Ok...I have a dilemma that is soooo frustrating, for MANY reasons. This will be long, but I need to share the details so you guys get the full picture and can help me with some good advice on how to deal with this person. It's imperative that I handle myself the best way possible because she's already accused me of lyin...and she made these accusations to my DH, no less!!! Here goes....

BACKGROUND: She is someone I used to have a friendship with, so I thought, and our husbands are good buddies. I found out after a while that she's the kind of person that only thinks of you as a friend when you do stuff for her...not the other way around...doesn't make herself available to do the kinds of things that friends do for each other, etc. Only called when she needed me to bring her daughter home from school or when she needed a cake (but would pretend to be asking me for advice or ideas only and come in the back-way with having me end up doing the cake at cost); wouldn't return my phone calls when I would try to make plans to get together with the kids and stuff like that. I'd resolved myself to the fact that, for whatever reason, she really didn't want to have a friendship with me...it hurt my feelings, of course, but I'm a big girl...I got over it and told my DH that while he couldn't expect me to put myself out there anymore to be her 'friend', he could count on me to be friend-LY with her when/if we all got together to do things, etc.

SITUATION: Back on Feb. 17th this woman calls me needing a cake...within the next 5 hours!!! Her DH's bday was the following Monday and at the last minute his parents, other family, etc. was coming over to celebrate...could I do it? I said sure, no problem. But I would have to charge her this time, though at a much discounted rate, since it was such late notice. (I learn ) I didn't have any other orders that day & I was itching to bake/decorate anyway...plus, I happen to like her DH a lot ...he's a great guy, is always nice to me and he and my DH are great friends...so I really was doing it more for him to have a nice cake for his bday, more than to help her out. I know that may sound bad, but it's the truth... And he always raves about my cakes, especially the buttercream...tells everyone he knows to order cakes from me...and he's a sort of business consultant and was very helpful to me & DH when we were going to buy the bakery last month, even though the deal fell through.

She said she only needed a small-ish cake, nothing too big. Told her I'd have to do an 8-inch round because my 6-inch pans were on loan at the moment...fine, she said. It was going to be simple b/c he only likes plain cakes with BC for filling and icing. I had carte blanche on the decoration, it didn't have to be fancy. So I did the Golden Butter Cake from WBH, with bourbon vanilla BC filling/icing. For deco, I did reverse shell borders on top & bottom, swiss dot on the sides and did some over-piping on the shells and dots with a mossy green BC (so it'd look a little more masculine) and used the green for the writing and put an Icthus(sp?) (that's the Christian fish symbol) on the top - we're all Christians and he actually used to be an associate pastor for a while. She couldn't come pick it up, but she didn't want me to deliver it to her house either, but never really told my why when I asked about that. So we agreed to meet half-way for me to deliver the cake. Keep in mind that we live literally about 6 minutes from each other!? I was out of boxes, so I put the cake on one of my commercial half-sheet pans that was lined with non-skid material. Didn't bother covering it because it would only be in a car for a total of about 6 minutes, plus the time I had to wait at the meeting place....she was 10 minutes late. I had my 3 1/2 yr old and 18 month old with me....not fun. Then, after I put the cake in her car, she tells me she doesn't have any money with her...could she just pay me on Monday or Tuesday...what could I say except fine?

So, her DH loved the cake and appreciated the way I decorated it...called to thank me a few days later. Good. Two weeks go by and no payment from the wife or even a phone call. So I call to remind her...just left a nice msg saying 'In case you forgot, the cake was $20...and I really need my pan back as soon as you have a chance. If you come by the house & I'm not there, just leave it on the porch. Give me a call.', etc. Another week and no response, another week, still no $$, no phone call. I called another 2 times, but didn't leave msgs...why should I have to chase HER down for MY $$?? She has caller ID and knows I'm calling her and knows why I'm calling her. I know & she knows that she's avoiding me. I mentioned all of it to DH and told him how bothered I was...he was disturbed too that she hadn't at least called me & acknowledged the situation...so he took it upon himself a few days later to call her husband on his cell just to mention it to him and see if that would speed the process up a bit...considering it was the middle of MARCH!!! This had gone on for a whole month! So I get a msg from her one day saying that she'd answered her DH's phone when my DH called and she didn't know that I hadn't been paid yet, that she'd ASSUMED??? that her DH had taken care of it all. He later told my DH that he knew nothing about all of it. She said she'd pay me and give me my sheet pan at school the next week (our kids go to the same school, but we rarely see each other there) Of course, that didn't happen.

TODAY: Here were are ANOTHER TWO WEEKS LATER!! NO $$, NO PAN!!! I saw her at the school on Monday...she said hello as we passed in the hall & I called her name twice and she pretended not to hear me!! A person knows when they're being blatantly ignored...and I was being ignored and brushed off. My son even asked me 'Mom..why didn't Ms. Abby answer you and talk to us?'...I was infuriated but I was in the middle of a pre-school/kindergarten, what could I do? I told DH about it just to vent...he again took it upon himself to call about it and spoke with her husband. She then called my house this afternoon and left a VERY condescending msg (I was outside with the kids at the time) saying that she had called me 'TONS of times and that she never got an answer', (but she only left me one msg (that I did return a call for) out of all those TONS of calls?? (right) Said she left my pan with my son's teacher 2 days ago...LIE! That she didn't feel comfortable leaving the money with her?? And that she'd been to my house but I didn't answer the door - another LIE!! After she left me that msg, she called my DH on his cell and told him that she was "livid"...that it was MY fault I didn't have my $$ or my pan back...and that I'd told her the price for the cake was $12 not $20??? LIE!! She said that I brushed her off at the school...the why was I the one left standing in the middle of the hallway with my jaw dropped, amazed at her brazeness...??? She wento on to say things like 'why is she doing me this way? I've tried to be her FRIEND!??' And here's the kicker - she said she "didn't want lies being spread about her"!!!!????? First of all - I'm not friends with anyone she knows or that knows her...secondly, my mission in life is NOT to tell her friends how she stiffed me and then ignored me and lied about ME....thirdly, if she's so worried about her reputation then why can't she handle a very simple transaction over a cake with integrity???? It would've taken her a grand total of 15 minutes to drive her butt to my house and drop off my pan and my money, whether I was home or not! Yeah - that's a friend, alright....doesn't even value me or what I did for her enough to take 15 minutes out of her time to pay me for something I took 2 1/2 hrs out of my Saturday to do for HER at late notice which I paid specail attention to and put lots of care into...even if it is 45 DAYS LATER!!!!

