Why Do These People Have Kids??? (Vent)

Lounge By Pookie59 Updated 19 Oct 2008 , 2:37am by moxey2000

Pookie59 Posted 22 Sep 2008 , 4:44pm
post #1 of 24

Shouldn't there be a law against allowing just anyone to have kids?

Sorry, just ranting after dealing with my step-daughter's inconsiderate, self-involved mother this weekend. "Mom" has spent the past two weeks working odd shifts so she can "save money for vacation", a vacation that does not include her daughter. Consequently she's hardly seen her daughter in the past two weeks and is getting ready to disappear for ten days (probably to some naked beach where she can have indiscriminate sex with strangers.) Okay, so I'm not totally surprised since this woman treats like her daughter like a total inconvenience, but this kind of behavior truly disgusts me. I raised 3 kids as a single mom and honestly loved being with my boys, so I really can't understand her attitude towards her own daughter. It might be easier for me to handle if this woman would just walk away, but it really cooks my grits that she wants to call all the shots regarding the raising of this girl, but she wants none of the responsibility.

Like I said, why do people like this have kids?

23 replies
sweettoothmom Posted 22 Sep 2008 , 5:27pm
post #2 of 24

Wow! I cant believe there are so many woman out there like this.
Self involved, uncaring brats!

Sometimes having no mother is better than having a bad mother. But getting full custody from a mother is next to impossible unless there is physical abuse. All you can do is make your step daughters life as normal and calm as you can while you have her. I would not try to shelter her or hide the truth of her mothers actions but I also would never throw it in her face by pointing out her mothers flaws. A child will protect thier mother out of instinct and loyalty. It would only turn her against you and draw her closer to her mother. Her mother is a bad example. You be the good example.

Bless her little heart, no child should have to endure what she will.

KKC Posted 25 Sep 2008 , 4:25am
post #3 of 24

I wonder that myself sometimes. I hate to see some parents who look better than their kids. What i mean by that is the mother or father is wearing a $100 pair of jeans while the child is wearing hand me downs that looks like they have been handed down for the past 10 years. I hate to see parents that will sit down and eat before their kids eat. I am the type of mother that waits for my child to be good and full before i put a bite of food in my mouth. I have a cousin like that. It really pisses me off. One day we were in Chuck E Cheese and the pizza came (now she's on dialysis and not suppose to eat that stuff) she sat down and just started eating pizza and her poor son is going from table to table eating off of pizza that has been eaten by someone else. I just hate that. I tell her all the time that there are many people out there who would kill to have children and you are blessed enough to have one and you don't care anything about him. I guess some women just have no maternal instincts.

chutzpah Posted 25 Sep 2008 , 4:28am
post #4 of 24

Yes, as a matter of fact it should be against the law for certain individuals to breed.

It is so easy to be a bad parent.

Pookie59 Posted 25 Sep 2008 , 3:30pm
post #5 of 24

sweettoothmom - you're right. The step-daughter pretty much knows what kind of person her mom is, but she doesn't want to hear it from anyone. I know she's going to stay loyal to her mom no matter what. Still it's hard for me to keep my lips zipped when we pick her up after a weekend when she was supposed to be with her mom, and the step-daughter says (rather wistfully) "I didn't see my mom all weekend". Sad. Criminal actually.

Oh well... I'll be making a beach themed birthday cake (her request) for my stepdaughter this weekend for our celebration with her on Sunday. Her mom is giving her a party on Saturday (we're not welcome of course) with some store bought cupcakes.

sweettoothmom Posted 28 Sep 2008 , 1:42am
post #6 of 24

My BIL has 2 children with an x and it is the same situation. If she wants to go out mostly to bars and to gamble or to meet one fo the scums she dates online, she comes into towna nd demands he take them whether he is in town or not. Whether he has plans or not. She wants them for the enormous amount of money he pays in child support to her. Nothing else. He was in tears when she brought the kids to the divorce hearing and then had him questioned by the judge as to why he thought his kids were not worth any money. Basically she wanted more and he said no its enough.

It is so sad we all cater to be there when his kids r in town. We try to be sure that when they are in town we are there to remind them what family is. What a happy family looks like. You tell when she comes tearing down the street and hops the curb blarrring the horn to pick them up that they want to stay and they usually cry and have to be carried to the vehicle. He is a wreck for days afterwards. It is horrid. She calls hima nd tells him what his children should buy her for mothers day and her birthday and christmas etc. And believe you me it aint from Walmart.

I told him that he really has no business doing all of that. She needs to give them an allowance from his child support and allow them to pick something out for her. It is better for the kids too that way. But he just agrees to satisfy her.he is horrid. A waste of humanity.

