OhMyGoodies Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 1:20am
post #1 of

Ok gang I need your help! I called my mother tonight to find out the exact plans for us babysitting tomorrow night and she pops in "Oh I need a cake for next saturday" So here's how the convo goes....

Her: "I need a cake for next saturday so and so is back for a visit and we're having a picnic for her thru work"
Me: "Ok"
Her: "I'll need it for about 30 people and nothing real elaborate because I'll have to pay for it, and I'll make a batch of brownies and I was thinking you could make a batch of cookies - chocolate chip!"
Me: "ok what do you want? Round sheet? what? and what do you want it to say? 'Welcome back' 'Welcome Home' what?
Her: "Well she's not moving back she's visiting oh you know she's here for a golf tournament so you could do a golf theme"
Me: "Ok so you want me to give you a price on this in a few days right?"
Her: "Well I have to pay for it and I don't want you to charge me more then $20.00 for the cake and the cookies!"

WTF!!!!!!! That's .66 cents a serving on the cake and throwing in the cookies for free! I charge $1.50 per serving for basic butter cream and basic decoration, and I charge $3.00 a dozen for cookies. I don't even know how many dozen is in a batch of chocolate chip it's been so long since I've made them from scratch. Normally we just get the quickie ones so our daughter can help me make cookies when ever she wants... like they have this tub of cookie dough now so I bought it and it's half gone but I don't know how much a whole batch would produce....

My husband says plainly "you can't do it tell her no call her back right now and tell her no!!!! how the hell does she expect you to make this business work out and worth your time and money spent if she is going to do stuff (nope not the word he used lol) like this?"

So I'm just at a loss. She can go get a sheet cake at the grocery store for $22.00 for a 1/4 sheet. She can also buy cookies in the store bakery... I don't know how much they charge but...

How do I tell her I need her to either pay me more or go else where? The problem is my mother is very very VERY manipulative and she just has this way about her. She can change the tone in her voice or bring up something where she's helped us or something and make you cave and give in to whatever she wants. She's also used to my dad waiting on her hand and foot because she's so manipulative and demanding he does it or she won't speak to him.... yeah I know major issues there but they've been together 30 some years can't change now lol. Anyway I know what she'll do tomorrow she'll do what she did with the wrestling ring cake for my nephew. We had fallen on a tight spot in between pay checks and needed a few things from the store so I asked her if I could borrow $50.00. She was already told that cake would cost $56.00. She blew that info off like it was just a FYI type thing not a verbal bill. So later on we're talking about the cake business and all and she asked me if I was making any money at this hobby.... I wanted so bad to smack her or cuss her or something but ya know... can't disrespect the woman that brought ya into this world. So I said yeah I am because you seem to be the only one who won't pay for the cakes you order everyone else pays me what I ask or what they feel it's worth which is normally more then what I charge for it. She said "I did pay you for his cake if you remember I gave you $50.00 for groceries a week later!!!!" real bitchy like. Then in the same sentence she says "which you still haven't paid back yet" wtf is that?! I'm being paid for the cake one second the next I have to pay it back!?

So yeah she's a handfull! BIG time. I don't know what to do. I want to do it because I want to show her I can and I want to hopefully get customers from her work people, but I can't do it for so cheap it won't be worth it especially not with what cookies involve. I'd have to stand over the hot oven in the hot kitchen baking cookies all afternoon just for nothing... for a thank you. And remember she's making brownies....

She said it doesn't have to feed 30 because they will be having other stuff there it doesn't have to be real big and nothing real elaborate but a golf theme..... HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT FOR $20.00?!?!?!?!!? Please someone help me!!!!!!

Thank you in advance!
Becky

125 replies
cakesbycathy Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 1:40am
post #2 of

The only thing I can think of is to ask Indydebi to call and talk to your mother icon_biggrin.gif

OhMyGoodies Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 1:41am
post #3 of

I asked Debi if she'd be my mommy.... I like her better lmao

alisoncooks Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 1:56am
post #4 of

yikes! for $20, get 2 discount box cake mixes and bake a 9x13, ice it with plain green buttercream (buy it from the store and tint it for a few bucks.) then i'd take my finger and poke a nice big hole in the middle and pipe me a little white golf ball beside it icon_smile.gif and buy cheap tube cookie mix. that should all come in well under $20. and if there's a problem, just explain that that is what you get for the $$$.

mjulian Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 1:58am
post #5 of

Well i dont do anything for free for anyone unless I am going to be giving it as a gift. I have a very over powering mother and One day a couple of years ago I just told her how I felt. But in this cake I would make sure that I am atleats getting what I am putting in to it like ingredents and if she doesn't like that then I would very nicely state Try getting that price somewhere else.

