Helendelk,
exlax cake LOL!!! Oh I would pay to see that!

And I am so sorry, to you and to all the others who can relate with me on having terrible in-laws!!!! It shouldn't happen to anyone!

But you're right, ignoring her is NOT what she wants. She wants ANY and ALL attention, good or bad. So seeing right through her as if she's invisible would be more insulting than if I ran my mouth like she runs hers.

No, I din't think you were instigating anything. Ugh! I feel for you if they secretly side with you but say nothing. It just makes her think she's right! That HAS to be infuriating!

If she ever tells you she loves to complain again..tell her "Then I hope you find someone who loves to listen to you complain" (LOL) and move on! You could add "Oh I Have an idea, how about your husband, or anyone other than me!"

Love the ignoring idea too ladies! These kind of people HATE that!

I have got to agree with FerretDeprived. Make her a great big cake and take it to her (pigsty) house and smash it in her ungrateful face. Sounds like she is a spoiled rotten brat!

Oh gosh - you are right where I was - about a decade ago.

Your SIL obviously has some issues regarding her brother and his wife. I have come to realize that some people, despite the fact that they have adult bodies - still act like tempermental children.

It's an old, but sad story. No one is good enough for her sibling. She feels you 'stole' her brother. He loves you better. Your SIL needs to grow up; unfortunately, that's not within your control.

You could go down the road of trying to 'one up' her - and it would probably work...sometimes. But it's only going to add more fuel to the fire. You would be a mess everytime before she visited - and she would be planning her nasty tricks.

In the long run, there's more at stake here. Your husband can't feel good about the tension between you and his sister. He's caught in the middle. Other family members will also feel the heat. Is she the only culprit? Or does she have an accomplice? If she's the only trouble maker - you can deal with her by (innocently) exposing her tactics to the group.

The reason she took you aside to tell you she didin't like your dessert is because she didn't want to say it openly. That suggests that she might feel uncomfortable if all parties present heard her comments. So...let them hear them. Each and every time she pulls one of her stunts - make it public....but do it with tact.

For instance, if she criticizes another dish you make- walk immediately over to the rest of the group and say something like..."I have to ask you guys....is there something wrong with the cake, because 'Susie' doesn't care for it at all." Then let her sit in the hot chair!

Do the same when she makes uncalled for comments about anything. Immediately question any others present as to their input. But, do it nicely, as if you have just been made aware of an issue...and are seeking input.

If this only concerned you and her....I would say make that smash cake for her face - but it doesn't. This is a situation that has gotten out of hand - and your husband stands to lose a relationship with his sister over it. Im sure your husband is ashamed of her behavior - but it's often hard for people to say that to the person involved.

She's trying to hurt you. But you know that - that gives you the upper hand.

Remember - you can't control HER childish behavior - but you CAN control your reactions - and your emotions.

It took a long time for me to mend fences with my SIL - but it can happen. Now we share recipes, secrets and stories.

Hang in there.

Wow, I am sorry you are going thru all this. I have a friend that has a close family relative that is a little "off" to put it nicely and she goes on a rampage (is that how you spell it? ) from time to time. You know, like telling people off, criticizing or just being plain obnoxious!!!

Oh, well, you know, live is too short... We need to do the best we can to get along with others, but I know that even when we try it is not always possible.

Just be at peace with yourself that you tried and it is now up to her to make amends...

You know what the funny part about this whole thing is? She is my husband's SIL too. My DH and her DH are brothers. That's how we're related. We're both the in-laws. So it would make a whole lot more sense if she were just rejecting me b/c I 'stole' her brother. But since that isn't even the case... she is just a spoiled brat! And i LOVE your idea of asking the group if there is 'anything wrong with the cake'. That is fabulous!

