Help Me Stand Up To My Mother......

Business By OhMyGoodies Updated 29 Aug 2007 , 12:10pm by springlakecake

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all4cake Posted 26 Aug 2007 , 4:16pm
post #91 of 126

Don't tell her anything.

Just do the cake and cookies. Do them the size that 20 bucks would get her.

1/4 sheet-iced green-hole in it(as suggested earlier) maybe a spaghetti stick flag.
Center it on a 1/2 sheet board and place cookies around it to cover board.

When she gets it and wonders why it wasn't bigger....then, and only then, tell her that you were staying within HER financial limits. Anything more would've ran over her budget.

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all4cake Posted 26 Aug 2007 , 4:28pm
post #92 of 126

oh yes, and if she says she can't get 30 servings from a cake that size, tell her, suuuuuuuuure you can. just cut them smaller. with all the other goodies that will be there, a smaller size would be more appropriate anyway.

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OhMyGoodies Posted 26 Aug 2007 , 4:57pm
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Thanks what I was thinking if she called me later to complain that she can't serve 30 ppl on a 20 person cake... yes you can just cut them smaller. And if she is making brownies and buys the stuff for me to do the cookies then there will be plenty of desserts there for everyone lol. And not everyone eats cake anyway. What I think is happening is they are having a picnic with company people - for a lady that used to work there that's moved to California - and there will be like 15 people from work, plus their spouses... but like I told my husband and he agreed... it's not my problem. If she doesn't want to pay for a cake to serve 30 head then she'll get what she pays for and nothing more. The only reason I agreed to do the cookies is IF and only IF she buys the ingredients. Mainly I won't use all the flour and butter and sugar in the recipe so I'll have it on hand for other stuff so I won't have to buy it lol. And I can always keep a few cookies to the side for my munchkin to eat or take to school in her lunch lol.

I made cupcakes recently and took them to work and she said everyone liked them. I made a cake last halloween and took it in and she said everyone liked it... but no one wants to order... why? because she didn't tell them I had a business... just told them it's a hobby... so when I made the cupcakes I placed a flyer in the lounge - well gave it to her to hang in there - hopefully she hung it and didn't just trash it... but I'm sure she trashed it cause I haven't gotten any calls lol.... Ok time to get ready for party bbl icon_smile.gif

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mommachris Posted 26 Aug 2007 , 9:50pm
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okay, so she trashed the flyer..then put a lovely laminated business card on the cake board---under the cake. When it is eatten there will be no question that you aren't just playing with cakes on your free time.

Or maybe something like.
Ohmygoodies hopes you have enjoyed this dessert.
Please think of us for your next special event.
(phone number)

Try to deny that one mom!


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darcat Posted 26 Aug 2007 , 10:00pm
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Ohmygoodies I was glad to hear that you told your mom to buy the ingredients and I know you are deathly afraid of her but from the tone of your post I have a very very sad and bad feeling that she will make you cave in at the end of the day. Pleaseeeeeee dont do it. I say this with such emotion because now that you know you have a lot of support around you it's time to take that big leap and just tell her NO and believe me you will feel so much freedom after being so assertive and she stops pestering you about everything in your life that you'll wonder why you hadnt done it sooner. By what you tell us I dont think you will have any problems with your father if you finally put your mother in her place. He may even applaud you for finally doing it. JMHO I layed awake for quite awhile last night after having read this whole thread and I couldnt get all the images of abuse that a lot of you have suffered and I truly wished that I could hold all of you and tell you "dont worry sweety it'll be alright I'll protect you" but since I cant do that I called my mom this morning just to tell her I love her and thanked her for being my mom.

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indydebi Posted 26 Aug 2007 , 10:33pm
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Originally Posted by darcat

.... I called my mom this morning just to tell her I love her and thanked her for being my mom.

Oh that just made me cry! icon_cry.gif It shows what a really great mom you have for raising such a wonderful person!

One day a co-worker was telling me that her husband was going to be busy over the weekend so she thought she'd call her mom to go shopping and have lunch. Initially, I was shocked .... you'd spend time wiht your mom ON PURPOSE?? icon_confused.gif Then I realized that's how it's SUPPOSE to be!

I count my blessings every single day that my daughter and I have the GOOD kind of relationship. We are our best friend and love doing things together. My kids come to visit because they WANT to .... not because they HAVE to. Which, to me, is the ultimate compliment.

