Rude Siblings/relatives.

Lounge By adree313 Updated 1 Sep 2009 , 8:54pm by adree313

adree313 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:23pm
post #1 of 13

my sister is in town visiting us (us meaning: pretty much our entire family on our mom's side) with her two young kids (5 and icon_cool.gif. now, we live in a fairly rural area and she's visiting from portland, oregon. she's older (42) and has a husband with a very good job. they've lived all over in very prestigious areas: san jose, ca, boston, mass, portland, or... but she grew up just as i did: small town. no extravagant lifestyle whatsoever. a "lived in" home. normal, whatever food. total opposite of martha stewart. we were not poor growing up, but we didn't live richly. we're common folk, ya know? anyways, she grows up, marries this man with an amazing job... and now she's too good for us?

- everything we eat is awful and just wrong for us (as opposed to her organic milk and fancy starbucks every morning).
- we watch way too much t.v. (i'll admit it... our t.v. is ALWAYS on. we're t.v. watchers. big deal. we're all adults here. whatever!).
- we waste too much time (as in: we don't do everything we need to do in one complete trip every day. so what! my parents are retired, i'm not in school right now, still looking for a job... we don't have anything to do that's a pressing matter. we don't NEED to get everything done in a strict time limit.)

to her, she's just too good for us. she speaks to us in condescending tones about EVERYTHING we do. her poor kids. they just want to be kids, but she is on them all the time about everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. she wants to breed these perfect angels, but in reality, they just walk all over her. they don't listen to her. they don't respect her. i kind of just want to look her in the eye and say "your 'way' is obviously not working. you need to try a different 'way'."

her and her husband make way more money than we (well, our parents) do. she just got a fancy new car and was showing us all the fancy things it did. (oh, and did i mention we've all gotten the "JUST STOP TOUCHING IT!" screech when we could figure out how to SHUT her fancy car door. her houses are always something to be in awe of. always immaculate and huge.

she's on her iPhone all day. talking to all her other well off friends about all the great play dates and whatever else they need to do. some conversations she'll have inside the house, other times she needs to excuse herself and go hide outside somewhere.

i told my mom today that i would honestly rather live with my brother. and that is saying something huge. my brother is the world's biggest d-bag. seriously. always yelling about something. but at least there's no pressure to be PERFECT. and he doesn't speak to us like he's BETTER than us. and if he does piss us off we can at least tell him to go eff off. (oh, but you're not allowed to curse AT ALL in front of her kids.)

i'm at my wits end with this visit! she hasn't seen our mom in over 2 years before this trip (mainly because she's always "SO BUSY!"... as in going to bend, oregon to her friend's luxurious vacation house FOUR TIMES THIS SUMMER) and i couldn't understand why she hadn't been around in so long. but now i get it. she can't stand how we live. and now i realize i can't stand HER. (oh and in case you were wondering, her husband is NOT like her. he makes a lot of money, but he is very laid back and a genuinely cool person.)

she leaves tomorrow and i can't wait! (i love the kids to death, but wish she would just send them and she can stay at her pretty house!)

12 replies
Deb_ Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:40pm
post #2 of 13
Originally Posted by adree313

to go eff off. (oh, but you're not allowed to curse AT ALL in front of her kids.)

OK I agree you can't curse in front of her kids, but you can take her aside and tell her exactly how you'll feel much better.

People who marry "money" don't seem to handle it as well as people who were born into it. I think that's your sister's biggest problem....she wears her wealth on her sleeve.......and it's not looking very good on her is it?

Ya know, since you don't see her very often, I would just try to ignore her behavior and enjoy your nieces/nephews visit. Just be happy that she doesn't live close by.

Good luck, I hope she leaves soon!

indydebi Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:55pm
post #3 of 13

We tend to turn those things into a fun thing. Being married to a stand-up comedian, we tend to look at things thru the funny-part of the viewfinder.

Everyone has a relative like this in one way or another (and sometimes having money has nothing to do with it! icon_biggrin.gif )

When we know we're going to be around poeple who just irritate the pi$$ out of us, we make a game out of it. Will she do this first or that first? Whose kids will she insult first? For one event, we made a bingo card of all the irritating things we knew would happen! What was normally a boring family event was super fun as we collected our bingos!!

