Ever Wonder What Went Wrong?

Lounge By cinderspritzer Updated 19 Sep 2009 , 12:59pm by cinderspritzer

cinderspritzer Posted 18 Sep 2009 , 5:59pm
post #1 of 11

As a little back story, I'll start by saying I don't read or watch the news much- it depresses me. For weeks lately, I've been thinking how much I'd hate to see someone I know on the news.

Yesterday was an awesome day. My son came to visit me (he lives with his dad) and he was very well behaved (a rarity in itself), we went to meet the family we're getting our dog from after we move, we had a peaceful drive in the car...

My husband was making dinner, so I started to read the news online just to pass some time. I saw a headline that a baby in an abuse case is going to die before the week is over. I wasn't going to read the story, but I did glance at the picture next to it.

It was my former best friend that I've known since I was 11.

I was totally shocked, so I read the story. This baby is 4 months old now. 2 months ago, my friend and his girlfriend (baby's mother) brought the baby to the hospital with bruises and bite marks and a skull fracture. The doctors are amazed that the baby has lived this long, but they're certain he'll die any time now.

My friend admits to having suffocated the baby, slapping it, biting it, shaking it...

He has LOST HIS MIND.

My family knew him well. We grew up together. We went to each other's birthday parties, we were in marching band together for years, we'd always kept in touch when we went to different schools.

It's not like it was someone who'd gone to school with me and I knew who they were but didn't really know them in person. I *know* this man... And I can't believe this. I told my grandmother who raised me, and she was completely floored.

He'd had a terrible home life when we were growing up. His dad was ALWAYS drunk, treated him and his mom like complete crap. He'd show up at my house at 3 in the morning in the middle of a blizzard because things at his house were so bad. His home life was pure HELL. We always felt bad, so he spent LOTS of time at my house.

My family always said it was amazing that he'd turned out as well as he did. He was never violent, never said anything mean about anyone, never raised his voice. He wasn't antisocial or a loner...

None of that is an excuse for treating his baby so badly. That's just not ok, under any circumstances... It just shocks me. I kept going back to read the story, just to see if I could make myself believe it.

I have half a mind to call his mom, just to see if she's ok. She was always wonderful to me, and she was the only REAL parent he had at home. I haven't read her name in any of the news story interviews or anything. I don't know if he was even still talking to her.

I feel really bad. I wish I could turn time back and fix him and the baby and make it all so it never happened.


icon_sad.gif

10 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 18 Sep 2009 , 6:28pm
post #2 of 11

That's really sad.

I do think you should call his mother, tell her how sad you are, ask if there's anything you can do for her...remember, she's about to lose a grandchild and she's already pretty much lost her son.

playingwithsugar Posted 18 Sep 2009 , 6:34pm
post #3 of 11

You call him your "former best friend". Is there a reason why you use that word, former, or have you just fallen out of each other's lives over the years?

Theresa icon_smile.gif

BabyC1985 Posted 18 Sep 2009 , 6:35pm
post #4 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

That's really sad.

I do think you should call his mother, tell her how sad you are, ask if there's anything you can do for her...remember, she's about to lose a grandchild and she's already pretty much lost her son.




I agree, let her know you care and are thinking of her and her family.

Auryn Posted 18 Sep 2009 , 7:50pm
post #5 of 11

That is just so sad.
I would definitely call her and let her know you care.

I know how you feel though.
In 1999 I found out that a boy I went to school with (small private school, there were only 22 of us in the class for all 3 years so we all knew each other well), was jailed for being another teenager to death with a baseball bat. He and 2 of his cousins got into a fight with this kid at a party.

Growing up he was the sweetest most lovable guy. If you had asked me I would have never considered him capable of such things.

Deb_ Posted 18 Sep 2009 , 7:59pm
post #6 of 11

That's such a sad story....you have to think something in their mind just snaps.

It's been such a sad week in the news......I can't stop thinking about that poor Yale student......such a beautiful, bright young woman with so much life to live.

These stories never make any sense they're just horribly sad.

-Tubbs Posted 18 Sep 2009 , 9:16pm
post #7 of 11

It's a dreadful shock for anyone who knows someone involved in anything like this. How rarely we hear on the news "Oh yeah, I thought he was quite capable of that"?? It's much more likely to be "They seemed like such a nice, quiet family."

My husband's friend at work had a complete breakdown, beat his father in law to death with a hammer, tried to kill the mother in law also, all with his two little girls watching. icon_sad.gif My DH was so shocked when he found out.

I'd say reach out to your friend's mother. She will need all the support she can get in the weeks to come. What a sad, sorry story. icon_sad.gif

indydebi Posted 19 Sep 2009 , 12:15am
post #8 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by TubbsCookies

It's a dreadful shock for anyone who knows someone involved in anything like this. How rarely we hear on the news "Oh yeah, I thought he was quite capable of that"?? It's much more likely to be "They seemed like such a nice, quiet family."



Because they all know how to play the role. Their whole life is a big pretend game and they put on the nice-guy face when they are around 'the outside world'. They are very good at that.

The worst part of my divorce, when I finally got brave enough to tell everyone what I had been living with, were the reactions of "Him? Really? I just can't believe that."

Did they realize they were calling me a liar right to my face? Did they realize they just said they couldn't believe that about him, so evidently it was easier to believe I was making it up?

As Seinfeld said, "People .... they're the WORST!"

playingwithsugar Posted 19 Sep 2009 , 12:25am
post #9 of 11

I think I would send a note instead. If they do not have Caller ID on their phone, they might think you're a journalist, trying to get an interview.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

tracycakes Posted 19 Sep 2009 , 2:20am
post #10 of 11

My heart just goes out to you and to his family and that poor little child. We never expect things to happen to us or to people we know, it's always someone else.

I agree with others that you should contact his mom, probably a note or letter. She needs support also.

My husband and I moved back to this area several years ago after being gone for quite a few years and it was cool to reconnect with old friends. I thought of a friend of mine from my teenage years that I should try to find. Suddenly, I remembered that she had been killed by a drunk driver when she was 20 years old and I grieved again for her. I have thought for several years about writing a note to her parents to let them know that I still miss Kim and she hasn't been forgotten. But just haven't been able to do it. Maybe I will....

cinderspritzer Posted 19 Sep 2009 , 12:59pm
post #11 of 11

Nothing bad happened between us, he moved away and I had a family and we grew apart is all. I'm going to mail a letter to her later this afternoon.

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