I know its your mother but she cant control you for ever!!

cinderspritzer Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 1:59am
post #6 of

i can judo chop her for ya icon_biggrin.gif kidding of course. or am i? detective.gif

fiddlesticks Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:00am
post #7 of

Hey! Just a thought , maybe you can say you dont have the money right now for the supplies for the cake or cookies ..And can she loan you the money ??? Like maybe 60$ or so ... and you need it upfront That way if she loans it to you you can just keep it alll for the FEE you wont get and if she says arent you going to pay her back?? say you thought it was your payment !!! LOL ! You need to be strong !! stand up to her !! have to start sometime !!!!

ZAKIA6 Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:00am
post #8 of
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakesbycathy

The only thing I can think of is to ask Indydebi to call and talk to your mother icon_biggrin.gif




LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!

littlecake Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:02am
post #9 of

ditto to alisoncooks....you can make a 1/4 pretty cheap that way.

one time i was in a rush and got those pre cut toll house cookies from walmart....2.25 a dozen.

your post is heartbreaking, it's too bad you can't get along with your mom.....mines been in heaven now for over 20 years, i miss her every day.

SuHwa Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:02am

Man, oh, man. I agree an IndyDeb moment is definately needed here.

If it was me and I wanted to cause a stink, but not too big of one... I'd tell her to buy her cookies at wal-mart and then make the cake for cost...

OhMyGoodies Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:08am

Little cake ty... it's worse then I stated... we have never gotten along until 3 1/2 years ago when my sister had a car accident and we almost lost her. She became very motherly at that point telling me almost everyday she loved me and so on... now she's gotten back into her old habits... She just seems to think that since I made freebie cupcakes for work the other day that this can be a cheapy. Well I made the cupcakes to try to get some orders they were like free samples... not totally freebies here ya go have a cupcake on me and never ever think of me when you need a cake...

But I dunno I'm hoping someone will come in and help me with the wording so I can tell her tomorrow I can't do it for that price or I can only do a XXX size cake for that price which will feed XXX... any help there? My fee for a 1/4 sheet just butter cream 1 layer no filling no torting no intricate details is... $18.00 for 18/20 servings. My price for rounds is more then sheets... so for a round to feed 30... 12" 2 layers 30 servings... $2.00/serving, $60.00.... So either way... if I give her the 30 servings I'm shorting myself BIG time... if I make her a cake to reflect her "budget" which doesn't exist because they are going to dinner and the slots tomorrow night..... anyway if I do a cake to reflect her price it won't be nearly enough for half the people....

lionladydi Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:14am

I absolutely don't know what to tell you. My mom and I always had a pretty good understanding. She sold Avon and I helped her take orders sometimes and did things for her so she sold me my Avon at cost. I really wasn't into selling cakes when she was still alive but she would never have asked me to do a cake and cookies for $20. More than likely she would have tried bartering about it with Avon. icon_lol.gif If I was going to be really honest about it, I would tell you that I would not have charged my mom to do a cake and cookies but my mom was nothing like this and my mom babysat for me so much when my kids were little. She never charged me a dime.

I have the opposite problem. I babysit for my daughter and feel like I am not appreciated at all sometimes. That's a whole other thread.............. icon_lol.gif

I have to agree. Call Indydebi and have her explain it to your mom. She seems to be the one with the most backbone among us!!!

Diane

SuHwa Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:18am

Then you need to tell her exactly what you told us...

Mom, the order you want costs more than that. I need to know what YOU want most. A cake to feed 30 costs xx amount in these styles. Cookies cost xx amount per dozen. I'll be happy to make them even on such short notice, but the $20 you offered doesn't even begin to cover my supplies. In order to help you out I'll need to know what you want to do and how much your willing to spend as quickly as possible so that I can begin planning the cake and/or cookies and purchasing supplies.


Say it all at once and don't let her interrupt, or if you are afraid she won't let you finish, email it to her.

lionladydi Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:20am

Thinking about it more:

I would say, "Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings nor do I want to start a family war, but I just feel like I cannot do this cake and cookies for you. What I could make for $20 is not what you would want. It costs me $**** just to buy the ingredients and that doesn't take into account the time it would take away from my orders I have from paying customers."

