I am young and married to a great man. But every day i dont feel good enough for anything. I am over weight and trying to lose weight but with going to school and working fulll time it is very difficult to do. I was just wondering if there are any other women out there that dont feel good enough. Sorry just venting.

Hi Ashlie, I'm only half female but hopefully I can contribute something.

What do you mean when you say you do not feel good enough for anything? Could it be self esteem issues?

Used to. Then I got off my butt and went out into the world and helped people who truly needed it. Seems like getting out of yourself and focusing on others is what really gives you a positive self image. None of the typical psycho babble "me me me" talk here baby.

I've suffered from depression and anxiety my entire life. Things really turned around for me when I went to a psychiatrist and was put on an SSRI (depression and anxiety run in my family, pretty much ALL of the women on my mom's side have it). But this is not the right route for everyone. I find t hat not sitting around and making myself get up and DO Something, even if it's just vacuuming the house, or doing a few loads of laundry really help, although some days it can be hard to make myself get going.

As for the weight loss, with your busy schedule you are probably eating a lot of highly processed convenience foods. These are going to contain lots of sugar and fats and not as many essential nutrients. This can also contribute to an overall sense of not feeling well. Try finding alternative healthy foods. It might take a bit of preplanning, but it can be done.

Ashlie, create a new design for another beautiful cake, your photos are nice, really nice. Get yourself something new to do that would fit in with school, work and family. Something you can do when and only when you want to, not like something required.
something that will relax you but stimulate at the same time (example only: cross stitching, design of cakes or cookies or sudoku) but can be put down for days or years and can be there everyday if needed.
Exercise at least 20 minutes a day and drink water and as already stated eat well. lots of veggies. HTH

My sister went to the doctor because she wanted to lose weight, and her doctor prescribed antidepressants...she didn't think she was depressed but the doctor said that was a good thing to try, so she did, and she's gone from a size 28 to an 18 in the last year and a half. It might be something to talk to your doctor about. I know my sister has been following a strict diet in addition to taking the antidepressants, but she says that she used to overeat because she felt bad and food was a comfort, so not feeling bad helps her stick to the diet.

I've been thinking of trying the same thing, but I hate going to the doctor and just haven't been able to make myself go because every time I do, they put me on some medicine I don't feel like I need and it makes me sleep all the time.

Absolutely, positively get yourself to your doctor and be completely honest about how you're feeling. Don't be embarrassed to tell the doctor everything. He/she can't help you if they don't know everything that's going on with you. Antidepressant and anxiety medication can make you feel like a new woman. If one doesn't work, try others. They work differently on different people.

A better diet and a little walk every day can be transformative. Just start eating a little bit better and drink more water. You don't have to do anything drastic. The better you feel, the more you'll want to do.

I don't know you, but I have to tell you that life is too short - much too short - to not feel the joy of being alive. You ARE good enough, and you deserve to love yourself and to be loved. You need to be totally honest with your husband. You say he's a good man, so he wants you to be happy. Obviously, he can see what's beautiful in your spirit, so hold on to that and work on believing it yourself.

I wish you all the best of luck!

I agree 100% with Ruth! Please, Please let your husband know what you are feeling so he can help you get the help you need. You are obviously reaching out since you are posting here, so please go see your doctor. My depression had nothing to do with self esteem (my mother was murdered two years ago and I sunk WAAAY down), but depression is depression - it needs treatment!

mim1106 and Ruth are right, go see a doctor please, I am praying for you.

Ashlie, I just read your post on the Monkey thread and I do hope you keep joining is there. I also totally agree with those above about going to the dr and getting a blood work up done and being totally honest with him and listen to his suggestions.

It sounds like with work and school and a new hubby you have alot of your plate. That can get very stressful and stress can cause us to eat and send us in an emotional tailspin. I work a full time job, a part time job and do some cakes on the side. It can be alot and after working a long day there are times where I don't want to do anything but go to bed. So I can totally undertsand not only the stress of it but the toll on your body.

Even with a busy schedule you have to carve out some you time. Time where you can relax, work out, or do something else that you want to do solely because it makes you feel better, not because you have to. You have to make yourself and your weight lose a priority. No one else is going to do it for you.

You are worth it and you deserve time to do things that will make you feel good about yourself.

I can tell you that I have and still struggle with the feelings of not being good enough. Some of it has to do with weight and other parts of it doesn't. I think it is imporant and a good sign that you see that you aren't happy. Because when you admit that, you can make changes to turn it around.

