I'm Hurt - Just Venting

Lounge By ljhow623 Updated 14 Dec 2009 , 9:50pm by pupandbon

ljhow623 Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 8:43pm
post #1 of 32

My sister sent a message to my daughter to get her act together because she didn't want her to end up like her parents. She told my daughter that I quit college and the military, which is totally untrue. She basically said that her parents are uneducated losers and if we had college degrees we would have a bigger house, nicer cars, more free time and generally a better life style.

Just had to get it off my chest. I have three weeks before I come face to face with her and I am truly at a loss of words. I don't want to ruin christmas for the rest of the family but I believe an appology is demanded.

31 replies
Rachie204 Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 8:59pm
post #2 of 32

I'm sorry your sister was so rude. I don't really know what to say other than....My husband and I both quit college because that is what was best for our son at the time. I stay home with our children and we live in a conservative home and drive older cars because that is what works best for US...it gives us lots of time together as a family and extra money for enjoying. Unfortunately not everyone feels the same way. Many people think all there is to life if money and that is how they define success. I am sure you are happy with your life or you would make changes to it. Perhaps your sister is unhappy in her own situation and in return wanted to take it out on your family. If you really feel like you want to confront her...maybe you should call her now to avoid a Christmas fight?

ljhow623 Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:03pm
post #3 of 32

See the kicker of it is I didn't quit school - I continued my education while I was in the military. No I don't have a piece of paper saying that I graduated but I did finish. I have an excellent job I'm an office manager / executive secretary for a multi million dollar construction company, plus my own cake business. I actually make more than she does. We've had a rough year because my husband became very ill. But that has nothing to do with it.

__Jamie__ Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:10pm
post #4 of 32

Ignore her. It would probably ignite her ta ta's to be ignored after doing something so ballsy like that. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could actually pretend that didn't happen? And then really not let it affect you? Poof....on with life. Leave the misery to the miserable.

Ruth0209 Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:14pm
post #5 of 32

What your sister did was wrong and hurtful. It seems obvious to me that her reason for sending the message was to hurt you and make herself look better in your daughter's and your eyes. How very small and low class of her. She must be so insecure about her own success (or lack of it) that she has to put other people down to feel better about herself.

This is the perfect moment for you to talk to your daughter about her goals for her life and what it'll take to get there. If you didn't complete college or the military, talk about how and why you made those choices and what the consequences were, good and bad. Don't do this to defend yourself, but to open a dialogue with your daughter about how choices affect what happens with the rest of your life. I'd also talk to her about the real, actual importance of material things, and that some people (like your sister) think that is what defines the value of a person and how you disagree with that. This really can be a great teaching moment for you and your daughter. I'm sure she's disturbed that her aunt would call her parents losers.

As for how you deal with your sister, I think I'd give her a call and tell her that the note she sent your daughter was unkind and hurtful to you, and that you're sorry she has such a poor opinion of you, but that you're satisfied with the quality of your life in all the ways that are important to you. My guess is that she'll try to claim she was giving your daughter advice for her own good, but I'd point out that you don't give children constructive advice by putting down their parents. If your daughter is old enough, it'd be great if she told her aunt that herself.

This is a great opportunity for you to demonstrate to your daughter how mature, kind people respond when unkind things happen to them. You'll come out on top on this one.

All the best to you and your daughter!

TexasSugar Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:33pm
post #6 of 32

Have an open and honest talk with your daughter about the untruths in the letter. You didn't saw how old she is, but I'd use this time to tell her that bigger isn't always better. The bigger car, bigger house and so forth costs more money, and doesn't make anybody any happier.

As far as your sister, I wouldn't wait 3 weeks to confront her. You will just sit here the next three weeks and think about this over and over and over. Get it off your chest now. Email or call her, and tell her that you do not appreciate the letter she sent your daughter. Explain to her that you do not appreicate her lies to your daughter and that your family has learned one doesn't have to have the biggest/best of everything to have a happy life.