With this she will probably throw up to you how she has slaved and bent over backwards all your life to see to it you had a good home, blah, blah, blah. That's when you ask Indydebi for advice. icon_lol.gif (Debi, we are just giving you a pat on the back. We're not making fun of you)

Diane

OhMyGoodies Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:21am

lmfao funny you should suggest emailing... I was thinking about emailing her but was scared she was online right now and would get it right now lol I think I'll just email her tomorrow morning when I check ebay lol and then I'll send hubby in to get the kids and avoid her all together lol... I hate this... this $20.00 doesn't even cover the cost of ingredients for the darn cookies and the cake... granted I have stuff on hand to do the butter cream but we've recently moved into this house and have had NO need for regular flower and have run out of sugar and have no chocolate chips in the house nor brown sugar lol... man this is gonna be hard lol

Sugarbean Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:22am

I'm sorry, I have to disagree with everyone else on this one. Its your mom. I would just do it for the "free" advertising of everyone eating the cake at the picnic. I quite often do free things for family and I go over the top so that they can be so proud of me and show it off.

Sorry, I would do it for the $20 and make it nice I wouldn't cheap out. I'm sure there are things she does for you where she doesn't charge you KWIM? Babysitting? Errands? Whatever?

icon_smile.gif

KellyAnne1284 Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:25am

I don't charge my family for cakes, or cookies or anything else, ever. I don't understand the concept. They're family. My mother is a nurse and I call her for medical advice at least once weekly. Never once has she said to me, "My hourly rate is $xx.xx, so you owe me $xx.xx for this conversation." My grandmother has watched my daughter on numerous occasions and never once has she said, "Well, your regular babysitter charges $10 per hour and I had (daughter's name) for 13 hours overnight. That'll be $130, missy". My Father is a police officer and I have gone to him for legal help and advice on many occasions....

You get my point...

So, if I were you - and I'm not....but if I were....I'd say this,

"Listen, Mom...I'm totally for doing whatever I can for family, however, money's a little tight right now and the $20 you offered me just won't be enough to cover my expenses. It'll cost me at least $xx.xx to make this cake and I really need you to cover that amount. Of course, I will put the labor in as a favor to you. If you don't want to pay $xx.xx for the cake and cookie expenses, I'd be happy to go to the local bakery and help you pick out some decent products."

She may be crazy, she may be a witch....but she IS your mother. JMHO

***Edited to say***

I know some might blast me for this post. I, personally, just could not imagine asking someone who caried me for nine months, changed my diapers, washed my bottles, ran on 3 hours sleep a night, worked 2 jobs to support me, etc.....I just could never, ever ask her for money (above and beyond what it cost ME) to do her a favor. Same goes for any of my other family members who are always willing to help me, be there for me....without charging a fee for their time, energy or efforts.

littlecake Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:32am

i've found it's best just to be blunt with pushy people, and don't get emotional about it.

i had a very well to do friend who thought i should just give her cakes....she was giving them to extended family members....co workers etc...i was getting hacked off cause i kept holding it all in....here she was all richy rich with a husband...i'm a single woman, and this is my only means of support.

well....

she IMed me...wanted a full sheet ...filled....and nicely decorated for her grandmas 95th birthday.

so

i IMed her back...saying..."ok...goody goody!...i can sure use the money to put in my savings for the new roof i need on the shop!"

she came in...paid full price, and never ordered another one.

AND LITTLECAKE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.......

OhMyGoodies Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:33am

See that's the problem she doesn't do anything for us except complain whenever we need something. My brother is the one she breaks her back for and he's a major screw up in and out of jail left and right. But the only reason I feel she should have to pay for the cake is because she's ordering it for other people ya know... if I give it to her she'll continue to want it free in the future and like the last time that cake was really really elaborate (the wrestling cake) and was out of my skill level some but I did the best I could and got nothing for it... she says the $50.00 came a week later... it was a few weeks later and was never mentioned towards the cake until I brought up the fact she didn't pay for it....

Dad... he's the one that does everything and anything for us. So him I don't mind doing stuff for. But mom takes total advantage of us and like with baby sitting, she doesn't ask us she tells us. My DH told her the other night when she said "you guys have the boys over night on saturday" he said no we can't we've got plans already I'm sorry. She laughed and said ok so you can pick them up around 3 ok? lol. And she also informed me that we'd have all 3 boys for an entire week in October while they go on vacation... no offer to do anything for us in exchange... dad offered to buy groceries for the week they'd be here and give me his truck to transport them back and forth that week.