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OhMyGoodies Posted 26 Aug 2007 , 11:57pm
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Well I still haven't heard from her yet. And no email either. Dad called me at 2 today and asked me about enrolling my youngest nephew in school. I asked if mom got the note I left for her he said yes I said is she mad he said no she went back to sleep.... so I guess it's just not important today lol. I have a feeling she's going to offer the extra "mix and stuff" to do the larger cake but I'm going to explain to her if I have to that it's not the mix and stuff that costs more it's my time and the size of the cake means more work and longer time spent on it. I'm still not up there with those that have been doing it for years and can finish a sheet cake in under 2 hours lol. I'm going to time myself on this one though if she still wants it and see how long it takes me to bake cool and decorate it and see if I can turn them out the morning of delivery since the ex-wife made mention today of how moist and fresh her $25.00 store bought cake was. I quote her "She made this this morning it's so moist!" I laughed I said I hope you don't believe that she said "What do you mean" I said "They don't do any cake baking in these store bakeries... the only thing they make in store is bread and some cookies all the cakes are shipped in prebaked and frozen and they thaw to decorate and then refreeze them" she was in shock at first and then said "yeah I knew that" I was like ok whatever! and just walked away lol Well my kitten thinks I need to love on her and stop typing and neglecting her lovings so I'll close for now lol I'll update more later or tomorrow whenever I hear from her.

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Ladyofcake Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 1:26am
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Kathik wrote:
"Second, OhMyGoodies, indydebi, lionlaydi, cherylweddingplanner, and anyone else I missed, I'm right there with you! Indydebi your description of your mother (narcissistic, habitual liar, psycho bi*tch) could have come out of my own mouth. Okay, it actually has! I, too, grew up in an abusive home..."

Same here ladies - looks like we're all in good company. I am so sorry to all who have gone through this hell. I give 1,000 % of myself to my daughter every single day and cherish every moment with her because I appreciate and love her so much, and want her to always know it.
Indydebi, I am with you - my family is outta here as well and it is for my child's sake - if anyone ever hurt her I wouldn't hesitate to crack their skulls without blinking an eye, so it's better this way. I want to see her wake up happy every single day and go to sleep untroubled and at peace.
OhMyGoodies, I hope you have the strength to get through this and eventually do whatever you decide is best for you and for your family.
Indydebi said it best and I will add that if you were unfortunate to have been brought into this world by bad people, that doesn't mean you have to tolerate them forever.

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novacaine24 Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 1:54am
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I know where you are with your mom, between wanting to be a good girl and make her proud, and being tired of her taking advantage and never being appreciative of you. I wish I had wise words. (you know as well as I do that we wish we could be like indydebi lol thumbs_up.gif but we're not there yet)
All I can tell you is if you ever need to talk you know where your support group is icon_lol.gif and I will be happy to encourage you whenever you need it.

(((many hugz)))

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michellenj Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 2:29am
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I have girlfriends who are close with their moms, call them "just because", and have little lunch and shopping trips together. They make me jealous, because I don't have that kind of relationship with my mother.

My mother has always made me feel like it is all my fault. Any maybe it is. She got knocked up her first semester in college, had me and dumped me between grandparents. I would stay with them for may weeks at a time. She screamed at me, humiliated me, and has always criticized everything that I have done. At age 11 I started making myself throw up after meals, because she was anorexic and reading assorted books around the house on the subject, which turned into "how-to" manuals for me. She would make huge, gourmet meals but scream at me if I would eat anything, and once I bit the inside of my cheek and she told me it was b/c I was too fat. At age 37 I still struggle with my food issues, and probably always will. Thanks to her, I'll never be able to put a bit of food in my mouth without feeling guilty.

Everything is about her-always. And she LIES. Then she starts to believe her lies.

She started screaming fights with me both times I was in labor. Then, when I was in the hospital with ds, she picked locks and went through and stole things, and ornaments off of my Christmas tree!

My mother has been diagnosed wit hBorderline Personality Disorder. If you google her name she is cited in psychology books as an example!

If I were you, I wouldn't make any more cakes for her, then the entire situation would be resolved. With that type of personality, though, you might be opening another can of worms.

Good luck!


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justfrosting Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 2:44am
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Dang--an evil mother thread...that means I have to post...

