I just had a *horrible* tasting consultation with a bride, groom, the bride's friend and a nightmare planner. Obviously, I'm not going to book with them as not only did the appointment run over by 2 hours (thankfully, it was my last of the day!), I couldn't even get a design idea going that fit in the budget.

The planner completely interrupted every time I asked a question. She spoke FOR the groom even though he was sitting right there, and made it completely impossible for me to come together with a design that was something they both could like. I tried bringing out the magazines and having them flip through it. The original designs they had were out of their budget and I couldn't determine any budget friendly options for them because of the planner. The groom was in one direction and the bride in another - and she spoke over both of them. She even had the audacity to demand a military discount - even though SHE was the one with a "relative" in the military!

Any advice on how to better handle an overbearing planner who swears that THEY and only THEY know best for their client? Or do you just write it off every time you come across one and move on?

Well, you certainly put this crappy planner into your little list...so when somebody else mentions that they have a wedding planner, you ask who is their planner? and then you can claim to be "all booked up" if they are using this one.

Wasting multiple peoples time like that should also get a short answer right then and there: When the appointment has run a full hour over, you say so. You say to the bridal couple, "I'm sorry to waste any more of your timer, here's my business card" and walk out of the room.

I have been answering business-to-business telemarketing calls like that. It feels right to say slowly and calmly and clearly, " I don't want to waste your time, we will not use your service, please do not call again" and hang up.

You have to take control of your consultation session. Some tips I would suggest for an overbearing person:

When she interrupts, stop what you're saying, put down whatever you're holding (magazine, whatever) and just stare at her. No response. When she's done speaking. Pause for a few seconds, just enough to make her uncomfortable, then ask, "Are you done speaking? I do not want to interrupt you in the middle of expressing your idea/opinion." And go right back to what you were saying to address the couple.

If she raised a valid point during the interruption either give a short answer or state that it will be addressed at a specific point in the conversation. More interruption, more silent stare and back to where you were with the couple. I believe it's called Extinction in behavioral psychology. Ignoring the urge to reinforce a behavior till the subject realizes, interrupting isn't going to get her idea acknowledged.

You asked the groom a question and she answered? Turn back to the groom and ask him the question again to get his response.

I'm not the most patient person, and I'm sure if I had that experience, after 2 hours of getting nowhere, I would not hesitate to inform the planner that I expect responses from the couple and when I need planner-specific information, I would direct the conversation to her.

I tell planners that my client is the bride and groom, not them. If they come and try to take over the appointment (and that's happened to me too) you just have to address everything to the bride and groom. Some people are more obnoxious than others though, so if they're being rude then you might just have to tell them that you need to hear the couples' opinion. Or whenever she says something, turn to the bride and groom and say "Is that right?"

If people are really taking a lot longer than they should you need to just tell them that you need to wrap it up and do they have any more questions? If they haven't gotten to the design at all, tell them that you'll have to think about what they've told you so far and you'll get back to them. Then email the bride and groom and not the planner.

I've had planners tell me that they're the only contact for the couple, and that I can't have their email address or phone number, and that they'll handle all of the contracts. I tell them that I don't work that way, so I can't help their client. My assumption with people like that is that they're marking up the contracts and adding fees on to them to get more money from the client. I won't work with people who do that, they can go pound sand.

And yes, to echo other sentiments, I work for the bride and the groom, not some middle man. And a ditto to everything Costume said.

Okie dokie....Fred.

Thanks!!!

As a small token of trying to salvage this, I reached out directly to the bride and asked if she and the groom would be willing to meet with me again to re-discuss their needs for a wedding cake.

The planner calls me back and says that it was unprofessional of me to contact HER clients to ask them to meet me without her present.

Off to start that list!

I just now noticed the two hour part. Holy hell, what takes two hours?!?!

