My Friends Complete Hysterectomy!!! Help

Decorating By dellababe Updated 22 Nov 2010 , 8:11pm by PattyT

dellababe Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 4:09pm
post #1 of 26

Help!! My friend is going to have a complete Hysterectomy. She's not even 30 yet and has no kids!! She's having a hard time. Her friends and I were going to have a party for her and make it ALL about her and how great she is. The theme of the party was becoming a new woman. I'd like some ideas on a cake for the party...Thanks.

25 replies
ThePurpleButterfly Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 4:37pm
post #2 of 26

That just makes me so sad! icon_cry.gif I can't imagine how that would feel. What are her favorite things? I'd focus more on that. I can see how you'd want to make her feel better with the new woman stuff, but coming from someone who had fertility problems, it may not be the best. You may want to try and distract her from what she is going through, not emphasize it. Just my 2 cents.

kaciealexa Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 4:53pm
post #3 of 26

just my opinion, but as someone who had a hyst at 28, even tho i had 2 kids, it is not party time yet.... please do not throw her a party... just be there for her, give her time to grieve her loss (and for most of us, it is a loss of our dreams), then when she has possibly come to terms with this, give her a spa day or something.

littlejewel Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 4:58pm
post #4 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaciealexa

just my opinion, but as someone who had a hyst at 28, even tho i had 2 kids, it is not party time yet.... please do not throw her a party... just be there for her, give her time to grieve her loss (and for most of us, it is a loss of our dreams), then when she has possibly come to terms with this, give her a spa day or something.




this is no time to party. Just help her come to terms with what is going on.

GI Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 5:09pm
post #5 of 26

Very painful both physically and emotionally. She has my sympathies.

I would plant a rose bush in her honor, just MHO....but probably would need quiet time to grieve and mourn. icon_sad.gificon_cry.gif

iluvpeeks Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 5:12pm
post #6 of 26

Hi
I'm with kaciealexa. I feel horrible for her. She will definitely need time to sort things out. The best thing for her is to know that she has a great support team, and loving and caring friends. Give her some time. You have to remember that her hormones will be all out of whack too. I would just be there for her right now, think about a little intimate gathering in the Spring. You can make her something then, perhaps a cake with butterflies, signifying a new birth. It really stinks. Especially around the holidays.
Kathy

cakegirl1973 Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 5:34pm
post #7 of 26

I have to agree with all the other posters. You and your friends that want to throw a party for her sound like a terrific support system. But, IMHO I would not throw a party for her right now. I have been going through a tough time myself (different than what your friend is experiencing) and my friends have simply been there for me through visits, calls, and text messages. Maybe you and your friends could coordinate bringing dinner over to her for a few days after the surgery, if she is ok with that. But, I would postpone any plans for a party.

cakegirl1973 Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 5:35pm
post #8 of 26

I have to agree with all the other posters. You and your friends that want to throw a party for her sound like a terrific support system. But, IMHO I would not throw a party for her right now. I have been going through a tough time myself (different than what your friend is experiencing) and my friends have simply been there for me through visits, calls, and text messages. Maybe you and your friends could coordinate bringing dinner over to her for a few days after the surgery, if she is ok with that. But, I would postpone any plans for a party.

cathyscakes Posted 20 Nov 2010 , 6:03pm
post #9 of 26

Is this a surprise party or is she up for it. If she is...I saw sugarshacks preview of her new video about making a bag with things spilling out of it. The purse has a bottle of champagne and flowers coming out the top, I think that would be really cool to do, just don't have an excuse to make it yet.

mareg Posted 21 Nov 2010 , 5:29pm
post #10 of 26

I agree no time for a party. As somone who has a been a reative who has done this its NOT a time to partyl She may put on a good face for it, but when she is alone all will hit her hard.
hth

cutiepiecupcake Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 1:22am
post #11 of 26

mmm have to agree on the larger majority of posters on this one. Great that she has such supportive loving friends willing to be by her side, however, I just don't feel a celebration type of party is overly appropriate, unless of course she has hinted for it herself and is definitely in on it.. my guess is not though. My mother went through this surgery and she was 50yrs old.. can't imagine what it would feel like to be so young.. quite sad really icon_sad.gif I think a small stacked (6") pretty delicate butterfly cake would be a lovely little 'pick me up' & 'thinking of you' type of gift that you could give to her a few days after the op.. maybe a quiet visit from just yourself along with the cake and a card signed by all of her closest friends. That would be my approach. Hope all goes well xx

carmijok Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 2:11am
post #12 of 26

Agree with everyone here. NO party. But something you might want to do later is take her and all your friends and go for a relaxing spa day with mani's and pedi's and makeup. A girly day..and later a fun evening with the girls out... can remind her how feminine she still is. Sometime either just before or right after the New Year might be good as far as symbolism goes, but you should let your friend dictate how soon is too soon. Right now, give her lots of love and listen when she wants to talk.
Best wishes to her and you for being such a supportive friend! icon_smile.gif

tigachu Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 2:16am
post #13 of 26

This is so sad icon_cry.gif !! I also agree with the majority here that it is not the time to party but I think she would appreciate your shoulder to lean on and ears to listen. She will just need time to mourn the loss of her dreams and to pick up the pieces and move forward. Big Hugs!!

tania9 Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 2:42am
post #14 of 26

I am going to disagree, I think a get together would be a great idea. It will show her who her support people are going to be and it will take her mind off what she is going through, even if its just for a little while.. she can try and relax.