It sounds like your sister has some issues and is projecting them on you. Don't let her bring you down. Tell her how you feel and then move on.

mkolmar Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:35pm
post #7 of 32

You got the nice answers above about what you should do, but I'm going to give you my answer anyways. From one who served in the Marines to one who also served in the military......

Time to put that military training into action and kick her butt. She practically asking to get her butt kicked. Begging in fact.

I'm joking of courses, but I would not just let this slide by. If this happened to me or one of my kids I would tell them to stand up for themselves no matter who was spreading the slander.

ljhow623 Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:41pm
post #8 of 32

Thanks guys you are making me feel a little bit better.

My daughter is a junior in college, hold two jobs and is very mature. She knows the truth as I have never kept anything from her.

I did email her to let her know that I read the message she sent to my DD. Her response was "So..""

ljhow623 Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:42pm
post #9 of 32

Thanks guys you are making me feel a little bit better.

My daughter is a junior in college, hold two jobs and is very mature. She knows the truth as I have never kept anything from her.

I did email her to let her know that I read the message she sent to my DD. Her response was "So..""

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:50pm
post #10 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by __Jamie__

Ignore her. It would probably ignite her ta ta's to be ignored after doing something so ballsy like that. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could actually pretend that didn't happen? And then really not let it affect you? Poof....on with life. Leave the misery to the miserable.




You must not have any sisters! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Those are fighting words, especially when said behind her back to her child. If my sister said that to my kid, I'd be in the car heading up to Austin for a little talk right now.

LaBellaFlor Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 9:56pm
post #11 of 32

I'm with the Mkolmar and Texas_Rose. We would be having a serious face to face. You can say what you want to me, but you don't say [email protected] to my kids, EVER!

cabecakes Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 10:48pm
post #12 of 32

As I get older, I have discovered there are two kinds of people in this world. Those that define success by the kind of house, car, business you have, and those that have set goals as far as family, friends, and other relationships. To me, wealth is getting my children raised, keeping a roof over their heads, food in their tummies, and clothes on their backs. If I can see my children raised to achieve the goals THEY DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES...not what somewhat else believes they should be...then my life has been a success. I don't care where I live, how old or what kind of vehicle I drive, or what my business is, as long as it provides the means to reach that goal. I feel sorry for your sister...as she clearly doesn't understand what life is truly about. She sounds very selfish and self centered. Oh, and by the way, just what kind of relationship does she or doesn't she have with her own children. You may want to consider this, before you let her words set to harshly on your heart. Maybe she is the one we should actually feel sorry for. Maybe she is just a lonely petty woman.

Deb_ Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 11:50pm
post #13 of 32

Why would she do this to you have you guys been fighting or something? What did your daughter tell her?

I have a daughter that's a Junior in college and I hate to think what her response would have been.

I'm sorry to say this but your sister sounds like a very unhappy bitter person. I don't understand why she'd want to knowingly hurt her own sister. That's just terrible.

I think I'd distance myself from her for a while.

peg818 Posted 7 Dec 2009 , 11:55pm
post #14 of 32

personally, i would let it slide, you and your daughter know the truth, and why let her or anyone bring you down. Life is too short to spend it being pissed off at someone. Or spending anymore time then necessary with anyone who brings you down.

And before any say i have no sisters, yes i have 7, yes that is seven sisters and some act just like this, i just choose to have little to nothing to do with them.

ljhow623 Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 1:01pm
post #15 of 32

Here's the funny thing. We aren't that close at all. We see each other during family get togethers and that's it. I did visit her in the hospital when she had surgery because that's the sisterly thing to do. She hasn't called or come see me or my husband since he had surgery or diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She has not been involved in any way with my life or my children.

I think my response will be: what right do you have to tell my daughter a bunch of lies about me and my husband. You have your opinions I have mine but I'm not going to lower myself and go around telling other people what I think of you.

