Why Does This Bother Me???

Decorating By BellaSweet Updated 12 Aug 2008 , 1:32am by woodthi32

BellaSweet Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 9:46pm
post #1 of 34

Ok, so I am making my cousin's wedd cake. Something I am very excited to do!!! However there are a few things bothering me... I will only ask about one though. She, I repeat, SHE wants to buy one of those silver cake plateaus. I think that's what they are called icon_confused.gif . Anyhow, I don't know why this bothers me so much. I know I'm not jealous, because I don't do enough cakes to have any use for it. But hey, NEITHER does SHE!!! I mean, come on!!! icon_confused.gificon_confused.gificon_confused.gif I think it is ridiculus. What is she going to do with an 18" round cake stand???? If I am being ridiculus myself for letting this get to me, sorry. I just don't get why she wants to buy one. I understand she prolly wants her cake to look extra nice, but I still don't get the need to buy one.

33 replies
valbos22 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 9:52pm
post #2 of 34

Sounds like she is caught up in the excitement and wants everything perfect. Is it something she can rent, does she know that? Also have you asked her what she is going to do with it after her wedding? Maybe you might inherit it? icon_cool.gif

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 10:27pm
post #3 of 34

If she wants to buy it, let her icon_biggrin.gif It could be worse, she could be telling you that you have to buy one. And who knows, she might give it to you after the wedding because you're right, what is she going to really do with it afterwards?

They have some at Hobby Lobby for around $50 (before coupon). I think they're 14" instead though.

I don't think she's buying it to make you mad...I think she's so excited about her cake that you're making for her that she wants to display it in the most elegant way possible, so that it is the focal point of the reception.

Luby Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 10:36pm
post #4 of 34

If she wants one let her buy it - it's her money. Then you can borrow it if you need one icon_lol.gif

kelleym Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 10:58pm
post #5 of 34

Does she know you can rent them for about $30 at a party rental store?

gibson Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:10pm
post #6 of 34

I'm sorry, I don't understand why this would upset you. Why does it really matter if she's buying a cake stand? I know a lot of brides do it, if they want to fork out the money what difference is it? I think they look beautiful too! Hopefully you will get it at a discounted price....I wouldn't worry about it though!

NikkiDoc Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:14pm
post #7 of 34

If they cost around $50 maybe she could pay $20 and you could pay $30 and keep it when you are done. Does that sound fair...you could mix the numbers up some...

Hoover Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:18pm
post #8 of 34

When I got married, my mom bought the pans and cake stand b/c our friend who did the cake didn't have the exact pans and stand that I wanted. I still have them 10 years later and they have been used at least 10 times by myself or other decorators who needed them. Don't worry about it!

Tallmama Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:19pm
post #9 of 34

buy on ebay good deals

Molly2 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:22pm
post #10 of 34

I say let her buy it she might want to keep it as a keepsake, she can't keep the cake I know a lot of couples buy their own toppers and keep those

Molly icon_smile.gif

playingwithsugar Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:23pm
post #11 of 34

You're fussing over nothing. If she wants a silver cake plateau, and she has the money for it, let her get it. Like it was said before, you can always borrow it later.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

Momkiksbutt Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:35pm
post #12 of 34

Well my first reaction is: Why do you care what she spends her money on anyways???

My second reaction is this:

A cake plateau is a good investment for anyone...especially since they can be used for more than just showcasing a cake! This girl will be happy to know that she now has a great center peice for any fancy party, or any other occasion she may have in the future where she wants to showcase a main dish, orderves, plants, flowers, pictures, or any other item that she chooses to use it for!! Not to mention she can "rent" it out to people that are looking to display a cake but don't want to spend the money on a plateau.

I wish someone would have given me one when I got married!!! And heck, this is just one more thing that you don't have to worry about getting for the cake right now!! I'd be cheering if I were you...

This is a thoughtful and smart bride!! Cheers to her!!!!

bellejoey Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:35pm
post #13 of 34

Have you talked with her about what you wanted to display the cake on. You are making the cake, right? Maybe she isn't aware that you have anything or what your ideas are for displaying it....anyways, I am sure that your cake will turn out beautiful no matter what type of cake stand is used! icon_smile.gif

ceshell Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:38pm
post #14 of 34

I've seen some pics of wedding cakes in the galleries here, where they use a silver plateau stand, and they really make the cake "shine". Whether she spends $80 on a silver cake stand, $200 on a "deluxe" linen package, or $500 on a wedding dress, it's her wedding and not really any of your beeswax. Aren't groom's tux rentals about $60-100? None of those above things will ever be used again either, at least the cake stand has a chance (think hors d'oeuvres, etc.)! icon_lol.gif

Don't kick yourself too much for the fact that it bugged you, sometimes it just bugs ya when people do things with money that you don't agree with. But you just need to remember that's their prerogative and unless you are being harmed by it then it's not your place to judge. Congratulations on doing her cake btw, and just be happy, happy happy that your wonderful cake will be displayed in such a lovely manner! thumbs_up.gif

indydebi Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 12:12am
post #15 of 34

Believe it or not, I DO understand how you feel. My sister spent YEARS leasing a car until she figured out it was one big rip off, and it always bothered me that she was spending all that money and would never actually own the car..... until one day I figured out "Debi, it's not coming out of your pocket, so why do you care?"

