I Don't Understand Teenage Girls

Lounge By Pookie59 Updated 14 Nov 2009 , 3:46am by FloraFlora

Pookie59 Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:00pm
post #1 of 31

Okay, so this is my step-daughter I'm talking about. I raised 3 boys and it's a whole different ball game.

Step-daughter is 13. She has a school dance to go to and said she was wearing jeans and wanted a nice top. Took her shopping last night and she makes a bee-line for a black and silver (very dressy) top that is sleeveless and skimpy and totally inappropriate for a girl her age at a school function. She then looks around for another top to wear under it to cover up her chest and back and arms. Tries that on. It looks terrible - not at all flattering because she has a large build (overweight as well) and the top is clingy. I don't know if she is trying to appear sexy or glamorous, but this was just not working in any way. DH and I tried to get her to consider other options. There were many cute tops that were both stylish and classy, but step-daughter has her heart set on this ridiculous top. Finally DH tells her to choose something else. Step-daughter stomps out of the store and cries all the way home.

Oh, I should add that awhile back we found a picture she had taken of herself that was totally inappropriate. Yes, she was clothed but it was a rather suggestive pose.

Are all young girls going this route? It's sad that they seem to feel that they have to act like dime store hookers.

30 replies
Mensch Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:08pm
post #2 of 31

Aw hunny.... no one understands teenaged girls. They don't even understand themselves.

Teens in general have a negative IQ. The onslaught of puberty brings a rise in hormones and a drop in intelligence.

Texas_Rose Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:15pm
post #3 of 31

It's hard to find cute clothes when you're an overweight teen. Most plus-sized clothes are made for someone with a big bust and most teens don't have one yet, at least not at 13.

Even little girls clothes are tighter than I would prefer them to be. My 7 year old has to wear size 14 shirts because she's got a big build and her back end is shaped just like her daddy's, complete with love handles, so if I buy shirts that are any smaller, they get stuck on her hips and ride up and then it seems like all the jeans are made to be worn on the hips instead of the waist, so she ends up with plumbers butt.

Do you have a Ross store near you? Your daughter might be able to find a good shirt there, they usually have young-looking plus-size clothes with no room for big boobs (I've gotten too old for most of the clothes they have there). They're pretty cheap too.

My mom used to be really fussy about what I was allowed to wear. I was full-figured as a teen...wore a size 16 and needed a DD bra, so everything I ever wanted to wear, she didn't let me. She would borrow my clothes but not let me wear them out of the house. It was hard because she wanted to dress me like an old lady. So I used to wear the old lady clothes with my real stuff underneath, then once I was out of the house, ditch the old lady clothes and wear my real ones. I've decided that I won't be like that to my kids...as long as they're not totally exposed, I'll let them try to wear whatever's the current style when they're teens, and if it looks dumb, oh well...they'll figure it out when they look back on pictures of themselves as teens.

Memie Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:17pm
post #4 of 31

Good for you and your husband for not letting her buy it. It's ridiculous some of the clothes that are made for girls. A lot of it is the parents who want to be their children's best friends, allowing them to wear anything they want. I am totally for school uniforms and age appropriate clothing.

Pookie59 Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:38pm
post #5 of 31

Yes, she does go to a school that requires uniforms (I love that!).

She is still able to get into XL Junior sizes (but just barely) and has more of chest (C cup) than a lot of girls her age. Still, we don't think she needs to be displaying all the merchandise.

TexasSugar Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:45pm
post #6 of 31

Clothes now a days suck for kids and adults.

But, do you think that maybe she is wanting to dress this way, or the picture, is about her getting attention from guys? It could very well be that she feels guys will look her over if she isn't dressed sexy or suggestive. Think about tv, movies, magazine ads, they all tell us sex sells.

Does she have any friends? Do all her friends have boyfriends or crushes where she doesn't?

I think you need to address this, but understand that is is way more than a clothing issues. This is a self esteem issue.

ShelleyMJ Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:46pm
post #7 of 31

Stick to your guns. I have 2 girls. They are both grown now but I had a very difficult time with them. I found some pictures of the same kind of one of my girls and I went through the roof. When I found a picture on her Myspace page I made her take down the picture.

They have not idea the danger they are putting themselves in or the reputation they are making of themselves.

Kudo's to you for not allowing her to purchase something inappropriate. I know it is hard! Been there, done it.

