My 16 year old sister texted me today that she would like me to make a baby shower cake for October 11th. So I start wondering who in her circle of friends could POSSIBLY be pregnant It turns out the cake is for an 18 year old friend. Not great, but better. Then she tells me a friend of hers who is just 16 is pregnant. This got me seriously thinking what I woudl do / say if she asked me to make that cake. I'm sure I would hurt my sis' feelings but I think I would have to say no. I would not want any part of 'condoning' the situation.

Both my mom and my 32 year old sister were pregnant at 15. I want any message from me to be clear that we truly hope for that cycle to be broken.

What would you do?

What's done is done. I agree that teen pregnancy is tragic. I know many women who say that although they wouldn't give up the child they have, they certainly would not make the same choices, if there were do-overs.

i think that although it may be a bit young, maybe she was headed on the wrong path and this will center her and straighten her out a bit...

i have a cousin who unmarried got pregnant at 16 and although my whole family made an uproar refused to marry the guy... 6 years later she had another kid a boy, and after he was born married the father of her second child bc she truly loves him, they are now expecting their third child. ( he has adopted her first child legally)... and they have been married for 8 years...

sometimes things happen bc they are meant t happen and for reasons that we will never quite understand...

just my opinin...

i am 28 and have wanted to have a baby of my own for the last year... and i cant seem to get pregnant... so i think that people who can have babies of their own, as lng as they can take care of them and love them with the love that they desire... then more power to them

Don't think you should look at it like that, just make the cake and wish her the best. It almost seems that everywhere you look you see it, so just go along with the whole thing and make the best of it. I know it's kinda weird. Good luck!

I have a 16 year old sis that has recently told me about her "sex" life...Like she should have one!!!! I would be somewhat compelled as well and totally know where you are coming from. But at the same time it is a business decision. I don't know what I would do...But I would be soo upset if my Lil BABY sis ended up PG at her age...Heck anytime before she was at least oh I don't know 30!!! I would do if for any other customer...But at the same time if my sis asked me to do it for a friend I would have a hard time. And at the same time...I think as a young mother they still deserve to have a baby shower...Although they might think of it as free stuff as where a more mature mom may say it is the people in my life I love coming together to celebrate a new life. I was pregnant when I was 19 but I was also married and am still married...We have 2 now...It is all a personal decision....Sorry for rambling

oh that's not nice at all what's done is done, treating them like crap will not accomplish anything good. honestly, if i had the opportunity i would make them a beautiful cake, for free, to be as much of a blessing as i could to someone who will be facing many, many obstacles and judgement being a young teen mother. i mean seriously, we've all made mistakes, none of us are perfect, and all we can do is pick up the pieces and go on and make the best out of the situation that we've created. to me, NOT making them a cake to show your 'disapproval', is self-righteous and judgemental. just my two cents....

Yeah, preg is preg. I got "knocked up" at 18 (DS is almost 10) and one side of my family was supportive but a little "hmmmm". The other side went straight to happy for me, never let me see a moment of doubt and I have never forgotten it. The time for keeping them from getting pregnant is over.

If I was asked, I'd do the cake.

While I don't think having a baby at 16 is the best life choice, I also know that the family of the young lady probably already loves this knew grandchild and I hope that the mom to be would be allowed a little joy and excitement even if this isn't her original plan for her life. Life throws us a lot of curves and sometimes you just have to roll with it. I don't see how making someone a cake is condoning anything but celebrating a knew life.

[quote="KoryAK"]...The time for keeping them from getting pregnant is over...[quote]

Well said!

If it were me and they were paying... I'd make the cake! Business is business.

There is no reason to not make this cake. I was a teenage mother. I got pregnant at 16 had my son 12 days after my 17th birthday. I graduated from high school and went to college. I have now been with my husband for 12 1/2 years and we have been married 7 years and have had 2 more children. Yes teenagers make mistakes but who are you to punish them? Im sure they have been through enough. I would never turn down making a cake for someone for there celebration. If someone told me they didnt want to make me a baby shower cake just because I was a pregnant teen it would totally make me feel like crap.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. At this point, if someone's expecting, they're already expecting and you making the cake, going to the shower, etc. isn't condoning it. I bfeel like it's just being supportive of the individual, no saying go out and do the same thing again. These kinds of situations are always touchy; if you help or participate, it seems like you're saying "it's okay". On the other hand, if you don't get involved at all, you may make the person fell worse than they possibly do already and the situation may go in a completly different direction(abortion, low self-worth....) All that said,we can all kind of voice our opinion, but in the end, only you know who you're dealing with.