Deb_ Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 1:08pm
post #16 of 32

I really think she's very envious and jealous of the life you have with your husband and children. Some people think that money is all they need to make them happy.....boy what fools.


I'm so sorry about your husband, I hope his recovery is speedy and complete.

Please try and focus on all the positives you have in your life and don't let your sister ruin your holidays.

ShelleyMJ Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 1:09pm
post #17 of 32

I have no sisters, but I have 2 daughters that are always at each others throat. All I have ever wanted was a sister in my life.

Personally, I would make certain your daughter knows the truth. Really, that's all that matters. I would take the high road and not speak anything of it when you see her. I would even go so far as to "kill her with kindness".

If "SO" is the only response she can give you then she is just looking for a fight.

Shame on her.

beck30 Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 3:14pm
post #18 of 32

I'm so sorry that she did this to you. Its painful when family acts like this. I would just tell her that your sorry she feels this way and that it isn't really any of her business. She sounds to be just jealous. If your daughter is in collage why would she need to tell her to get her act together. It sounds like she already does. I hate people like this, who only base there life on material things. Don't let her bother you.

indydebi Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 3:35pm
post #19 of 32

My thinking goes along with beck's..... she evidently measures "success" by the "things" people own. That's pretty sad.

We have just decluttered our lives. We moved from a 4 bedroom house to a 4-room apartment. We're prepping for our retirment and didn't want a lot of "stuff" that our kids had to sort out when we died. Oh my god, it was AMAZING how much "stuff" got pitched and not moved to the new place!! icon_surprised.gif

I frequently made more money as a high school graduate gramma than the college kids I hired (and I also had to correct a lot of their work since with their great degree, they somehow managed to graduate without knowing how to write a business letter!).

I'm the oldest of 6 kids ... 5 girls, 1 boy. I cannot imagine one of my sisters going behind my back to lie to my kids like that. One, my kids would be the ones who called them on it! Two, I wouldn't have to confront her alone ... my other siblings would be there with me.

How about a toast at your family Christmas? "To my sister ..... for the lies and the totally untrue things you said to my kids behind my back, thinking you'd get by with it. Here's to everyone knowing what a TRUE lying backstabbing b*tch you really are, so they can be on the lookout for when it's THEIR turn to be in your target! icon_biggrin.gif "

I didn't draw First Blood ... she did. icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

sadsmile Posted 8 Dec 2009 , 6:16pm
post #20 of 32

Sounds like she has her own convoluted view of how things should always be , and that she is better. He answer is "SO." So she's nothing but "Put-Down-Punk" who has to make herself feel better by pointing out what she disagrees with about in other peoples lives. Tell her you'd like to try and see things from her point of view, but unfortunately you can't and won't get your head THAT FAR up her arse.

dldbrou Posted 9 Dec 2009 , 3:30am
post #21 of 32

Sounds like someone is getting a bag of coal for Christmas with a note from you that says "Bad girls get coal for Christmas".

I think she is sticking her big nose where it does not belong and she got caught. Her only response is "So". Very immature response.

Ask your daughter if she has any questions that she needs answers to and to tell aunt to keep her opinions to herself.

Hope your husband gets better soon.

costumeczar Posted 9 Dec 2009 , 9:50pm
post #22 of 32

What's her problem? Dang! The thing is, as long as your daughter knows the truth, you can just make sure that she also knows that your sister is a nasty little wench, and tell her that's why you don't see her too often! She's old enough to be able to see through that kind of stuff, so don't worry about her believing anything your sister says.

Just be glad you don't see her too often. I'd call her and ask her what bug she has up her butt about you, and to get over it and leave you alone. (And don't think I haven't called someone before and told them that, too. Luckily, it wasn't a family member that I had to deal with, but it did shut her up pretty fast.)

7yyrt Posted 10 Dec 2009 , 6:25am
post #23 of 32

This is only my opinion, filtered through my experiences...
-
If you only see each other during family get-togethers, then change your number.
Cut her out completely. Small loss. Her choice. Don't argue with her, just 'snip!'.