-Tubbs Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 5:47pm
post #8 of 31

My daughter (just turned 14) likes to layer her little tops. In that way she ends up being much more covered, but still has a cute, fun look going on.

tatorchip Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 6:17pm
post #9 of 31

Texas_Rose is right on, when I was a teen my granny skirts turned into mini skirts ASAP
A teenager will find a way once out of sight no matter how they leave the house if they are UNHAPPY about how they look.
If I was dropped off at a dance I went --------> Restroom and before they picked me up --------> Restroom
They never knew or if they did didn't say anything.

majka_ze Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 6:27pm
post #10 of 31

I can somehow understand your step-daughter. I was very geeky, had bit of baby fat, not really overweight and I was the first girl to develop a chest in our year, resp. a full year ahead of the other girls. When 15, I had already boobs others need to pay for - I ended with a GG chest, unfortunately and lost the last of my baby fat when I was already 25. It is very difficult to find the middle ground in clothing - I swung long between completely covering my figure and looking somewhat inappropriate - it is very simple to look like you are selling it, even when you don't mean to.
I suppose she is trying to find her style and failing. You and your DH need to rein the extremes in and try to be supportive, yet firm. And yes, the girls nowadays act much more grown up then we were. It is an act. My advice is - should the argument come up that she is no baby but an almost adult, explain her that she gets to try the adult responsibilities. Give her a list. It could learn her a lesson she needs - there is no real reason to hurry up to "be an adult". At 13, this is slightly easier then at 16.

For the clothing situation - it could help to take several photos with your cell phone or camera. Sometimes it helps quickly, sometimes it helps not to argue and let her try few more outfits, taking photo of each of them. Go home and let her see the photos, discuss it with her and try to convince her. Try to show her the types of clothing which suits her - in the moment she sees only the skimpy top, try to explain that perhaps a different cut in the same material could be the winner. I wish her to find her style much quicker then I had.

But nobody understands teenagers, teenage girls are the worst. It is illness and the only cure is the time. You can only hope she stops to be an teenager sooner then some "teenager" I know, who are my age (slowly approaching 40) but still not an adult in my book. Here you want to scream in frustration: Grow up already!!!

And I wish you patience - you will need it.

Texas_Rose Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 6:30pm
post #11 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by majka_ze


For the clothing situation - it could help to take several photos with your cell phone or camera. Sometimes it helps quickly, sometimes it helps not to argue and let her try few more outfits, taking photo of each of them. Go home and let her see the photos, discuss it with her and try to convince her. Try to show her the types of clothing which suits her - in the moment she sees only the skimpy top, try to explain that perhaps a different cut in the same material could be the winner. I wish her to find her style much quicker then I had.




That's one of the best ideas I've ever heard. I will be using that like crazy when my little princesses get to be teenagers!

Pookie59 Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 7:23pm
post #12 of 31

I don't know if the photos would help. I think teenage girls are in denial about how hideous some of these clothes look. I blame the fashion industry for some of it - the styles they are putting out there are cut for girls with twiggy builds. The current generation is much heavier and so we get teenage girls wearing skin-tight shirts over rolls of belly fat and muffin tops hanging over their hip hugging jeans. It ain't pretty. I wish some of them would at least buy a bigger size!

Mike1394 Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 7:28pm
post #13 of 31

No worries the understanding part gets worse as they get older. icon_biggrin.gif

Mike

Texas_Rose Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 7:28pm
post #14 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookie59

I don't know if the photos would help. I think teenage girls are in denial about how hideous some of these clothes look. I blame the fashion industry for some of it - the styles they are putting out there are cut for girls with twiggy builds. The current generation is much heavier and so we get teenage girls wearing skin-tight shirts over rolls of belly fat and muffin tops hanging over their hip hugging jeans. It ain't pretty. I wish some of them would at least buy a bigger size!




LOL...in San Antonio the grown women dress like that too. But then again, I know women in their 30's who still read Teen magazine here.

Have you ever looked at the People of Walmart website?

TexasSugar Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 7:30pm
post #15 of 31

Please don't assume that just teenage girls have no clue about dressing. I have been to the bar where I wonder if people either don't have mirrors or have any good friends that say you probably don't want to wear that.

As a heavier woman I can tell you, that it took a while for me to get to the point of, just because they make it in my size does not mean I need to wear it. There are clothes that fit some body types (even if you are skinny) and there are some that don't. Part of it is learning what does fit you and looks best on you. I love the picture idea. Usually when I go shopping I take a friend or my mom, that way I have a second opinion on clothing.