Sorry - but I got a chuckle out of this. I only do about 2 to 3 wedding cakes a year - just for friends or family. Recently, had my first wedding planner experience. Bride showed up - very attractively, neatly dressed. Wedding planner shows up in dirty jeans, wrinkled t-shirt and hair all messed up (looked like she had just rolled out of bed.) Brought along her bratty 3 year son who wanted to handle everything in my house (my home is not kid proofed - since I don't have children or grandchildren.) Planner was on her cell phone during the entire consultation. Delivered the cake this past Saturday. The photographer had similar comments about the planner!! What a waste of money for the bride. Yea - I may put her name on my list!!

I spent over 3 hrs earlier this summer with bride and her mother. They wanted an original cake that I was eager to make, plus do all the sweet table desserts for the bridal shower... MOB said they would have to run by the planner (who was not available to meet that day). I received 20+ phone calls from that planner the following days.... She wanted me to considerably reduce all costs and made absurd demands. I called MOB and said I would not deal with that woman.
She is definitely on my 'black' list!

Uh, oh. I have a consultation next weekend. The bride told me her planner insisted on coming, along with her mother, future MIL, and her BFF. Am I in trouble?

When brides-to-be let on that they want that many people at their tasting I have no problem telling them that too many cooks will spoil the pot. I do so nicely, but more to assure her that this is her day and that she needs to really think about it and if they will make things easier or more difficult. I have had wonderful experiences where the couple brought mothers and planners, but more often than not it is a train wreck.

I limit the tasting to the bride and groom and charge for extra plates... this helps.

Hey it could work out fine. Who knows, maybe *this* planner is a great one who knows to sit back and advise when necessary, take notes, and generally empower the vendor to do their thing. What a concept!

I have a couple planners who are like that. One whom I would like to clone and send to all of my friends... LOL. She is AMAZING. Every detail is taken care of without ego or grief... she has pantone swatches for colors... she is adorable and bubbly without being annoying (heheheh)... now if they could only all be this way... *le sigh*

You guys definitely helped me alot because I was on the verge of sending another reply about how SHE is not the client. Now I'll just let it go and get tighter about my schedule and such next time. I LOVE the one to just look at her while she is talking and then pause when she is done. Classic!

Take control of the situation now or you'll reget it later. I've been doing wedding cakes for 15 years and have learned a little!

I always start with an e-mail, saying we can only accomodate two persons (bride and groom, or bride and mother, or groom and friend -- I don't care who comes, but no more than two), and if the couple have children they need to organize a sitter because we can't possibly accomodate children ( and we don't want to, either). The more people who are involved with the decision-making process the longer it takes. Count on about a half an hour-forty-five minutes extra for each extra person at the consultation.

I tell them I have booked them for 1½ hours and that I have another consultation directly after (whether I do or not - it helps to hurry them up).

I ask them to please have an idea as to the style of cake they want, fun and colorful, or classic white, or whatever. i also ask the to bring along any pictures of cakes or cake details they like, color samples, any reception details or dress photos.

Good luck!

I like the ideas in this thread: keep the number of people to a minimum (2-3) and if the client wants more people to sample the cakes, arrange for them to purchase a sample box for them to take home to the 900 other people who want to taste the cakes. Sounds good.

Heck, I give them half an hour and only three people max.

JaniceBest, Not necessarily. Welcome both the bride and the planner graciously, then simply tell them - while smiling - that you make contracts with the bride, and that your questions will be directed to the bride. If the bride asks the planner's opinion that's fine; but since it's her contract the bride has the final say. Managing expectations, politely when possible, is the key.

[quote="costumeczar"]

"cake servant?" LOL

And make sure you have a friend or hubby call exactly 1 hour into the meeting. "Oh sorry. This is a call I have been waiting for and I scheduled this as a 1 hour meeting...." , you announce to your tasting group as you answer the call. Then, so all can overhear, "We are just wrapping up here, and I will be able to take care of that right away....". Friend or hubby calls back 10 minutes later to be sure you got rid of them, and with you answering the call with, "Yes. I understand.... blah, blah, blah...." Hubby calls back every 10 minutes or so until I let him know, "coast is clear...".

I know. I am a wimp. But it sure does help wrap things up when I have to....