I was so sad to hear how insensitive your sister in law is to you. Most of us who are artistic and are eager to do so much for others are just crushed when we are slammed. We never ask for compliments and are often reluctant to take credit for all we do, so the negative comments just stay with us and rip us to the core.
You will never change her! I have learned one thing in the last 50+ years and that is I can not change anyone except for myself. So, I hope with the loving feedback I have read on this forum you can think of that when you have to deal with her.
When my daughter was 7 she played the piano for her grandparents. They did not have one nice thing to say about her playing. They went on and on about what they thought she did wrong. She got up from the bench and walked away. I went to her thinking she was crushed, wanting to make her feel better. She just shrugged and smiled and said "Oh, that's OK-they have a right to their opinion no matter how stupid it is." Now every time someone is really mean in their words or action I always say to myself "They have a right to their opinion, no matter how stupid!" and it makes me feel so much better and I don't feel any desire to "tell them off, or get even"
I have gotten to a point now where I realize I actually have to value someone's opinion to be concerned about it. When I hear an insult now I often think "Wow, that would have hurt my feelings if I cared at all what you think!"
What she is saying to you is not the truth (and everybody in ear shot knows that) it is just mean spirited. The less you react to it, the less she will do it. Often a monotoned reply "Thanks for the input" takes the wind right out of their sails. She is feeling powerful and in control when she makes others upset. Little kids do this all the time. When they get no reaction they move on and pick on someone else, or just stop the nasty behavior. She will too.

OMG
I think i will stay out of this one.. Just reading the post has my heart pumping fast and my blood pressure is probably at a deadly point..
(sigh)
All I can say is you have more patients than I do. Glad you put her in her spot!

I can relate, even though it wasn't a relative it was a coworker.
Man the only time she would say anything to me is when I did something wrong (and I"M the boss). I agree with the ignoring her part. If you said anything that would only give her ammunition. I would not tell her what to do because well for one she did know what she was doing and why screw up a good thing but then again the disrespect for me and my supervisor was inexcusible. She would always complain about how bad i was as a lead or make offhand comments as to how it wasn't sposed to be that way.
I know what caused her attitude towards me though, we both applied for the position at the same time and I got it and she didn't and she has never gotten over it since. But, then again if she had gotten the postition, I would definetely not work for her.
I actually felt sorry for her, she has some major issues that she would rather not deal with and I just happened to be a convenient scapegoat. She would actually berate one of the employees to tears (sweetest lady you could ever meet). And yes we did inform the supervisor, well she finally got fed up with not being taken seriously and quit. Needless to say, it has been peaceful and quiet ever since.
So my point is.....when her present audience stopped listening she gave up and went to find a new one. My advice to you is to not be an audience willing or otherwise. When she starts her tirade just don't say anything let her finish and walk away.
Whatever you do, DON'T interrupt her. Cause, #1, she will start all over again and #2 you just validated whatever lame point she was trying to make.
Just my personal experience with a very unhappy person.
There's an old saying that I think holds true here, "Hurt people, hurt people!"

My husband would say, "Why you gotta be a hater?!?" LOL

People can be frustrating. Next time she says something rude about your food, just let her know as nicely as you can that she is welcome to stop and buy herself some fast food before coming over if she doesn't like what you prepare. Although, just coming from your website I would say that she is just jealous of all your different talents. Try not to take it to heart.

Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with such a miserable person. How unfortunate for her that she was never taught to be kind and gracious.

My life has really been peaceful since I haven't seen or spoken to her. Really. I blocked her email address and IM name so she can't have contact with me. After the blow out she kept insisting that I was a crazy person and she hasn't done anything wrong. She is NEVER wrong about anything thanks to her parents. Anyway my DH's family is all going on a Walk for Parkinson's in April b/c my DH's grandfather has Parkinson's. So I will have to see her and everyone will be going back to DH's Aunt's house after. I am dreading bringing anything b/c I know she is going to say something nasty directed toward me but not TO me. Great, I can't wait. I'm just going to pull a, "Hey (name here) didn't like what I brought, is there something wrong with it, can someone else try it?'. I hope it embarrasses the snot out of her.

How can she pull this on me after the fight, you say? B/c that's who she is and she only knows how to be grumpy and like she says, "I just like to complain". Lovely person. I am fully confident she'll do it again. It's what makes her, her.

It is utter jealousy. Plain and simple. It sounds like it burns her up that you are so talented, and she is so inferior (in her mind). It's her only way of bringing herself up...she brings (or tries to anyway) bring you down. I would avoid her at all costs, but I would let your husband know that they are not invited for dinner/events where you will be doing the preparing. If they come, hire a caterer.