I think iluvpeeks idea of butterflies is a beautiful idea.

My heart goes out to your friend, she's lucky to have friends like you

Jaimelt76 Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 2:50am
post #15 of 26

I also agree no party. I went through this as well at the age of 28 after my 3rd. child was born. When it happens to someone so young it is not a party but a constant reminder that you can no longer have children. I struggle with it everyday and it has been 5 years.
I think just being their for her is better than a party.

pugmama1 Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 3:07am
post #16 of 26

I agree with the responses here. It is not party time. But I agree with the one who suggested bringing in meals and such. How about a plan to make sure she has support through the whole process with help, phone calls, cards, meals, cleaning, transportation. The physical healing is one thing and that can have complications and take time, but she needs support with the emotional for a long time with listening, listening, listening to her feelings. Hope all goes well.

madgeowens Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 3:24am
post #17 of 26

I think it is so insensitive to throw a party for her. jmho

Smokey5266 Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 3:43am
post #18 of 26

I know this may not be popular opinion, but I think it may be a good idea. Maybe "party" wasnt the right word. I think a small gathering of supportive friends to cry, laugh, wine and cake together sounds wonderful and supportive. I would just do a simple cake design, maybe her favorite color.

Erin3085 Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 4:06am
post #19 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by madgeowens

I think it is so insensitive to throw a party for her. jmho




Eh. I wouldn't go that far. icon_confused.gif

The intention is great, and she is very lucky to have friend(s) who care about her and want to lift her spirits. I think throwing her a party probably will depend on how she feels...while it might not be the time for one person, it might just be what another person needs to take a break from the mental aspect. I know it's a stretch of a comparison, but when my grandfather died, my aunt wanted nothing to do with anyone for a while. She had to have her time to grieve in peace. My dad was in the middle of the road, but his other sister needed to be around people...a lot. Everyone handles it differently, and I would just play it by ear and be there for her for whatever she needs. I wouldn't plan a party, definitely not before you know how she handles it once it's done. I'm sure you aren't being insensitive, though. icon_smile.gif

My heart goes out to her, and I hope she sails through it medically speaking. You are sweet to be so concerned for her. icon_smile.gifthumbs_up.gif

madgeowens Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 4:21am
post #20 of 26

Well thats your op....I thinks its a bad idea, the girl cannot have any children and I don't think thats want of a party.

HamSquad Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 5:18am
post #21 of 26

Depending on the young lady's state of mind about her hysterectomy, a dinner of friends with a wonderful cake, with the reassurance that the support won't end there. As others have posted, have a daily support team available to her after the surgery. I have had a hysterectomy after having children and being much older. However, the wonderful staff at my job had a lunch for me. All the ladies who had kept their surgery a secret were wonderful enought to come to me to share that their experience and to reassure me that I wasn't alone. They were absolutely great. I enjoyed the lunch they had in my honor, but most of all they prayed over me to help me get thru the ordeal, they welcomed my tears openly. I hope this helps someone. I will never forget that. My best to the young lady.
Hamsquad

madgeowens Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 5:49am
post #22 of 26

I have had personal tragedy in my life and am speaking from my heart....I would not appreciate a party....however, friends being supportive is something else, and that is usually very much appreciated. I look at a party as a celebration, but thats me.

dellababe Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 2:28pm
post #23 of 26

Well thanks for all your opinions...Maybe I used the wrong word when I said Party!! It would be a get together for HER with all Her closest friends. Just to let her know we are all there for her. and will be there after her surgery. The one thing we would be celebrating is they will be adopting after the surgery and she is completely recovered!! Thanks again...love the butterfly idea!!!

endymion Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 3:18pm
post #24 of 26

Obviously, you know your friend best. But speaking for myself, I would have a hard time even with a "get together" -- takes a lot of energy and I might feel I had to "put on a good face" and go along with it for the sake of my friendships... even if it was painful and difficult for me.

I would definitely steer away from the "new woman" emphasis. And even celebrating an as-yet-unrealized adoption would probably be painful for me if I were in her shoes -- best to hold off on celebrating at all until the adoption arrangements are final and the new child is at the door.

Hugs to you and your friend -- not an easy thing, and it is great that you are so eager to bring her happiness. Sending a simple cake to her home might be more appreciated than a social gathering. Again, you know your friend best; this is just my opinion.

madgeowens Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 7:22pm
post #25 of 26

After a hysterectomy (which full recovery is one year, so said my surgeon)...your hormones are sent crazy.....I would absolutely one on one talk to her and ask her how she would feel about this, and then you will know. Everyone is different, and even my BEST friend, I would not think I know how SHE feels. good luck, hope it all works out.

PattyT Posted 22 Nov 2010 , 8:11pm
post #26 of 26

I applaud your initial impulse and think you are a wonderful friend to want to help. It is very kind of you. In difficult times you want to do something - anything - to help your friend.

I had cervical CA and complete hysterectomy 18 years ago at 37 years old. Husband and I were fine with what had to be done, but everyone is different. I was more in physical pain than anything and preferred to be alone. He protected me and kept visitors to a minimum...but that's just me.

Gently approach her. See how she's doing, then see how she (or maybe husband) responds to a suggestion about a gathering of good friends.

The idea of a butterfly cake is lovely...something pretty and uplifting.

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