She just doesn't care really.... She knows we are struggling so bad right now to even make ends meet she knows my DH's mother helps us whenever she can with grocery money or bill money or whatever since we only have one vehicle and no way for me to go to work currently... she doesn't care...

cwcopeland Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:34am

Oh My Goodies-

Are you a long lost sister that I don't know about? Is your mom a little Japanese woman who everyone thinks is "so cute and so sweet", but in reality might very well be the anti christ? Kinda just kidding.....

It sounds JUST like my mom. She's a manipulating, disrespectful, heifer that needs to be put in her place. I had to start doing that a couple of years ago and believe me it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. She still doesn't get it. I had to rip her a new one again this week.

I know it sounds hopeless, but she will probably never change. The good news is you CAN change (i learned this through thousands of $$$ in therapy (not just with her but my grandma on my dad's side too)). My therapist said that sometimes when you change, they change. That hasn't happened for me yet. You should stand up for yourself to her. She needs to understand that treating you that way isn't OK. She won't like it but maybe it will make you feel better. You deserve better.

Good Luck!

SuHwa Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:35am

Not blasting...

Quote:
Quote:

Same goes for any of my other family members who are always willing to help me, be there for me....without charging a fee for their time, energy or efforts.




This isn't what Goodies is experiencing. She working with someone who is abusing others through manipulation. Her mom doesn't want to offer cost. She calls paying for a cake a loan of grocery money and then wants to know why her money hasn't been repaid yet... This isn't someone you want to be stressing over cakes with all the time. For everyone's health good boundries need to be set in this issue... cakes for cost, fine, but pay the true cost of ingredients; cakes for full price, then I might make it a bit better than normal because you are my mom...

cwcopeland Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:40am
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyAnne1284

I don't charge my family for cakes, or cookies or anything else, ever. I don't understand the concept. They're family. My mother is a nurse and I call her for medical advice at least once weekly. Never once has she said to me, "My hourly rate is $xx.xx, so you owe me $xx.xx for this conversation." My grandmother has watched my daughter on numerous occasions and never once has she said, "Well, your regular babysitter charges $10 per hour and I had (daughter's name) for 13 hours overnight. That'll be $130, missy". My Father is a police officer and I have gone to him for legal help and advice on many occasions....

You get my point...

So, if I were you - and I'm not....but if I were....I'd say this,

"Listen, Mom...I'm totally for doing whatever I can for family, however, money's a little tight right now and the $20 you offered me just won't be enough to cover my expenses. It'll cost me at least $xx.xx to make this cake and I really need you to cover that amount. Of course, I will put the labor in as a favor to you. If you don't want to pay $xx.xx for the cake and cookie expenses, I'd be happy to go to the local bakery and help you pick out some decent products."

She may be crazy, she may be a witch....but she IS your mother. JMHO

***Edited to say***

I know some might blast me for this post. I, personally, just could not imagine asking someone who caried me for nine months, changed my diapers, washed my bottles, ran on 3 hours sleep a night, worked 2 jobs to support me, etc.....I just could never, ever ask her for money (above and beyond what it cost ME) to do her a favor. Same goes for any of my other family members who are always willing to help me, be there for me....without charging a fee for their time, energy or efforts.




I wouldn't blast you for your comment but you have to also understand that not everyone has a supportive family like you do. If I ask my mom for ANYTHING, I owe her therfore I don't ask her for ANYTHING. I asked her to babysit my kids when they were little and her response was, "you had them, you take care of them." No, my kids didn't have the privelage of having a loving grandmother on my side. I could go on and on about her but I won't. My point is that not all of us were blessed with loving parents.

KellyAnne1284 Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:40am

I understand what you're saying. She doesn't care. But she IS your mother. I am a mother myself and let me tell you....there is no amount of favors that my 3 year old daughter will ever be able to do for me in her life to repay me for carrying her 9 months, in which I almost lost her a total of 7 times, spend 4 hours a day, 5 days a week at the hospital's prenatal center and the last 4 months (only a 7 1/2 month pregnancy) on bed rest where I missed my yearly family vacation. Not to mention the thousands of diapers I have changes and am still changing. The months and months where I literally had to work full time and be a single mom on 2-3 hours sleep, because she had to eat every 3 hours. Do you know how impossible it is to function like that? Cooking, cleaning, laundry....toys, clothing, entertainment, vacations...I love my daughter dearly and I am happy to provide and endure all of these things for her....but if ever a day comes that my daughter expects to be compensated for more than her cost for a favor, it would be a very sad day in my life - even if I knew I was difficult, selfish, etc. Family is family.