So ..... start a pool. How many times will she mention her big house in the first 3 hours? How many food insults will she hand out? Believe me, you CAN turn this into a fun thing! icon_lol.gif

And I think pulling her aside to talk to her will do no good whatsoever. These people will believe you're just jealous, or you're stuck in little Po-Dunk Town thinking and you'll NEVER understand what 'good' living is. But I tend to be the blunt one in my family anyway. (Yeah I know, it IS hard to believe, but it's true. icon_rolleyes.gif ) I never feel the need to "pull someone aside". I just tell 'em.

adree313 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 9:40pm
post #4 of 13

i could never confront her about it and have a good result. she doesn't care. my mom tried to tell her she should "probably slow down in a residential area, they're good for giving out a lot of tickets around here." this was the response: "GOD MOM! IS EVERYTHING ABOUT CONTROL WITH YOU?!" my mom just stared at her and said evenly "fine, get the ticket." and that was it.

about the cursing, i respect how she wants her kids to be raised, and i would NEVER use any obscene words that would offend like that, but when "hell" or "damn" gets a nasty look thrown at you... no. but what i think annoys me MOST about it, is her and her husband curse, too! sure, they try to not do it, but they do! it's just like walking on egg shells around her ALL the time about EVERYTHING.

it's hard to enjoy the time with her when she NEVER smiles about anything. and whenever anyone opens their mouths it's returned with a huge sigh or an eye roll. not a fun time AT ALL. oh, but she does get along with my one cousin who is pretty well off and has her own business, nice car, pretty house, smart kids, top schooling in this podunk little town. oh yeah, they get along REAL well.

costumeczar Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 11:20pm
post #5 of 13

This is what I say to myself all the time when I'm with my sister, who's a real piece of work..."Bite your tongue and walk away...Bite your tongue and walk away."

It's so not worth getting involved with people who have something shoved up their butts for whatever reason. Just be glad you don't see her very often! And remember that you don't HAVE to like her just because she's related to you. Family is an accident of nature, and you can't choose what you get.

funcakes Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 11:27pm
post #6 of 13

I agree with Indydebi. You need to find the funny in this. I think we all have at least one family member like this.
If she is so upset with cursing in front of the kids. I agree I never curse in front of kids. Make a game of it. Out of her presence have all of the other family members join in and when she is around it is a contest as to who can come up with the most outrageous phrase to take the place of a curse.
Try to practice unattachment. Her opinion is just that-her opinion. Let her say anything she wants, don't take it to heart, and don't think of it as right or your job to correct her.

adree313 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 12:08am
post #7 of 13

you know what drives me UP THE WALL the most, though? EVERYONE just kisses the ground she walks on. everyone that is except for my parents, me, and our brother. go figure. but everyone else? oh yeah. "oh stacy's coming to town?!?!?! we HAVE to all get together. oh, we've just missed her so much!!" WHAT?!?! my uncle actually asked her the other day "what are you doing here?" and she said "oh, ya know: slumming it." she said it "jokingly" but not jokingly enough for my taste. there was still just a bit of a condescending undertone that i did not care for.

i know it can kind of sound like i'm the "jealous younger sibling" -- but i can promise that that's not it at all. my mom actually told my sister to go leave and visit her grandma down the street for a few hours so we could have a break.

fourteen more hours. fourteen more hours. icon_biggrin.gif

(fyi: most of this is just a vent because i have no one else to vent to at the moment. i needed to get out all my frustration. thanks again CC for all your many uses lol.)