My mother is evil too. I won't try to one up anyone who has already posted with my own horror stories but someday we should get together and split the cost for therapy.

My way out was to completely let her go. I don't call, email, send cards--NOTHING! For several years now. It was so hard because she is so freakin twisted. But it saved my sanity, my marriage and my self esteem.

She is dying now but, she is still hateful and I can't be around that. Hell No--she does not get a cake. My dog gets to eat cake but not my mother.

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michellenj Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 2:52am
post #102 of 126

Let me add that my mother attempted suicide several times, and allowed me to find her 2 times. And she became obsessed with her psychiatrist, bankrupted our family buying him gifts, then sued him and lost. Now she is writing the most frightening, delusional book about her experience and his name is barely changed, and will most likely get HER sued.

Moving 1000 miles away helped me, and limiting phone calls to 5 minutes or less.

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OhMyGoodies Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 1:26pm
post #103 of 126

Well it's Monday morning and still no call from her. I'm not sure what to expect when I do hear from her but daddy says she wasn't mad or upset at all just "went back to sleep" so I dunno.

Michelle, my mother also told me every day of my life I was fat and ugly and worthless. She isn't much smaller then me, maybe by 1 size. Growing up she was always bigger then me, but when I got pregnant with my daughter I put on some weight I couldn't take off, then with the death of both my grandmother's back to back, one of which I was caring for when she passed, and I walked in on the ambulance people trying to save her... and then with my sister's accident only a few months after my grandmom's deaths the depression hit so bad I put on more weight and it's impossible to get rid of lol. I've tried and she hasn't said it anymore since me and my husband got married but she does tell me every now and then I need to lose weight. I just smile and say if it was that easy everyone of us would be thin in this family. And then I walk away.

My idol and my fake momma is Paula Deen. I love her so much and wish she was my mother lol. I watch her everyday and am watching her on Rachel Ray's talk show right now lol.... I like to think we are seperated mother and daughter lol. My best friend says she thinks I'm Paula's daughter lol. I talk just like her and act like her lol. Except she's got better self esteem then I do lol.

But yeah I haven't heard from her yet and dad called again late last night to ask me about meet the teacher day (today) and if my nephews (whom they raise) had to meet their teacher today and if so who are their teachers and what time.... I said mom should have all that information on the paper that says what their school supplies are, so he asked her and she sceamed at him "I don't have it! I don't know where it is! Can't she just find out for you tomorrow?" I was like OMG are you that freakin lazy! So I told him I'd call this morning and find out and he also reminded me to call about enrolling the youngest into Head Start since he just got accepted into Pre-K at the very last second so it's like she can't be bothered to do anything with these kids except receive the check for them every month and have them live with them so she can say she did right by my sister.... But I do for daddy because he honestly doesn't know what he's doing. Not to say he's stupid or anything, he's just 72 years old and never had to do any of this with us kids because enrolling us - she did that - meet the teacher... we didn't have that when I was young lol. Only when we were in middle school and heading to high school... so he just had to transport us lol. Now he has to learn everything all over again and normally "it's the woman's job" to tend to such matters... she just puts it all off onto me and him and expects me to do it all and still get a "real job". Like with doctors appointments... I have to make their appointments, (doc and dentist), call dad the day before or so and remind him, go with him because he's not sure what to ask or what to do and it's hard on him to walk long distances or short now.... so why not let them live with us? We're doing everything as it is anyway....

Ok enough ranting I'm sorry I'm still in a bad mood from spending 2 1/2 hours at hubby's ex-wifes house yesterday bragging about a $9,500.00 settlement she got from Social Security and was still complaining she didn't have the money to buy the kids Heely's and wanted me and hubby to do it for them for Christmas.... HELLO!? christmas shop now while you have the money and don't waste it on ebay for yourself!!! OMG don't let me get started lol.....

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2sdae Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 2:53pm
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O.K why would you steal my family they are my family even if they suck often!lol! icon_lol.gif
j.k but it does sound like one of my rants for sure.
My DH and I have 2 children we "made" and 1 adopted child who is his sister's child by birth but all ours by heart and choice.
But we still get told we dont do enough for "his" family.
Never mind the 1000.00s of dollars we have "lent" to his mother and never seen again.
Never mind I took care of his sister when she was pregnant due to MIL would have nothing to do with her. I was the first person to hold this child after birth,as in I was cutting cords and wiping off after birth.
My mother is passed 15 years ago, my father is useless as he is lost with out a wife to care for and run his life.
So mu DH and I raise our kids alone most of the time, no sitters and breaks as no one is ever available when we would need them.

