants to make a cake for free it should be the person making it s choice... then the design should also be that person's choice, and I don't think it is ever right to ask someone to spend their money on my child when the gift is really for me :wow: A cake is not really for the party focus person, it is for the party thrower!
So, if the OP did this, she would 1. be giving a gift to the mother not the child; 2. loose money from a client, and 3. potentialy lose new clients being busy with 'freebies'....
I'm sorry that I'm so business minded that I don't like to mix business and pleasure....and while I might do it for someone who is a good friend, and was such before I took up Cake Decorating, I WOULDN"T do it for someone who I had met since then and was more of a client than friend. And yes, I've had this issue in my business, and a lot of feelings were hurt trying to be nice to someone who was a client... I no longer work that way because i've been used too many times. It would seem to me if you had 18 years exp in the professional end of the business that you would have run into this too... But maybe you surround yourself with better people than I have managed to... 
I have an alternate account here where I had numerous photos up. I chose to take them down and post from a different account for personal reasons. There are several people here who know who I am and that I am just as talented as I claim to be.
The level of my talent isn't what's being debated here. I know the truth.
What does matter to me is treating people with kindness and respect. When you must resort to personal attacks in an argument, your position must be pretty weak and you might want to re-examine your position. Just sayin'...
I completely agree horselady! Last week my aunt called me and wanted to know if I would make a free cake for my cousin's 18th birthday because she was trying to save money. I was nice and said that unfortunately I could not because if I did it for her, other cousins, neices, nephews, etc...would call and ask for the same "gift" over and over again, and that I would personally lose out financially.
She said she completely understood that it wasn't a good idea. so she made her one herself and there are no hurt feelings!
Now I'm going to get off topic for a minute (BTW I think you should definitely tell her that you'll bring a gift and not a cake you spend hours on, that's was just tacky of her to ask anyway).
Bartering usually involves one person exchanging something with someone else for something else-right? Did I miss it, because I didn't read the part about tacky lady offering something in exchange for the cake so that wouldn't be considered bartering...it's called mooching.
In MY OPINION, the woman in question did NOTHING wrong by simply asking if the OP was willing to provide a cake in leiu of a gift. PERIOD.
I'm new to this and I love to read posts to learn about everything in this business. Then again, you don't need to be a pro to realize what is going on right here. While I respect everyone's opinion. I agree with the majority. She wants a free cake. Period! No, there is no crime to that, but it is offensive and inconsiderate for the cakemaker. It was very tacky of her to ask. You just don't do that. Period! I don't have a business nor do I plan on selling any cakes until I have a legit business so I'm just making cakes for practice for my family. My sister asked me to do one for her job for Christmas. Even my OWN SISTER offered to pay me for my services or to buy the ingredients. MY OWN SISTER! I would NEVER charge my sister even if I did have a business. So, yes! Very tacky. Now, getting off the subject, I have to agree with Tita9499 about the avatar. I did freak out a little when I saw it. I'm sorry, but I did. It's a little extremist, yes indeed. 
I got this email today after I sent the mom "photo" ideas for a cake for her little girl. Mind you I have done tons of work for her in the past and she has been very pleased and grateful for the amount I charged.
I really like the diva girl cake. I was thinking?!? Al%^$ (her childs name) really needs no toys or presents what about making the cake as her gift. I know that tier cakes is probably more expensive for you to make so if you what to do this just make a cake and surprise us both. Just let me know what you think!
How am I supposed to respond... why should my 5 year old be the only one not bringing a gift, and the money it would take to make a cake like she is wanting wouldn't be what I would spend anyway.... any suggestions! They have to be polite because she is from a big well to do family in my area and could really hurt my name if she wanted too.
My first thought was, "she's expecting a gift." I do get annoyed when a party is given and presents are expected. Desiring gifts to be brought to a party is all good and innocent...but expecting them is not cool(for lack of a better word for it).
After reading all the posts and returning to reread the OP, I've had more time to reflect. I still stand by my desire/expect comments. I do, however agree with k8memphis with what to respond. It is clean, and extremely tactful.
The woman is apparently more than just a customer if your child is attending her child's party.
With the statement the customer made(enlarged in the quote above), she's aware of the cost of making them and realizes that if you choose to give it as a gift, it may not be a tiered/large/elaborate piece and she leaves it up to you(should you decide to accept the gift idea) how it is to be designed.
I think whatever you decide will be perfectly acceptable with this customer.
All the best in your decision making.
In MY OPINION, the woman in question did NOTHING wrong by simply asking if the OP was willing to provide a cake in leiu of a gift.
I agree with Pole Kitten, there's a lot of indignation and a lot of responses putting value judgement on the woman as a person for having the nerve to ask what she asked.
Fact is we don't know the motivation behind that act. Perhaps she genuinely believes she's doing the OP a favor by freeing her of the obligation to buy a gift. Afterall, as party guests, we are obligated by social convention to bring a present, aren't we? Perhaps she really has no idea of how hard it it to make a cake, she is afterall a cake muggle to our cake wizards. *being cheeky* Or perhaps she really was just looking for a freebie. Regardless. We can express our disapproval over the action without dissing the person.
And as far as what I would do in this situation? I totally agree with the first response. To paraphrase k8memphis, "That's a sweet idea but I'm sorry I keep my business separate from pleasure" I don't feel it's necessary to embellish with "my daughter would be disappointed if she didn't have a gift to give", "i already bought a gift", etc. The less said, the more impact. IMHO, adding explanations, especially if its a fib makes a person lose integrity.
my $0.02
This thread is borderline stupid.
Polekitten - and a few others - are the only reasonable voices in this thread, and you're all jumping all over her, because you know she's right but won't admit that you have been judgmental. And now you start bitching about her alleged nazi-avatar. It's so stupid, it's actually quite funny 
This thread is now locked by request of OP. This has gotten way off topic. Thank you.
Hi all, I appreciate your inquiries and suggestions. The end result turned out like this. I replied to her stating that I didn't mix business with my personal life and that I didn't feel my child would appreciate coming to the party without a gift. I kindly offered her a 20% off of her cake as she is a repeat customer and most of the time her cakes are large orders. She replied like this "ok that is fine, just let me know how much I owe you!" So yes I do think she was looking to get it for free at the cost of her daughters feelings. In fact DD went to school and asked her what we could get her and the poor thing (turning 6) said a babydoll. Now my DD has tons of these and though she would love others she wouldn't ask for one, so it makes me think she has been deprived of these things... or maybe I am just reading into it. Anyway, we went and got her a dolly. The cake and party are tomorrow AM, I will post a photo of it in the thread if it is still unlocked. I apologize for not responding to this before, but she didn't respond for a while and by the time I got back to it, it was locked... thanks to flayvurdfun for helping me out with unlocking it for my update! Thanks to all of you who kept it on the up and up and helped me out of my problem! I love CC!
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