I think it bothered me because I didn't like seeing my sister "waste" her money .... until I just figured out that it WAS "her money". icon_redface.gif

I actually like brides who spend all kinds of money on stuff like this! That's how I get my good deals on ebay!! icon_biggrin.gif

BellaSweet Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 3:48pm
post #16 of 34

Okay, so I understand about the cake wanting to be displayed at its best. I guess I should have mentioned this before. I thought it was a minor detail, but she is on a super minimal budget. Such to the point where other family members are pithcing in to pay for the wedding. And if she herself is on such a strict budget, then why an extra expense? My dad is paying for her cake. In our family a hunderd dollars is expensive, and this cake will be almost 4x that. My dad is staying with us for a while to save up money to get his own place at the end of the year(he went through a really rough year). And for him to paying for the cake, because she "can't" afford it?, then she decides to by a plateau that she could be using the money to help out someone who's paying. This sounds like it's about my dad. It's not. I still am not sure the reason why it bothers me, other that I think it's ridiculus. I see everyone's points wholeheartedly icon_smile.gif . And if she gets use out of then wonderful.
thumbs_up.gif It is what it is.

gibson Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 4:06pm
post #17 of 34

Well, I can understand why it bothers you now, it would bother me too! Maybe someone who is helping her pay for some of the things for the wedding needs to point this out. Why doesn't she just rent one? Is she aware she can rent them?

BellaSweet Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 4:22pm
post #18 of 34

Well, if she wants to order it, she has to do it by tomorrow, to get here on time. But I think I might look up some places here that can rent it out and let her know that.

Aliwis000 Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 4:37pm
post #19 of 34

I know its sometimes hard to see people you love buy things they may not really "need". But all in all its not that big of a cost, yes it could be more then you or I would spend but you can get some that I have seen at stores or online for 100 to 150 that are nice. Its a wedding and the cakes do look pretty on them. So let her create her dream, looking back this is not going to be the most expensive purchase she may regret.

~Alicia icon_smile.gif

mcelromi1 Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 5:01pm
post #20 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaSweet

Okay, so I understand about the cake wanting to be displayed at its best. I guess I should have mentioned this before. I thought it was a minor detail, but she is on a super minimal budget. Such to the point where other family members are pithcing in to pay for the wedding. And if she herself is on such a strict budget, then why an extra expense? My dad is paying for her cake. In our family a hunderd dollars is expensive, and this cake will be almost 4x that. My dad is staying with us for a while to save up money to get his own place at the end of the year(he went through a really rough year). And for him to paying for the cake, because she "can't" afford it?, then she decides to by a plateau that she could be using the money to help out someone who's paying. This sounds like it's about my dad. It's not. I still am not sure the reason why it bothers me, other that I think it's ridiculus. I see everyone's points wholeheartedly icon_smile.gif . And if she gets use out of then wonderful.
thumbs_up.gif It is what it is.




I think it bothers you because you hate the fact that even though your father is struggling, he still offered to spend $100 to help her have a nice wedding. And then she goes and spends money something which is really not necessary and could be used towards something more imoprtant.

It's like when you loan someone money to help them out and two weeks later you catch them buying an expensive purse.
"You have money to spend on that, but you needed me to help you pay your bills?"

You feel: "Why are you asking my poor dad to help you with this if you have money for that?"

I would suggest to her the option of rental. Explain to her or ask her why she feels the need to purchase one and what further use will she get out of it? You never know it just may be a thank you gift for you for making the cake.
And if you want to take some financial strain off of your father, you can also lower your price since you're making the cake and your father is paying for it.
Just a suggestion.

all4cake Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 5:46pm
post #21 of 34

Seems to me you care about your sister and don't want to see her making an unnecessary(?) purchase that may(or may not) cause her anxiety in the future.

I would just mention to her that they do rent them and that would save her a load of money that she could use elsewhere...favors maybe...a special something for her h-t-b....