So dont swat a little ranting and raving......I am doing it on here now for you!
Stand strong and draw your strength from the Lord. He knows you are honoring yourself and him by doing what you are for your family regardless of your mother's short sighting.
And the piece of mind, strength and honor he bestows out weighs it all in the end.
God Bless you and yours, I'll be sure to add you to my prayers.

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peacockplace Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 4:07pm
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I'm sorry, I haven't read all 7 pages of this, but from the tone of the posts on the last page... some of you seem to have some crappy family relationships. icon_sad.gif

Maybe it's just me, but I'd do it for my Mom and what ever she could pay is fine. She's done enough for me in my life. Yea, I'm running a business, but it won't break me to make a cake on the cheap.

Hope all works out well for you and you can find something to make you both happy.

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mbelgard Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 4:47pm
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Ohmygoodies, I have a similar situation with my parents in that if they weren't still married I wouldn't talk to one of them so I know how hard it is when you want to see one but not the other. My mother is the good one though at times I can get upset about her letting my father emotionally and verbally abuse us. My younger brother's finacee says that she thinks if my mother divorced my father or passed away first we'd fight over who's turn it was to visit dad that month.
We live only about 6 hours away and we visit maybe 3 times a year, we're about to make our second trip this year and won't be going again until January (last January was the last time we visited). I'd go see my mother more often if it wasn't for my father. I'm not the only one who does that.
In the last couple years it's started getting better because we started getting smarter, now if dad blows up or something everyone goes up the hill to my brother's house or leaves. My mom has started putting her foot down and not letting him drink so much (that doesn't help the temper) because she doesn't want us all to leave, she's always been good at pretending that he's a wonderful father.
When I call I only talk to him if my mom isn't home and most of the time I call my brother's house because she watches the kids during the week.
He was Army and didn't live with us for about half my childhood and when he was with us he was hardly home because he was working but he always talks about what a good job they did raising us. icon_mad.gif He had nothing to do with it, my mother was the one who did almost everything and he never spent time with us girls because we didn't like doing what he does. He was gone from the time I was 12 until I was almost 17 and never took the time to get to know me after he retired. When I mentioned this he actually said "well I couldn't be expected to do the stuff you like because I'm a man so I didn't spend time with you." He still has no idea what I'm really like, he just bases his opinions on the little he sees, for some reason he thinks I'm a submissive housewife (the only way for a woman to be).
He also likes to turn us against each other, he created a horrible competitivness in our house. It took me a while to figure it out, I think some of my siblings still haven't, but he'll say nasty things about my siblings to me and I know that he says them about me behind my back. I've heard that he told a BIL that if he was my husband he would have refused to sleep with me (talk about how wrong him thinking about stuff is) icon_eek.gif until I lost all my baby weight because I'm just too heavy, at the time I was in an 11 but I'm 5'10" and in a normal weight range (since I've dropped a size but I'm sure that's still too big).

Any one who says that I owe my father respect is out of their minds.

And doing cake for family it really depends who it is if they ask. I've done a couple things for my MIL when she's asked and would again. But as much as she drives me crazy they also do things like buy the kids clothes and other things that help us out. THere are other people I would charge even if I gave a family discount, if my mother was like yours I wouldn't buy anything until I had the money and I would charge full price.

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michellenj Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 8:10pm
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Ohmygoodies-I love Paula Deen, too. She is from where I grew up in GA and is best friends with one of my older cousins. Some of my cousin's recipes and her mother's are featured in her book, the one that are recipes from friends. My cousin is called "Bubbles" in the book, and her mom is "Rene", and "Bubbles" is on the cover of that book in the background. I keep hoping that when I'm down there I'll get the opportunity to meet Paula.

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indydebi Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 8:20pm
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Originally Posted by michellenj

Ohmygoodies-I love Paula Deen, too. She is from where I grew up in GA and is best friends with one of my older cousins. Some of my cousin's recipes and her mother's are featured in her book, the one that are recipes from friends. My cousin is called "Bubbles" in the book, and her mom is "Rene", and "Bubbles" is on the cover of that book in the background. I keep hoping that when I'm down there I'll get the opportunity to meet Paula.