I do still think this an chance to teach her self respect. And that we don't have to show all the goods to get attention, because that is attention we do't need.

Deb_ Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 9:18pm
post #16 of 31

Welcome to the wonderful world of teenage girls....I'll pray for you guys!icon_biggrin.gif

ughhh....seriously though....boys are SO much easier to raise. My son has been a breeze compared to my daughter.

I think it's great that you guys refused to buy the shirt......most parents would have caved in and bought it.

Good luck!

Pookie59 Posted 5 Nov 2009 , 11:19pm
post #17 of 31

I know, I know. I have 3 grown sons. Seemed so much easier!

Well, we'll see what happens tonight. The dance is tomorrow. If DH wants to take her shopping again, he can go without me. I'll be at home in the recliner and those two can duke it out.

MalibuBakinBarbie Posted 6 Nov 2009 , 1:10am
post #18 of 31

If DH takes her shopping again, I hope they find something that will make her feel happy and confident for her special night. ... Maybe just a pretty necklace or sparkly earrings to go with something she already has in her closet will be all that's needed? icon_smile.gif

JodieF Posted 6 Nov 2009 , 1:38am
post #19 of 31

There was a point with my daughter that I told her "if you dress like a whore, you're going to be treated like one". She was about 15. I told her I understood that she WASN'T one...that she was just wanting to dress like the other girls. But, the other girls didn't inherit their mom's DD's and she did. It was the reality of the situation. She learned pretty quickly that the attention she got because of her chest wasn't the attention she really wanted and she had to work to find clothes she liked that were also appropriate. I told her that even as an adult I couldn't get all angry if I got stared at if I was wearing something low cut or tight.

It really does sound like a self esteem issue here though. I saw the last time I was in Sears that they had plus sized section of clothes for teens. Or, if she's self conscious, how about looking online?

KatieKake Posted 6 Nov 2009 , 1:52am
post #20 of 31

It is so hard, I have two little granddaughters, sizes 6 and 8 I was looking for holiday dresses for them today, and there were so many that I would not buy for them no matter what. Totally inappropriate in my mind.
Talking about girls with large bust measurements, reminds me of a story my daughter tells, while in college, she had a teacher that never seemed to look higher then the large busted girls chest. She had a well endowed class mate, who had decided that she was not going to put up with it any more, and when she had to talk to that teacher, she got down on her hands and knees, and stared at his crotch. It didn't take him long to get the idea, and he from then on he looked every where but her chest.

Pookie59 Posted 6 Nov 2009 , 2:57pm
post #21 of 31

Well, after all that fuss, DH and step-daughter hit the mall last night and came home with two very appropriate tops that were nothing like the silly thing she had picked out the night before. Go figure. I don't know what caused this about face - maybe she went to school and talked with some classmates about what they were planning on wearing.

I agree that she's got some self-esteem issues and some confused ideas about how to behave around the opposite sex because of the nutty things her mom says and does.

mbelgard Posted 6 Nov 2009 , 4:57pm
post #22 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by tatorchip

Texas_Rose is right on, when I was a teen my granny skirts turned into mini skirts ASAP
A teenager will find a way once out of sight no matter how they leave the house if they are UNHAPPY about how they look.
If I was dropped off at a dance I went --------> Restroom and before they picked me up --------> Restroom
They never knew or if they did didn't say anything.





My mother was pretty liberal about clothing, she had no problems with mini skirts or cleavage but she was really weird about makeup so I put it on after leaving home and I know I looked far worse than if my mother had helped me find flattering colors and shown me how to apply it. icon_lol.gif

Boys hide stuff too though, you can bet that all teenagers are watching/listening to things that mom says no about. My mother was very strict about music and my brothers had all kinds of tapes they'd copied from their friends marked as country bands. icon_lol.gif



My mom had 4 boys and 3 girls though and she swears that as far as hormones go us girls were far worse than the boys.

OfficerMorgan Posted 6 Nov 2009 , 6:54pm
post #23 of 31

Aw, the poor girl. I bet she honestly does not realize that the top looked bad on her. She just saw something pretty and stylish (if inappropriate) and wanted to look cute. She doesn't want to dress like a little girl, and wants to look beautiful. Help her do that!