I see your dilemma, it's not that you're trying to "take a stand" to disapprove of the friends' pregnancies....since as JoAnnB said, what's done is done. But it surely is not a solution to not welcome the babies into their challenging situations; both moms and babies will only benefit from the support of the people around them. Every person wants to know that they were loved and wanted (whether planned or not) and a shower is meant to celebrate that fact esp. as the child matures and reflects on old pics, mother's memories, etc. Every child should be celebrated IMHO.

But then you are concerned about the message you send to your own sister, like "WooHoo, isn't it just so fabulous and what fun to have a baby at 16!!" I think if you want to take a stand in that regard, it shouldn't be so much as refusing to bake the cake, as rather telling her how you feel, that you don't want to romanticize an unplanned 16-year-old pregnancy and you therefore don't feel comfortable baking a fancy baby shower cake. I was going to say that maybe you and sis can compromise, and you could agree to bake a simple cake, not fancily decorated...but I still can't get my head around the subsequent message of "disapproval" and implied judgement...she is not "worthy" to receive something nice since she's too young to have a baby.

Just keep in mind, just because your sister's friends are becoming pregnant does not mean that she idolizes them or wants to follow their paths...in fact she may already BE the "careful" one, or her friends' pregnancies might knock some caution right into her if she isn't already cautious. Or she may not even be..ahem..active! Like I said, I do see what you are trying to say, but I am not so sure that taking a moral stand on the teen mom's celebrations necessarily solves your concerns about your own sister's choices. Personally the only way I would refuse would be if the shower itself is not approved by the teen's mom, then it would be OK for you to say "No, not w/o her mom's permission".

My mom and I catered a baby shower for 25 guests, the expectant mom was 16, her aunts paid us 500.00 and the shower turned out great. My mom is the director of a pregnancy clinic, and before becoming disabled, I was an OB nurse. Teen pregnancy happens, and they need as much support as they can get. Many of them have none at home. Making a beautiful cake for a memorable baby shower is a great way to let a young girl know that even though she has "messed up" or "grown up too fast," she can still have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

Showers are for the baby, hence the term "Baby Shower" it's not "Pregnant Woman Shower". Why begrudge the baby for who it's born to? If you don't make it someone else will.

I was pregnant at 16, had him 3 months after I turned 17. I only missed 2 weeks of school and graduated on time. He's a Junior in high school now, dad and I have been married 14 years, and we have another one that's 10. I was given a Baby Shower and friends and family from both sides showed up.

Getting pregnant at 16 might not be the best choice in the world. However, she is having this child and, apparently, taking responsibility for him/her. What exactly would you accomplish by scolding her and refusing to make a cake?

This might be a good opportunity to have an honest heart-to-heart talk with your sister about your feelings. You're feeling you could make the cake but you don't want teenage pregnancy to be glorified. You want to be supportive but don't want to condone. If your sister is among two friends that are pregnant maybe she is confused about where she herself is headed. Sometimes when someone talks to you in a very loving and concerned and honest way it makes a big impression.

Well, I just have to jump in on this one! How come I don't hear anyone talking about adoption . I have 5 adopted childen. They're too young birth mothers loved them sooo much! It is possible to love your child so much that you let them be adopted. Now that I know how to make lovely cakes I'd love to go back in time and make one for each of my heros (children's birth moms). I think I would write, "You Are Our Hero" on the top! Just wanted to give some kudos to "Birth Mom's" who might frequent CC!!! We love you! You're The Best! (No disrespect to anyone else intended).

I gave birth to my oldest son when I was 18. And guess what? He wasn't an "accident" or a "surprise". I wanted him, I wanted to be a mom. He is almost 10 now, and I have never regreted it for a minute. His bio-dad on the other hand, I do regret that.
I know people who are in their 30's or 40's with good jobs and lots of money, and their children were so-called "accidents". They are ignorant. I don't have what they do, but I do love my children and I am a damn good mom.

Please don't judge others, especially if you don't know them.

To each their own.

Not every child born to a young mom is unwanted or a burdien.

I don't think not making these cakes will send any kind of message.

I also was pregnant at 16 and married my husband of noe 20 years.

When I was pregnant with my son my Ob/gyn had an attitude toward me and made me feel like crap about my situation. He let me lay in laber after my water broke for 27 hours. When I asked how long before I could have my epidural because I was in so much pain, he told me I should have thought about that before I got pregnant.

My point is , there is nothing you can do about stopping these pregancies. We should show these girls love not try to teach them a lesson.

If you're concerned about your sister talk to her. Look on the bright side, once her friend's baby comes that may really be a detterent for her.