I just luv her! If I found a genie in a bottle, I use my one wish to meet her! SHe and I have the same birthday, we were both single moms with 2 kids, we both have a very distinctive laugh, and we love being in the kitchen!

If you get the chance to meet her, give her a big 'ole hug from me!

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lionladydi Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 9:45pm
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Originally Posted by michellenj

Ohmygoodies-I love Paula Deen, too. She is from where I grew up in GA and is best friends with one of my older cousins. Some of my cousin's recipes and her mother's are featured in her book, the one that are recipes from friends. My cousin is called "Bubbles" in the book, and her mom is "Rene", and "Bubbles" is on the cover of that book in the background. I keep hoping that when I'm down there I'll get the opportunity to meet Paula.

One of my favorite times of seeing Paula Deen was on Oprah. When Oprah asked her about how unhealthy her recipes were for people she said, "Oprah, I'm their cook, not their doctor." Every time I watch her cook, I think, "That much butter and salt can't be good for people." Of course, I cook the same way that Paula does--everything fried and greasy and fattening. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


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OhMyGoodies Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 9:48pm
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Hell with that if you ever get the chance to meet her you better call me and invite me too icon_razz.gif

I had to go over to mom and dad's today because dad is having very bad dizzy spells where he can barely walk let alone drive around so he came to get me and we went back there, then I took the kids to school to meet their teachers and stuff and mom was home too... sick! YEAH RIGHT! lol... So anyway right after I get there she asks one of the kids to have me make her a bowl of ice cream omg I was so mad.. I said yeah I bet she does. So she had him ask pop-pop and dad finally said no lmao YAY!!! but I went ahead and made it for her cause if not it would've resulted in a huge fight and screaming match. Before I left to come back home I went up to give her the run down about school and such and asked her if she got my note. She said "yeah" like she was mad... I said "do you still want me to do the cake?" she said "yeah the small one" I said "ok do you have a specific flavor in mind?" she said "yeah do a yellow or butter or vanilla cake cause I'm making brownies so I don't want too much chocolate" so I agreed and forgot all about the cookies. I figured I'd call tomorrow when she's at work and ask her since she can't be bothered to answer the phone today and daddy isn't feeling too good.... BUT GOOD NEWS IS I DIDN'T CAVE!!! icon_biggrin.gif

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2sdae Posted 27 Aug 2007 , 10:54pm
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JulieR Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 3:13am
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I have been watching this thread from the beginning. I usually don't jump in on these types of threads, but I just can't help telling you how proud I am of you! You stood up for yourself, and although it sounds like your mother didn't like it the important thing is that she wasn't able to back you down! This is a wonderful step toward a better life for you and for your husband and children! thumbs_up.gif


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lionladydi Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 5:57am
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She didn't mention the cookies so I'd let it drop. When the time comes you can remind her that she didn't buy the ingredients.

Stick to it're doing good. thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif


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Cake_Princess Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 6:05am
post #114 of 126

Wow.... I got a weeks worth of drama reading this..

As the paddle turns...

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novacaine24 Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 6:50am
post #115 of 126

YAY Becky!! thumbs_up.gif

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OhMyGoodies Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 11:33am
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hehehehe As the Paddle Turns... I like that! that's cute! lol.

Thank you everyone! It's nice to finally feel loved and stuff lol. It's great to know someone other then my husband and daughter (and daddy and bro) are proud of me for something lol

I'm going to stick to it and just make the small cake unless she brings me the stuff for the cookies I'm not offering them up or anything like that lol.

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2sdae Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 11:51am
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GO BECKY, your cake and cookies and yourself deserve more respect than that. You have made your first big step in helping her to see her ways, not that it'll prolly do it this time, but you did it respectfully and firmly. Good for you! thumbs_up.gificon_biggrin.gif

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fiddlesticks Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 2:49pm
post #118 of 126

Go Becky !!! Stay strong !!

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yummymummycakes Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 4:12pm
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And so are the days of our lives icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Becky I am so proud you stood up to your mother and didnt cave it, feels so much better........... doesnt it??? thumbs_up.gif

Who needs to pay $5k in therapy, we have it for free with CC. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

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darcat Posted 28 Aug 2007 , 7:33pm
post #120 of 126

whoooooo becky you go girl!!! I bet you feel a lot better right now without the added stress you felt when you started this thread. Take a second and pat yourself on the back you derserve it. Big hugs

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