BellaSweet Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 9:39pm
post #22 of 34

Update: So I spoke with my cousin a minute a go. She bought the plateau. $150. I asked her if she knew about renting one, and she said that she would rather buy one, because they are so pretty. I UNDERSTAND she wants it to look nice. Not yelling, just an emphasis on how much I understand. But yes, when you are asking other family members to shell out cash for your wedding, and you go and buy something like, that, it is a little crushing. And the cake is 380.00. So yeah I guess I do feel like my dad and potentially others are being taken advantage of. Its no secret my dads situaton. But, she already bought it. No use complaining. Whats done is done.

ceshell Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 10:51pm
post #23 of 34

I see your point and I can see why it's tough, especially if she is asking others to help with things financially. But the important thing to remember here is still: by allowing others to donate, should all of her wedding-related (or even non-wedding-related) purchases be now open to judgement? If others are freely offering to help, and that assists her in her ability to have certain "dream items" at her wedding, then isn't that a good thing? Unless all of your donations were contingent upon her spending the rest of her budget only on "approved and reasonable items". What about the things that you don't know about, that she is NOT spending $$ on; she may be foregoing other "wedding wishlist" purchases and using that money towards the cake plateau. And then all of the other things she just shrugs her shoulders about and says "No, I can't do that for my wedding, I can't afford it, I already have 8 family members pitching in, I splurged on four other items, and now I don't have a cent left to spare."

Although, it's true that by accepting money from family she should have known it can be a touchy subject and that her future purchases would be subject to scrutiny. It probably would have been in better taste for her to ask if anyone wanted to chip in specifically for the cake plateau rather than donatiing towards other things and inadvertently freeing up funds she could use to buy it. That way they could choose to give the gift or they could say "To be quite honest I think that's a bit frivolous, but I'll be happy to help you in some other way after the wedding is over."

As for your dad, I do think if the expenditure is too much for him he wouldn't have offered. But how kind and giving of him to have done so in light of his own situation. Silly question but how does he feel about this - do you think he would rather not give her $ if she is using the her other money to make splurge purchases?

I am totally not trying to be argumentative here BTW! I'm worried my post comes off that way since it's text and you can't read my tone. I'm really just trying to show another side to the situation. We don't always really know what's up with other people's money and the circumstances behind why they are spending it. I don't think she's necessarily trying to "take advantage" of you all by allowing you to chip in to help make her wedding special; it's a wedding! Now if she is a total ingrate after the fact...well, that's another story...

ETA: in looking at a pic of a cake plateau in the gallery just this moment, I unexpectedly agreed with you on some level LOL - I was like, why the heck would she need one of those??! But my point is still: it's not for us to judge...the gifts of others, towards her wedding, should be unconditional, or else she should be told by the givers that they aren't.

all4cake Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 11:06pm
post #24 of 34

oops...cousin...I don't know where I got sister.

ceshell, well stated!

margaretb Posted 9 Aug 2008 , 6:41am
post #25 of 34

I can see how it would bug you even if there wasn't the financial issue. You are the cake decorator, and she is ending up with the plateau (yes her money, etc, but I can see how it would bug you, even if it were not rational).

I get pretty choked about other people paying for her wedding (hope that was all THEIR genuine offer and not subtle pressure from her AND she realizes that paying your wedding expenses IS a gift). I suppose if she really wanted one... but I can't help but think that is an odd thing to want and shouldn't she be offering to pay more of her essential wedding expenses. Oh well, hope you get to borrow it!

Jasmine33 Posted 9 Aug 2008 , 5:13pm
post #26 of 34

I want to see pics like this now with the plateau. lol

ceshell Posted 9 Aug 2008 , 10:19pm
post #27 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasmine33

I want to see pics like this now with the plateau. lol



LOL I just saw one in the gallery yesterday. Most people don't tag their stand with a keyword but I did find four in the galleries if you search for "plateau" - check this one out, if I knew anyone who got this I would be green with envy, it's a gorgeous stand (and cake too!) http://www.cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=gallery&file=displayimage&pid=1046653. I'm sure you can find more if you browse the wedding cake gallery, but they're hard to dig out since the stand doesn't always show up on the thumbnail. Happy hunting icon_wink.gif

Jasmine33 Posted 10 Aug 2008 , 5:49am
post #28 of 34

Ceshell

Thanx for finding that. That is very nice and a gorgeous cake!

BellaSweet Posted 11 Aug 2008 , 2:53pm
post #29 of 34

ceshell, no offense taken whatsoever. Actually, you did a wonderful job of getting your point across without coming off as harsh or rude. While still being very enertaining. And you didn't even use emoticons. WELL DONE!!! My dad, I have found out very willingly offered to pay for the cake. And it also does not bother him, her buying something extra. However, nothing ever bothers him. I wish I had inherited that. So, I have to just let it go, as hard as it may be. If anything, it'll allow my cake to stand out. Hopefully bring good attention, not bad. I say bad, because I don't make the best looking cakes out there. icon_lol.gif When I post my pic, i promise to tag it with plateau.

ceshell Posted 11 Aug 2008 , 11:57pm
post #30 of 34

OMG how did I get thru a whole post w/o emoticons???!!!!

icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_razz.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_wink.gifthumbs_up.gifparty.gifdetective.gif

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