I'm making a cake today for my SIL's baby shower tomorrow. Ok, maybe this makes me a bad person, but my heart is not in making this cake. I have a great design all drawn up, it uses the patterns from her to-be nursery, and it's going to be a nice looking cake (I hope) but she has been so ugly to me that I just don't feel motivated to go make the frosting and finish it. My MIL is paying for the cake, I'm not expected to make it for free, so that should help, but SIL is just SO mean to me. She is 5 years older than DH and I, (She's 40) this is her first kid, and she has always been ugly about us because she didn't even have a BF when we got married, then we got pregnant before she even got engaged, etc. They've only been married a little over a year. When I was pregnant I emailed her my first ultrasound photo she said, "It looks like a turkey." and that was it! Nothing else!! BTW, it didn't look remotely like a turkey. If I email pix of my baby she doesn't say anything like, "Oh he's so cute." If she even acknowledges the pic it's with something rude, so I simply quit sending them. Oh, there is so much more, I simply can't tell you it all! She has never shown me one of her ultrasound photos, completely cuts us out of everything. We were the absolutely last people she told that they were pregnant. Every year at Xmas she does that whole, "Your gift didn't make it in time... but it's getting shipped" then it never comes. She is actually my baby's Godmother and yet, she doesn't care to even see him. He had major surgery when he was like 4 months old, she came to the hospital to "visit" with one of her friends and they sat on the couch looking at her wedding pictures the whole time! What the hell is that? I just wish she were kind to me because I'd love to spoil the baby! I mean, when he is born, I will anyway, but I just don't feel like doing anything nice for her. At her wedding I was a bridesmaid (she had been one of mine so she was sort of obligated) plus, I did her cakes for a good price, then she sent me over to start cutting them at the reception, and once I got to the opposite side of the hall they started doing their speeches, etc. So I am not at the head table in the videos. The maid of honor's 5yo DD is in my seat. How does that look? Please tell me I'm not evil, and that it's normal to feel this way. I will do the cake because I promised to, but I almost feel like it's too good for her. Whew... I guess I have a lot of anger and resentment. I wish this were most of it, but it's only the tip of the iceberg. She has been just awful to me. Thanks for letting me rag about it. And please don't tell me to let it go... I already know that, and I don't let it eat away at me... it's just on these rare occasions that it pops up!

I know how you feel and have found myself in that situation too ... but I know that once you start the cake you'll throw yourself into it and make it the best it can be... you're probably like that and wouldn't do anything but your best... Make the most beautiful cake and smile the entire time .. my motto is "kill them with kindness"

Oh goodness that sucks. I dont blame you for being resentful about her. The best advice i can offer you is to try to put her out of your mind and try to pretend that this is a cake for someone else. I wish i had better advice but i will keep you in my thoughts. Good luck getting through this and no matter what it will turn out gorgeous

Melvira, I'm sure you already know this, might it might help to hear it: When people act that way toward other people for no good, apparent reason, it almost always means that the person is either insecure themselves or just outright jealous. You can't change the other person's behavior. The only thing you can change is your own response to them. So tell yourself you are doing this for your new neice/nephew and let it be a good dead that makes you an even better person inside. You know that if you gave in to the feelings that 'she doesn't deserve it', etc., in the end you will end up feeling bad for making that choice and she will have something new to dislike you about!

I hope this helps and hang in there.

You are a better person than me, I wouldn't make her anything at all. Good luck!

I say get "sick" and don't make the cake. They'll understand that you con't want to spread your germs by sneezing on the cake or something, etc. She isn't above doing it to you, obviously, so why should you do this for her.

I'm just confused as to why you promised to begin with.....I love my BF but I won't make a cake for his sister if she treats me like crap! My cakes, as bad as they are, are WAY to good for someone who is mean spirited,,,but then, I don't get paid for them either.. lol.

I know just how you feel I have A SIL that is much the same way, only she is about 5 yrs younger than my dh an I.

Don't look at it as doing something nice for her but rather your future neice or nephew and your MIL. Not the easiest thing in the world to do I know.

I know what you mean. Ha get this. We had a baby in Sept of 2003 and my sister had one in July 2004 so by the time hers was born mine had outgrown much of his baby stuff (swing, bouncy chair, etc) and I was nice enough to lend it to them knowing they would give it back when we had another baby. Anyways my BIL told me, "I don't have to thank you for the baby stuff it's for the baby not me." Can you believe that????? I was like um hello I saved you hundreds of dollars not your kid. And I just had another baby (both boys, theirs was a girl) in October and my sister is having a boy in July (just found out today) and I know they just expect me to give them all my baby stuff plus all my boy clothes (I am done having kids). So I so feel your pain sweety. I really wish your SIL was nicer. What a mean and spiteful person.

Melvira;

I'm so sorry, really I am. My advice is to just decorate the cake, making it beautiful as I know you can. I would also continue to be as nice as you can to her, so she cannot say mean things about you that have any truth in them. Believe me, people will start seeing how sweet you are to her and how mean she is to you, and start to think "why is she so mean to Melvira". Who knows, maybe she'll get over whatever resentment she has towards you, it's so obvious she has some type of problem with you, and start being nice back to you. It's really hard to be mean to somebody who is nothing but sweet and nice to you. Keep your chin up and make that beautiful cake! Hugs!

Melvira,

Don't feel badly about expressing your feelings. We all feel this way about someone else once in a while. It is good that you have so many friends here to vent to! I am having a similar situation with my sister right now, so I can somewhat relate. Maybe you can just push through this one knowing you made the best darned cake you could in honor of the baby and not for her. Someday, hopefully, she will see past her jealousy and see how amazing you really are!