I pray your step daughter learns from you and your good example. Make that mirthday a real memory!!! She will thank you one day.

indydebi Posted 28 Sep 2008 , 2:11am
post #7 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweettoothmom

She calls him and tells him what his children should buy her for mothers day and her birthday and christmas etc. And believe you me it aint from Walmart.




omg, that is/was one of our biggest gripes about my ex!! Close to Father's Day, the kids would come home from their weekend with him with a LIST of things he wanted!!! Just where did he think these little kids got their spending money?! He was, in effect, saying, "Debi, buy me this stuff for Father's Day." I sure as heck never saw him take them shopping to buy me stuff for Mother's Day!! icon_eek.gif

When I was the single mom, I gave my mom and my sister money to take the kids shopping so they could buy Christmas gifts for each other and for me. Unlike their bio-dad, I never gave them a list of CD's and name brand blue jeans (!) but stuff like $2 candles.

Sounds like you are doing everything right. kids are smarter than we give them credit for. She knows where she is welcome, loved and wanted. The hardest thing I had to do was bite my tongue but 20 years later, I got my rewards.... and he got his. icon_twisted.gif

sweetness_221 Posted 28 Sep 2008 , 3:50am
post #8 of 24

You know my ex is the same way. When my oldest DD was 4 he would constantly back out of coming to see her. One of his excuses was "Oh the Sopranos is on tonight, so I can't come get her" icon_eek.gif You would rather watch a TV show then to come get your own daughter?! icon_eek.gif There was one time he backed out after telling her he was going to get her and it broke her heart so badly. She cried all night and said "My daddy doesn't love me" "He won't come see me". It broke my heart! I just hugged her and told her I loved her. I was FURIOUS with him. He hurt my baby!! Needless to say I ripped him a new one after that. icon_mad.gif

sweettoothmom Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 4:48pm
post #9 of 24

icon_surprised.gif Dont these people get it? Dont they see the little hearts they break? Why do the responsible parents have to be the adult and rip the irrresponsible parents butt just to get them to behave? WHY WHY WHY ?

These precious little gifts of heaven that they take for granted. I almost think it is a good idea that when parents seperate the one without custody moves far away. Then the kids only see them when the parents have to come see them at the kids home. No child should be placed on an air plane by themselves to travel to see a parent. That is horrid I would never wish that to happen but if the parent is too irresponsible to honor thier promises I would say they should be out of sight and out of mind!
No parent is better than a bad parent

michood Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 7:13pm
post #10 of 24

I think the worst is the parents who pretend to be great, amazing mom's in public, but behind closed doors they're awful. I know a couple people who are just like that. My SIL has 3 kids, a his hers and ours situation. The eldest girl is hers from her first marriage, the middle is a boy from BIL's previous relationship, and they have one girl together. SIL talks all the time about how much she loves being a mother, how she was booooorn to be a mother and how she thinks her kids are so blessed to have her as their mother. She treats her stepson like the typical evil stepmother in all the fairy tales would. She acts as if she hates him, and I just don't understand it. She is one of those mom's who goes from baby talk straight to yelling, with nothing in between. She has no control over her youngest daughter because instead of getting of her a$$ to tell the girl not to do something, she just yells it over and over and over until her husband finally gets up to discipline the child.

The other person I know lets their kids sit there and cry and scream while she sits on the internet all day. Constantly talks about how her kids are whining and crying and she can't stand it, yet she doesn't spend any quality time with her kids.

It's just so sad. What is so hard about spending time with your kids? I happen to think my son is the coolest, neatest little creature to walk the planet, and he's only 16 months. I can't wait for him to be able to talk back to me, and to have brothers and sisters for me to play with too.

Sorry about the rant, it's just one of my biggest annoyances..

michood Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 7:17pm
post #11 of 24

By the way, we've been trying since January for a second child, so it makes me madder than anything that these awful mom's seems to be able to reproduce like it's going out of style!!

michood Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 7:17pm
post #12 of 24

By the way, we've been trying since January for a second child, so it makes me madder than anything that these awful mom's seems to be able to reproduce like it's going out of style!!

sweettoothmom Posted 3 Oct 2008 , 5:10pm
post #13 of 24

Oh honey when the time is right bam you'll have another little angel.

We wanted a big family. We have 4. 8,7, 5 and 2. Things moved a little more rapidly than we planned since nothing worked to prevent it for us. We are lucky I know that. And I do not regret having any of them, not even for one second.
Some spacing would have been nice but ah well. If I could share my fertility with ya I would. I had to have my tubes tied to put a stop to that.

Hmm I wonder what causes that anyway??? icon_redface.gificon_lol.gif

michood Posted 3 Oct 2008 , 5:19pm
post #14 of 24

Thanks! Maybe your good vibes will help us out.

We know what the problem is... PCOS and insulin resistance, and we're doing everything we can to fix it. I'm taking meds to fix my hormone levels, and as soon as they're down we're starting chlomid. I have a great fert. doctor, so hopefully soon numero dos will be on the way!

darandon Posted 3 Oct 2008 , 5:51pm
post #15 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by michood

Thanks! Maybe your good vibes will help us out.

We know what the problem is... PCOS and insulin resistance, and we're doing everything we can to fix it. I'm taking meds to fix my hormone levels, and as soon as they're down we're starting chlomid. I have a great fert. doctor, so hopefully soon numero dos will be on the way!