I totally understand the angle you're coming from. I ran into this situation a few yrs ago and after much soul searching I decided that: the shower is to welcome the baby and bless the mom w/ gifts FOR the baby. The young woman chose to give life and not abort... that's reason enough to celebrate! A new life is a blessing not a curse. CELEBRATE with the family! We all make less than perfect choices in our lives. The important thing is how we deal w/ the fall out from them. Family and friend support is SO important in helping them pick themselves up and GO ON.
The only message we're sending is that life is a blessing.
IMHO,
Melanie Mc.

Is getting pregnant at 16 smart? Of course not. But once it's done, it's done. Be happy that the mother-to-be has a loving and supporting family/circle of friends that is willing to throw her a baby shower to help her get started with giving the child a good life, rather than turning their back on her. Besides, it's going to take more than refusing to make a cake to break THAT cycle! lol But, it's your right to turn it down... I wouldn't. Honestly, as upset as I would be if one of my teenage cousins was pregnant, I'd get over it... and then I'd probably be pretty upset if I wasn't the one to make their cakes for them!

I got pregnant at 16, and I endured so much prejudice and criticism that it was unbearable. My mother threw me out of the house, I had to apply for emergency assistance so that I wasn't sleeping on the streets, and the social worker told me that I "should have kept my legs closed". And then was the ob/gyn, the pediatrician, the landlords, etc.who would openly criticise me without knowing my situation.

Teen mothers are facing an uphill battle as it is... Why not show them the love and support you would show anyone else? They made a mistake they are now facing the lifelong consequences for. None of us are in a position to judge anyone else.

I think there is a difference between giving support and saying that having a baby at 16 is a good thing. One girl I knew in HS who had a baby at 16 is the first to say she loves her child and wouldnt give her up for the world but absoutly doesnt want her to have a baby at 16 either.

Whats done is done.

If you're concerned about your sister getting pregnant young why don't you make yourself available for nonjudgemental help? This friend being pregnant makes an easy opening for you to tell her the best ways to prevent pregnancy and to offer to help her get birth control if she isn't going to wait.



And make the cake. What would you think of someone who refused to make a cake for their sister's friend because the woman had already had 5 kids because they feel that the Earth is overpopulated? Refusing to do a cake because someone is younger than you think they should be to be giving birth is just as judgemental.

Well, what's done, is done!!
if cake decorating is your job, do it with no bad feeling...

As a mother of a 20 yr. old girl and an 18 yr. old son, I feel blessed that this has not been an issue for our family. However, I've always had an open relationship with my kids and sex is not a taboo subject in our house. We need to talk to our kids about this openly, we can't expect the schools to educate them about abstainence or birth control, that's our job.

You can't just "hope for this cycle to be broken" as you stated........
Take this opportunity to speak to your sister about sexual activity and becoming pregnant. Let her know she can come to you and that you will not judge her in any way. These girls need an adult that they can communicate with about these issues.

Please rethink your decision of not making the cake.......don't punish somebody for something that you may not agree with. I don't know if you have any children, but if you do, think about how you would handle this situation if it were one of your kids that were in this poor girls shoes, And.....how would you feel if your friends were judging your kids in a negative way?

Let thee that is without sin cast the first stone......words we should all think about.

My prayers are with these 2 friends of your sisters and their precious babies.

I hardly ever post but I want to put my 2 cents in.
I got preg my time and I was 14 I was not sleeping around or being whatever! My Mother was not around and it happended. I got married because I wanted to do the right thing and be married before my child was born. I ran away with the Father and lived on the run for 6months so my parents could not make me do anything. I was married that March she was bron that June she is 18 a honor student and studying to be a Teacher so I done it all on my own and raised good children my others are 16 and 10. So I was married and 3 kids before I was 21. But the important thing I made a choice and and still I am married to their Father almost 19 years and I will be 33 on Sunday. So I dont condone it and I am TO strict on my girls the older 2 are girls because History can repeat itself and I struggled. But I personally think Parents need to be more involved and lot of the teenager issues would not be happening. Eben though I am young and my kids friends love me and think I am hip. I am still their Mother first then a friend and they can tell me or ask me anything..

I think sometimes its a accident and sometimes its on purpose to get attention they are not getting. But S*** happens and its hwat you make out of it.

anyway thanks for listening!

So many of have put our two cents in on this subject...I agree it's unfortunate.... at 16 she has so many battles ahead of her, with a new baby. She does not need the community to look down on her and her precious one....hearing you say you can't bake a cake because it would be condoning it...it this child to recieve no gifts at christmas either!!!

Give her a break...show her some love and spend some time with her showing her how to be a great mom. More people will remember and will respect her for being a great mother. Play a role in that.