Horselady Posted 10 Nov 2009 , 2:18am
post #24 of 31

on the pictures thing.. my girlfriends and I took racey photos (with HANDCUFFS OMG of all things) when we were about 13 or so? don't remember our age, but one of the other girls had older sisters who "shared all" so we all took pics in nighties with handcuffs.... that said... the only one of the three of us who rushed into sex was the girl with the sisters... i waited till I was out of college... so just because you have the photo doesn't mean you're going to hand it out for free, or sell it!

Sometimes it is just fun to try something daring... pictures are (usually) fairly harmless... I say pic your battles.. the other kids will correct her if she's out of line icon_smile.gif

JanH Posted 10 Nov 2009 , 5:32am
post #25 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatieKake


Talking about girls with large bust measurements, reminds me of a story my daughter tells, while in college, she had a teacher that never seemed to look higher then the large busted girls chest. She had a well endowed class mate, who had decided that she was not going to put up with it any more, and when she had to talk to that teacher, she got down on her hands and knees, and stared at his crotch. It didn't take him long to get the idea, and he from then on he looked every where but her chest.




Well done. thumbs_up.gif

heddahope Posted 10 Nov 2009 , 5:47am
post #26 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Horselady

on the pictures thing.. my girlfriends and I took racey photos (with HANDCUFFS OMG of all things) when we were about 13 or so? don't remember our age, but one of the other girls had older sisters who "shared all" so we all took pics in nighties with handcuffs.... that said... the only one of the three of us who rushed into sex was the girl with the sisters... i waited till I was out of college... so just because you have the photo doesn't mean you're going to hand it out for free, or sell it!

Sometimes it is just fun to try something daring... pictures are (usually) fairly harmless... I say pic your battles.. the other kids will correct her if she's out of line icon_smile.gif





With camera phones it would be all over the internet in about 1.3 seconds.

I was a slightly overweight tween/teenager, athletic build and was wearing a D cup by 13, needless to say it is hard to find good fitting clothes. I think maybe you should take her shopping for a full day to a bunch of different stores and let her try on a bunch of different styles, in the correct sizes, so she can see what looks best on her. A day when there is not an occasion looming where she needs an outfit ASAP.

mrspriss0912 Posted 12 Nov 2009 , 3:30am
post #27 of 31

Glad to hear that your dd pick out approperate clothing after all I hane a 14 yr old also and we have had our share of clothing battles I take her to the 3-way mirror in the dressing room and make her take a good look at hwat she wants that seems to help most of the time.
I have one friend who says "they arent tennagers they are alliens" another friend has a now 20 yr old who whines more now than she did as a little girl!! she has finaly told her to cut out the drama or not to call again till she was 40 icon_lol.gif

Pookie59 Posted 12 Nov 2009 , 10:48pm
post #28 of 31

I'm kind of caught in the middle since I'm just the step-mom. Her biological mom is probably stricter than I am - she used to make her wear a t-shirt over a bathing suit to "hide her cleavage". I thought that was a bit extreme and since her mom is pretty wild in her own personal life (maybe there's some competitive issues going on???). No wonder the girl is confused.

mrspriss0912 Posted 13 Nov 2009 , 1:53am
post #29 of 31

Sounds like mom is sending mixed signals. But cudoos to you and hubby for standing your ground, I know it sucks to have to be the voice of reason especially when you are on the outside of the equasion but in the long run she will appreciate it. icon_biggrin.gif Kids have it tough these days with media and all that it makes our jobs as parents and step parents twice as hard not to mention when you throw a parent that is still a child themselves into the mix! hang in there and things will work out icon_rolleyes.gif

sadsmile Posted 13 Nov 2009 , 2:37am
post #30 of 31

It's the same crap here in FL. I have 12 y/o DD. And the skinny jeans make me wanna cry! NO!!! Stand your ground. She won't like it but as an adult you know better then she does. If she starts dressing that way, she's gonna act that way and be seen that way and that leads to nothing but trouble with a capital T!!! Tops are too low and high all at the same time and are made for looking like underage Hookers. Layers help sometimes. And i always buy a size big and say so it will last longer.. but by the time it's getting tight it disappears from the laundry! She doesn't understand why I won't let her out with shorts with under a 4 inch inseam and one tank top with bra straps showing. Cause I don't want to draw extra attention to her assets -ya know. Double the tank so I can't see those(-pOp- cause I'm soo mean icon_wink.gif )staps and put on some capris. I did just take away all her shorts finally that had 3 inch inseams. When their curves sprout those shorts are just too much.
And the pictures of these girls on myspace UHHG. We are a click away from deleting my DD's account for that and the colorful language they all want to use.

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%