OhMyGoodies Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:41am

I also made her the all white funeral reception cake. It was for her best friend whom I've known for quite sometime but have never really gotten real close to... but I know her and like her so I did it. I had to borrow money from my dad just to make the damn cake because living at their house in a leaking basement always being sick and stuff.... (just to make sure yall know it wasn't really all that great of a helping hand she gave us by letting us stay and then kicking us out into the street like she's done so many times before like when my daughter was only 6 weeks old after MAKING me move in there...) anyway sorry... I had to borrow the money for the stuff because everything I had on hand got wet during a rain storm (basement leaks everytime it rains hard) and had to be trashed then I didn't have a box or board big enough for it so I had to borrow that from him. He asked me "Who the hell is this cake for and why aren't you being paid for it?" right infront of mom... I looked at her looked at him and said "it's for mom to take to XXX dad's funeral tomorrow" he asked her why she wasn't paying me and she replied very bluntly and matter of fact like "I shouldn't have to pay her for it it's the least she can do" for what?! listening to you complain every day? washing and drying all the laundry in the house? cleaning the house? waiting on you hand and foot so dad doesn't have to at 72 yrs old? taking care of the kids so you don't have to get out of bed?! why is it the least I can do? then she starts crying and goes to her room and slams the door... it's always the same...

SuHwa Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:45am

You can do it Goodies... stand up to her.

KeLLy... At times like these I'm reminded of my hubby's favorite quote...

Quote:
Quote:

Opinions are like *ahem* "noses." Every has one and they all "smell."




icon_lol.gif

*edited to fix name

KellyAnne1284 Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:46am

Wow. I suppose it's just so difficult to envision a family like that....

I am sorry for you and your situation.

KellyAnne1284 Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:47am

Suhwa - my name is keLLy, not keRRy, first off. Second off, there's no need to be rude.

adonisthegreek1 Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:47am

If the cake was for my mom, I'd do it for free. Since your mom is expecting you to make it for a friend of hers, I would not do it for free. I do not charge my family members for anything, however, if they are getting cakes or candies for friends and co-workers, they must pay full price.

OhMyGoodies Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:49am

People are bringing up the mother issue... I love her dearly don't get me wrong. But growing up wasn't like the typical family. She allowed things to happen under her roof with full knowledge of them happening and not doing anything about it. She carried me for 9 months yes, but she went back to work 3 weeks later and I went into day care where I stayed with my sister until our father came to get us, took us home fed us, bathed us, and tucked us into bed after spending an hour on our hair. Mom never did anything but cook. Then when I was 10 I got into trouble in school like most kids do. All that happened was I got detention for not turning in a work assignment on time... She disowned me. Literally. She told my father "I'm done I've had it with her she's yours Beth's mine I don't want anything to do with her at all ever again" and that was the end. We moved when I was 12 she suddenly forgot how to do anything like cooking, or fixing her own drink or anything except isolating herself in her room and sleeping all the time. She has worked all our lives yes, but she's never put any of that money towards us. My father has worked and is still working after he's been retired for a year just to pay the bills. Her money pays for her car, her half of the car insurance, her credit cards, and her nights out. Not to mention her breakfast and lunch at mcdonalds every single day. Her money doesn't go to my nephews care either. They get SSI because of their mother's situation and she uses that (within the guidelines of the law) to take care of their things like clothing and stuff.

I never had the typical life you guys did... I wish I did I've always wished I had that kind of life and I strive to give my daughter what I didn't have. I never had anyone tell me they loved me on a daily basis. I never had hugs and kisses good night or a pat on the back for a job well done... never had any of that. So I'm sorry it may sound selfish and totally wrong but I don't feel I owe her anything...

SuHwa Posted 25 Aug 2007 , 2:50am

Sorry KeLLy, I was doing the quick reply... and I wasn't meaning to be rude. I said we ALL have them and generally they ALL stink. I guess the business of no voice tones allowed in email strikes again.... Darn I thought we all agreed that's what smilies were for.

Oh well... icon_rolleyes.gif

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