CakesbyCarla Posted 13 Dec 2009 , 12:26am
post #24 of 32

So sorry to hear all this. Why must drama of this kind rear its ugly head right around the holidays?

I had a similar run in with my sister last year just a few weeks before Christmas. She wrote me a lengthy letter saying some really hateful things about issues she knew nothing about. I was devestated. I took several weeks to compose myself so I wouldn't sound as hostile and angry in my response.

I think in your situation you should say whatever you need to say in the kindest, most polite and "professional" fashion possible.

So a simple email to the affect of "I know your heart was in the right place in trying to provide (name) with guidance about her career. In the future, please feel free to ask me if you have questions about my work history, as some of the information you provided her was incorrect and caused some confusion for her. I'm more than happy to contribute to the discussion, especially when it's to help my daughter."

Be the bigger person. Don't let her take your composure and dignity too.
Best of luck.

JustToEatCake Posted 13 Dec 2009 , 1:16am
post #25 of 32

My mom (passed now) didn't go past the 9th grade and let me tell you she was the smartest, nicest BEST mom of all my friends. She was strict and loving. Not one of her children have EVER been arrested or been in trouble with the law. All three graduated HS and 2 went to college....lots of educated idiots it means nothing!!! We didn't have everything but we had EVERYTHING we needed and 90% of what we wanted. My dad was military, retired military and he didn't get his diploma until he was in the military also. My mom was 15 when she married him (1icon_cool.gif had her first kid at 16 and always has been the best mom. We were fed, clean to the point of ridiculousness (german type of clean if you know what I mean), we lived in places my friends have never seen. It wasn't always easy but guess what? ALLLL us siblings get along and love each other and her and my dad and NONE of it had to do with a "formal" education....More things in life than lots of $.

I'd write her back after saying "so" and say something like "so, I am so happy I don't have such a miserable life I have to write my sister's children to tell them how bad her parents that she loves are"...and then let it go at that, no matter what she says.

psmith Posted 13 Dec 2009 , 1:48am
post #26 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

...

How about a toast at your family Christmas? "To my sister ..... for the lies and the totally untrue things you said to my kids behind my back, thinking you'd get by with it. Here's to everyone knowing what a TRUE lying backstabbing b*tch you really are, so they can be on the lookout for when it's THEIR turn to be in your target! icon_biggrin.gif "

I didn't draw First Blood ... she did. icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif




Now this is along the lines of what I was thinking. icon_smile.gif

adonisthegreek1 Posted 13 Dec 2009 , 2:30am
post #27 of 32

First, I'd make sure that my kids knew the real truth. Second, I'd confront my sister BEFORE Christmas. I would not wreck Christmas for everyone else around us who deserve a quiet, peaceful day.

indydebi Posted 13 Dec 2009 , 2:31am
post #28 of 32

adonis, if they're like my family, they probably already know what she's like anyway! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Adevag Posted 13 Dec 2009 , 3:18am
post #29 of 32

Sorry to hear your sister goes behind your back. She seems very immature. My advice would be to not waste too much time on your sister. If you don't really see her more than during holidays there is no need to resolve anything. I would just focus on your daughter and see how this affected her. What does she think about this? Like others have advices as well, it could be a good time (or reminder) of what her priorities and values in life are.
Yes, I agree to the two types of people too. It's funny how some almost roboticly (sp) go through life thinking there is a law telling us what life is all about. My in laws are that way and we don't ever see them. But to them it is not that we have different priorities in life. It is that they are right and we are doing it all wrong!

indydebi Posted 13 Dec 2009 , 3:21am
post #30 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by ljhow623

My sister sent a message to my daughter to get her act together .....



Did she send this message via email? If so, have you had your daughter block her email? I would do that. I'm the oldest of 6 and three of us have blocked the email of one sister because she does nothing but send hate emails.

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