Please do go see a Doctor. Also talk to someone that you can be completely honest with, that knows you, that will be completely honest back with you. Not someone that will tell you what they think you want to hear. Sometimes we need that sounding board to tell someone how we feel so we can be asked questions that will get us thinking about why we feel that way and what we can do to change it.

I've battled depression most of my life, including a bout with severe postpartum depression. Go see your doctor. It's a physical thing than can often be helped with medication, but you may have to experiement a little to find the right drug/right dosage.

I tend to have more problems during the winter months. It helps me to stay active (including regular aerobic workouts), get outside during the nice days and generally take care of myself. Women do tend to get so bogged down taking care of everyone and everything else that they forget to tend to their own needs (and in my experience our s/o's just don't get it.) I tried an anti-depressant last winter, which helped some but the side effects were pretty severe. Got off it after a few months. If I feel myself in a downward spiral in the upcoming months, I may request another try with something else.

Hi! I think we all feel that we are not good enough, at some things. I have not suffered from depression but I still don't recommend medication as the very first solution (it should be your last). It is a very short term solution and no medicines come without side effects. Many times depression can come from lack of nutrients so I would advice using food as medicine as your first try. I think they say you can become depressed if you don't get enough vitamin D so you could do a blood test and check your levels (and just take natural supplements).
When it comes to body images, no body can reach the stupid unreal ideals they show on TV etc. For me it has NEVER been motivating to eat healthy so that I can fit it and look a certain way. But to eat healthy because you deserve it and because you only want what is best for you is much more motivating.
The pharmaceutical industry is just about money (and billions of it) so I don't think they have your best interest at heart.
I'm sorry this is so long but I am currently reading a book about this very topic. It's called "The Ultra Mind Solution" by Mark Hyman. It is very good and very inspiring. Wish more doctors were like him. He has treated Autism with diets!

I have suffered from depression, and regular exercise has helped me. When I tried to talk to my dr. about my depression he kind of pooh-pooh'd me, so I just kind of let it go, and started going to the gym for my 2 hours/day of "free" babysitting. That is when I realized that the exercise was helping my depression. If I don't run every few days, I get a little nuts. This time of year is particularly bad for me.

Adevag,

Since you don't suffer from depression, you don't have first hand experience with it, so you really shouldn't be telling anyone that they shouldn't take anti-depressants OR that they only work short term, especially since that is a completely INCORRECT statement.

While it is true that for some people depression is a temporary condition that can be over come with therapy along with changes in diet/exercise, for MOST people with depression, that is not the case. For example, ALL of the women in my family suffer from depression and anxiety. This is not a temporary condition. It is a genetic malfunction in the way our body produces and regulates seratonin and other chemicals that regulate stress and mood. Just like many diabetics require daily insulin to replace what their bodies do not make naturally, people who suffer from chronic depression and anxiety need SSRIs to rebalance their body's chemistry.

Furthermore, suggesting to someone struggling with weight/body image issues to use food to self-medicate is absolutely the worst thing to do.

Doctors are the ones who prescribe medications, NOT pharmacutical companies and doctors DO have their patients' best interest at heart.

Autism CANNOT be cured with diet, in fact, as of right now, there is NO known cure for Autism. The Autistic brain simply does not function the way the brain of a "normal" person does. Yes, many people who have Autism have made great strides and progress through years and years of intensive therapies and are able to function "normally" or within "normal" paramaters, but they are STILL Autistic.

Hey Ashlie - Hand up over here, I've had depression too! That feeling of nothing is good enough, your not good enough and not getting enjoyment out of anything, all symptoms of depression!

It also runs in my family, so that is something to be aware of. I have been on low dose anti-depressants twice. I have just come off for the second time as I am thinking about having another baby. My personal experience has been that I needed the medication to "Level me out" and now they are back out of my system, I feel like someone has flipped a switch back on in my emotions. Where before I just felt numb most of the time, now I feel things intensely again. I cry watching sad AND beautiful things, I get goose bumps when something magical happens and can roar laughing with my kids.

Talking to people who understand really helps and you'll be surprised when you do, how many of them will turn around and say "Me Too!" If you had a broken leg, you'd get help - body chemistry is the same, sometimes it just needs a little tune up! Big Hugs!

Thank you pterrell!!! Don't have anything else to add to your brilliant response!