Talk about LIVID!!!??? That doesn't being to describe the anger I have towards this woman....she is flat out LYING not just about the price agreed upon, but about me in general!! I HAVE to respond to her...I cannot let this go when she has taken it sooooo far....over a stinking little $20 cake! It's not like she owes me $100 or anything!? I just am not sure how to respond and in what manner. I've considered sending her an email that lists out all the ingredients that I used and everything I had to do - from mixing the batter all the way to driving and then sitting in my car w/2 of my kids waiting for her late self....and every single step in between - that went into doing this cake for her. And then list what she's done where her responsibilities in this transaction are concerned. I also thought I could note how sad it is that she considered me her friend, but thought it okay to behave this way towards me...that I sure hop she doesn't treat all her 'friends' like this and that maybe she should re-evaluate the definition of FRIEND. I don't know. I really just needed to share this with someone other than DH, even though he chose to get involved and was only trying to help, he's fed up with the situation too, so I don't want to bother him with it. And I don't want this to hurt the guy's friendship. What do I do??? Thanks for bearing with me and reading this...you guys are great!

I know this is old, but what happen in the end....

What a witch. I want to know what happened too. If it were me I would drive to her house when she's home to pick up the pan. I would let the $20 go. but that's just me because I'm a wuess. And then I would never do anything for her again. rotten person.

You have a pretty great hubby for stepping in to try to help take care of this for you. I know a lot of hubby's won't do that so good for him!

I hope this is advice you don't really need, but cut off all contact with this witch. I had dealings with a person like this (oh god yes, there is more than one of them!) who lied at the drop of a hat and it was "...all about them". (try "narcissist"?) No matter how nice you are, no matter how you try to explain the truth, it will not matter. She is self-focused and nothing but trouble so cut it off now. No cakes, nothing. If you find yourself in a social gathering with her, .... well, I found it was very easy to be in a room of 4 to 12 people and not have to say a word to that one particular person..... and it can be done without YOU looking like the witch, either!

1st of all, I LOVE FAIRHOPE, AL a beautiful place, you are lucky!
2nd- good Lord what a troll that woman was/is. I feel awful you endured that and wish I had seen your post before now... I hope everything has worked out and that you have your pan and your $20. I think I would cut my losses after that with her friendship.... you don't deserve that and like you say a friend doesn't do a friend that way. Good Luck to you!

If you are that frustrated with it, maybe you should just let her have the pan (what is she going to do with it anyways if she was asking you to bake her cakes), keep her $20 (is your suffering worth it), and call it OVER and analyze what you learned from this situation! Frustrating, I can understand, but your sanity is worth so much more than a total of $50. And besides, you did the cake for HIM anyways, not HER! Sorry to see that she has done you this way!

im sad that i didnt read this before and offer some help.. i'dlike to know what happened too

I would go to her house when i knew her husband was there and take my DH with me and pick up my pan..and money. but first make sure the pan is not at the school. If its at the school I think I'd chalk it up to experience and ignore her. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that?. And of course, she'd be getting no further cakes of mine even if her husband called asking for one.

My jaw dropped--what a witch--she has been practicing for a long time b/c she is good at being one. And you only charged $20--wow! I am just a hobby baker(do cookies on the side for $, but really this is for my kiddos) and I would want more $. If you had only charged me $20, I'd paid you quickly before you came to your senses and realized how little you asked. It sounds like a lot of work AND in such a short amoount of time.

I'd kinda give her lots of space and not go out of your way to chat with her unless you HAVE to, like if your husbands get together or something. No huge favors anymore for her.

No cake for you--in a Soup nazi tone!!

If you have your pan back--I'd write this off if she hasn't paid and vow not to do cakes anymore for her. OR if you do, tell her it is COD from now--when you get your $, she will get the goods.

Sorry this has happened.

let us know how it goes in the end.

http://www.cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopict-22605-.html

This was almost a year old....I think this was the follow-up story!

I'm sad I missed this too-just to give a little support and encouragement!

oh wow! I saw the March date and did not look at the year--'course I am still sometimes dating my checks with 2006!!!!

I read almost the whole thing before I thought....this is happening to someone again?

lol-well, I guess that explains why I didn't see it-I wasn't even a member back then!

Just let it go. There is no reason to have it consume you. Just say to yourself...I'm done worrying about this and move on. You're wasting valuable energy on this person when it could be spent on something positive w/ your kids. Be the bigger person. HTH...Tomorrow is a better day...

All you can do is PRAY!!!! For her and pray for a forgivign heart for you!!!! There is sooo much power in it, even though it doesn't seem like it! God Bless!! I hope everything turned out ok. Please let us know, I know it has been a long time....

-Ashley

What ever happened? This is really from last year? Dying to know what happened.