I'm sorry, I feel your pain. Just yesterday my BIL's ex-wife invited me to her daughter's baby shower. This is what she said to me "I usually go to this other bakery for cakes and i have been going ther for years and i just love them, but since in some round about way we are family, i guess you can do her cake"......I didn't even ask to do it She just found out from my BIL that i make cakes. And i'm supposed to thank her for "letting" me do the cake. I don't think so.

Melvira,

I can completely understand what you are going through, maybe not the same extent, but I understand.

A couple of weeks ago I was making a cake for my DH's cousin's son's birthday (did all that make sense??!). I called to double check the # coming so that I could make sure I had enough cake and I find out from the mom that her MIL, DH's aunt, has purchased another cake in case mine was not big enough. I cried. I was so upset that she would undermine me like that and on top of it the cousins were paying me for it, it was not a free cake. I was so hurt!

Anyway, Sorry to hijack to share with you, but I wanted you to know that I understand where you are coming from and it only pops up from time to time for me too! Just do as you planned and spoil that baby when it comes! That will probably make her more jealous but maybe it will make her love her nephew a little more!

It will be ok! Just vent and get it out!

That *i*** needs to get shot. I would still make it though, for the baby, not for the HORRor.

I'm also making a baby shower cake tomorrow Melv. . .loook at that. . .

Usually I would be in a huff and say (that means phooey on her ) her but, this makes me sad. I don't know what I would do. I guess I would tell meyself I have to do this and pludge in telling myself there will be people there looking at my work. I'm so sorry, I wish I could beat her up for your

Don't take this wrong. I don't think she likes you. And, that's ok we all have someone that don't like us, and for no reason. Sometimes there is nothing in the world you can do to change it. I know it's hard but the sooner you accept things for what they are you will feel better.

It sounds like you won't be able to spoil her baby, she's not going to want you to and it's going to hurt like (the dickens ).

I just don't know things happens and we can't change it. From what I've seen of you since being here on CC you are a good person and it looks like she has the problem not you.

Some people are just bitches! Some are related to these few select.
If my sister were an average person on the street, I would say ugly things about her. However, she's my sister and I have to like her. Wait till the baby is born. Alot of women are so selfish when they have no one to wait on. Be aware though...she is going to have the smarter baby, the cuter baby, blah, blah blah. I always just smile and say, Oh is he such a good baby. What that really means is shut up, go away, or you have an ugly baby.
Good luck! Just remember, if your a good person walk away and don't let it get to you.

Thanks guys for not making me feel like a troll! I only said I'd do the cake because, well, I'm embarassed to admit it, but to show off. They (MIL and SIL) are terrible cooks, and they couldn't even pretend to do a cake like I can, so this is my way of feeling better about myself. I know it's jealousy that makes her act like this... but now with the baby coming she has everything that we have, so why is she still so mean? And let me tell you, I have a billion baby outifts that I could give her, but she isn't getting any of it. She'd probably throw them away anyway. (And all my baby clothes are in great shape!! I am one of those anal mothers that keeps the baby clean at all times and keeps his stuff in good repair!) I know that I will rise above this feeling and turn out a great cake (God willing!) but in my heart I feel like smashing it in her crabby little face! Hehehe. Ok, I wouldn't, but it's funny to think about it. Kind of makes me feel better!

It's hard to discount everything she has done and I acknowledge your for doing the cake, this means you are the bigger person! Try to think of it as if you are doing the cake to welcome the new baby.

Oh yeah, I have one of these SIL and I'd rather kick her in the head than make her a cake. But I'd do one for her kids anyday. Not that she'd let me but that's beside the point...did I have a point? Not really just commiserating with the whole SIL from hell.

I feel so much for you. From what you've said, it sounds like her problem is jealousy. Identifying it though, doesn't make the resentment any less. You are a much better person than I am. My husband is constantly having to calm me down when someone treats me (or him) horribly. I probably would have said something to the MIL in as nice a way as possible that it's really difficult to do something so nice for her (regardless of being paid or not) when she treats you so awfully. It's too late for that now, and she would have probably made excuses for her DD anyway. I really do feel for you and hope you can focus on the baby instead. Make sure to take a picture of it that you can show him/her later since SIL probably won't.

So sorry to hear that! You're normal, very human. I too, have some stuff going on with my in-laws. Too much too tell, I don't want to highjack your thread... Anyways, I just wanted to tell you, I understand, and I'm here to support you. I know you'll make a great job on the cake, your cakes are always gorgeous. At least you're getting paid!!!

Hang in there
(((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))

Sounds to me like she's one bitter b***h Just treat the cake like it's for a client that you don't know since you're getting paid for it. Block her off from you mind while working on your cake, which I'm sure is easy since I block off everything when I'm decorating. Just my 2 cents.

BTW, can you sell you SIL on E-bay?? "One bitter gal for sale... NO RESERVE?!"

Fooby

Showing off is healthy. . .

If you truly can't get out of making it, consider it an opportunity to showcase your work for future customers.
After this event, no more cakes for her!!!

It ALWAYS works out in the end that everyone knows who the bigger person is, and exactly what the other person is and how they act. Karma always has a way of evening out the score.

It's hard to deal with in-laws that can say or do things that hurt your feelings. You end up with a lot of built up anger and resentment.

While sitting on the couch, my father in law told me that I'm getting crows feet around my eyes; I was too stunned to respond.

I understand how you feel.

Melvira hun, I am so sorry that you have family (if that's what they call that nowadays lol) like that.
All I can say hun, is that you treat this cake just like any other customers cake, family or not.
As my hubby always says, "Don't let the "bleeps" git cha down!"

Tough situation you're in but just think of all those wonderful compliments you'll be getting on your beautiful cake from everyone there!!!!

I say make that "beautiful" cake and knock em dead!!!!! You'll be the one shining!!!!!