I never said to avoid medicines but to try other options first. Because IF you don't have a genetic disorder and IF you can feel better without medicines then why should you use medicines?
Depression is a symptom that can have lots of different causes behind it so you can't assume that everyone needs the same solution.
And yes, many have treated autism with a change in a diet.
As far as giving an advice to feel better with food, I was not talking about junk food. And I think you just misunderstood me. To eat healthy is not a bad thing, maybe you don't understand what I meant with how to use food as medicine.
Ashlie, I hope you can see I did not try to offend you at all. I just wanted you to think about other solutions than medicines. Not meaning that no body need medications for depression.
About Autism, I never said that Dr Hyman CURED autistic children. I said he treated autism with diets and there are MANY with autism that have improved with a change in their diet!

Ah, but your post completely slammed medications. It strongly implied that they are unneccessary and exist only to profit the pharmacutical companies.

What I, and MOST people who suffer from long-term depression have is not considered a "genetic disorder". I mentioned genetics only to explain that depression for MOST sufferers is not caused by lifestyle (thus not curable by changes in lifestyle). You can eat heathily, exercise regularly, lead an extremely heathful lifestyle and STILL be depressed.

Depression is for MOST people a symptom of their body not functioning correctly. You CANNOT create extra seratonin or reregulate the way your body releases and reabsorbs it with diet and exercise. This NOT to say that you shouldn't eat a healthy, balanced diet nor that you shouldn't exercise, but that these changes alone are NOT going to be long-term fixes for MOST people. Additionally, ANYONE suffering depression should NOT attempt to self-medicate by changing diet or exercising. They really MUST be under the care of a psychatrist so that the doctor can determine if the depression is a temporary, isolated event or not. Furthermore, cognative/behavioral therapy is a neccessary part of depression treatement, especially for those NOT taking medications.

Furthermore, I do not assume everyone who has depression needs the same solution (if that were the case, there would be a single "magic pill"). The suitable solution, however, must be determined by a trained clinitian.

Yes, I know you were not talking about junk-food, but for people who are depressed who also suffer with weight and body issues, comfort foods and eating them when feeling down are a HUGE issue, one that ends up being part of a cycle that can be very difficult to break. It can be extremely difficult to break this cycle without first feeling better. To say to someone who is struggling with these issues that they need to eat healthily and exercies is really unhelpful and rather patronizing. Who doesn't know that we should eat healthy foods and exercise? We all know that these are things we should do. We eat comfort foods, not because we don't know any better, but because they are comforting. We don't exercise, because we don't have the energy to get out of bed or off the couch. It really just isn't as simple as saying don't eat that box of cookies and go for a walk. As someone who does not have these issues, I can see why you just don't get it.

I, and others who posted, reacted so strongly to your original post because 1) you don't suffer from depression, so you really don't know what you are talking about, 2) your post implied that she could treat herself WITHOUT seeing a doctor which is terrible dangerous advice, and 3) like many who don't understand what it is like to suffer from depression, your post implied that depression is our fault for not eating right or exercising enough.

Finally, your statement about the treating of Autism with food was said with such finality that I read it as treatment=cure (which is what a treatement is supposed to do, you do X treatment towards Y outcome, which ideally is a cure). However, when it comes down to it, the statement that you can treat Autism with diet change doesn't actually mean anything. You can use any "treatment" for any condition you like. Doesn't mean the treatment actually does anything. Example: you could treat a headache by tying a codfish to your forehead. Would that make the headache go away? Of course not. But you could say that someone has treated headaches in this fashion. Doesn't mean anything.

I am curious to know how much expertise you have working with Autistic persons. Is it anything more than having read Dr. Hyman's work or reading things on the internet? How much do you understand about what Autism actually is? Are you aware that the diet link is called into question by most Austism experts?

Why is it that it's ok to take medication to control your high blood pressure.....insulin to help with diabetes...but when someone suggests taking medication to help with depression people say "oh no it's not necessary". Sorry but that's bull.

Depression is a medical problem just like diabetes and high blood pressure......problem is some people think it's "all in your head".

My DD had a severe depression problem and until last year was misdiagnosed as having ADHD. At the age of 20 she thought it a good idea to take a handful of pills because she was so depressed. Thank God her college roommate got to her in time and thankfully got her the help she so desperately needed. She was living away at school so we had no idea how bad she had gotten.

Long story short one year later she's been medicated and has had numerous therapy sessions and she's a new person...she's 21 tomorrow.

Medication gave her and us our lives back....depression is a very real condition that effects the entire family.

OP please talk to your husband and doctor and don't be ashamed or embarrassed to say that you are effected by depression. There is help out there for you.

God Bless you!