My mother in law is similar, although she is not a nasty person. She has a weird jealous streak with me sometimes that is unjustifiable. She is a master artist who has been sketching and painting for 40 years, and even teaches art.
She cannot, absolutely CANNOT be positive towards my drawings. Even though I have only been drawing for 2 years, she gets ultra critical about my work. I'm to the point of not showing her anything I do. I don't even show her the cakes; if she goes on the website, great.
I just "don't go there" if it can be helped, and I certainly stopped looking to her for encouragement. She established early that she is not my source for encouragement. Now I turn to more positive people (like my husband or you guys) for the positive strokes we all need to keep excited!
If I were you, I'd continue staying away!! Your work is so nice! Sounds like you are a great chef; I'd be happy to take her place at the dinner table!
Ellen

ok here is my SIL weird story.. You have to understand, that for the longest time she wanted to do everything my husband did.. Their dad use to own his own "hot shot" business.. So hubby got his CDL's for the job.. She just drove it with out the CDL's.. But was willing to learn it all.. Well after their dad past last year, she wanted to be closer to her brother (my hubby). So she was coming over all the time.. WAY more than usual.. I was cool with it, it allowed me to see her 3 sons.. That we never see.. Anywho, when her dad past, he pasted on the side of the road in his truck.. (massive heart attack) Instead of worrying about other things, the day he past.. She was all about getting his truck, cause she needed to sit in it.. OK we thought that is her way of mourning.. (truck was willed to hubby) so me and hubby talked and said, You know what.. Let's not say anything about it being willed to him (she knew it was) and just let her keep it.. She was closer to her dad. Hubby and Father really didnt see eye to eye.. But still loved each other.. So that happened.. When he passed he had no ins. so hubby and his grandmother, aunts and uncles pitched in and payed for burial. His sister didnt have any money.. So anyway she told hubby not to worry about the marker, she would pay that out.. (we had it on layway).. so it was left like that.. Months after his passing we hear from the grapevine that she sold the truck to get a better one.. Hubby was pissed.. Only cause it was "really" his.. We didnt need it.. He finally talked to her and told her, we could have sold it and payed for dad's marker.. Hell I would have even given you what was left.. I don't want the money.. I just think you should have talked to me first.. Well really it went a little worse than I tell it.. They argued, called names.. And then it was over.. Havent seen her in about 2 or 3 months.. we find out she payed off stone with her income tax. And said she was not telling Jason poop.. She wants to see how long it takes him to figure out the stone is down.. (she thinks he doesnt visit gravesite ).. she was just being a B@#$%. Just trying to start crap..
She has always been the "drama queen".. Just always trying to start crap over little things.. I just don't deal with it.. Told hubby if she thinks that we going to kiss her a$$.. she has another thing coming!!!!!!!!!
This is a woman whos apartment looks like a shrine of her dad.. Pictures on every wall she has.. Deceased father even has his own closet.. MIL told her this was not healthy.. Guess she is living with guilt.. I swear some inlaws just cant seem to keep to themselves.. Always out there to make someone elses life miserable..I think just because she lives with guilt, that her brother needs to too.. Not fair.. Life is life.. Unless you live today like theres no tomorrow.. You will have flaws... It's part of life!

Wow that is some story, how sad. We all have nuts in the family. Feels like I am not alone...

I will be thinking of you guys when I know I have to unavoidably see her. That may make me a little more tolerant and laugh off the crap she says and pulls.

In-laws are more trouble than not.

I knew I wasn't the only one with a mean, jealous, immature sister-in-law but it's nice to have the point validated now and then. These emails have certainly proved that point. I haven't spoken to one of my husbands sisters since Thanksgiving either. It's better this way, believe me! She's had issues with the whole family at one point or another so I know it's not me. This site is too great to ruin it with anything in detail about HER! Glad to know I'm not alone though!

~Cole

What a horrible person! I'm glad you told her off.

Well here goes my 2 cents worth...... Every woman who has great in-laws should get down on their knees every night and thank God for them because all of us who have Satan's sidekicks for in-laws would love to have them. I have tried in vain to be a friend to my SIL and MIL but they evidently want no part of it but when they want something then they are SO NICE to you. I just try to let it roll of my back but man is that hard sometime. My SIL actually had the gall to walk into my house and call me out so as I was putting on my shoes by the back door to go out and talk, she reached in while my back was to her and pulled me up by my hair so I had to actually fist fight her. Those people are CRAZY!!!!!!! She did all this while her two young sons were watching and it scared them to death. What a good mother, huh? I agree that the best thing is to avoid them as much as possible and pray that they will change.