KKC Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:12am
post #8 of 13

Well I have family like that only they don't have money. They drive around in Mercedes and Jags but they are renting their homes. Or they are behind on their bills because they are trying to keep up with the Joneses. I have one cousin in particular she's in her 50's or so and she is so uppity I can't stand it. She was given custody of her 3 nephews about a year ago and along with them came some funds from the state. Before she gained custody of them she was on the verge of moving from her home because the landlord went up on the rent. She was driving around in an old beat up, rusty Mercedes. As soon as the checks started coming from the state she stayed put in her "rented" home and she bought a brand new 2008 Benz. I tell my husband all the time 'how in the hell could she look down her nose at us when she doesn't even own her home and we do'. We work for our money and we don't just sit and wait to collect from the state. She acts like her s$!t don't stink!!! I seriously hate people like that!

adree313 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 3:15am
post #9 of 13

ok, it's officially over! i've locked myself up in my room, declaring that it was my "bedtime" (of course i'm using the "cruising CC and watching true blood" definition as bedtime), and now all i have to endure is the goodbye. i think i handled myself pretty darn well during this "ordeal". thanks for all the support! haha.

Texas_Rose Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 3:31am
post #10 of 13

My sister is like that...her in-laws are pretty well off and they really believe in taking care of their adult children, so they gave my sister and BIL the down payment for a house. Ever since she got the house, my stuck-up sister has been a million times more stuck-up. It's funny sometimes. She told me she had 4 bedrooms, an island kitchen and a built-in computer nook, but when we went up to see her house it's one of those houses that looks like it's only 20 feet wide from the front, has 3 miniscule bedrooms, no built-ins, no closet doors, no ceilings and no island kitchen. It was remodeled in a really weird way, where they took out the attic and made really high ceilings, but they took some critical support beams out too I think. She also has three cats that shed everywhere and a litter box in her hallway, but she's really proud of what she's done to her house. She's always like that...but she really doesn't have much to be proud of. She's been going on about her new Blackberry for work...a work cell phone that you have to carry all the time is your leash icon_biggrin.gif

Anyhow, I just ignore it all. The nice thing about being an adult is, you can pick who your friends are and you don't have to be friends with your relatives. If you can't stand them, then tolerate them a couple of times a year at family get-togethers and be too busy to see them the rest of the year. Neither of my sisters are people who I would pick as friends, so I really just minimize contact with them and it works well enough.

LaBellaFlor Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 3:50am
post #11 of 13

I'm proud of you, very proud. Cause I would have cussed her out if she came at me like that. Yeah, I know, thats not the high ground, but so what. Some people respond better to being cursed out. Of course, if she had gotten to me to that point, I would be beyond myself. I'm pretty good at being VERY DIRECT...and everyone in my family knows this. Yeah, I got snotties in my family too...adn they have gotten it. I was born and raised in San Jose, Ca. and it ain't all uppity parts. Believe that. But I am very proud of you.

LaBellaFlor Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 3:50am
post #12 of 13

I'm proud of you, very proud. Cause I would have cussed her out if she came at me like that. Yeah, I know, thats not the high ground, but so what. Some people respond better to being cursed out. Of course, if she had gotten to me to that point, I would be beyond myself. I'm pretty good at being VERY DIRECT...and everyone in my family knows this. Yeah, I got snotties in my family too...adn they have gotten it. I was born and raised in San Jose, Ca. and it ain't all uppity parts. Believe that. But I am very proud of you.

adree313 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 8:54pm
post #13 of 13

i forgot something!

i was sitting with my niece and she asked me some random off the wall question about "the kids i'll have" and i told her "well, i don't want any kids" and she said "but your husband will want kids" and i said "i don't want to get married either" and she said... wait for it... wait for it... "but then you'll be poor!" icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif it kind of took me a second to gather my wits and say "well, what do you mean?" and she said "well, you can't have a job, and if you don't have a husband you'll be poor." AHHHH! what is her mother teaching her?!?!?!?!

the day before that the kids about if our cousin terri (the "well off" cousin who she gets along with well... who also happens to be a lesbian) had any kids... i couldn't WAIT to see how she was going to go about explaining THAT to her kids. she looked at me for a little guidance but i told her she was on her own with that one! she actually handled it quite well lol.

but the husband/poor conversation had me reeling! i, of course, tried to stay within my boundaries and just say "well of course i can have my own job. we've been talking about how i want to have a bakery. that will be my job. i don't need a husband." she didn't quite know what to do with that so she just changed the subject. oh, those poor kids. rude awakening one day... for them AND her. icon_rolleyes.gif

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