I think this discussion is a very good example of the extraordinary fear and disdain many people still have for mental illnesses or conditions. This has a strong cultural foundation particularly in the U.S., where our heritage has been one of self determination and "pulling oneself up by our bootstraps". We're raised on the notion that any of us can (and should) do and be anything we want to be as long as we work hard enough at it, and that if you fail it's your own fault.

I really believe this influences the attitude many have that people with mental conditions are simply weak willed, lazy, and self-indulgent. AND, people are so afraid of mental illness that it is easier to blame the person with the condition for bringing it on themselves. That way, we can tell ourselves that it will never happen to us because we're tougher and better than that.

The U.S. has a horrific record when it comes to treatment for mental conditions. We plain and simply blame the patient. I can tell you from personal experience that when I came home from work and found my husband with his gun in his mouth ready to kill himself that after the immediate E.R. care he received, there was NO ONE and NO PLACE that would take him to continue his care. He waited three weeks to even get an appointment with a psychiatrist to help him. If it hadn't been for his primary care doctor and 24-hour vigilance by me for months and months, I'm certain he'd be dead today. He's better now because of medication and therapy.

So unless you're a medical expert who can speak with authority, or unless you've walked in these shoes, don't spout off to me about diet and exercise controlling or curing depression. It's a good help, sure, but these are REAL medical conditions that usually take REAL multi-faceted medical solutions.

And about pharmaceutical companies. Consider that the medical researchers who work in those companies are individual human beings who went to school for years and have dedicated their lives to finding cures for peoples' suffering. There are certainly problems with pharmaceutical companies and their profit-taking, but that medical research doesn't come cheap, either. And to suggest that the employees in those companies are only doing it to get rich is just foolish.

While I agree with everyone's passionate responses to depression needing treatment **raising my hand over here** We need to get back on track with the OP. I am very concerned now that she hasn't come back on yet.

Maybe she took my advice and is out in the fresh air doing something good for herself.

[quote="Texas_ And when I told my mom about it, thinking that since she'd had three kids she must understand and it was too personal to talk to anyone else about, my mom told me to quit acting like an nutcase to get attention, and to just get over it. She also said if I told the doctor about it, they'd take the baby away or put it in my medical history and I'd never be able to get a decent job. [/quote]

Oh man that just makes me so sad and SO ANGRY!! Depression is well noted throughout history and yet sufferers still feel like they have to hide behind a veil of silence.

For my two cents worth, it doesn't matter what your diagnosis is from a Dr. they're always going to say "Eat right and exercise!"

I hope this convo has not scared Ashlie away! Find someone you trust to talk to lovely girl who will support you through it.

First of all, to answer some (because I don't have much time) questions, this is just a forum and a person that asks a question is not forced to do anything that anyone advices. The OP can read them and pick what she likes and ignore what she does not like. Ashley NEVER said she is diagnosed with depression so what I don't understand is why most people jumped to advice about anti-depressants. She only said she was FEELING depressed.
I'm not going to answer the autism questions because we are coming too off topic. If you are interested do your own research.
Coming from another country and living in the US for six years I have to say I am SHOCKED at how many pills Americans use for everything. This is a cultural thing so it is hard to understand without a bigger perspective. Anyway (trying to keep it short), I NEVER said to just eat healthy, I was only trying to help with a motivation to eat healthy.

Hi everyone thank you for all your replys. I have been very busy that is why it has taken me so long to get back on. Now i was dont saying that i am depressed and prolly should not have posted that on here. I was havign a bad day an no one to talk to about it. WHat i was saying is that i feel at times because of my weight that i am not good enough to do things that skinny people can do. THat makes me what i call depressed. I am not like this at all time and i am a happy person most of the time. I think that it is safe to say that most people who are overwieight have some depression. Thank you to everyone who responded. Sorry if i worried anyone that was not my intention.

Glad to hear from you Ashlie. That was the impression that I got too, that you just had a bad day (as we all do and as is part of life) and just wanted to vent (like you wrote). That day I had a hard day as well and did not feel I was good enough so I thought I could try to give you some advice or motivation. Sorry it did not seem to help much and instead made it worse.

Hey Ashlie - glad to hear you're feeling better. We all have off days! I found this little flyer this morning and thought I would share it with you.

"You are not your mind. If you were, you wouldn't be able to change it.
You are not your feelings. Feelings misrepresent the truth.
You are not your body. If you were ridiculed as a child, teen or adult..... remind yourself, 'My body is merely an overcoat' "