Wildgirl: a 4" difference is the common rule I was taught. If you are wanting to buy more pans then go for a 6 and 10" or a 12" pan for your 8 that you already have. the only way that I can see a cake looking like a hat would be if you made a tall tier for the smaller cake than you made the bigger one. then I can see it looking like a hat. It does seem as if this bride is very easy to please so I would go for what you are comfortable doing. Yes, you should definitely put supports in each of your layers if you are doing 3 tiers. I would even if I was just doing 2 tiers for a wedding cake. I was taught in class that if you were putting more than one layer on top of a cake that it should be supported in some way. I have heard a lot about cake support systems and that they are easy and wonderful. I have not had the money to check them out yet, but at the very least use wooden dowel rods or plastic dowel rods. You will want to leave the center of your cake free to put one long dowel rod through the whole cake. It should be fairly sharp pointed to be able to go through all the cake boards on the tiers. Best wishes.
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