OMG pulled you by your hair!!!! You have it worse than me. If SIL ever got physical with me she would seriously regret it. I used to bodybuild I would take that waif out.

(I'm trying to be serious but I am cracking myself up).

OOOOOHHHH this brings something to my attention. My SIL used to brag how everyone was afraid of her. Oh and everyone is jealous b/c she only carries burberry purses and wouldn't be caught dead in a cheap purse. (Which by the way her parents bought her. She's not taking any purchasing credit but you know she carries it and 'it makes her look good, and like she has money'. THAT IS HOW SHE TALKS. Oh and also, everyone is jealous of her b/c her parents bought her first car and then traded it in for her and got her a newer one. God I am so jealous I am not 100% dependant on my parents.
When our MIL was having empty nest syndrome most everyone in the family couldn't take it (I mean wow she was mean) so she (MIL) said she needed to apologize to everyone. Well SIL just hates people period. So when I told her MIL apologized to me and we mended, SIL said I was stupid b/c she has 'higher standards of an apology' and she was not going to forgive her. She should HOPE people don't think that way or else she will never be forgiven. God knows she needs to ask for some.

But yeah, everyone is afraid of her. She is so delusional. OOOOH I keep forgetting... she also said that everyone is jealous of her b/c she is a 'poor little rich girl'. WHO CALLS THEMSELVES A RICH GIRL???? She doesn't work, she has no kids she is a stay at home lazy (not a mom) her husband makes enough for them to live in a one bdrm apt!!!!! I am not knocking her or anyone who is not loaded, don't get me wrong, but what I HATE is when she sits there talking like she is a millionaire when we all know they are struggling!!! wHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BRAG? ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S A LIE, IT'S LIKE WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE? Her parents get her everything she has and helps them pay their bills. They are average people too!!! They are not millionaires!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR this is just grating onme!!! WHO CALLS THEMSELVES A RICH GIRL?

Oh my dear - you have my condolences...I too have been a victim of the psycho-in-law, only mine was my mother in law. In fact, so many of the instances you spoke of HAVE happened to me also; most in my own home; always concerning my cooking/baking/children. Now, I was brought up (as I'm sure everyone here was) to "respect your elders" and show them all the courtesy you can. And I tried that - honestly I did. I've always had the tendencey to shy away from an argument, and I found it very difficult to speak up for myself when her verbal attacks came. Even though I would have practised great comebacks in the mirror earlier, they would elude me when the time came. I just went blank, and turned away, seething inside.

Well, I finally found a way of dealing with this that works for me - after years of grief - and I never had to say a word.

The last time my MIL pulled one of her stunts, I stopped what I was doing (mashing potatoes at the time), pulled myself up as high as I could (and I'm only 5') and fixed her with my most disgusted stare. I stayed that way until she left the room. And believe me - she left QUICKLY. I dont know why it worked, but I haven't had a problem since.

I don't know if it was the Christian thing to do, but a person can only turn the other cheek for so long...

My heart goes out to you, dear, and I hope that no matter what you decide to do, it works for you.

Hi paris mom!

I'm jumping in a bit late here but I just joined the forum this week and I saw this. You poor thing! that really stinks that she is such a bee-ach! Obviously she's a miserable person and can't find beauty in anyone or anything. Don't worry - we'll all be your extended family because we love you and know how incredibly, amazingly talented you are - and I strive to make as gorgeous cakes as you do some day! Probably not anytime soon...ha ha.

Congratulations on being an all around cool chick and being able to just be so over her and her miserable outlook on life. Your time is more important than to waste it on a person who finds no happiness in anything. I have a brother who's so much like your sister that it's scary, but luckily he's only my half brother. ANd I stress that because we are NOTHING alike so if I have to take "ownership" of him as a brother, it's only "half" ownership. But I never talk about him, we never talk, he lives in California and I live in Atlanta so I haven't seen him in years, and like you - that's a loss I'm not mourning even a teensy tiny bit!

Anyway, have a fab week! Stay groovy!

Melissa