I have the same health issues also - I used clomid. I have a 15 year old daughter now - it will happen for you.

juledcakes Posted 3 Oct 2008 , 6:55pm
post #16 of 24

im the oldest child of divoreced parents my mom kicked my worthless father out when i was 8, it was the best thing she ever did for me and my sisters except that he has nothing to do with them since they were 2 years old, he claims im the only one he ever wanted and i completly cut him out of my life a year ago. i think that some people have kids just to say they have them or because they think its expected. just let your sd know that she does have a mom who loves her...you.

julia

Amia Posted 3 Oct 2008 , 7:34pm
post #17 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by juledcakes

i think that some people have kids just to say they have them or because they think its expected. just let your sd know that she does have a mom who loves her...you.

julia




I actually know someone like this. Why have a child if you can't/won't be the best parent that you can be? My children are the light of my life. I can't start the day without seeing my babies smiling at me. I spend all day, every day with my two boys. I could never treat them the way this woman treats her DD.

I don't know why this woman still wants to be in her daughter's life. She's creating an unhealthy environment for her DD. Whoever said "no parent is better than a bad parent" hit it right on the head. My aunt was like this. She used my cousins to get back at our entire family. She kept them from attending family events just because she could. Finally, my cousins told her they didn't want her around anymore and she agreed to move back to Germany. They finally realized what she was doing, and maybe your SD will too, one day. Until then, just be there for her. That's really all you can do.

sweettoothmom Posted 6 Oct 2008 , 3:16am
post #18 of 24

icon_surprised.gif Oh dear god I never thought of that.

What if our little neices dont understand that thier mother is keeping us apart and not that we intentionally dont want to be with them?
We only see them a few times a year since they live out of state now.

She is brainwashing them and they barely get over that nazi treatment when she comes to get them.

How do you handle this? Or do you just pray and when you do see them treat them right knowing they will one day realize who is shoveling the s**t!???

Amia Posted 6 Oct 2008 , 3:28am
post #19 of 24

Kids are smart and for some reason have the innate ability to see through people like you wouldn't believe. My uncle had a son with his first wife and the mom told the DS horrible, horrible things to poison him against my uncle. As a matter of fact, he didn't see his dad more than a few times a year, if that frequently. It took a long time for DS to realize what his mother had done, but he and my uncle are very close now.

I don't know why parents do this. It is sick and it is wrong. You can't say anything to the children about their mother though, because she is their mother and that's always a touchy subject. You know how it goes with that whole "don't you be talking 'bout my mama" thing. icon_lol.gif Talking to the mother probably wouldn't do any good either. Just treat them the best you can, tell them how much you look forward to seeing them, and how much fun you have spending time with them. One day they will realize what their mother did. My cousins did. My uncle's DS did.

sweettoothmom Posted 6 Oct 2008 , 8:45pm
post #20 of 24

thumbs_up.gif Kill them with kindness!!!!

Oh somedays only if words could kill. HEE HEE

Pookie59 Posted 6 Oct 2008 , 10:25pm
post #21 of 24

Well, Big Mama is off doing her thing this week and I have to say, SD doesn't seem to miss her one bit. I have a feeling Big Mama will be one of those cats-in-the-cradle moms who, when her daughter is grown, can't understand why her daughter doesn't have any time for HER. What goes around comes around.

lildeby Posted 18 Oct 2008 , 2:53pm
post #22 of 24

michood- if things don't work out for you have you ever considered being a foster parent? It can be a little dissappointing at times if you have to return a child but there are ALOT of children out there who need a loving home who don't have any other hope for a family!! Just a thought. I am applying for my foster parents licsense with the state in a few weeks!I have raised 2 beautiful girls and one has moved out. Now I think it is time for me to do something for someone who is not as fortunate as my girls have been.

sweettoothmom Posted 18 Oct 2008 , 7:00pm
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by lildeby

michood- if things don't work out for you have you ever considered being a foster parent? It can be a little dissappointing at times if you have to return a child but there are ALOT of children out there who need a loving home who don't have any other hope for a family!! Just a thought. I am applying for my foster parents licsense with the state in a few weeks!I have raised 2 beautiful girls and one has moved out. Now I think it is time for me to do something for someone who is not as fortunate as my girls have been.





You should be very proud of yourself.

moxey2000 Posted 19 Oct 2008 , 2:37am
post #24 of 24

My oldest went to live with his father for his first year of college...and after just 3 weeks he called me and said "Mom, how'd you ever live with him?"! We were divorced when my son was 3 and I never spoke a bad word about him, although he owes me thousands in back child support and was a horrible father. Kids figure it out eventually. I just always told him that he was better off with 2 parents who were happy apart than miserable together.

Funny thing too, my ex married a woman with 3 boys...it lasted all of a few months cause the boys hated him. He just couldn't relate. It's interesting that he was super spoiled when he was growing up. He's one who never should have had kids, but he had me fooled into thinking he was a great guy.

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